Anti-social.....please give me you opinion.

Lovely135
Lovely135 Posts: 161
in Chit-Chat
I don't have friends. I only have my family/in-laws and co-workers. I go out only with my husband. I don't go to parties even when I am invited ( I always find an excuse). I always think that I am going to be the fattest chick at the party, so why go embarrassed myself. When I finally go to a family get together, I don't enjoy it. I always look sad in the pictures ( the ones they finally get when I am not looking) I don't eat at gatherings ( the once that I HAVE to go to) b/c I don't want people to judge me. I always think if I lose this wt. my social life will improve. It's good to go on dates, go out and have fun with family/spouse, but I want to have girlfriends trips, dinners, nights out and to go shopping together. The problem is with what girlfriends. I only have my sisters and one friend since high school. They live in different states. You see I don't let my guard down easily. It takes me a long time to feel comfortable enough to label someone as my friend. As soon as that "friend" does something in my opinion that is not frienship "like" I am ready to cut you off. I am honest, I will be there for you 100%. You can tell me everything and anything. I will give you my honest opinion if you ask for it. But one thing I hate the most is GOSSIP. I don't like friends who belittle each other. I like to empower my friends and motivate them. I don't like competition among friends, that will just lead to jealousy ( the kind if you have this/that I want it too.) I had a friend (not the one mentioned above), I say had b/c although we still communicate, I don't consider her my friend anymore. Why you may ask? Well one time she decided to come visit me (she lives in FL and I live in MD). She said the most stupid things you can imagine. Like "I don't see big "mark" cars in MD, is it b/c there are a lot of black people?" After high school she went to college to be an accounting and I went to be a nurse. In that same visit while sitting at the dinner table, my cousing in-law who was still in high school was also present. We started talking about profession. My cousin in law says when she finishes high school, she wants to become a pediatrician nurse b/c she loves children. I say that's good. You are going to do something that you like and will make enough money to sustain your life. That my " friend" sais to me, " you know when we both graduate ( she is talking about her and I), the amount of money that I am going to make you will have to work 2 full time jobs to make that same amount as a nurse?" I take that as an insult. Since then I have never be the same with her. I don't think she notices that. Now she is married, she wants to come to visit again with her husband. I want to tell her how shallow of a person she is, and that our frienship has never been the same since after that visit and why, but in a nice way. Should I tell her? Do you think I am too hard when it comes to frienship? Do you think my social life will improve once I lose the wt.? Thanks for reading. I know it's long, and I appreciate it.

Replies

  • Lovely135
    Lovely135 Posts: 161
    I forgot to mention that I go to church and even there I feel like an outsider.
  • WaterBunnie
    WaterBunnie Posts: 1,371 Member
    I am similar to you, I have a few friends that I see sporadically but I've struggled to feel close to more than one person at a time and enjoy time alone. I'm not sure whether it'll change with weight loss, I suspect its more a characteristic than as a result of poor self esteem.
  • NamibianRose
    NamibianRose Posts: 151 Member
    Drop that "friend" like a bad habit!

    I'm not sure if your social life will improve with weight loss. Some people just tend to be more of a loner than others. I think it just depends. If you aren't confident because of your weight, and gain confidence with weight loss, possibly. But if the underlying reason for your anti-social tendencies are for other reasons, it's doubtful.

    Why do you feel like an outsider? I think that has more to do with it than your weight.
  • Darkskinned88
    Darkskinned88 Posts: 1,177 Member
    im somewhat anti-social as well, i bounced around colleges and dont really wanna fall into the trap of my childhood friends so really i have some work acquaintances, gym acquaintances otherwise im alone or on a date.

    But in regards to your friend, that isnt a friend, she seems to want you around to try to boost her own low self esteem, leave her be
  • 2bFitNTrim
    2bFitNTrim Posts: 1,209 Member
    You know, I wouldn't want a racist for a friend, so that person would need to go. But, aside from those who obviously need to go, do you think you may expect too much of people? I mean, we all do or say stupid stuff sometimes, but as long as I know a person's heart is good, that's what matters to me. If someone is racist or really offensive to you, or doesn't have anything in common with you, then let them go. But for others, open up your heart and give them a chance. If you are looking for someone who is perfect in every way, then you'll never have a friend.
  • stronglikebull
    stronglikebull Posts: 402
    honestly, i think you need to work on loosening up. your self esteem will probably continue to increase as you lose weight and become more comfortable with yourself and that will make it easier to go out and be social. but you have to be able to relax and let go of things as well.
  • pdworkman
    pdworkman Posts: 1,342 Member
    I am very introverted. I call myself antisocial. I will avoid parties and social events when I can, I prefer to be at home. I prefer eating at home to eating out, watching tv at home to going to a movie, etc. I don't have friends that I go and do things with. I have my family. I work in a very small office, and we don't socialize or go out for lunch together except on rare occasions. I hate talking on the phone, prefer to always communicate by e-mail. I have always felt an outsider, other people's brains just work differently than mine. It has nothing to do with my weight or the way I look. I've never particularly cared about the way that I look.

    When I must go out to a social event (eg. with family), I do. I put a smile on my face and put on my most sociable aspect, and do my best to enjoy myself. Then I go home and crash. Or cry. It's just the way I am. Socializing sucks all of the energy out of me, even if it is with someone I enjoy being with.
  • Lovely135
    Lovely135 Posts: 161
    By the way that "friend" is black and I am black.
  • BryVia12
    BryVia12 Posts: 181 Member
    I too am anti-social, I call myself socially awkward:smile: I have NO friends, because like you, I cut them off if they let me down. Sad but true. My husband is super social so that kind of puts my awkwardness under a spotlight. I don't think it has anything to do with my weight, it's just how I am. I know a lot of super bubbly types who are overweight. It doesn't help that I have this look on my face like I'm mad all the time even though I'm not, if I'm not smiling, I look pi$$ed,, so people don't approach me:cry: I don't have any family either but I still put myself out there, I go to the gym, I even joined a spin class and I try to talk to people. I'm not unhappy, I have my husband and 1 close friend at work (not so much outside of work).You're not the only one, if your "friend" causes you stress then dump her, some people are toxic to us. Don't keep a friend just because you want one, find a friend you need. I believe there is one out there for me.:flowerforyou:

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