Motivating your so

knumommi
knumommi Posts: 29 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I am a newbie when it comes to eating right and dieting. Its been about two weeks now and I am learning so much. Now that I am finally doing something about my weight I'm becoming critical of my fiance because he listens to me most of the time when i spout off new facts and tips I just learned or one of those "omg theres x amount of calories in this", but he hasn't really jumped in with me to loose weight.

He has severe asthma, he uses a nebulizer twice a day an inhaler and advair. He also has severe arthritis and some kind of deterioration in his foot. These are his excuses for not walking with me or wanting to do anything physical outside with me and my son just to get out of the house park etc.

I really want him to lose weight with me, when we met he was like 170ish I think, He's 5'6 and has very broad shoulders and muscular legs, but a huge middle. I love him all the same but I don't know how to encourage him to start counting his calories or start eating better. I think he's almost up to 230 or so, and I know it is really unhealthy for him because diabetes runs in the family, and he usually just starves himself and has very bad self esteem about his weight.

BTW he hates, hates vegetables except for corn and beans, i can't even put onions in any dishes. So usually we eat together and end up with some kind of starch and protein, and thats about it for him. I have been eating smaller portions and adding fruits and vegs to my dinners but can't get him to do the same.

What can I do?

Replies

  • knumommi
    knumommi Posts: 29 Member
    anyone please?
  • magerum
    magerum Posts: 12,589 Member
    It's a choice he has to make on his own. My SO watched me drop my weight over the last year and hasn't changed a thing on her end yet. You can't force someone, just hope they decide to join you.
  • SafioraLinnea
    SafioraLinnea Posts: 628 Member
    I'm not sure you'll be happy to hear this, but I'm going to put it out there gently and hope you are okay with the answer.

    No matter how supportive, amazing and encouraging you are to your fiance, unless he truly wants to make the lifestyle change, he won't be successful at it. It is very clear that you love him and want to be able to support him in making the change, but until he reaches that magic point of truly wanting it for himself, your efforts are most likely not going to come to anything.

    The only person you are going to be able to change is yourself and that is a really difficult thing. I'm not saying you should stop hoping, but accepting that he is responsible for his own health and food choices will really help you be successful with your own journey. Love him and encourage him, and maybe he will come to realize for himself how important it is for him to be healthy.
  • rmhand
    rmhand Posts: 1,067 Member
    Be sure you express your concern about his health and make sure he knows what he can do to make a change.
  • maroonmango211
    maroonmango211 Posts: 908 Member
    Some days I feel stressed because my SO hasn't jumped on the health wagon either. Its hard when he almost seems jealous of my motivation but at the same time he'll have a bowl of ice cream after supper or extra creamer in his coffee and look at me like he wins. I do really wish he wanted to get fit as much as I do, but like magerum said its always their own choice.

    The only thing we really can do is voice that WE ourselves want to make that change and that we would appreciate if they didn't stand in the way of that. Hopefully over time they'll see how happy we are with our results and want to change as well.
  • gauchogirl
    gauchogirl Posts: 467 Member
    What helped for me was to just take care of myself and when it had been long enough, and I was having good success, my husband just started noticing and caring about HIMSELF and started to make his own changes. It helped to not make a big deal about it, like almost not comment on it, but just show by example. When he sees you making improvement it's natural for him to eventually want to improve himself as well. I'd say be patient. It took 7 MONTHS before my husband started, on his own, and now he's down 35 lbs since about February. No one wants to be told what they "should" be doing, he has to want to do it himself.
  • 2012asv
    2012asv Posts: 702 Member
    I'm not sure you'll be happy to hear this, but I'm going to put it out there gently and hope you are okay with the answer.

    No matter how supportive, amazing and encouraging you are to your fiance, unless he truly wants to make the lifestyle change, he won't be successful at it. It is very clear that you love him and want to be able to support him in making the change, but until he reaches that magic point of truly wanting it for himself, your efforts are most likely not going to come to anything.

    The only person you are going to be able to change is yourself and that is a really difficult thing. I'm not saying you should stop hoping, but accepting that he is responsible for his own health and food choices will really help you be successful with your own journey. Love him and encourage him, and maybe he will come to realize for himself how important it is for him to be healthy.

    ^This, I have accepted it with my husb. as well.... although I do STRONGLY encourage (force) healthy food in my house. Basically, no crap is coming into my kitchen :)

    He knows if he wants to eat junk he'll have to go WAY out of his way to do it. But I've began making some delicious healthy food and snacks and he's really taking a liking to it. I also have a 4 year old to convince! Don't give up! :) Sometimes it's hard to convince people because they just don't "know" any different. It may take time and plenty of effort but there are a million recipes out there... doesn't hurt to try!
  • gatorginger
    gatorginger Posts: 947 Member
    My husband just recently started doing this because he saw how easy it was for me to lose weight. He needs to know he can lose weight without exercise and eating the foods he loves but in moderation and maybe that will help him want to give it a try. Once a person loses weight they usually become more active. Just be the example and when he sees how great your doing he just might want to join you :}
  • kmm7309
    kmm7309 Posts: 802 Member
    I'm going to be honest, and this may or may not work, but my husband didn't really have a choice.

    I do the grocery shopping and the food preparations. Whatever I cook, he eats. There just isn't a lot of access to junk food here, unless he goes out of his way to get some. And sometimes he does, but sometimes he doesn't. I *do* pack his lunch, and he does get sun chips or baked chips to munch on, and other better options that are still "snacky".

    My husband has the right at any time to wake up early to stop by a fast food restaurant and buy food, and then eat his food cold later that day. He has every opportunity. But honestly, he doesn't want to get up early, and he can't leave his job site for hot food during his shift, so he just takes my healthy lunch and eats it. It works for everyone.

    In the mean time, the simple changes I've made have greatly impacted more areas of our lives than health. By making his lunch every day, such a small gesture (that I do while making my own lunch), we save money, have more variety, and a stronger bond. My husband's old-fashioned, and the six-year stand off between our roles in the home is over. When I started packing his lunch, he finally went and found a better job that pays enough for me to be a stay-at-home wife and full time student.

    Odd, I know, but awesome!
  • rebeccasedwards
    rebeccasedwards Posts: 208
    I have the same problem. Sadly until they want to make a change there is little you can do. I do fix healthier meals and put them on the table. But I can't change snacking habits or eating out choices. Sorry keep it up and mybe some of the changes will will take effect. Mine has walked with me but struggled afterwards with pain. So he doesn't anymore.
  • knumommi
    knumommi Posts: 29 Member
    Thank you everyone,

    What everyone said about forcing him, he is very much the rebellious type, i will just have to be patient and hope my efforts rub off.

    The lunches are a great idea!! His breakfast is usually red bull and fast food for lunch, if I can help him with those things by doing it for him, I'm sure his day would go better.

    I definitely need to find some new recipes to 'hide' the good stuff in. My 3 year old has a diet much like my so, its so sad, but he is getting the right nutrients, just not trying new food.
  • vallemic
    vallemic Posts: 278 Member
    What helped for me was to just take care of myself and when it had been long enough, and I was having good success, my husband just started noticing and caring about HIMSELF and started to make his own changes. It helped to not make a big deal about it, like almost not comment on it, but just show by example. When he sees you making improvement it's natural for him to eventually want to improve himself as well. I'd say be patient. It took 7 MONTHS before my husband started, on his own, and now he's down 35 lbs since about February. No one wants to be told what they "should" be doing, he has to want to do it himself.

    This is kind of what happened at home too! He didn't jump on the bandwagon right away. I half think he thought I would give up after a few weeks. But once a few months went by and he saw real results, he started to cut back too. I never asked him to or even suggested it. He just started up on his own and now it's great... we both eat healthy and feel great!
  • MostlyWater
    MostlyWater Posts: 4,294 Member
    You will be resented if you become The Food Police or The Exercise Police. Believe me !

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