Not getting support at home..

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fishiewishes
fishiewishes Posts: 91 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Ive been on MFP a while now and feel I've been doing quite well, when I started on MFP my husband also got involved.... only to quit less than 6 weeks after starting because he wasn't losing as much as me. Since he quit, he's gone back to a diet of junk and energy drinks and pulls faces and complains when I cook a healthy dinner for us. I will admit I still snack and eat a lot of prepackaged stuff but I try and have at least one homemade balanced meal a day (as a background here, I have seizures quite regularly so I do find it very difficult to cook most days - hence the prepacked stuff) - my diary is public so you can have a peek if you so wish.

I've been getting a lot of attitude from him recently in regards to food and exercise, like last night I made a stir fry - I'd been snacking so didnt have a huge amount of calories to play with in the evening so wanted something filling and easy for me to make. When I gave him his he pulled a face, grumbled that he didnt "agree" to stir fry and begrudgingly ate it before going and getting a big bag of cheese doritos and some dip straight afterwards. Today I went out for my weigh in and because I was feeling rubbish again, decided to get a "meal deal" each from Boots for lunch - as soon as I got in, he didnt bother asking how it went just instantly "WHATS FOR LUNCH?" and when I hand it to him "oh.. I was expecting something decent". Turns out he wanted Burger King. I also mentioned I wanted to go back to the gym, that fell on deaf ears and a load of grumbling and shrugging from him.

We live with his parents and his mum has been quite supportive with me doing MFP - shes always asking how things have gone and on days when Im not well she will cook and always tries to keep the calories down, give me smaller portions and if they're having chips or roast potatoes with baked beans she will always do me something like rice or a baked potato and some veggies on the side. I get none of this support from my husband and hes always jiggling my belly and grabbing my "bingo wings" and making jokes about it. He says its only teasing but it is quite hurtful. Now , I don't want to paint a crappy picture of him here as he is wonderful - he's just a bit of an *kitten* when it comes to food.

I'm not sure what I'm asking here or if I just wanted to have a rant somewhere - maybe advice on how to deal with his negativity? or things I can cook that he wont whine about and still be healthy?

Replies

  • bathsheba_c
    bathsheba_c Posts: 1,873 Member
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    This isn't really advice, but I've noticed that the dynamic seems to be that you decide what is for dinner, and he complains about it afterwards. Am I reading that right? Would it be helpful if you got him more into the meal planning?
  • fishiewishes
    fishiewishes Posts: 91 Member
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    I always ask him about dinner, the usual response I get is "Food", "Tasty food", "I dunno", "Eh"... etc
    He never gives me a straight answer and he refuses to leave his computer to come and help me cook :( Ive tried to involve him in the kitchen but he just doesn't want to know
  • loufranks
    loufranks Posts: 45
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    Maybe a change of perspective might help? He sounds just like my husband! He's lovely but just eats all the time which puts me off - and it's not like he doesn't have weight to lose. This is how I deal with it....

    If I cook a healthy meal and he's not interested I say "fine, I'll take the rest to work, you can make your own dinner". And if he eats a bowl of cereal instead of my healthy food, so be it.

    If he wants to eat pizza or a take away, that's fine too, but I only eat a little bit. I have to expect him to live too!

    If he grabs my love handles or bingo wings, i grab his moobs and give em a good jiggle - 2 can play that game in our house. It keeps the mood light and gets my point across LOL.

    If he doesn't want to exercise and I do, that's fine too, I know he feels guilty and that's good enough for me ;)

    I try to get him involved with planning the food so that he doesn't whine when I make somehting healthy - it does help because if he decides a stir fry isn't enough, I'll get him some extra meat or a spring roll to go with it.

    One of my best tricks is to really not talk about the food in terms of being on a diet, that way he forgets he's on diet-by-proxy!
  • Kara_xxx
    Kara_xxx Posts: 635 Member
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    Shirik I'm so sorry you're getting so little support from your OH. Never mind his own failures but to undermine your own efforts like that, which ultimately puts your health at risk, is not fair.

    I don't know what to suggest other than sitting him down and telling him how you feel about all this. I just know if my OH was that selfish and childish, I would be pretty unimpressed. x
  • JaneDoeJaneDoe
    JaneDoeJaneDoe Posts: 3 Member
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    oh how i feel for you. you sound like you needed to get that out. it makes me angry reading that tho. when i was using weight watchers we had a meeting near christmas time one year and were talking about how to get around the point of people watching you eat carrot sticks and no cake and that one person who won't leave you alone, keeps telling you to have some cake, eat another roll, have some more wine, its like they are forcing it down your throat. people don't understand that throe harmless fun is really hurtful to others (you). i had to sit my family down and ask them (not in so may words) to keep their mouths shut when it comes to food that is put in front of them and the way it is coked. they should appreciate it, you have put love and care into preparing that meal for them, you want them to be healthy and happy. does your husband want to leave this earth early, leave you behind, all because he didn't want stir-fry? don't get me started on burger king !! its probably not easy living with his mother how maybe waits on him hand and foot ??? but it is good for you, the support your getting from her, bless. maybe you need to privately sit him down and explain to him how much this means to you, that his words, jiggling, and wing pinching hurts more than he means them to, it might be polite of him to hold his tongue once in a while. how would he feel if you were to hang poo on something he is passionate about? you have come an awful long way and still have a fair way to go, fill you life with positive people (like your mother in law) and you will go far, good luck my dear, it won't be easy, but you will truly be better off at the other end, be proud of yourself, push forward, much love x
  • GauchoMark
    GauchoMark Posts: 1,804 Member
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    If he grabs my love handles or bingo wings, i grab his moobs and give em a good jiggle - 2 can play that game in our house. It keeps the mood light and gets my point across LOL.
    LOL, good for you!


    sounds like you need to stand up to him and let him know you don't like his behavior. You are his equal and it isn't your job to serve him what he likes. If he doesn't like your dinner, he can fix his own. Besides, it sounds like misplaced frustration about his own physique, but he isn't ready to change yet, so he is trying to get you to fail. What he is doing to you is unfair and he needs to be confronted.
  • ccarre81
    ccarre81 Posts: 134 Member
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    I don't want to paint a crappy picture of him here as he is wonderful - he's just a bit of an *kitten* when it comes to food.

    But he jiggles your belly fat??

    He sounds pretty immature to me and needs to be told as such. I wouldn't allow that kind of behaviour in my house,... my hubby would probably lose his fingers if he ever tried to jiggle my belly. Yours needs to learn boundaries and I suggest you start teaching him, find your inner strength and show him what you're capable of.

    As for the meals... please stop cooking for him. He's a grown man and can take responsibility for himself. His actions should not dictate your success,... only you are resonsible for it.

    This is probably a conversation my husband and I would have if he walked into the kitchen and said,
    "Stir-fry? I didn't agree with this meal".
    Me: "honey, this isn't for you. This is what I'm eating tonight and the leftovers will serve as my lunch".
    The jerk: "so what'd you make for me?" ...probably while rubbing his belly.
    Me: "a big ol bowl of nothing... feel free to prepare yourself something else if it's not up to your liking!".... as I pack my lunch and walk away with my steaming plate of fresh stir fry.

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