I need help

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mrsbeck
mrsbeck Posts: 234 Member
in Motivation and Support
Some of you know me, most of you, probably not. I've been here since May of 08...I think. It may have been a little earlier or later in the year, I don't remember. I have a pattern: Do really well for three to six weeks, see a tiny change, get frustrated with how slow it's going, leap off the wagon, arms outstretched and mouth open, gain 5+ pounds in a week. Go downhill from there.

I cannot figure out what the problem is. Yes, I am a stress eater. The whole time I'm eating something I don't need, I'm castigating myself for it. Which, DUH, creates more stress, and causes me to eat more. Seriously, I'm on the verge of deleting this post right now, because reading back over this, I'm so sick of myself, I can't stand it. Why would any of you read this and care about it?

I have one pair of jeans that fit me. Last night, my husband told me that he's sick to death of seeing me in them and that they don't flatter at all. He also reminded me that we had planned on trying to conceive, starting fall of 2010. He said if I'm not a healthy weight at that time, the plan is off, because at my age, (34) I don't need any further complications for the pregnancy. And he's absolutely right. In fact, a year ago, when we first started talking about a baby, I'M the one who made that rule. My second pregnancy was miserable, because I was still fat from the first one, plus some pounds I gained on my own afterward. I don't want another fat pregnancy, I want a healthy one. BTW, don't be too hard on my husband. He was a lot more gentle about it than I'm presenting...and considering I've gained thirty pounds in the four years we've been together, I'd say he has a right to mention that it's getting out of hand.

I know how to lose weight...this site is a treasure trove of info on that subject, and I have had success following the advice on this site...so why can't I just do it? What is in my way? Why am I stopping myself from getting healthy? Do any of you have anything you can pass on to me...where do you find the stick-to-your-guns-ism?

I just spent twenty minutes reading Today.com's "Joy Fit Club" and I can't stop crying. I want to fix this, I really do...if any of you have anything that can help, please pass it on.

Sorry so long...and the new site looks great, btw.

Replies

  • squoozyq
    squoozyq Posts: 305
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    Girl, you're preaching to the choir! I feel EXACTLY the same way as you...and I'm stuck too. I can't win, the food always does.
    So, if you want to vent, let me know cuz I hear ya!
    If anyone has advice for me too, let me know.
    S
  • junkgypsy
    junkgypsy Posts: 217
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    Can we please be best friends? Haha. Seriously, though, this is ME. I never had babies, but aside from that, me me me.

    I did really well for almost 6 months and lost 32 pounds-- Got a boyfriend and gained 13 of it back.

    I do really well here and there now, but my ambition is gone and I can't stand to look at myself anymore. I know exactly how you feel-- I have 2 pairs of jeans that fit, both the same brand and style that I bought at the same time, and even those are getting tight.

    It doesn't help that it's the holidays, which depress me, and my boyfriend just moved 3 hours away. I am SUCH a stress eater-- Oh, to be one of those girls who can't eat when she's stressed.

    You can do this.

    WE can do this.

    It's mind over matter!

    Clearly, we are miserable. The only ones who can do anything about it is US.
  • joann
    joann Posts: 624 Member
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    Wow doesnt that all sound so familar. I know my ticker only shows 10 lbs but it is actually 50 lbs total. I was not on all summer and Im trying to lose another 30. Bellieve me when I say I have tried every diet cause I have. I was on weight watchers when I was 10, so its been a struggle my whole life. What helped me was not to go on the scale...I was so disappointed day after day when I didnt lose enough. I finally stopped going on it and stuck to my diet for almost 4 months when I finally got the nerve to step on it. I had lost 35 lbs. That did it for me, Thats what got me going...
  • mrsbeck
    mrsbeck Posts: 234 Member
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    Well...looks like we have the beginning of a club here.

    Not that I thought I was alone, but it does help to see that I'm not. So what do we do about it? Is there some way we can hold each other accountable through this site?
  • junkgypsy
    junkgypsy Posts: 217
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    I smell a group coming on.
  • bowl2159
    bowl2159 Posts: 5
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    Do what you value, value what you do.

    I hear you, sister. It can be a constant push-pull between doing what you know you want to do because you'll be healthier and that nagging feeling that all this work won't be worth it because it's not really going to work anyway.

    If you know that in a few weeks or a few months you'll get tired of the work to change then work with yourself to find something fun to do. Maybe you could plan on taking a week "off" and commit to not gaining weight that week instead of trying to lose.

    People go through stages when they are making major changes in how they live. Sometimes we dance around it for months or years before we make a commitment to being different. That's why any program you follow will work -- once you have aligned all of your moons and made the commitment to yourself any program you will follow will work.

    Everything will be okay. You are a worthwhile person. The number on the scale can't define who you are or how happy you are with yourself that day. Maybe it's an indicator of how well you are treating yourself but it isn't The Thing.

    Know you are loved and be well.
  • linzismith
    linzismith Posts: 139 Member
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    i agree with joann. whenever i've tried (unsuccessfully) to lose weight before, i was weighing myself every day. it was good to see results, but frustrating not to.

    now, i rarely weigh myself. i stare at my body in the mirror and tell myself, "you did good today, you look thinner, and you will be the weight you want to be." I do this multiple times a day when i'm at home (and sometimes at work). it's not really as mantra-like as it sounds, it just helps me stay on track and reminds me hourly of my life goals. plus psychologically it probably boosts my self-esteem.

    the thing is, when there's no scale grading how you're doing, you can convince yourself that you're doing great. this also makes you be more accountable to yourself for what you eat. if you know you cheated, then you can't very well stare at yourself and say you will lose weight. but if you know you stayed within calorie range, feel free to pep-talk yourself!

    i've been on here since mid-september, and in that time, i've only weighed myself four times. and i've lost 13 pounds (or more, haven't weighed myself in a while). good luck!
  • mrsbeck
    mrsbeck Posts: 234 Member
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    Oh, I'm good at not weighing myself!! :happy: Yesterday was the first time in three or four months that I stepped on the scale. It was bittersweet: I'd completely undone the work I'd accomplished, but I had not gained as much as I thought I would.

    What would some of you think about an accountability thread? Or maybe one already exists to join? I am setting my diary to public. I've always had it on private, and I think that was partially to cover my tracks...I think I've been setting myself up for failure. Now, it won't do anyone much good to look at it right now; all that is on there is today's breakfast....it's been months since I tracked my food. But starting tomorrow, there will actually be reading material in there.

    My email address is mrsbeck24601 at msn.com.
    Feel free to let me know when I'm slacking. Maybe knowing that I'll have to answer to people who read my plea for help will bolster my resolve. I've got to try something new...what I've done in the past sure isn't working.
  • junkgypsy
    junkgypsy Posts: 217
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    I'm down,
    Mine is public, but yeah, mine only has what I've eaten today in it, Hopefully I will be better about logging!
  • manda0079
    manda0079 Posts: 3
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    I'm kinda in the same boat. My husband and I are going to try to get pregnant next year, and I want to lose some weight before I get pregnant. I gained A LOT of weight with my first two and managed to lose it. After my second was born I had lost all of my weight and then I went through a really bad divorce and met my current husband and put on thirty pounds. We got married in August and talked about a baby. I have to have my tubes untied first and I want to have a really healthy pregnancy. I joined Curves today and am hoping that will help. They told me that they had a member that worked out with her doctor's concent up until her due date.
  • NurseMisty
    NurseMisty Posts: 312 Member
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    I could have written your post! I battle with strength also. Somedays I think I'll never have enough motivation to stay with it. I just came back after losing 25 pounds and then gaining 15 back. It's a struggle everyday. But , like you, I came here today because TODAY, I am weak. I need people who understand and can relate.

    When I first got pregnant (four years ago) i weight 170ish. Once I had my son, I never lost the weight and actually gained more. Your right, you need to be healthy to start a preganacy. Well you don't "need" to be because as we all know...that's not always true, but it's in your best interest to be healthy. For you and the baby.

    You off to the right start. You WANT to change. Having the strong desire to do so is the biggest step. The willpower will follow. You CAN do this. My problem is overeating. Whether or not this is yours, I have affirmations that I listen to as I fall asleep. They are as follows:

    1. My worth as a person is not diminished in ANY way by my body size or my eating patterns.
    2. I will love myself no matter what my eating patterns are.
    3. I will judge my days not by what or how much I eat, but by the accomplishments I have made and the love I have given.
    4. My life is a gift, and I will not let my enjoyment of it be diminished by feeling guilty over my body size or how much I eat.
    5. I am finished blaming others, situations, and myself for the way I eat. I will take action minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, and day-by-day until I can eat normally again.
    6. Compulsive overeating is a temporary condition in my life.
    7. There is a normal eater within me. I will let her/him take over my life more and more each day as I am ready.
    8. I CAN imagine a life without being a compulsive overeater.
    9. When I feel stressed, I will close my eyes and picture how my all-powerful, normal eater would handle the situation.
    10. I believe I will be a normal eater again. I KNOW I will be a normal eater again.

    You can do this....YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!

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