The best way to motivate my boyfriend?

fitterhappiermoreproductive
fitterhappiermoreproductive Posts: 44 Member
edited December 2024 in Motivation and Support
Hey all. I'm on Week 3 of my healthier-lifestyle journey. For quick reference, I'm currently 5'10", 205lbs, 23 years old. I've always had extra fat on my body, but my height and stature have helped to at least even it out nicely (until this past year when I gained 30lbs working a desk job). I've lost 4lbs so far, in the first week. The second and third week were up and down, so I decided not to weigh myself then.

My boyfriend is about 6'0", 27 years old, and I'm not 100% on his weight. But if I had to guess, I'd say around 300? He's a pretty husky guy, and from what I've seen of his youth pictures, he's been husky his entire life, too. We've been together for 7 months now.

I know that last year, before we started dating, he was replacing all drinks with water, and that alone had lost him about 80lbs. I didn't see him before the loss, but I saw his work badge picture which was from before the loss, and his face definitely showed a difference. He's actually the one who got me into a huge water-drinking kick, because he's still constantly drinking water.

He's supportive of my changes in lifestyle, and he hasn't complained about all the time I've been spending at the gym, but I have a hard time trying to motivate him to join me or make any kind of effort himself. He also started drinking soda again, which makes me nervous, because he's probably going to gain all of that lost weight back!

The few times I've mentioned working out, it seems like he'd prefer to use his bowflex at home, on his own time, when no one is around. When we were working together, we used to go on multiple walks a day, but he's since been laid off and is unemployed and running an online startup. I try not to pester him too much, because I know that he knows that he needs to lose weight, and it seems to make him feel a tiny bit self-conscious.

We've walked miles and miles together before, especially around Stanley Park in Vancouver, BC, but I'm not sure that he could keep up with me in certain endeavors.

I don't know, I guess I'm just fishing for suggestions. What's a good way of motivating him without making him feel like a total lazyass? I've mentioned points about "spending more time together", and he says he'd love to join me, but he is not motivated...

Replies

  • bikermike5094
    bikermike5094 Posts: 1,752 Member
    my wife told me one day " take it off you, or keep it off me.." talking about my fat. worked pretty well....:ohwell:
  • arathena720
    arathena720 Posts: 449 Member
    I hate to say it, but the best motivation is by your own example. Look at it this way...if he was trying to get you to start drinking soda and stop working out, how would you feel? It works both way. The healthier you get, though, the more he's going to start thinking about it. I bet if you say absolutely nothing, not even invite him to join you, but quietly do your thing, he's going to join you eventually. When it comes to food, insist on your own healthy eating but make sure you tell him he can have whatever he wants. The worst motivator in the world is a lecture of how someone is doing it all wrong. The best motivator in the world is seeing the results on someone you love who hasn't been nagging you.
  • ninabeia929
    ninabeia929 Posts: 17
    My suggestion would be set a goal for the two of you...together....
    Do things to accomplish that goal together...(work out, go for walks etc.)
    Once that goal is complete do something to celebrate accomplishing that goal

    Make it fun by making it like a contest (I am comptetive) lol

    GOOD LUCK!
  • MommaKit79
    MommaKit79 Posts: 852
    My husband can get that way too! He says he wants to lose but then doesnt do much to help that. He is starting and sloooowowwwwly losing bit by bit but, I know how you feel.

    The best thing to do is keep doing YOUR thing. If you cook for the 2 of you, make sure he knows that you will cook but, onyl 1 meal and make it something healthy. Dont go completely off the beaten path but, start slowly and get him to eat healthier, at least with you. But, also tell him you are doing this beforehand so he knows that you will be only cooking healthy from now on. The other meals when you arent there he can eat what he wants.

    I also like the competitive aspect of it...My husband and i are going to start that ourselves...figure it is a good way to get him moving more. Besides, we kinda did that when we were BOTH on WW and it worked well.
  • datenshi
    datenshi Posts: 840 Member
    I hate to say it, but the best motivation is by your own example. Look at it this way...if he was trying to get you to start drinking soda and stop working out, how would you feel? It works both way. The healthier you get, though, the more he's going to start thinking about it. I bet if you say absolutely nothing, not even invite him to join you, but quietly do your thing, he's going to join you eventually. When it comes to food, insist on your own healthy eating but make sure you tell him he can have whatever he wants. The worst motivator in the world is a lecture of how someone is doing it all wrong. The best motivator in the world is seeing the results on someone you love who hasn't been nagging you.

    I agree with this suggestion although maybe let him know that there is always an open invitation to join you on walks etc even if you don't ask him to go each time. Show him how happy and satisfied you are with your progress and it will likely influence him.

    Datenshi
  • curtnrod
    curtnrod Posts: 223 Member
    Motivation is self initiated. Trying to get him to lose weight for you or with you will not happen until he realizes that it's in his best interest to do so and he is willing to take action. Do your thing, eat healthy and get fit for you and your concern will sort itself out over time.
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
    If he's been "husky" all his life his aversion to the gym probably stems back to unpleasant memories from school, boys can be pretty merciless when it comes to teasing someone who is different. In fact, in my day anyway, it wasn't unusual for the phys ed teachers to take part in bullying overweight or otherwise nonathletic kids (yeah, you know, the nerds we work for now! :laugh: ) it was considered motivational back then.

    Lead by example.
  • fitterhappiermoreproductive
    fitterhappiermoreproductive Posts: 44 Member
    Thanks for your suggestions. I'm happy to lead by example. Sometimes I don't have to mention anything, and I can see him feeling under the weather about the weight he's gained back since losing 80lbs almost effortlessly.

    Last night, he was coming to my house around 9pm, and he called me ahead of time to ask if I was hungry. I said yes, but that I had some leftovers at home I could munch on, since it was late enough that mainly only fast food would be available. I offered him some of my leftovers (Bird's Eye Voila Chicken Alfredo, really yummy!), and he declined and grabbed some Taco Bell instead.

    I guess my only concern is the amount of time we're losing together since I go on all of my hikes, walks, gym visits, etc directly from work, and then by the time these are finished, the evening is almost over. He's also a fan of the rain (whereas I'm more a fan of the sun), and has some seasonal allergy issues, and I think that contributes a lot to his desire to stay inside.

    Hopefully my motivation will serve as a good example to him. His sister is also in varsity crew at the big university nearby and his dad is a basketball coach, so he has great examples right in front of him. I'm just hoping one will finally stick so he can join me. I don't care either way if he loses a bunch of weight; I just want him to be more active, and to be able to provide support and accountability for me when I'm feeling down myself.
  • KodAkuraMacKyen
    KodAkuraMacKyen Posts: 737 Member
    Motivation is self initiated. Trying to get him to lose weight for you or with you will not happen until he realizes that it's in his best interest to do so and he is willing to take action. Do your thing, eat healthy and get fit for you and your concern will sort itself out over time.

    I agree with the above. If my husband had been trying to get me to slim down, that would have been a serious problem in our relationship. It happened when I was ready for it to happen and not before. I regret time wasted but I don't regret coming to the conclusion on my own that I wanted to be more active, more fit and more healthy. Anything he would have done to encourage me would have just led to more insecurity.
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