Walking Away Was The Hardest Thing
Yesterday I walked away from the man I love. After a year of his inability to commit and his hot and cold behaviour I left. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have never loved a man with so much passion before in my life. I feel like he died. So I am treating it like that. I am treating it as if he is dead. Is that wrong of me to do?
Any tips on how to get over him?
Any tips on how to get over him?
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Replies
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Suck it up cupcake. (sorry, just usually what I say to be a little humorous) Maybe, he will one day realize that you were the one. Maybe not. These situations suck.
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In one way the man is dead, if you've decided that it's really over and won't be taking him back. He's dead to you.
You can now turn away and move forward starting with things that allow you to fully realise your self-worth. Then you step out there into the world and when you're ready, find someone a whole lot better for you.0 -
Yesterday I walked away from the man I love. After a year of his inability to commit and his hot and cold behaviour I left. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have never loved a man with so much passion before in my life. I feel like he died. So I am treating it like that. I am treating it as if he is dead. Is that wrong of me to do?
Any tips on how to get over him?
No...it's not wrong, and it's probably one of the healthiest ways to deal with it honestly.
As long as you don't hold onto him and his memory as though he never was the way he was anyway.
Good luck hun...seriously. Love is a tough thing when it's one sided.0 -
So let him go - You need to realize that your happiness is not totally dependent on another person. Do stuff that truly makes you feel good that don't involve FOOD (a serious four letter word)! Now get out there and do some serious exercise - you need the endorphins!0
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I'm sorry.
As for how to heal, I suggest:
Focus on yourself, things you enjoy doing, what makes you a special person. You will be fine! Make sure that you are 100% complete without him by valuing yourself as a person and what you have to offer the world and other people. You don't deserve hot and cold behavior and someone unwilling to commit - it just means either he wasn't the one or the timing wasn't right, but be sure you find someone who will treat you well and believe that you are a worthy, special person. Best of luck!0 -
It's tough having to leave someone you love so much. If it helps you deal with it, then maybe that's the way it needs to be. You deserve someone who treats you amazingly, and unfortunately that can't always be the one you love. For now, focus on yourself, and what YOU want and need to do. Find out who you are and what you want in a man. When you're ready, you will find the man who will treat you right.0
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Actually you are doing exactly what I would do.0
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if you have loved him with all the passion of your heart, then you need to allow yourself to grieve over him. whether or not you consciously decide he is dead to you or not, it will still 'feel' that way.
take your time, feel, cry, grieve. take care YOU! rejoice in the good times and the fact that you loved and were loved. let him go and wish him well, your choice to end this chapter in your life is just that, an end to a chapter.
now you get to turn the page and create a whole new chapter filled with wonderment. hugs to you, i know what 'hurt' feels like.
be well.0 -
girl i just had to do the same thing. it was so hard. but we told we loved each other and that's that. were friends. but i need him out of my life completely.0
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Yesterday I walked away from the man I love. After a year of his inability to commit and his hot and cold behaviour I left. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have never loved a man with so much passion before in my life. I feel like he died. So I am treating it like that. I am treating it as if he is dead. Is that wrong of me to do?
Any tips on how to get over him?
It is a greiving process. You are greiving the lose of that relationship. But pat yourself on the back for realizing that you needed to move on. Are you grieving the loss of him or the loss of the person you wished and hoped he would be? You deserve to be loved in a way that you deserve.
It is hard to get over. But with time I think you will see you did the right thing and loving yourself enough to know you deserve more.0 -
It's not wrong at all. Grief is grief, and in this case, the loss was a relationship. Just take things one day at a time, and take comfort that things WILL get better
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I am sorry.
Allow yourself time to heal. You will find someone who truly loves you and will commit to you in the future. Mr. Right is out there....somewhere....but first take some time for yourself.:flowerforyou:0 -
First of all I want to say good job on walking away. I have TWO friends in that exact kind of relationship, and they have had their hearts shattered time and time again for over two years each.
It sounds to me like you are going about it the only way you can when a man is hot/cold.
Otherwise, he'll find another way to worm his way back in.
Feel better, use this as motivation. And a lesson. Now you have a better idea of what you want, need and deserve.0 -
Yesterday I walked away from the man I love. After a year of his inability to commit and his hot and cold behaviour I left. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have never loved a man with so much passion before in my life. I feel like he died. So I am treating it like that. I am treating it as if he is dead. Is that wrong of me to do?
Any tips on how to get over him?
No...it's not wrong, and it's probably one of the healthiest ways to deal with it honestly.
As long as you don't hold onto him and his memory as though he never was the way he was anyway.
Good luck hun...seriously. Love is a tough thing when it's one sided.
So much this. I have to add that you should be proud of yourself for having the strength to walk away.0 -
Suck it up cupcake. (sorry, just usually what I say to be a little humorous) Maybe, he will one day realize that you were the one. Maybe not. These situations suck.
Thank you for you humour I appreciate it i dont know what he will realise hell I dont even know what he actually felt for me. I still care for him so much. I have never gone through this heartache before and its just killing me.In one way the man is dead, if you've decided that it's really over and won't be taking him back. He's dead to you.
You can now turn away and move forward starting with things that allow you to fully realise your self-worth. Then you step out there into the world and when you're ready, find someone a whole lot better for you.
Oh god I havent even entertained the idea that he will come back. Sure if I go by the past he will contact me after a couple of weeks acting like nothing happened but at this point I am thinking that this is over. I realised my self worth the minute I told him im leaving. I wrote him an email after I left and he replied but I havent replied to him and I wont. I just thought he was the one but he has serious commitment issues obviously.Yesterday I walked away from the man I love. After a year of his inability to commit and his hot and cold behaviour I left. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have never loved a man with so much passion before in my life. I feel like he died. So I am treating it like that. I am treating it as if he is dead. Is that wrong of me to do?
Any tips on how to get over him?
No...it's not wrong, and it's probably one of the healthiest ways to deal with it honestly.
As long as you don't hold onto him and his memory as though he never was the way he was anyway.
Good luck hun...seriously. Love is a tough thing when it's one sided.
Thank you
I dont know how to heal from this, what kept me with him is how he acted. When he wasnt going through the cold phase i was his world. His actions showed me love and i hung onto that I guess. He left and came back, like nothing had happened muliple times I should have never taken him back after the first time. Live and learn I guess.So let him go - You need to realize that your happiness is not totally dependent on another person. Do stuff that truly makes you feel good that don't involve FOOD (a serious four letter word)! Now get out there and do some serious exercise - you need the endorphins!
Thank you and you are right. When it was good, i was on cloud 9, so euphoric. I need to forget that feeling and focus on how he made me feel during the bad times.I'm sorry.
As for how to heal, I suggest:
Focus on yourself, things you enjoy doing, what makes you a special person. You will be fine! Make sure that you are 100% complete without him by valuing yourself as a person and what you have to offer the world and other people. You don't deserve hot and cold behavior and someone unwilling to commit - it just means either he wasn't the one or the timing wasn't right, but be sure you find someone who will treat you well and believe that you are a worthy, special person. Best of luck!
Thank you. This is very unlike me. I have never really acted like this, even when i left my marriage that was broken for years. I left and felt strong. Even with my two relationships before my marriage, I never cared. But this guy literally swept me off my feet. I have never loved like this before. But yeah I need to move on, as for another man. I cant even begin to think that there ever will be. Time will tell i guess.It's tough having to leave someone you love so much. If it helps you deal with it, then maybe that's the way it needs to be. You deserve someone who treats you amazingly, and unfortunately that can't always be the one you love. For now, focus on yourself, and what YOU want and need to do. Find out who you are and what you want in a man. When you're ready, you will find the man who will treat you right.
Thank you. I was thinking of doing a course. Focus on something other than the pain. I guess he just wasnt the one for me even if I felt that he was.0 -
Take care of yourself. It's hard, I have been there, as well as many others. We all survive, but it's getting there that can be tough.0
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Most of us have been there....we feel your pain. It isn't easy to get over someone, even if it was our own decision to move on. Change can be a scary thing but it is usually always a good thing...
I would suggest taking your energy and putting it towards your exercise. Take up a new activity that is challenging and keeps your mind engaged. This way you are not sitting around thinking about him, wondering if you made the right choice, etc. There are so many fun activities out there (like karate, boot camps, running, swimming, training for a triathalon, etc). These activities will not just keep you busy but help you meet new people.
Try some Yoga maybe. Meditation might help clear your mind...
If you still feel like there is unsettled business write down all your thoughts and feelings. These 'letters' can be thrown out afterwards and don't need to be shown to anyone. Just get it all out and off your mind so you can move on.
LAUGHTER!!! Go out with friends! This doesn't mean drinking, but just out somewhere to have fun. Go dancing! Go to a comedy club! Do something that will get you laughing and keep you busy.
Of course, don't keep so busy that you don't deal with your emotions. You need to deal with them too otherwise they will resurface at the worst time. You need to get rid of that baggage...so do allow yourself time to think about him, to 'mourn' him...but only for a limited amount of time.
Good luck! And don't worry, you'll be fine!0 -
Not in my book, Life is too short to wait on someone who won't commit. Love isn't afraid. You're taking care of yourself and that's what is important. It hurts, but that will pass.
Thoughts are with you.0 -
Actually you are doing exactly what I would do.
It feels like death. My parents have both passed on and it feels like that. It hurts but I will admit this support and response from all you guys is giving me strength to do this. thank you!!if you have loved him with all the passion of your heart, then you need to allow yourself to grieve over him. whether or not you consciously decide he is dead to you or not, it will still 'feel' that way.
take your time, feel, cry, grieve. take care YOU! rejoice in the good times and the fact that you loved and were loved. let him go and wish him well, your choice to end this chapter in your life is just that, an end to a chapter.
now you get to turn the page and create a whole new chapter filled with wonderment. hugs to you, i know what 'hurt' feels like.
be well.
You are right. But I cant even think of the good times it makes me hurt that much more. Maybe after some time I will. I have been crying so much. I feel hurt from him and I should feel anger but I dont. I wished him well, told him i loved him dearly and left. Then I wrote him a letter, he responded but I left it. Didnt reply.girl i just had to do the same thing. it was so hard. but we told we loved each other and that's that. were friends. but i need him out of my life completely.
I cant be friends with him. we tried that so many times. Tried to be just friends and we ended up doing so much more. Every time. We have a very strong physical attraction along with a mental one. Its just the emotions he couldnt handle them. I now know I was fooling myself into thinking that I could say no to him when he made advances. So at least for now friends is out of the question.
Can I ask you when you left did he contact you in the end or did you?Yesterday I walked away from the man I love. After a year of his inability to commit and his hot and cold behaviour I left. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have never loved a man with so much passion before in my life. I feel like he died. So I am treating it like that. I am treating it as if he is dead. Is that wrong of me to do?
Any tips on how to get over him?
It is a greiving process. You are greiving the lose of that relationship. But pat yourself on the back for realizing that you needed to move on. Are you grieving the loss of him or the loss of the person you wished and hoped he would be? You deserve to be loved in a way that you deserve.
It is hard to get over. But with time I think you will see you did the right thing and loving yourself enough to know you deserve more.
I am grieving both actually. He showed me what he could be on many occasions. It just used to get too much for him and he would back off and argue with me and make excuses to leave. He would leave or I would leave then after a few weeks he would contact me and act as if nothing happened. After he pushed me away once more yesterday I guess I snapped in a way. I told him although this is the hardest thing I will do I am leaving you. I have never told him that. This was the first time and I am sure its something that he dint expect. I have been thinking of him all day, and wondering how he is feeling. If he is feeling anything at all. I dont know. I know i deserve more thats why i left, but i also know I am weak when it comes to him. I hope he doesnt contact me at all, but then there is that small part of me that hopes he does.It's not wrong at all. Grief is grief, and in this case, the loss was a relationship. Just take things one day at a time, and take comfort that things WILL get better
Thank you!! I cant even think ahead for the day, I have no choice but to take it a day at a time. I wish I could fast forward all this though the pain is horrible.I am sorry.
Allow yourself time to heal. You will find someone who truly loves you and will commit to you in the future. Mr. Right is out there....somewhere....but first take some time for yourself.:flowerforyou:
Thank you! Mr. Right could be staring at me and I wouldnt give him the time of day at this present moment. love sucks.First of all I want to say good job on walking away. I have TWO friends in that exact kind of relationship, and they have had their hearts shattered time and time again for over two years each.
It sounds to me like you are going about it the only way you can when a man is hot/cold.
Otherwise, he'll find another way to worm his way back in.
Feel better, use this as motivation. And a lesson. Now you have a better idea of what you want, need and deserve.
I hope he doesnt contact me, because at this moment I am weak. BUT I dont think he will. Maybe thats me being naive and not realising that what we had was a cycle but I think he has and maybe he will keep away from me.
Thank you and I am so sorry to hear about your friends. I am too scared to tell mine they already have heard me cry for him so much so I have kept this to myself. I guess thats why I posted this thread.Yesterday I walked away from the man I love. After a year of his inability to commit and his hot and cold behaviour I left. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have never loved a man with so much passion before in my life. I feel like he died. So I am treating it like that. I am treating it as if he is dead. Is that wrong of me to do?
Any tips on how to get over him?
No...it's not wrong, and it's probably one of the healthiest ways to deal with it honestly.
As long as you don't hold onto him and his memory as though he never was the way he was anyway.
Good luck hun...seriously. Love is a tough thing when it's one sided.
So much this. I have to add that you should be proud of yourself for having the strength to walk away.
Thank you! I think my fear was keeping me from walking away. Fear of never seeing him again, never talking to him etc BUT I realised that I love me more than him so I did it.0 -
If you ever need to talk message me... I know many people that have been in your shoes.... You have to do what makes *you* happy! Your beautiful.... life is short... You deserve to be happy and find someone that is going to treat you like the princess that you are. Easier said then done, I know... TRUST ME... But please believe me when I say you are doing the right thing.0
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Sweetheart do not be weak if he does try to contact you. You can do this. I KNOW it is so hard. I see this anguish on people daily.
But by moving on you are bettering yourself and your life.
Find a new hobby to engross yourself in.
Think how much better it will be, to be over this with a new hobby and a great life a year from now.
Rather than posting the same thread...again.
Also you can message me any time if you feel the need. I'm a pretty good listener and can give some pretty good advice.0 -
oh hon..I've been there. it's agony.
For me, I would go out with friends to try to distract myself..but no matter how much they tried to cheer me up, he was always on my mind, I would just be waiting for the night o end so I could go home and cry, because that's what I had been wanting to do all night.
Nights were torture, I would just lay in bed thinking about how much I miss him. I would look at my phone every few minutes, thinking how I was never going to hear from him again. It hurt SO bad, I always had the urge to cry 24/7.
He also emailed me trying to be friends...I never responded, deleted all his texts, and his number, and threw out everything that reminded me of him.
It took me literally one year to stop thinking about him and being depressed. And then one day I realized..I haven't thought about him all day. Now that I was out of the relationship, and I had time to heal, I started to see the glaring flaws that were in the relationship and why I was so much better off without him.
I'm so sorry your going through this honey, all I can say is it WILL get better. It will take time, and it will seem like you wil always feel this pain, but it goes away. Time heals all things.
Good luck honey!!0 -
I'm a couple of years down the track from you though my rollercoaster went for 9 years. You should be proud of yourself that you left. One thing that helped me early on was that when I was missing my ex I would think about whether it really was something about my ex that I missed, or something about being in a relationship. If it was something about being in a relationship I would know that what I was missing wasn't really my ex which helped. If it was something about my ex that I missed, I would think of 3 things that I didn't miss about him (eg his friends, his whingeing about his work, his obsession with politics etc). I just kept focussing on the stuff I didn't miss and was glad to have out of my life.0
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I went through a breakup recently with a guy I loved more than I knew I was capable of. We left in the same way, still loving each other. We decided to cut off all contact for a few months to heal. And you're right, it does feel like a death. Someone who was there all the time, someone you poured yourself into caring for, is no longer there. And you have to go through the mourning process.
Allow yourself to cry and be sad. There's probably that little girl in you that hoped for a fairy tale ending, and it hurts to have things fall apart. Don't try to logic yourself out of being upset. Feel the emotion and the pain.
And feel the anger too. I know it doesn't always come naturally, but you deserve to be treated much better! Make yourself think and make a list of the crap he put you through. I've found that the balance of anger and sadness gets me though.
Just don't try to ignore it. You'll need to process through this at one point or another, so don't bottle it up. Better to get over him sooner than later, and to do that, you'll need to go through the pain. And I don't know what you're religious beliefs are, but I've found this verse very comforting:
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Psalm 34:18. Pray to God, He hears you0 -
Yesterday I walked away from the man I love. After a year of his inability to commit and his hot and cold behaviour I left. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have never loved a man with so much passion before in my life. I feel like he died. So I am treating it like that. I am treating it as if he is dead. Is that wrong of me to do?
Any tips on how to get over him?
I Feel like I have to make this same step soon (mine being walking away from a woman) and it is killing me inside. I love her with everything that is in me, but I feel as though I will never be worthy in her eyes, so the only logical step is to remove myself froom the situation.
I actually have tears in my eyes as I type this simply because I don't want it to end this way...or end at all for that matter.0 -
Yesterday I walked away from the man I love. After a year of his inability to commit and his hot and cold behaviour I left. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have never loved a man with so much passion before in my life. I feel like he died. So I am treating it like that. I am treating it as if he is dead. Is that wrong of me to do?
Any tips on how to get over him?
I Feel like I have to make this same step soon (mine being walking away from a woman) and it is killing me inside. I love her with everything that is in me, but I feel as though I will never be worthy in her eyes, so the only logical step is to remove myself froom the situation.
I actually have tears in my eyes as I type this simply because I don't want it to end this way...or end at all for that matter.
I know how you feel. I am not mad at him or angry and i wish it ended on a bad note so I can just use that. Those times when it was good it was amazing. It was bliss it was euphoric. It just hurts and me sitting here wondering what he is doing and thinking and all that i know doesnt help but I cant help it.0 -
THANK YOU!!!! to everyone that replied. I didnt expect such a response thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm overwhelmed at your kindness to a complete stranger. THANK YOU!!!0
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Umm he's not dead...it's a ****ing breakup...be grateful you had the power to make that choice...in no way can you compare the two things...
That being said focus on you and do what's best for yourself.0 -
Umm he's not dead...it's a ****ing breakup...be grateful you had the power to make that choice...in no way can you compare the two things...
That being said focus on you and do what's best for yourself.
Well I have lost both my parents and the pain feels the same to me. So...0
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