Peer Pressure

hjmatthew
hjmatthew Posts: 16
in Motivation and Support
Does anyone experience peer pressure from their friends to eat and drink things that aren't on your diet?

I enjoy going out with my friends, but they often try to pressure me into drinking. I've given up drinking, for the most part, because I don't want the empty calories. But they usually say "Oh come on!" and berate me for not wanting to drink. I don't want to stay home and not spend time with my friends, but does anyone have any tips for deflecting the pressure?

I usually try to politely decline, or use excuses like having to drive home, or that I don't want to drink, but they always give me a hard time anyways.

Thanks!

Replies

  • McLifterPants
    McLifterPants Posts: 457 Member
    Go up to the bar without them and get a tonic water with lime or a diet coke. Some nice bartenders will even put it in a cocktail tumbler for you if you ask. Usually as long as you're holding and sipping on something, no one will question what it is!
  • 75Juniper
    75Juniper Posts: 376
    I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like you need new friends. If you are saying you don't want to and they aren't respecting it - are those really the people you want as your friends?
  • cathiaflock
    cathiaflock Posts: 112 Member
    I would just come out and tell them that you enjoy their company but for them to stop pressuring you. Tell them your goals and you are sticking to them. Best of luck!
  • tequila09
    tequila09 Posts: 764 Member
    When I go out and don't want to drink I just get a diet coke! But usually when I knownim going out I try to have room for at least one drink.
  • EnergyYesPlease
    EnergyYesPlease Posts: 104
    I have had this problem plenty of times, and I am just blunt and honest with my friends, if they want to keep pressuring me on drinking when I don't want to then I inform them that I will no longer 'go out' if alcohol is around so we can avoid a dispute about me saying no and you telling me different.
    Your friends shouldn't be pressuring you anyways, I would ask a friend once and if they say no then I change the subject or ask them if they don't mind that I have a drink then but if they do mind then I don't at all to be respectful.
  • Lkoblara
    Lkoblara Posts: 137 Member
    Let em give you a hard time... as adults the concept of feeling pressured by peers is silly. I've never been a big drinker, my friends know this and know that no amount of razzing is going to change that. Don't let people talk you into anything that you don't want to do. It's as simple as that. Tell them to get over it.
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
    I have the same issue right now with drinks and with food. If my order is a little bit longer where I'm asking for things on the side or to swap out bread for a salad then my friends will give me crap for it and tell me I need to order whatever I want. For drinks I usually have vodka with tonic and do just one so I don't worry about a lot of empty calories. Maybe they're wondering if you can really stick it out? Stick to your guns though and be firm. If you do decide to get a drink at some point, thnk of it ahead of time before you go out.
  • myukniewicz
    myukniewicz Posts: 906 Member
    No, my friends don't pressure me to drink or eat things I shouldn't. It's actually ME who has lack of motivation when I am out w/ my friends. I'll tell myself "no melissa, no drinking... order a salad" but it usually never actually works. Im so programmed that going out w/ my friends means "party" after years of not caring about my weight that i just revert back to my old ways.
  • AshRyd
    AshRyd Posts: 126 Member
    Go up to the bar without them and get a tonic water with lime or a diet coke. Some nice bartenders will even put it in a cocktail tumbler for you if you ask. Usually as long as you're holding and sipping on something, no one will question what it is!

    I do this a lot - it isn't so much peer pressure as some just want to include you in the round being bought, if i keep a full glass it is just easier to pass without a lot of questions.
  • bfronczak
    bfronczak Posts: 2
    I have definitely done the diet coke or cranberry juice thing. But in all reality I know that when I am out with my friends, I WANT to drink. So I just try to plan accordingly on weeks that I know I have an outing. Since alcohol is mostly empty carbohydrate calories, I skip the bread and pasta that day and maybe have fruit and yogurt for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a turkey wrap and vegetables for dinner. That way I don't have to feel guilty or deny the temptation.
  • TiaWer
    TiaWer Posts: 9
    I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like you need new friends. If you are saying you don't want to and they aren't respecting it - are those really the people you want as your friends?

    I agree with this. I would tell your friends that you don't want to drink and to stop pressuring you to do something that you do not want to. I would be extemely upset with my friends if they pressured me to do something like this, especially if they know how dedicated I am about getting healthy.
  • creech6317
    creech6317 Posts: 869 Member
    I've been doing this "new lifestyle" since Feb/12 and at first I got a bit of flack. I used to be quite a drinker (nearly every weekend getting drunk and going out drinking), that is where most people have noticed something different about me. I may go out every couple of months now, and when I do I only have one or two drinks.
    I had a friend write me a note one time. It said that Iwas excused from counting my calories for the weekend, and two of my friends signed it. It was a joke (and it was funny), but overall my friends have been really supportive about it. If anything they are curious and ask me about it.
    I love telling my friends about MFP, it has made this so much easier and I feel I will most likely get to my goal weight.
  • cbeutler
    cbeutler Posts: 667 Member
    It probably has more to do with being 25 than anything else. I try and plan ahead for these situations but I do enjoy a drink. The suggestions to get a pop or tonic will work, ask for it in a short glass. If that doesn't work offer to be dd or just tell them they are acting like bullies.
  • rjdeyes
    rjdeyes Posts: 4
    i did go thru the same thing - actually they would do it just to test out how dedicated I am when it comes to drinking/eating or basically taking in extra calories/carbs

    I considered this as a big test for myself...saying no to free beer is not an easy task (at least when I started) - after awhil;e they got used to it and I actually "pressured" them for eating right/better :)

    If they are your friends, they will understand it :)
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    I had to severe my connections with old friends.
    Consider that.
    Nature abhors a vacuum, so expect that other like-mined people will fill that void.
    Like attracts like.
    My fat friends all were threatened by my weight loss and new healthy lifestyle - very jealous! They seethed with envy.
    And every chance they got to get me to stray, they did.
    Think of this:
    When a single crab is put into a lidless bucket, they surely can and will escape. However, when more than one share a bucket, none can get out. If one crab elevates herself above all, the others will grab this crab and drag'em back down to share the mutual fate of the rest of the group.
    No more of that!
    I have new friends on the same page with a common interest in health and fitness.
    Life is GREAT fit - miserable fat, and I don't miss the old crowd one bit.
  • michele2224
    michele2224 Posts: 36
    I think it depends on you, I went to my brother's the other night I avoided the pizza and the desert stuck to my diet and the minute he brought the cards & drinks out I got weak and I said ok, I have enough calories left for 1 vodka drink, and guess what 2 and almost a 3rd drink later I felt the guilt and was now mad at myself since they both told me oh what is it going to hurt its the weekend.

    Well now I have to be strong and either stick to NO, or do not go anymore if I am that weak, either way people should respect.
  • bsix3
    bsix3 Posts: 291
    I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like you need new friends. If you are saying you don't want to and they aren't respecting it - are those really the people you want as your friends?

    ^^^ i agree with this.
  • rdy2lose
    rdy2lose Posts: 106
    ABSOLUTELY, all the time and my friends are mostly 40+. No one likes to drink or eat bad foods or misbehave by themselves, so they try to make you do it to. Then they don't feel bad about themselves. The thing is, when they gain weight or do something stupid they will feel bad. Don't be that person, I like the idea of getting a diet coke or tonic water, they don't have to know what you are drinking or volunteer to be the DD, then you can't drink more than 1 drink.

    Either that or find other things to do besides going to bars. Tell them you want to go hiking or do something outdoors. If you do drink go dancing and burn off the calories.

    Good luck!
  • michelle2482
    michelle2482 Posts: 33 Member
    I would suggest finding ways to spend time with your friends away from a bar! If that is at all feasible among your group ;)
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
    I would quite honestly be annoyed with my friends and be real up front with them. It sounds like you haven't explained your diet to them. Do it. And if they still harass you, you need to make the personal choice if you want to continue spending so much time with them. Don't be weak.
  • hjmatthew
    hjmatthew Posts: 16
    Thanks for all the advice!! I think I'll try the tonic water with a lime. They are usually fine at first, but once they get a few drinks in them, they start to pressure. I agree with a lot of you that they don't understand the drive to lose weight, or they are jealous that you are actually committing to something!

    Unfortunately, a lot of it has to do with girls, who can be catty and spiteful at their core. Not that my friends are, but I think seeing a friend get into great shape can make a few green monsters turn their heads.
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
    Think of this:
    When a single crab is put into a lidless bucket, they surely can and will escape. However, when more than one share a bucket, none can get out. If one crab elevates herself above all, the others will grab this crab and drag'em back down to share the mutual fate of the rest of the group.

    GREAT way to look at it!
  • alexluong
    alexluong Posts: 24 Member
    i know this thread is more about peer pressure and not the alcohol itself, but here's a good read:

    http://www.leangains.com/2010/07/truth-about-alcohol-fat-loss-and-muscle.html

    alcohol won't stop you from reaching your goals! ;)
  • SilverStar13
    SilverStar13 Posts: 4
    I second HannahOM. Get your own drink without them by!
  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
    No, my friends don't pressure me to drink or eat things I shouldn't. It's actually ME who has lack of motivation when I am out w/ my friends. I'll tell myself "no melissa, no drinking... order a salad" but it usually never actually works. Im so programmed that going out w/ my friends means "party" after years of not caring about my weight that i just revert back to my old ways.

    This is me to a tee :D That's why I've only lost 4 pounds in 2.5 months with the "weekday diet" My intentions are for moderation but once I'm out it's pizza and booze, and my weak voiced diet fairy has been flicked off my shoulder into a corner, left there to fester until I apologetically grovel like the abusive partner I am Monday morning ready to rekindle our relationship.

    As for OP, there's been some good tips on just ordering diet coke and faking that it's boozles, I know it's frustrating but I bet it's because your friends think your perfect the way you are and prob to a certain extent it's the booze talking, I know it seems dishonest but it saves some light hearted ripping (I'm assuming light hearted but annoying) If it's actual bullying then yeah don't hang out with those guys. Alternatively have a word outside of the pub atmosphere? Alternatively alternatively lie that you have liver disease and drink might hospitalise you.... maybe not the last one.

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