I am in a relationship but we're not bf/gf

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peachyxoxoxo
peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
in Chit-Chat
I met this guy last September and we started a friends with benefits relationship. Initially we both agreed we weren't looking for anything more. Since then, we have slowly grown a lot closer. We go out to bars together, see movies, go to the gym together, hang out with groups of our friends, etc. So it's not like a secret or anything that we're together. We have never officially put a title on it though. Last night we were hanging out and I asked him how he describes me to people (apparently his friends always ask him what our deal is... mine ask me too) and he said he tells him we're in a relationship. Which is basically how I describe it to my friends. We're exclusive but we just don't call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend.

Is this weird? I feel like there's a preconceived notion about what a "relationship" must involve. My last relationship was super "couple-y"... we talked and texted basically every day and we became very dependent on one another. I didn't like that. I felt like I was just part of a couple, and not still my own person. In this relationship now, we only see each other once or twice a week, which we are both okay with. I don't feel like I need to talk to him constantly. I feel more independent. But I really enjoy the time we do spend together.

Replies

  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
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    sounds pretty normal to me.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    If the arrangement works for both of you, why complicate things with labels?
  • 33neenaj
    33neenaj Posts: 306
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    If the arrangement works for both of you, why complicate things with labels?

    ^THIS. Stop worrying about labels and just enjoy it
  • tazboy
    tazboy Posts: 81 Member
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    It sounds like a good "relationship" to me. You are getting what you need, whether it's company, a shoulder, an ear, and it sounds like he's getting the same being with you. There doesn't seem to be an conflict, so why worry. As long as the 2 of you know what is going on, then just go with it :)
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
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    Ok cool, glad it sounds normal to you guys! :) I guess if it's working then there's no need to push it to be something it doesn't need to be.
  • ScottyNoHotty
    ScottyNoHotty Posts: 1,954 Member
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    My wife and were FWB ( before the term was invented ) for 7 years before we moved in with each other. We've been together for 21 years now, married for 12. Don't label things. If it works ...good for you.

    P.S. Sometimes you have to prod the man into accepting that he is your "Boyfriend", my mother in law did that to me LOL
  • Coffeeholic8
    Coffeeholic8 Posts: 270 Member
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    It's working for both of you so why worry about a label or having to justify it to other people. Sounds like it's working better than many so called conventional relationships. It would be my choice for a relationship as opposed to a living in each others pockets one.
  • calvert6183
    calvert6183 Posts: 539 Member
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    Its simple, you are either in or out. Im not sure who you or him are kidding, if you are exclusive then you are a couple. People stress too much about labels instead of enjoying being with someone great. If you are happy and feel emotionally safe then there really isnt any reason to question anything. I know many who are so into labels but are never emotionally safe. Dont stress, just enjoy what you have and in time you both will grow closer.
  • legs_n_bacon
    legs_n_bacon Posts: 478 Member
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    It's working...don't worry about putting labels on it.
  • Rory_123
    Rory_123 Posts: 68 Member
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    As long as you are on the same page regarding exclusivity, etc. then labels don't matter.
  • rozsbluejay
    rozsbluejay Posts: 303 Member
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    If you're not in a relationship, then he's just not that into you
  • CaptainAmerica1970
    CaptainAmerica1970 Posts: 435
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    ilu.gif

    If you're not in a relationship, then he's just not that into you
  • calvert6183
    calvert6183 Posts: 539 Member
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    If you're not in a relationship, then he's just not that into you

    That is so not true. I know many people who are in a relationship and they are not into each other. look at the divorce rate and cheating rate. Labels or even marriage for that matter do not give anyone security and guarantee it will work out.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,064 Member
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    First, you are bf/gf, you are just choosing not to use those labels. Two people in a romantic relationship are dating, and people who are dating are bf/gf. It is just your choice to not use the label.

    But let's say that your friend/coworker told you they're from Ohio, for example, and the guy is from Ohio, and you wanted to make the connection. Would you say "the guy I'm in a relationship with is from there?" To me, it's a little weird to not say bf/gf to someone. How would you word it?
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    If you're not in a relationship, then he's just not that into you

    QFT!!!

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