Are We Setting Ourselves Up For Failure?

mommab23k · July 2012

Ok, hear me out, please. I've been overweight pretty much my entire life. I was "chubby" from 3rd grade through college. Developed eating disorders in college, lost a ton of weight and then gained it back. Got married, lost weight and did ok for ahwile. Had three babies in four years, gained a TON of weight. Never lost it all, added more to it. At my highest, I was 120 pounds overweight, NOT pregnant.

My breaking point was an absolutely humilitaing experience with an OB/GYN. I won't go into detail, let's just say it was hands down the worst thing I've dealt with regarding my weight. Worse than all the teasing and harrasment I dealt with growing up, and I had a TON of it. I was teased for all sorts of things, weight was only one of them. I understand how it hurts when others put you down, demean you and belittle you to make themselves feel better. How others push you down to lift themselves up.

I've lost 115 lbs over the past year. I made up my mind I was going to, and I did. It wasn't all sunshine and roses, but it wasn't hell on earth either. I did it mostly by eating less, making better food choices and minimal exercise. Now that I've hit my goal weight and I'm "maintaing" I have started walking. I love it, it's a great stress relief for me and I really enjoy the time outdoors. It's not just about keeping the weight off, but that is part of it.

But I'm noticing something. Is what I am doing now helping or hurting me? Is counting every step I take, every mile I log, every gram of sugar I eat, every glass of water, something I will be able to and WANT to do long term, for the rest of my life? Am I setting myself up for failure, by making crazy expectations of myself that I will not continue to do a year from now? Am I going to get burned out on tracking, weighing, measuring, analyzing everything and all of what I do everyday? Am I now a slave to this "healhty" lifestyle instead of my "obese" one? I'm thinking I am, or at least on that road.

I know that this will hit a nerve w/a lot of people. This is a lifestyle for many, and it's one they embrace wholeheartedly. I just know that sometimes I see myself and what I am doing now and worry that I am not going to maintain it, not because I don't have the willpower to do so but because it's just too much. I'm switching my obsessing over being to fat and what others think of me to obsessing over what I need to do to lose weight or maintain my weight or work out a part of my body better or walk more. For me it's just trading one issue for another.

I'd be interested in what you all think. I'm sure this isn't going to sit well with many, that's ok. I just worry that if we really want to better our lives, live better, live healthier, be more "there" for our families, can it be done in a way that isn't going to be unrealisitc to maintain for our whole lives?

lkplibra · July 2012

Most of the scientific studies on long term weightloss say that only those who keep up login their food intake and closely monitoring their calorie in/out ration keep the weight off at the 1, 2 , or 5 year mark. I think we have to walk the line between "this is my new norm" and "obsessive". I am sure this is why so many people on mfp ecourage others to make changes that are healthy and sustainable. Quick fixes don't last.

SelkieDiver · July 2012

But I'm noticing something. Is what I am doing now helping or hurting me? Is counting every step I take, every mile I log, every gram of sugar I eat, every glass of water, something I will be able to and WANT to do long term, for the rest of my life? Am I setting myself up for failure, by making crazy expectations of myself that I will not continue to do a year from now? Am I going to get burned out on tracking, weighing, measuring, analyzing everything and all of what I do everyday? Am I now a slave to this "healhty" lifestyle instead of my "obese" one? I'm thinking I am, or at least on that road.

SelkieDiver · July 2012

Oops, hit reply too fast. I would say what you are doing is continuing to learn what is right for your body. Its like having training wheels on your bike. At some point you may not need to watch all of these things as closely as you do now. It could be after a year of maintenance or 5 years or whatever, but I would think that day will come at some point. Or you will trust yourself enough to know if the scale goes up past a certain point or if your clothes get tight you'll get back on and start seriously tracking again until that excess weight is gone and you are back under control.

cwytinckmtsnet · July 2012

Loved your story and UNDERSTAND your concern. I think first of all know this YOU ARE GREAT!!! no matter what. Try to LOVE YOU and think maybe that instead of what people think , how do you feel? Do you feel better not carrying the extra load ?Are you more content after a walk. ? I am one of those girls in school you would have hated, I ate my face off and never seemed to gain a pound,I started to fluctuate between 5 lbs . Then huge stress hit, life changing and I became a walking skeleton(very ugly). Now after many years I am flipping up and down in a 20 lb fluctuation. The whole point is I found once I liked ME than things got better. It's really not always about the weight but how we feel about ourselves. I have been using fitness pal for a GUIDE to better eating,to be aware of what I'm eating and to try to keep exercising to feel better for ME, for my husband , Our blended family and most of all our grandchildren. I don't know you but YOU will do great. You can and will maintain . I never thought I would EVER have to watch my weight but now I find I must. I am much more realistic and know that I will never be the way I was but now I work to stay happy, healthy and content. Don't be a slave just enjoy life and be content.

chevy88grl · July 2012

I think whether you log your food and track your exercise for the rest of your life is a personal thing. For me, I couldn't do it. I've been at or below my goal weight since Sept 2010. I found that I was obsessing over every single calorie eaten AND burned. I was becoming someone I didn't recognize because I had to evaluate every nutrition label, serving size, etc. It was ridiculous and out of hand. When I went to the gym, I stopped doing what *I* enjoyed doing and did what I felt would burn the most calories - most bang for my buck.

It had to stop. So, I stopped. Yes, I will still read labels - but I do not obsess over them anymore. I do not track food and I do not worry about every calorie going in or going out.

I've taught myself how to eat better and I know my body's limits now. I don't need to obsessively track everything. This is the only life I have to live and I refuse to obsess over food (which really .. obsessing over it in a thinner body is just as bad as obsessing over it in a heavier body).

Do what feels right for YOU. There is no right nor wrong answer to this.

Congrats on your weight loss! That's amazing!

annabellj · July 2012

for those of us who have put the weight back on, it is important to track all the time. i dont think i will ever stop doing this ever again, each time I do, the weight comes back because I get complacent. I am no where near my final goal, but i feel too good this time to let that happen again. yes obsessive, but its my health, my wardrobe, my emotional state. thats worth the obsession to me.

annabellj · July 2012

for those of us who have put the weight back on, it is important to track all the time. i dont think i will ever stop doing this ever again, each time I do, the weight comes back because I get complacent. I am no where near my final goal, but i feel too good this time to let that happen again. yes obsessive, but its my health, my wardrobe, my emotional state. thats worth the obsession to me.

and the last time i didnt track, i kept the weight off for a yr and a half and then put it back on.

heatherlee33 · July 2012

I just have to say that I have the exact same thought, feelings, and fears that you do.

lois4468 · July 2012

Part of why I don't do all the extreme exercising. I only want to do what I think I can continue with. My husband and I walk and have since we started this. Together we have lost 90 lbs. We watch our food intake and have stopped the fast food for the most part. We have switched to low cal choices on breads, dressings, etc. that we like. Adding ore fruit and veggies also. We still eat everything we like just not that often and count it all. I am hoping that we can just "monitor" in our futures because we have learned so much from this site and it has been so easy. I know I wouldn't lift weights or run marathons long term so no need to go there. It is great for the younger generation but hard to keep up forever. Best of luck and congratulations on losing it.

jdploki70 · July 2012

For the most part all of the changes I have made I thought long and hard about how sustainable they will be long term. I know I can't live on 1200 calories a day. Eventually the fat banks are going to run dry and I will have to start eating more to make up for what my body no longer has an abundance of. So when I made choices, I thought about how I could do this for the rest of my life. I made healthier food choices, lean meats, not so much bread, and basically cut all my portions in half. Now when I eat, I have a salad, which I love, and I'll eat a real serving of a meal, not two or three like I used to. Because I spent so much time eating in excess, cutting back wasn't as big a deal. I like going to the gym, lifting weights, etc, but I've started doing other things that I can do more long term and keep my interest, like sports, playing tennis especially. I'm starting to get into that maintenance mode myself, and one of the things I dread is going back to a "normal" eating pattern and finding that I've gained weight.

For me, I think it will always be something in the back of my mind. Not the obsessive logging of every single morsel of food, but the conscious decision to eat less and eat healthier and to stay active because I don't want to be obese or even overweight again. It was way too much effort just moving around some days.

meggonkgonk · July 2012

Ok, hear me out, please. I've been overweight pretty much my entire life. I was "chubby" from 3rd grade through college. Developed eating disorders in college, lost a ton of weight and then gained it back. Got married, lost weight and did ok for ahwile. Had three babies in four years, gained a TON of weight. Never lost it all, added more to it. At my highest, I was 120 pounds overweight, NOT pregnant.

My breaking point was an absolutely humilitaing experience with an OB/GYN. I won't go into detail, let's just say it was hands down the worst thing I've dealt with regarding my weight. Worse than all the teasing and harrasment I dealt with growing up, and I had a TON of it. I was teased for all sorts of things, weight was only one of them. I understand how it hurts when others put you down, demean you and belittle you to make themselves feel better. How others push you down to lift themselves up.

I've lost 115 lbs over the past year. I made up my mind I was going to, and I did. It wasn't all sunshine and roses, but it wasn't hell on earth either. I did it mostly by eating less, making better food choices and minimal exercise. Now that I've hit my goal weight and I'm "maintaing" I have started walking. I love it, it's a great stress relief for me and I really enjoy the time outdoors. It's not just about keeping the weight off, but that is part of it.

But I'm noticing something. Is what I am doing now helping or hurting me? Is counting every step I take, every mile I log, every gram of sugar I eat, every glass of water, something I will be able to and WANT to do long term, for the rest of my life? Am I setting myself up for failure, by making crazy expectations of myself that I will not continue to do a year from now? Am I going to get burned out on tracking, weighing, measuring, analyzing everything and all of what I do everyday? Am I now a slave to this "healhty" lifestyle instead of my "obese" one? I'm thinking I am, or at least on that road.

I know that this will hit a nerve w/a lot of people. This is a lifestyle for many, and it's one they embrace wholeheartedly. I just know that sometimes I see myself and what I am doing now and worry that I am not going to maintain it, not because I don't have the willpower to do so but because it's just too much. I'm switching my obsessing over being to fat and what others think of me to obsessing over what I need to do to lose weight or maintain my weight or work out a part of my body better or walk more. For me it's just trading one issue for another.

I'd be interested in what you all think. I'm sure this isn't going to sit well with many, that's ok. I just worry that if we really want to better our lives, live better, live healthier, be more "there" for our families, can it be done in a way that isn't going to be unrealisitc to maintain for our whole lives?

I've been working on the maintaining side of things myself and I think it's not really the set up for failure you think it is. It's really all about increased awareness and understanding for the rest of your life, rather than being a slave to counting. Or at least, it can be.

Just think about it. While losing, you established patterns, portion sizes, nutritional standards that fit within your goal. Because you needed a calorie deficit, you tracked everything, but really, for a while you probably could have estimated everything and been hunky dory. So maintenance, for me, has been about finding these patterns that I can keep for the rest of my life and weaning off of the logging. I did ok last fall, but then put on a little over Christmas (about 6lbs), and this year I'm going to try to keep it off through the holidays. This side of it is as much trial and error as the losing weight side. I still look at nutrition labels when its relevant. But I don't flip everything over before I put it in my mouth. Eventually you'll find what works well for you (and I will for me) and will be off the logging completely.

You'll make it work!

fabandfunat51 · July 2012

for those of us who have put the weight back on, it is important to track all the time. i dont think i will ever stop doing this ever again, each time I do, the weight comes back because I get complacent. I am no where near my final goal, but i feel too good this time to let that happen again. yes obsessive, but its my health, my wardrobe, my emotional state. thats worth the obsession to me.

T H I S!!!!!!

Lesley2901 · July 2012

Oops, hit reply too fast. I would say what you are doing is continuing to learn what is right for your body. Its like having training wheels on your bike. At some point you may not need to watch all of these things as closely as you do now. It could be after a year of maintenance or 5 years or whatever, but I would think that day will come at some point. Or you will trust yourself enough to know if the scale goes up past a certain point or if your clothes get tight you'll get back on and start seriously tracking again until that excess weight is gone and you are back under control.

^This is exactly right.^ You have changed your lifestyle and will eventually be able to trust yourself to maintain without constant calorie counting. You will be able to make adjustments if you start to slip into old ways or you start to gain some weight - it is a lot easier to deal with a problem early on than let things slide until it feels out of control.

FloraSin · July 2012

I'm sure some people get on this and can't get off, but honestly, I barely bother to log my food anymore and am still getting to where I need to be. I think I've just retrained my brain. I consider nutritional values more now. I don't really keep track of my calories anymore, but instead look at the charts on food and say, "is this pound of sodium with no real nutritional value worth the 320 calories?" Sometimes the answer is "Of course, it tastes like amazing" and that's okay, but most of the time I put it back.

Also, I don't think I'll ever have to be concerned with counting steps again, Fitbit does that for me. Haha. Seriously though, thanks to the whole experience, I've fallen head over heels in love with running. I try to go every chance I get and that makes me confident that I can have the cake/brownie/Iced Capp and not obsess over what's in it or logging it. I just need to remember that I don't need it all at once or to have only one serving for the day.

Carolyn_79 · July 2012

Oops, hit reply too fast. I would say what you are doing is continuing to learn what is right for your body. Its like having training wheels on your bike. At some point you may not need to watch all of these things as closely as you do now. It could be after a year of maintenance or 5 years or whatever, but I would think that day will come at some point. Or you will trust yourself enough to know if the scale goes up past a certain point or if your clothes get tight you'll get back on and start seriously tracking again until that excess weight is gone and you are back under control.

I totally agree with this.

RhonndaJ · July 2012

I'm just really starting my journey but I will tell you my intentions.

During the time it takes, and it will take a while, for me to lose the weight I want to lose, I want to learn how to eat properly. The quantities, the healthy choices, so that after a while on maintenance I won't need to log daily. The same with exercise, I want to make it habit, I don't want to have to think about it every second of every day for the rest of my life. I want to simply be able to live it and just refocus now and again when necessary.

I seem to recall having seen someone post about their leaving MFP because things here became for them exactly what you're concerned about, just another obsession. The fact that you're concerned about it, I think, is a good sign, start learning to live your life, as opposed to tracking your life here.

For me, when I say this is a lifestyle change, I certainly don't mean that I intend to monitor every thing I eat or everything I do for the rest of my life.

russellma · July 2012

I understand where you're coming from, and I sort of had the same concerns a few months ago.

But now I realize that this health consciousness is a part of my new lifestyle and MFP is just a tool to help me maintain something I feel is valuable.

I'm sure there are some who have made their health an obsession, but it doesn't need to be that way.

For the record, I actually do take off one day a week that I do not log in. On that one day, although I don't allow myself to eat anything and everything, I also don't allow myself to worry about counting anything. I don't know if I'm over or under my calorie goal, because I choose not to count that one day. Then, when my "off" day is over, it's my CHOICE to either go back to counting or allow myself to slip back into the old life of complacency.

I think the "choice" makes all the difference. It's not something that I HAVE to do because I'm addicted or because someone is making me do it.

I'm in control of it, rather than it being in control of me.

As long as I'm using these resources as a tool to help me maintain my goals and not as something that I cannot LIVE without, I don't see where there's a problem.

sheila569 · July 2012

for those of us who have put the weight back on, it is important to track all the time. i dont think i will ever stop doing this ever again, each time I do, the weight comes back because I get complacent. I am no where near my final goal, but i feel too good this time to let that happen again. yes obsessive, but its my health, my wardrobe, my emotional state. thats worth the obsession to me.

:drinker: THIS! :drinker:

MaraDiaz · July 2012

I have never maintained a healthy weight in my adult life. I've always either been gaining (quickly and easily) or losing (with way too much effort). I want out of this cycle forever. If that means recording everything I eat and every calorie I burn for the rest of my life, so be it.

iWaffle · July 2012

Most of us live in a modern society where the fast food is easy and cheap and the advertising tells you to eat, consume, buy, treat yourself 24/7 365 days a year. The default is to be overweight and eat too much. As long as you live in a society like this you either take steps to combat the default setting or you eventually conform to the default. It's not as if you're not enjoying life now. You're just making a conscience decision to eat and exercise as if you didn't live in a microwave fast food society. That take some level of effort.

Now for the payoff. Suppose you have traded in one master for another. Look at how well this new master treats you compared to the old one. Are you in danger of getting diabetes now? Is your new master driving you towards a heart attack? Are your knees hurting from not being overweight? Can you breath easier, enjoy your free time more fully and are you happy with the image you see in the mirror? The old eat eat eat master wanted you to be mindless but the trade-off is too large. You sacrifice your health, your dignity, and your ability to enjoy whatever it is you do when you're not eating.

Logging your food honestly doesn't take more than 5 minutes out of my day. How much time did you spend in the closet before trying to find something that fit good and you weren't embarrassed to wear in public. I bet you wasted far more time trying on clothes, sighing, changing outfits, and posing in front of a mirror than you do logging your food each day. I used to have several favorite jeans that were the most comfortable. Now I don't even look. I just grab one and go because everything fits great. (Honestly too big now) I'll take that trade-off any day.

p21usa · July 2012

Most of us live in a modern society where the fast food is easy and cheap and the advertising tells you to eat, consume, buy, treat yourself 24/7 365 days a year. The default is to be overweight and eat too much. As long as you live in a society like this you either take steps to combat the default setting or you eventually conform to the default. It's not as if you're not enjoying life now. You're just making a conscience decision to eat and exercise as if you didn't live in a microwave fast food society. That take some level of effort.

Now for the payoff. Suppose you have traded in one master for another. Look at how well this new master treats you compared to the old one. Are you in danger of getting diabetes now? Is your new master driving you towards a heart attack? Are your knees hurting from not being overweight? Can you breath easier, enjoy your free time more fully and are you happy with the image you see in the mirror? The old eat eat eat master wanted you to be mindless but the trade-off is too large. You sacrifice your health, your dignity, and your ability to enjoy whatever it is you do when you're not eating.

Logging your food honestly doesn't take more than 5 minutes out of my day. How much time did you spend in the closet before trying to find something that fit good and you weren't embarrassed to wear in public. I bet you wasted far more time trying on clothes, sighing, changing outfits, and posing in front of a mirror than you do logging your food each day. I used to have several favorite jeans that were the most comfortable. Now I don't even look. I just grab one and go because everything fits great. (Honestly too big now) I'll take that trade-off any day.

You hit the nail on the head!!!

Skinnymunkii · July 2012

I just wanted to say there are some great replies in here. It's all about learning how to eat right, getting a feel for how much your body needs.

tryinghard71 · July 2012

Congrats on your weight loss!!! I totally understand what you are saying. Have had the same exact thoughts. What I do is just the best I can. When I am home it is easier for me to be obsessive if that is what it is called. LOL! Count and measure everything. But I have learned to let go when I am on vacation or out to dinner with friends. I don't do that often so when I do I refuse to be "that" girl who says I can't have another glass of wine because of calories. I just live life. Don't get crazy. Still make the best choices I can but if I go over that day then I am over. I pick up where I left of the next day. This has not taken me off track to allow myself the freedom to enjoy a dinner here or there without stressing over the calories. But I promise you my butt is back on track the next day!

NWCountryGal · July 2012

I often wonder once I reach my goal if I will lose interest. I hope not. I guess I will wait and see. I love getting outdoors, I am not a gym person. For me I think it will be more like brushing my teeth, just something I do everyday and feel great about it. If I am not happy and living my life to the fullest I can, I don't think anything on the outside of me will be lasting. A new body, a new car etc. I think that a new "mind set" is lasting. I believe it is an inside job that needs to get done for anything lasting for me.

Just my thoughts;) denise

Ok, hear me out, please. I've been overweight pretty much my entire life. I was "chubby" from 3rd grade through college. Developed eating disorders in college, lost a ton of weight and then gained it back. Got married, lost weight and did ok for ahwile. Had three babies in four years, gained a TON of weight. Never lost it all, added more to it. At my highest, I was 120 pounds overweight, NOT pregnant.

My breaking point was an absolutely humilitaing experience with an OB/GYN. I won't go into detail, let's just say it was hands down the worst thing I've dealt with regarding my weight. Worse than all the teasing and harrasment I dealt with growing up, and I had a TON of it. I was teased for all sorts of things, weight was only one of them. I understand how it hurts when others put you down, demean you and belittle you to make themselves feel better. How others push you down to lift themselves up.

I've lost 115 lbs over the past year. I made up my mind I was going to, and I did. It wasn't all sunshine and roses, but it wasn't hell on earth either. I did it mostly by eating less, making better food choices and minimal exercise. Now that I've hit my goal weight and I'm "maintaing" I have started walking. I love it, it's a great stress relief for me and I really enjoy the time outdoors. It's not just about keeping the weight off, but that is part of it.

But I'm noticing something. Is what I am doing now helping or hurting me? Is counting every step I take, every mile I log, every gram of sugar I eat, every glass of water, something I will be able to and WANT to do long term, for the rest of my life? Am I setting myself up for failure, by making crazy expectations of myself that I will not continue to do a year from now? Am I going to get burned out on tracking, weighing, measuring, analyzing everything and all of what I do everyday? Am I now a slave to this "healhty" lifestyle instead of my "obese" one? I'm thinking I am, or at least on that road.

I know that this will hit a nerve w/a lot of people. This is a lifestyle for many, and it's one they embrace wholeheartedly. I just know that sometimes I see myself and what I am doing now and worry that I am not going to maintain it, not because I don't have the willpower to do so but because it's just too much. I'm switching my obsessing over being to fat and what others think of me to obsessing over what I need to do to lose weight or maintain my weight or work out a part of my body better or walk more. For me it's just trading one issue for another.

I'd be interested in what you all think. I'm sure this isn't going to sit well with many, that's ok. I just worry that if we really want to better our lives, live better, live healthier, be more "there" for our families, can it be done in a way that isn't going to be unrealisitc to maintain for our whole lives?

saraimam · July 2012

I always wish I had the spirit of a toddler/baby. The extreme determination I've seen my daughter show just to sit-up, crawl, walk etc... Toddlers are really strong small people. Maybe we should be inspired by those youngsters we see everyday!

almostatgoalweight · July 2012

Some things are possible, and a few things are probable. I've seen a lot of people fail at weight loss (myself included). Why did they fail? Because losing (or maintaining) was not as important in their life as it could have been.

Weight loss is the perfect example of effort in, results out.

Killing_Perfection · July 2012

Who said we all need to log for eternity? Losing weight isn't a static process, it's dynamic, it's some kind of change. Before I joined here I had already lost about 30 pounds and maintained without a problem for years, even lost slowly. I ate pizza and snacks and drank juice, the only thing I did was working out 5 days a week for 20 minutes (as they say, you can't outrun yout diet, or I'd be at my goal already, herp). Of course you can't stuff yourself every day, but what is once a week? If you see a negative change just get up and work out more rigorously for a week!

We learned so much here - or at least I did - it's not something you forget! Living means fighting, and this is no different - but it's not a lost fight. It's possible, and any doubt about that should be put aside.

If you want something, you have to push - but all of us should know by now that it's worth it.

I will kick butt and I will continue doing so after reaching my goal. Simple as that.

Hope502012 · July 2012

I think that along with fitness and weight loss comes confidence and self belief. My feelings of being overwhelmed are rapidly being replaced with knowing that I can achieve my goals, be it in small steps. I am sure that as time goes on you will not have doubts but will feel that the calorie counting and exercise are quality time that you are giving yourself. All the very best

poodlelaise · July 2012

I'm switching my obsessing over being to fat and what others think of me to obsessing over what I need to do to lose weight or maintain my weight or work out a part of my body better or walk more. For me it's just trading one issue for another.

One of my favorite quotes:

"Obsessed is a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated."

Dave198lbs · July 2012

I have been doing this quite awhile. Don't worry about sticking with your current way of doing things. IMO, you are worrying about the future and there isnt too much value in that,

Keep doing what you are doing. The reason I mentioned that I have been doing this for awhile is that after you have been doing it a long time, it just becomes a part of your daily deal and it isnt a chore or something to obsess about or worry about. It's just what we do. It's a good thing.

After all this time I can now keep a fairlyy accurate running total of what I have eaten and sometimes dont actually get around to logging every single snack or meal. I still try to log everything because I like to hit the finished for the day key on my log and put some closure to the day.

Hang in there and think positive. Soon this way of doing things becomes second nature and it doesnt have to be a big deal.

good luck

Are We Setting Ourselves Up For Failure?

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