How do you react to harshness?

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ChaCha9904
ChaCha9904 Posts: 20 Member
in Motivation and Support
Do you find harsh people motivational? I have a friend who is working on being a trainer and recently started a conversation with him about habits and work outs. Though he has a lot of knowledge to offer, he has a tendency to come off as judgmental and I don't find it very motivating. In fact, it makes me want to rebel.

I don't mind having honest conversations especially when I acknowledge a lot of my bad habits but putting down volleyball at every turn (my motivation behind working out since I play competitively) among other things...well...it makes me want to eat a large pizza and drink a 12-pack. Is there a difference between honesty and judgment? I just don't think making people feel bad about themselves works as motivation. I mean, the reason we have food issues is because we already feel bad about something. It seems counterproductive, no? Or am I being too sensitive?

Replies

  • georgeinthecord
    georgeinthecord Posts: 84 Member
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    I think everyone is different. I also do NOT do well with harshness, unless it is from myself... I am REALLY harsh on myself, but that is different than an outsider.

    The perfect example, from my past, is football. We had a coach and he was really harsh... some people really took to it and were motivated, either out of fear, respect or whatever, but some people totally checked out. So, I guess it does work, but it's definitely not for everyone. Just like everyone doesn't need to be pat on the back and have their butt kissed at every turn.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,121 Member
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    I tend to shut down and break off the friendship.

    Some people are good at "comebacks" - and that seems to work too.
  • SaundraU
    SaundraU Posts: 77
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    It depends for me. If I'm having a bad day the "truth and utterly honest" comments are not helpful but I tell you it took my husband really being honest and harsh to get me to really look at things and be honest with myself.

    Now the volleyball comments hes making aren't honest and truth, volleyball as well as any activity is helpful to the body, burns calories, and uses different muscles.
  • jrditt
    jrditt Posts: 239 Member
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    I have two friends that are super harsh. Basically told me that I will never slim down with weight training and I am wasting my time.

    I try to just shake it off and remind myself that no one knows everything and that they aren't trying to hurt my feelings or anything. You could also just say "I don't really want to hear it"
  • knumommi
    knumommi Posts: 29 Member
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    I wouldn't say you are overly sensitive. I think people react to different kinds of motivation. Some people need very little, and can do things by self motivation, some can do it with positive support from friends and then there's people that need almost the opposite ( like the screaming put you down kinda coaches). I never really understood those kind of trainers, but some people can hit rock bottom and know they want to change but still dont get off there butts.

    I don't think you should put up with the negativity from this person, I would let them know that what you do works for you and if they don't have anything nice to say then don't.
  • abelle206
    abelle206 Posts: 5
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    Prove them wrong. =) It should actually give you more motivation to do so. I have so many negative people but it just makes me prove them wrong and I have. Good luck! =)
  • abelle206
    abelle206 Posts: 5
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    Toxic "friends"!
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    I tend to cry. :sad:

    I would never make it in the army. :laugh:
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
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    I react with sarcasm, I prefer positive reinforcement
  • jpuderbaugh
    jpuderbaugh Posts: 318 Member
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    I tend to cry. :sad:

    I would never make it in the army. :laugh:

    Ditto!
  • kmm7309
    kmm7309 Posts: 802 Member
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    I like harsh trainers. My trainer on Monday was very mild... "just stop if you need a break", "do you need to stop?", "do you need a minute?"

    I noticed that when he said these things, my motivation waned a bit. I guess he was reinforcing my desire to stop.

    It would have been better if he was more harsh.
  • LaurySch
    LaurySch Posts: 277 Member
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    Depends on who it is that is trying to motivate me with harshness - there are a very few people who it would work for me. And if this person wants to be a personal trainer, I'd think they would learn that everyone is different and you may need to take a different approach with different people. And if this is a friend - wow. They should know you well enough to see that what they're saying is hurtful, not encouraging. Just my 2 cents.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    Personally, if somebody is harsh or judgemental I reply very harshly and I know for a fact that my words can hurt alot. I don't hold back for people who're rude ot me.

    My trainer was a kind person and while I had to bite my lips to not cuss at her because she would literally kill me during workouts, she was never harsh, she never denied me rest infact one or 2 times she told me to take extra rest since she thought I needed it. But then again, I used to give her 110% of my effort too.
  • vjrose
    vjrose Posts: 809 Member
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    Harshness just makes me cheesed off, I used to cry, now I just want to get even, lol. If there are people in my life like that I tend to avoid them like the plague.
  • ChaCha9904
    ChaCha9904 Posts: 20 Member
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    Good thoughts everyone. I just don't like being treated like I'm dumb. I am perfectly aware that I can't rely on just volleyball to keep me in shape and I'm also aware that drinking beer won't give me a six pack...thanks for the not so new info...
  • QueenGorgo
    QueenGorgo Posts: 75 Member
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    If someone is going to be a professional trainer it would be in their best interest to be able to balance being motivating with understanding what works best for their client. I had a trainer that asked me on day one, how do you respond best- with a tough approach or a kinder approach and I told him I like to be pushed but not belittled...you should never feel like you're a failure with a good trainer..they can push you hard and make you go further than you think you can go but I great trainer can motivate you to WANT to keep going..

    As for friends, family or outsiders- if they feel the need to offer advice or negativity- I invite them to step into the madness..if they want to talk trash they can come lift right next to me..but I kindly let them know..if I don't see you then...I don't need to hear from you now..but I always remember people respond negatively out of a place of fear and insecurity..
  • MostlyWater
    MostlyWater Posts: 4,294 Member
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    No - I don't want a trainer who's going to holler and me and punish me with pushups. I need a cheerleader !

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