Living in Fear

Kalynx · July 2012

Tonight on ABCs Extreme Body Makeover the participant said that living in fear makes life stand still. How true!!

I know I spent the three years after being diagnosed with congestive heart failure pretending it didn't exist. As a matter of fact I'm sure the term was used many times but when the nephrolgist told me to do a lower sodium diet and limit my water intake or next week he'd want to discuss KIDNEY DIALISIS (this was in Jan, 2012) ...I was like what? I have congestive heart failure???? I had convinced myself what I had was "heart problems."

I guess that's the wake up call I needed, and the shove to just let the fear go....and decide to LIVE!

I seriously drove home that day stunned, in tears even. Some of my thoughts that day:

* My poor cat Duck (his name is Duck) is old, he's such a sweet boy, he doesn't deserve to be an orphan.

* Why the hell am I saving to my 401 K - I should stop contributing and pay off some bills, get that flat screen for my bedroom I've been wanting!!

* My mom is going to be so upset that she has to burry me.

I've posted this first picture before.

This was me at my heaviest three years ago. I was probably 420 or so at wedding then

In Feb I was about 378.

Me yesterday morning (no makeup & pigtails)

Railr0aderTony · July 2012

do not ever give up, you can reverse this. You have a great start. we have faith in you.

AABru · July 2012

I read your post and thought "oh, f--k." I wasn't going to reply because I didn't know what to say, and then I looked at your pictures...you are positively glowing in your new picture. You have such a beautiful, peaceful smile. And you're 64 pounds closer to your goal...your health. I don't know if you can see it, but the fear is gone my friend...you CAN do it!

supplemama · July 2012

(((hugs))) to you, what a wonderful thing you are doing for yourself!

chaverland77 · July 2012

:happy: WTG!!!!!!!!!!!! That's so awesome! My mom is in the same boat and I wish she had your motovation!!!! I'm extremly impressed! Keep up the fantasic work!!!!!

Anaconda62 · July 2012

I am awed at your dedication and how you pulled through despite the obviously hard diagnosis. I'd love to follow your progress.

karenakaboze · July 2012

You're doing great! WTG!

Kalynx · July 2012

Duck felt left out. So I told him I would post his before and after photos.

Here is him before:

This was him soon after that wedding picture - he had a horrible rash and wouldnt stop scratching his face bloody (in my old apt, not sure what it was because he lived there for YEARS with no problems) - he was wearing a baby shirt to prevent him scratching his neck - cannot find the one of him wearing a cone sewn to a shirt. he loved that. lol.

(May 2011 - he had to have a spot removed on his side - thats a cape he's wearing so he wont lick the wound) I had just bought my first home, and life was starting to improve - at least my surroundings - not physically - the denile followed me from my old apt!!

And this is him I think in April 2012. Playing with his new toy. Even his life is better now. And he's healthier! Funny how that works.

*had to reformat my harddrive today and still dont have everything i need installed - will come back and resize these asap. lol

redhousecat · July 2012

I think you are doing really well. If only I could have that attitude, I'd be rockin'!

Kalynx · July 2012

I think you are doing really well. If only I could have that attitude, I'd be rockin'!

Red - I hope it doesnt take the kind of wake up call to "rock" lol....but it has taken many months to really get the good attitude abou this..and I still tell the random persn at work or family member I dont visit with often - when the ask what I'm doing to lose weight:

I had to lower the sodium in my diet -and that forces me to eat healthy crap. fresh. natural. lol. Not a great attitude.

But my outlook on life has defintely improved! and nothing, just about nothing, sends me into a depression anymore - in my mind its like "hey, its not going to kill me......how can I deal with this." Maybe a meal with bacon ..or cheese..cuz that makes me happy. lol but thats abot it. or something bad happened at work - and I loudly had a bad attitude for a few weeks - but I'm past it now and just chugging a long - keeping my job by choice but starting to plan ways to improve my future without them if they wont help me grow.

Panda_1999 · July 2012

You have done great work so far, and you freely share the joy you have found in healthy foods. I love what you cook and you have been a great inspiration. Great attitude, keep it going!

downsizinghoss · July 2012

You are doing fantastic Kalyn! Keep it up.

bellesouth18 · July 2012

You and Duck are in inspiring duo! Different, but inspiring! haha :smokin: As one of your MFP friends, I have to tell you that the changes you've made are literally lifechanging. I can especially see the results in your smile! You have your whole long life ahead of you and it's a great thing you're doing for yourself (and for Duck). Cheers to a long and healthy life!

:drinker:

Thanks for being my friend--you are my inspiration.

SwimTheButterfly · July 2012

Hang in there sweetie! You are doing great. Your life has improved so much and it is just going to get better. You have a really cute kitty baby there. Cheese!!! :flowerforyou:

Living in Fear

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