sisters!

suzieqcookie
suzieqcookie Posts: 314 Member
in Motivation and Support
ok.. i wasn't really sure what board to put this in, but it does somewhat fall under motivation and support. But here goes:

My sister and I both have a long history of being overweight. She being more of the short and round and me being tall and well proportioned. She and i have gone on diets over the years and since we have very different body types, we lose very differently. The last time was weight watchers and she got visibly pissed that i didn't ever have a gain then she stopped going with me.

The problem now is that we don't see each other often, i didn't tell her that i'm losing weight or even started MFP but our MOTHER will have nooooooo problem rubbing it in her face that I am losing weight. It's only 17 lbs so far, but it's become noticeable to those who know me, but it seems awkward to just bring it up out of the blue, especially since weight is such a touchy subject with us. So my question to you guys is do i tell her so she has a heads up before mom starts rubbing it in her face, just wait til she notices or wait for the agitated text/call that mom is giving her crap that i'm losing and she isn't?

Replies

  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
    I would mention that you found this site and its helpful for you and you'd love to spend more time with her exercising, preparing healthy meals, etc.
  • SuperSexyDork
    SuperSexyDork Posts: 1,669 Member
    I would call her if I were in your place. I would just let her know that you found this great site and that it's full of wonderful people willing to support her. Just don't make it seem like you're bragging.

    Don't give her your username just tell her that it's working for you and you thought she should know about it.

    That way it gives her a heads up and might encourage her to join as well.
  • casi_ann
    casi_ann Posts: 423 Member
    I agree with both of the above responders. I would want my sister to tell me. She may like being part of MFP too.
  • kimtpa1417
    kimtpa1417 Posts: 461 Member
    Dont feel guilty for losing weight. Maybe giving her the info might motivate her. My sister noticed I was losing weight so she decided to start dieting but did it in a way I dont agree with. She lost it much faster and is actually smaller than me now but she isnt healthy looking. I dont say anything to the way she does it and she doesnt say anything to me
  • EellaK
    EellaK Posts: 16 Member
    I get the sister thing, and I say say nothing. If your mother is being immature about it, that's on her. When your sister calls you about it, you just say, "I'm just focusing on getting healthier," and change the subject.

    It's hard to drop out of the competitive thing, but it's really healthier. Believe me.

    Edit: I get the other posters, but for my sister, if I said anything about how I'm losing, unless she asked me first, she'd take it as criticism and get all mean. She's already made the statement that her body likes being at her current weight (which is probably 100 lbs too much for her height), but like you, I'm taller and lose weight more easily, plus I've never had that much to lose, so she gets angry at me. It's really not her business; it's not that you should be ashamed or guilty, but what's really interesting about someone else's diet and exercise? I'd rather talk about other things with her.
  • lil_pulp
    lil_pulp Posts: 701 Member
    Can you tell your mom that she's causing tension between her daughters when she brings up weight issues?
  • suzieqcookie
    suzieqcookie Posts: 314 Member
    I get the sister thing, and I say say nothing. If your mother is being immature about it, that's on her. When your sister calls you about it, you just say, "I'm just focusing on getting healthier," and change the subject.

    It's hard to drop out of the competitive thing, but it's really healthier. Believe me.

    I was actually leaning toward that myself... we talked on the phone the other day and i couldn't even work clothing into the conversation, let alone food. Especially since we have lost it together and she dropped out when i lost faster. Part of me wants to just avoid the topic all together but wonders if i'm just taking the easy road. It seems like dieting, with her, does more harm to HER than anything... she will gorge all weekend, live on fat free hotdogs and green beans for 3 days then fast before a weigh in. and it doesn't matter if she's using a personal nutritionist, WW or anything else. I don't want to bring THAT out in her either.
  • suzieqcookie
    suzieqcookie Posts: 314 Member
    Can you tell your mom that she's causing tension between her daughters when she brings up weight issues?

    unfortunately, my mom is 75 going on 15... she seems to thrive on bringing this out in us. It's like high school when we're around mom. catfights, *****yness and nasty gossiping.
  • Tdk4685
    Tdk4685 Posts: 293 Member
    I think you should tell your sister before your mom gets involved. Just tell her you tried MFP and it seems to be working pretty well and you thought you would share it with her.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    Your sister could come here on MFP so she can lose weight too and get some motivation!!!! :happy:
  • EellaK
    EellaK Posts: 16 Member
    Can you tell your mom that she's causing tension between her daughters when she brings up weight issues?

    unfortunately, my mom is 75 going on 15... she seems to thrive on bringing this out in us. It's like high school when we're around mom. catfights, *****yness and nasty gossiping.
    ]

    I get this, though my mom's not the instigator. But it took me to 40 years old to realize that I don't have to play. My brother openly mocked us one time for the silliness of the argument we were having, and while I was furious at his conceited attitude (and my other brother has passed away, so he's lost his sparring partner; they were as bad as we were!), I had to take a look at why I was so embarrassed. So now I refuse to engage with my sister. If she wants to feel superior to me, great. If she gets angry when I "surpass" her in something, fine. I'm not playing any more.

    I realize this sounds cold, but my relationship with my sister has improved immensely from my deciding to be the grown-up. And if I said, "I found this great site," she'd hear, "You're fat, and I am winning; let me guide you, grasshopper." Not worth it. Now, if she brings it up, I'll send her an invite!
  • anewattitude
    anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
    I don't understand why your mother would feel the need to rub it in your sister's face that you are losing more weight. To me that is just cruel however my suggestion would be to ask your sister how she is doing and then casually work MFP into the conversation. Tell her you think she will benefit because it has helped you. Sisters can be very competitive with one another( or is that just my dynamic with my sister....) so unless she specifically asks about the amount of weight you have lost, it may not be necessary to go into too much detail.. unless she is interested in knowing more. It is not your responsibility to coddle her... you worked hard for your results but since you are concerned about her reaction I suggest starting off with slow with the topic and see how she responds.

    Good luck and who knows, maybe your progress will inspire her as well!!
  • Laurej
    Laurej Posts: 227
    you could talk to your mom and let her know your concerns and ask her to please not rub it in your sisters' face. Every person has their own weight loss journey and having someone rub it in her face might have an opposite effect.
  • Flixie00
    Flixie00 Posts: 1,195 Member
    Like you, my sister and I have always had weight problems, but unlike you, our mother doesn't rub it in (probably due to her living in another country). I did not say anything about MFP to my sister until she asked, she then joined and friended me, and is now also losing steadily and I am so proud of her.

    I would pre-empt your mother, perhaps making a joke about how she behaves as I am sure your sister realises that she doesn't help matters. Being supportive has worked for myself and my sister, and I hope this can work for you both.
  • suzieqcookie
    suzieqcookie Posts: 314 Member
    I realize this sounds cold, but my relationship with my sister has improved immensely from my deciding to be the grown-up. And if I said, "I found this great site," she'd hear, "You're fat, and I am winning; let me guide you, grasshopper." Not worth it. Now, if she brings it up, I'll send her an invite!
    [/quote]

    she would DEFINITELY hear "your fat and i'm winning"
  • Laddiegirl
    Laddiegirl Posts: 382 Member
    I really get the sister thing. Both my sister and I have battled weight all our lives and I've always had more success, though I still am overweight (hoping to make this the point where I stay on track forever). My sister is quite a big heavier for me and gives up easily so we rarely talk about weight loss or attempts at it, however I did mention to her recently that I signed up for MFP and am working on losing weight for her wedding (in Nov.) and she shared that she signed up for a work sponsored fitness challenege. We encouraged each other and left it at that. I would perhaps do something like that. Keep it all 100% positive. Share that you signed up for MFP and have had some good success with it but leave it at that. That way if your mom mentions something (its really sad she uses your success to put your sister down though) she knows about it already and is prepared for anything your mom might negatively say to her.
  • suzieqcookie
    suzieqcookie Posts: 314 Member
    I really get the sister thing. Both my sister and I have battled weight all our lives and I've always had more success, though I still am overweight (hoping to make this the point where I stay on track forever). My sister is quite a big heavier for me and gives up easily so we rarely talk about weight loss or attempts at it, however I did mention to her recently that I signed up for MFP and am working on losing weight for her wedding (in Nov.) and she shared that she signed up for a work sponsored fitness challenege. We encouraged each other and left it at that. I would perhaps do something like that. Keep it all 100% positive. Share that you signed up for MFP and have had some good success with it but leave it at that. That way if your mom mentions something (its really sad she uses your success to put your sister down though) she knows about it already and is prepared for anything your mom might negatively say to her.

    as soon as i can get it into the conversation i will... i tried the other day.

    by the way, she's getting married in november too
  • Laddiegirl
    Laddiegirl Posts: 382 Member
    Then we definitely get each other! I just try to be encouraging with my sister in any effort to eat better/exercise/be healthier. I figure that the world is negative enough for overweight people and it is so hard to make those meaningful changes.

Categories