Kid in new school - how long acceptable to feel uncomf?

Laceylala
Laceylala Posts: 3,094 Member
in Chit-Chat
My daughter has been in a new school for five weeks now. Her old private school that she'd gone to for three years closed and we had to find her a new one. We thought putting her in the summer program would help her make friends before she started first grade at the same school, as 95% of the kids are there during the summer as well as the teachers.

Gracie is a very happy, pretty outgoing child. Every morning I drop her off she would sit in the corner chair watching all the kids if I didn't get her to a table with coloring supplies. This is not like her. I feel like the kids there are pretty standoffish (in that they aren't just coming up to her and talking to her) and I know there is an adjustment period at any new school. But I feel like by now she should feel more comfortable you know? The head of the school says that while school is in in the mornings she is happy doing her work with other kids, but I know in the afternoons she and another girl from her old school struggle and tend to isolate themselves because they still feel uncomfortable. I've asked for help from the teachers to encourage other kids to play with them, etc. And have also asked Gracie to make an effort too..but it just keeps lingering.

My question is...how long is it okay for this to continue? Is this normal in a new school situation? I hate to see her like this, it isn't her nature. But I can't tell if this is "normal" or if it just me being too overly protective.

Replies

  • Laceylala
    Laceylala Posts: 3,094 Member
    ANyone?
  • jenlarz
    jenlarz Posts: 813 Member
    That's a hard one. My older son is in 3rd and has never had a new school and the other is just going to Kindergarten. Maybe once the regular school year starts things will change.
  • CarleyLovesPets
    CarleyLovesPets Posts: 410 Member
    This is weird.
    I remember I was the new kid in grade one, and I was like the shiny new toy.
    Almost everyone wanted to play with me, sit next to me, etc.

    The new kid thing doesn't really become a problem until like grade 5+ since the kids already started making their groups and they single out the new kid.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Can you get her involved in something? A sports team or anything where she will interact with her new classmates? Girl Scouts? A club?

    I was painfully shy and a very lonesome kid. It was high school before I got involved on dance team, and my social life changed a LOT because of that.
  • tdmcmains
    tdmcmains Posts: 227 Member
    How old is she?
  • GlitterMamma11
    GlitterMamma11 Posts: 143 Member
    What do you think of this school? If it is really out of her character I would wonder if something else is going on? (bullying, bad teacher ect) Have you sat down with her teacher and the principal and talked about this?
    It could be that it may just take some time. Especially if she really liked where she was before. I've known kids like that and they ended up being fine. (I volunteer in my kids school a lot) Hopefully she will get comfortable there soon!
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    My kindergartener switched schools half way through the year last year. It took a few months easily to get him into the new routine and to feel comfortable with his new friends and new school. Give her some time to adjust and just make it really easy for her to talk to you about it. Help her brainstorm ways that she can interact with the other kids. It is a huge adjustment for kids that age.
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
    This is also a concern for me. My daughter and I are moving to a new state next month and she will be going from private school to public school as a result. She is outgoing for the most part especially if she discovers she has something in common with someone else.

    Maybe your kiddo just needs to find one new friend with similar interests. See if there are any clubs or groups within the school.

    I was always the shy one growing up and it wasn't until middle school that I developed a core group of friends....which I am still close with.

    Best of luck to you both.
  • robin52077
    robin52077 Posts: 4,383 Member
    We switched states when my son was 5. He went to daycare/pre-K in Massachusetts, we moved to Maine in September, didn't settle on a house right away so I didn't know which school to start him at. He started kindergarten in November, blended RIGHT in almost instantly.

    So it may be a personality difference issue? Or maybe the kids there aren't friendly? But I did not have the same experience you are having....
  • xarge
    xarge Posts: 484 Member
    I was a quiet child but I never had problems with making friends as I was always protective and maternal (thanks to my little sister). When I was 8, my family had to move so I had to change schools. I remember the first day of school, I was sick with anxiety-which wasn't something ever happened to me, and a week I was sick in bed and didn't go to school. The sudden change of the environment I got used to (I grew up in that town we moved from, had all my childhood friends etc) was too much for me. It took me a month to get used to it but I eventually did with the help of my mom and teacher.

    I'm sure most kids go through that period of adjustment, some has it easier, some harder. In time she will get used to it :)
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    Depends on the age, but it is not uncommon for the adjustment period to last a full semester.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I wouldn't worry too much about it because this is the summer program where kids who were together for Kindergarten are probably still all together for the summer. For first grade they will probably be shuffled around some and have to make new friends amongst their new classmates.
  • kris10stew
    kris10stew Posts: 38 Member
    It can last a while. I found that connecting my kids to other kids in the class outside of school really helped them.
  • Tesh25
    Tesh25 Posts: 56 Member
    That's a difficult one to answer. Each child is different and each adjustment period will be different also. Give her time, she will could out of her shell when she is ready.
  • _GingerSnap_
    _GingerSnap_ Posts: 339 Member
    I went through this with my oldest and would cry the entire way to work-me not her. Once I expressed my concerns to the teacher (this was kindergarden) she made it a point to include my daughter in the activities. Did the director of the program give any advice?
    She might do better once the actual school year starts. I know the summer program for my daughters has some structure but not like they offer in a classroom.
  • Laceylala
    Laceylala Posts: 3,094 Member
    She is going to be six on September 7th. I know change when you've gone to a fantastic school for three years can be hard. This is also a private school but a bit bigger. The people who run the school are much more lax about everything (like I didn't pay for three weeks and I finally had to ask who to give the check I'd had in my wallet to). They didn't bother to call me when her sandal broke and let her walk around on wood chips, hot pavement and everything else for the rest of the day...Last week there was an incident where she was outside with another girl without supervision, I screamed about that one and then told the head of the school what my expectations of the school were and the next day things seemed to be better for her and she was actually happy to go back the next day. Like the teachers made an effort to help integrate her more but htis morning it was back to same old...I don't know if it was just an after the weekend thing or what. I will see how she is tonight.
  • Laceylala
    Laceylala Posts: 3,094 Member
    I went through this with my oldest and would cry the entire way to work-me not her. Once I expressed my concerns to the teacher (this was kindergarden) she made it a point to include my daughter in the activities. Did the director of the program give any advice?
    She might do better once the actual school year starts. I know the summer program for my daughters has some structure but not like they offer in a classroom.

    The director was sympathetic but his only real advice was that once she starts first grade it will be better as it is more organized and she would be with those kids all the time so it will be easier on her. I know that summer schools anywhere are kind of crazy so I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt but man...what a PIFA.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    if that was my child, i would take her out of that school right away. they break basic rules concerning child safety (lack of footwear & being outside unattended) and your child is deeply unhappy. for that much to go wrong in 5 weeks is a serious alarm bell.

    she would be better off in a good public school than a badly run private school.
  • MrsRawwwr
    MrsRawwwr Posts: 166 Member
    Five weeks is a long time to not feel part of the group. Kindergarteners do tend to get attached to each other, and I would expect things to get better once first grade starts. But, as a teacher, it's important to keep tabs on the social life of a new student. Have you tried talking to the teacher, or have you just spoken to the head? To be honest, communication is not always ideal between admin and teachers. What I do, if a student is new to my room, is pair him or her with another student from my class whose personality will mesh well, and who I know will be a good influence. :smile: Maybe speak with her teacher about your concerns, (yes, even if you already have) and ask if there is a student that your daughter could be paired up with? Furthermore, I would ask the teacher to take your place as the one coaxing your daughter into joining activities during the first part of the day, as I've found this tends to help the students feel a bit more independent as well. And really, it would show your daughter her teacher wants her to be part of the group as well. Good luck, I truly wish all parents were as attentive as you. :flowerforyou:
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    Neglect by teachers is an entirely different situation.
  • Mels707
    Mels707 Posts: 101
    Outside at that age without supervision. My kid would NOT be going back.

    As for the integration issue...my daughter is a little younger (4), but she is currently at summer camp at the same place and with the same kids she was in preschool with last year, and there still has been an adjustment period. Kids are such creatures of habit, for many of them it can take a while to feel secure in a new place/routine.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    Can you get her involved in something? A sports team or anything where she will interact with her new classmates? Girl Scouts? A club?

    I was painfully shy and a very lonesome kid. It was high school before I got involved on dance team, and my social life changed a LOT because of that.

    I agree with this. All throughout my childhood, class was never conductive to me making friends. I was better in one-on-one situations. I had friends from Girl Scouts and in college, it was people on my dorm floor.
  • tdmcmains
    tdmcmains Posts: 227 Member
    Agree that being left unattended is a deal-breaker. I would find another school.
    Absent that, I don't think it's unusual for a child her age to be uncomfortable in a new school for several weeks, even a month or two. it's hard adjusting to a new place. But it doesn't sound like the teachers/administrators are very concerned about her safety or comfort and that is a big red flag.

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