Unrealistic Expectations

ladybarometer
ladybarometer Posts: 205 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
My boyfriend and I put together a weight log on our dry erase board with goal weights. My boyfriend looked up a weight chart and decided his goal (he's 5'5 and his goal is 145 - a whole 8 pounds to lose!) As he was looking up the weights, he said the ideal weight for me, which was listed on the chart was 135. My goal weight for myself was 150 for a large frame female at five foot five, which is fine. The rest of the night I felt like my original goal weight wasn't good enough. I kept having him poke me to feel that you can feel my ribs and hip bones. I don't know how I could lose another 30 + pounds!!??

I am so confused...
I don't even think I would look good, if it is possible to be that small... .

Replies

  • takechances
    takechances Posts: 65
    Is he the one working his *kitten* off to lose your weight?
    No.
    This is YOUR body and only YOU know what you'll be comfortable with. Please don't lose extra weight to appease someone else.
    150 sounds perfect for your height. After all, I'm 5'8 and as of right now, my goal weight is 160. You're gonna look fantastic!
  • Lozze
    Lozze Posts: 1,917 Member
    Get to 150 and see how you feel. It's all guesswork the 'ideal' weight.
  • saustin201
    saustin201 Posts: 270 Member
    I think you should get to 150 and see how comfy you are. If you're feeling great at that weight then stay there.

    You're obviously doing something right if you've lost 50 pounds. You're doing great.
  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
    The way they chart weights is unrealistic! The problem with the world is they expect women to look like runway models... there's nothing wrong with being skinny; but there's a huge difference in SKINNY and looking sick. You should stop where you feel comfortable!!
  • dianab57
    dianab57 Posts: 11
    If there is one thing that I have learned from my 57years it took my 23year old twins to teach me that you have to love yourself when you look in the mirror or step out the front door. It doesn't matter what anyone else says...even your boyfriend. My husband could tell me I am beautiful and still I would do this because I don't feel good about myself. My kids always tell my "Love the person you are" if you can say that honestly..that's all that matters. Good luck!
  • shorty35565
    shorty35565 Posts: 1,425 Member
    No one said u had to weight that less. U said u were large frame. Ur gonna look good b4 u get to 135. If u like how u look at 150, then I say stop.
    I'm 5'5 and weigh 130.4lbs. I still look fat imo. I can feel my hip bones and my ribs, but my belly sticks out so I gotta go down more. I have small frame tho.
    You shouldn't feel like u have to go tht low just cuz sum chart says so. We're all made diff, so there couldn't possibly b a number where every girl at a certain height will look good.
  • MerBear1985
    MerBear1985 Posts: 131
    Be careful about what you believe from reading. Most ideal weights are based on the BMI scale which doesn't take into account how muscular your are or how big your frame is. I am also 5'5" and my goal weight is around 150-155...I have been down below 150 before when I was sick and people kept asking if I was sick because I looked too skinny.

    You will know your goal weight when you get there...you are doing great so far, don't get discouraged, goal weights are different for everyone!
  • thelovelyLIZ
    thelovelyLIZ Posts: 1,227 Member
    Why not shoot for 150 and then evaluate how you feel once you're there. Weight gets carried differently on every body.
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,238 Member
    meh, dont stress about it...get to 150, then see how you feel...are you strength training?
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    Get to 150 and see how you feel. It's all guesswork the 'ideal' weight.

    ^ this.
    My goal weight is 160lbs. I have never been 160lbs in my life (unless I was as a preteen or child... i can't remember). I have decided even though it is 5lbs heavier than BMI charts suggest for my height (I am 5'6"), that is what I am aiming for. I recently started seeing a nutritionist and she agrees 160lbs is a GREAT goal weight for my build and considering my body fat percentage and the types of workouts I am doing. Get to your goal weight of 150 and go from there. If at 150 you don't feel your healthiest, try for 140. I will say my sister is 135lbs at 5'5" and doesn't look grossly tiny. She has muscle definition and is pretty fit and very healthy. BUT that's not to say that you will not look absolutely wonderful at 150lbs. Everybody is different. Do what works for you and do what makes you happy. :smile:
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    Get to 150 and see how you feel. It's all guesswork the 'ideal' weight.

    I agree with this, I change mine constantly!! but I think 155 will be it...
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 866 Member
    Get to 150, then reevaluate if you need to get lower.

    I teach Zumba and have a woman in my class, she just got below 199. I am honest with you, she could lose another 20 but that is it. Her frame and her muscles will not allow any lower. Her legs are muscular, she just has extra in her belly area. She would have to cut off body parts to get to 135!!!!

    My point is, some women should have a goal of 150, where others need a lower goal. You need to do what is best for YOUR body!!!
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
    Get to the weight that you feel most comfortable at. Most people my height (5'10") want to be 145 pounds or so. I used to be 150 in my early highschool years and looking back, I didn't like how that looked on me. I felt I looked really flimsy and strange. I've set my goal to 160 and I'll see how I feel when I get there.

    Ignore weight charts. Go with what feels right.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Get to 150 and see how you feel. It's all guesswork the 'ideal' weight.

    Yep. You won't know how it looks on you until you get there. There's a reason there's a wide range of what's healthy for any particular height... everyone is different.
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
    I hate those weight charts! You should read my blog post "Skinny standard". The point is to be healthy, not skinny! If 150 is healthy, and you feel good about it, stick with 150.. If you feel like you are not your healthiest, then strive for more. True love cares about our well being and health. Not how skinny we are. Don't let it get to you. Just do your best :smile:
  • MrsNC
    MrsNC Posts: 4 Member
    I am also 5'5 and currently 170lbs. I used to weigh 130-135. I am working to go back to that weight, I don't think it's too skinny but pretty skinny for our height. When I was at 150lb I didn't feel like I gained too much weight but had been at 135 I did feel the difference. I think it depends on your body type, like everyone said get to it and you will know if 150 is perfect or if you should lose more.
  • psuLemon
    psuLemon Posts: 38,427 MFP Moderator
    The best approach to figure out your weight goal would be to figure out your body fat %. This way you can figure out how much lean body mass you have and you can derive a weight goal from there. For example, I am 200 lbs and 12% body fat (technically obese according to my weight and BMI). I have a 176 lbs of lean body mass (LBM = weight - (weight * bf %) ). I have a goal of 6% body fat so I can have a good six pack. That means to maintain my muscle, I should aim for 187 lbs.

    And as I always say, weight loss makes you look good in clothes, but fat loss is what makes you look good naked. Muscle is what makes your body tight and slender. In fact, I have seen many people not be able to get a flat stomach or abs since they dont have much lbm. Below is a good example of what happens when people gain 20 lbs of muscle. It's a great story,


    http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/
  • ladybarometer
    ladybarometer Posts: 205 Member
    I may give my BF a lot of slack about how unromantic he is (like poop jokes during otherwise serious moments :p) but he loves me for the way I look, but also understands I wanna meet my goal - he believes everything he reads though, and I felt strange when he was telling me about needing to be 135. And it wasn't in a way like, I would love you more if you were this size, or you must be this size to be healthy, it was just reading and explaining to me what he was seeing, but I still felt funny.

    I agree, I should just see what I feel at 150, that was my plan always, but it always feels a bit funny when someone tells your goal weight isn't low enough because this that and the other. I feel pretty good now, and I think 150 should get rid of most of the things I worry about. I just wanna be healthy, and not have a big ol' head on a sickly looking body LOL!
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    I think you have a great attitude about it all. I didn't take your boyfriends comment about your goal weight as wrong of him to say. It's all over the net and doctor's offices about BMI and "average weight". My husband probably would have said the same to me if he'd read it. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for me, my husband has ZERO interest in anything health or diet related. LOL He depends on me to prepare healthy meals for our family so he basically leaves our health in my hands. haha

    My body fat percentage is at the high end of the "normal" side for my height, but I am still about 30lbs overweight. I can imagine when I hit my goal of 160 by doing p90x and gaining muscle that I should be somewhere in the middle of the "normal" body fat percentage range. :)
  • julialla
    julialla Posts: 232 Member
    Oh please don't listen to him or those silly 'charts!' If you compared my weight/height to one of those charts, I would be considered overweight. And though I want to lose a few pounds and get in shape, I am far from overweight (well at least I think!) Trust your gut and how you feel. Don't listen to anyone else or anything else otherwise. Good Luck :)
  • ladybarometer
    ladybarometer Posts: 205 Member
    I know! I have a friend who isthe same height as me, and is 160, which would be considered slightly over weight, but SHES A SIZE 8! That is SOOOOO not over weight - to me, thats thin! She's all muscle!
  • ladybarometer
    ladybarometer Posts: 205 Member
    The best approach to figure out your weight goal would be to figure out your body fat %. This way you can figure out how much lean body mass you have and you can derive a weight goal from there. For example, I am 200 lbs and 12% body fat (technically obese according to my weight and BMI). I have a 176 lbs of lean body mass (LBM = weight - (weight * bf %) ). I have a goal of 6% body fat so I can have a good six pack. That means to maintain my muscle, I should aim for 187 lbs.

    And as I always say, weight loss makes you look good in clothes, but fat loss is what makes you look good naked. Muscle is what makes your body tight and slender. In fact, I have seen many people not be able to get a flat stomach or abs since they dont have much lbm. Below is a good example of what happens when people gain 20 lbs of muscle. It's a great story,


    http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/

    That's amazing!
    This article you posted too is outstanding! I'm really inspired!

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