Motivation Needed

I am in desperate need of some motivation/ inspiriation. I know much of it has to come from "within" but I need help finding it. I thought I was doing very well- the past week I was getting up every morning and taking my 2 dogs for a 2 mile walk, then after work I would take them for another. I haven't lost any weight- but I have been feeling better, and just said I would keep going and working towards it- because the weight wasn't going to fall off over night. I gained 40 lbs in 4 years- I won't lose it over night.

My husband comes to me this morning and tells me- you should join a gym- this walking thing is not working for you. (he has gained 75 lbs in the past 4 years) and says I need to do it as well. i am not a gym fan- I hate working out in front of people.

I am so discouraged- I dont know what to do! Help please

Replies

  • Kimmer2011
    Kimmer2011 Posts: 569 Member
    I've lost almost 150 pounds doing nothing more than walking and eating better. I have no interest in joining a gym. Congrats on making better choices for yourself. Keep it up! Remember that this is about your health overall.
  • simeson
    simeson Posts: 10 Member
    Do you think that you feel "lost" right now because of what your husband said and how he said it?? IF you have been feeling better all week with the dog walking and then he said the gym comment then perhaps the issue is that you should tell him that you feel that comment wasn't very supportive of you.
    If he needs to get moving then have him walk WITH you or tell him you'll support him joining the gym but its just not for you?
    Its a tough call.

    If you aren't seeing the numbers moving just yet watch your sodium intake and make sure you're drinking A LOT of water!! Keep at it girl and remember...you're doing this for YOU not your hubby!
    Feel free to friend me if you want a cheerleader :)
  • Rachlmale
    Rachlmale Posts: 640 Member
    I joined a week ago and I plan to lose the weight through eating healthily, walking my puppy and doing the odd bit of exercise here and there. I lost 8lbs in my first week so I'd say it definitely does work.

    I joined a gym last year, it didn't interest me whatsoever and I wasted a hell of a lot of money (didn't lose any weight either). If you're not sure whether you'll use it, don't; there are plenty of ways it can work for you!!

    Best of luck xx
  • fittertanme
    fittertanme Posts: 259 Member
    your so right about not losing it all overnight but give it time and you will get to your goal weight and feel so much better if you want to join a gym then thats fine or if your happy waking or running or just keeping busy is just as good its about movment and not keeping the couch happy
  • meglynne1987
    meglynne1987 Posts: 382 Member
    I do not like to work out in front of people either, so I bought an elliptical from a yard sale and put it in my basement. Little by little, mostly from yard sales, i have aquired my own home gym, nothing fancy... but i can now work out in my home anytime i please. And I don't have to pay monthly to do it.

    Maybe you need to crank up cardio, add a jog in your walk every couple minutes.

    The only thing preventing you from getting rid of weight is yourself! In my case, I had to NEED it not want it.
  • DJ1163
    DJ1163 Posts: 1
    I think if you are not a gym person, then this is something you are not going to "stick" to.

    I don't know how your health is, but I would suggest maybe adding another mile to your walk and see if this helps? Or take a different route than you normally do. I dont' know if you are walking a flat road or up hills/down hills? This maybe something that could be changed to give your body more of a work out and I am sure your dogs would enjoy the time with you as well. :)

    Hang in there and don't give up~ :)
  • Ripcode
    Ripcode Posts: 142 Member
    Join the gym as a couple.
  • rmrpender
    rmrpender Posts: 16
    Keep up the good work. Since you are feeling better you must be doing something right. Remember to do this for your health - sometimes the numbers are slow to move, but hang in there. My numbers are not going down at the rate I'd like them to either...

    As for the gym, tell your husband that you support his decision to join, but that you feel it is not for you at this time. If he wants you to join so he has an exercise "buddy" maybe you could do something together such as hiking or biking in a park, walking the dogs together. He may feel he needs to join the gym because he just can't get motivated at home. I know that if I don't get to the gym, the chances of me working out are pretty slim - I either find things that need to be done at home, or there's something on TV I'd rather watch. Anyway, talk to him about it.

    Good luck and don't get discouraged about the numbers on the scale.
  • Well.....I do belong to a gym, haven't been there since November 2011 (although I'm still paying for it - duh) and have lost 33 lbs since November! I've done 30 DS, RI30' and 3 days left of KBT - all from the comfort and convenience of my home! I plateaued for a couple of months so I started walking and I'm losing again! Walking is great. You really have to find something you enjoy doing as it needs to be a life-long commitment. You can do it - be patient and committed!
  • allyemo1985
    allyemo1985 Posts: 14 Member
    i hear you.... it does come from within, But I put the same amount on in the same time as you, I hate the gym, but I found a gym with ladies section, I enrolled to have a personal trainer too, And do you know what i actually love it, the feeling of pleasure i get from seeing myself sooo sweaty means i actually burned calories. in my first week i lost 4.2 lb. Walking wont help you burn fat you need to run if you can anything that ups the heart beat as when you do you burn calories and fat comes off, joining the gym will help you tone and keep muscle becuase if you under eat your burn muscle instead of fat, so its very technical, add my on here allyemo1985 and ill support you :) i have a goal of as much as i can loose by novemer 16th when i go on my first cruise. You'll be able to see my diary so can get meal recipes support ideas too. dont give in cos if you do you'll comfort eat and put more weight on. lets do this together :)
  • earlyxer
    earlyxer Posts: 240 Member
    Lweber -

    I could cheerlead and say keep doing what you're doing - but it's not working, so why go that way?

    You wouldn't build a house just by grabbing some lumber and nails. You wouldn't bake a cake just by taking some ingredients in the pantry and throwing them together. That's just guessing.

    You need a plan. Then you have to adhere to it.

    This VERY FIRST thing you need to do is determine how many calories a day you should be eating. MFP's recommendation is an okay place to start, you can fine tune it later. MFP's protein/carb/fat ration is NOT a good place to start - too much carb. Take their calorie recommendation and manually change the ratio to 40/40/20. A high protein diet is essential to fat loss.

    The next thing you need is a goal. Weighing such and such pounds is not really much of a goal, it's a guess. Body fat percentage is a quantifiable goal. Women ought to be in the 20% range, 16% if you want nice abs. Buy a body fat caliper, Accumeasure is available online for less than $10.

    Finally, you need a fitness plan that isn't something stupid like The Ab Rocker. There are plenty available - Beach Body's P90 or Slim in 6, Jillian Michaels, etc. That will take the guesswork out of your exercise regimen. AVOID any plan that says it's going to put you on the cover of Women's Health with only 20 minutes a day, 3 days a week. That's BS. If it were that easy, everyone would look great.

    That's it - it's simple. It's just not easy.

    Good luck!
  • kfass
    kfass Posts: 5
    I am going to hope that maybe your husband was trying to be supportive and it just didn't come out right. Guys tend to want to fix the problem and can sometimes ignore all the work we have already put in.

    I, like you, hated working out in front of others. Going to the gym full of fit and beautiful people when you have 40+ lbs to lose can be terribly intimidating. I just recently started going to our local gym with a friend. They have a theater room that is dark and plays a movie (its crazy loud, so no one can hear me huffing and puffing or my legs slapping together! haha) I dont feel confident enough to work out with all the beautiful people, but I am getting there!

    Keep walking. Keep eating right. You WILL lose the weight. Don't let anyone defeat you. You have to find where you are comfortable. Don't give up!
  • cjosenga
    cjosenga Posts: 37 Member
    Keep up with the walking. If you don't like the gym, it will be a challenge to go. A really good book to read is "Walk Yourself Thin" By David Rives. It's an easy read and has a lot of good tips on how to lose weight by just walking.
  • ccarre81
    ccarre81 Posts: 134 Member
    you just said yourself you were feeling better... give yourself some applause for that and for being active. I don't think you NEED to join a gym to lose weight (my husband would not dare tell me to do B because A wasn't WORKING for me). Perhaps you can up the intensity of your walks, work yourself up to a jog.... get a bike, do a home workout. There a many options out there. If you don't like working out in front of others, don't put yourself in that situation. It could potentially become a negative/stressful place for you and be counter productive.
  • Maymichelle
    Maymichelle Posts: 106 Member
    I am in desperate need of some motivation/ inspiriation. I know much of it has to come from "within" but I need help finding it. I thought I was doing very well- the past week I was getting up every morning and taking my 2 dogs for a 2 mile walk, then after work I would take them for another. I haven't lost any weight- but I have been feeling better, and just said I would keep going and working towards it- because the weight wasn't going to fall off over night. I gained 40 lbs in 4 years- I won't lose it over night.

    My husband comes to me this morning and tells me- you should join a gym- this walking thing is not working for you. (he has gained 75 lbs in the past 4 years) and says I need to do it as well. i am not a gym fan- I hate working out in front of people.

    I am so discouraged- I dont know what to do! Help please

    When I made a committment to exercise and eat better it took EIGHT months before I saw the scale move or saw any results! I told myself the same thing: it took 6 years to put the weight on, it's not going to come off overnight! I had a lot of up and down moments, like why am I even bothering. BUT you have to keep your mind straight and keep going. I also do not workout in a gym...I workout at home. Pick up a DVD video. I started with videos from Lindsay Brin-Mom's Into Fitness (you can google her) and Turbo Jam by Chalene Johnson. Currently, I've added running to my workouts. Also, walking is one of the best exercises you can do.
    Some advice...when I started I still thought I could eat whatever I wanted and just use portion control since I was exercising. It wasn't until I adjusted my food/diet that I started to see more results. Remember you can't out exercise a bad diet! And take baby steps. If you need to modify your food, transition slowly so you aren't feeling like you are depriving yourself. Losing weight is about 60% exercise and 40% diet (and I never mean being on a "diet" I mean food choices).
    I think the fact that you are at least feeling better is what you have to remember...that's an excellent first step! You want to feel better ultimately! Another thing I learned is to just look at it longterm: this is my lifestyle change and I am a work in progress...it's going to take time. Congrats on what you have done so far!!
    Feel free to add me as a friend. I love encouraging people & I always leave my food diary open.
    "The number one reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have gotten."
  • MsCree
    MsCree Posts: 5 Member
    We all have those moments...even once you begin making progress, there will be days where you feel frustrated and discouraged. It is a lifestyle change and it takes time and consistency is key. If the gym isn't your thing, find what works for you and roll with that! I'm not a gym fan either. I love walking outside so I've done little things like added wrist and ankle weights to the mix, increasing my speed and distance and most importantly, surrounded myself with people that are not only supportive but have COMMON goals! I know that your husband's comment hurt, it's natural to crave his support and want him to acknowledge your efforts. Don't allow his lack thereof to thwart you though, continue on in spite of and know that there's a community of folks behind you! Much success!! :smile:
  • DeeVanderbles
    DeeVanderbles Posts: 589 Member
    I hate working out in front of people, too. Including my fiance. I have found that what works best for me is DVDs that I can do at home.

    My fiance and I will walk the dogs together, but my main workouts include Turbo Jam, Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred or Brazil Butt Lift. They require little equipment and are fun and motivating.

    Turbo Jam and Brazil Butt Lift are a little more expensive, they're from the Beach Body workouts like P90X but you may be able to find them cheaper on amazon or ebay. For these you need a yoga mat and dumbbell weights and a resistance band respectively.

    Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred is only like $10ish at WalMart. All you need is a yoga mat and a set of dumbbells which are also fairly cheap at WalMart.
  • Mishadijo
    Mishadijo Posts: 36 Member
    Be Frank Sinatra and do it YOURRR WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY... Smiling. Just keep YOU as the top priority, walking is so healthy and manage the calories. The rest takes care of itself over time. It really does. At least for me. However getting those three things going has taken me 40 years to achieve. Don't wait as long as I did. Wishing you well. This site is very inspirational ... just seeing so many people with similar life challenges and the courage and determination they display every single day has never stopped amazing me. As you, came into this determined that I would do this with or without any support and remain steadfast on that, because this is my TOP priority now. However, the tremendous support and inspiration the people here have shown and extended to me certainly has lifted the weight (so to speak) from shoulders. And its so appreciate.

    Be well!
  • impyimpyaj
    impyimpyaj Posts: 1,073 Member
    I am in desperate need of some motivation/ inspiriation. I know much of it has to come from "within" but I need help finding it. I thought I was doing very well- the past week I was getting up every morning and taking my 2 dogs for a 2 mile walk, then after work I would take them for another. I haven't lost any weight- but I have been feeling better, and just said I would keep going and working towards it- because the weight wasn't going to fall off over night. I gained 40 lbs in 4 years- I won't lose it over night.

    My husband comes to me this morning and tells me- you should join a gym- this walking thing is not working for you. (he has gained 75 lbs in the past 4 years) and says I need to do it as well. i am not a gym fan- I hate working out in front of people.

    I am so discouraged- I dont know what to do! Help please

    Honestly, I've come to the conclusion that "motivation" is a myth. It's not a real thing. You either do something, or you don't. You either want it, or you don't. So if you want it, you do it. You adopt a mantra of "Do it now," and you do it without procrastinating or making excuses. Learn the difference between excuses and reasons, and don't accept excuses from yourself. Plan ahead. Plan when you'll do your exercise, and do it at that time. Plan your meals and snacks at the beginning of the day (or the day before), and stick to the plan. Make a point of just doing it, and after a couple of weeks it'll be habit and you won't have to push yourself so hard.

    If you need rewards, find some. Maybe you don't let yourself watch your favorite tv show until you've done your exercise for the day. Or maybe if you stick to the plan for a week, you reward yourself with a new nail polish, or a night out at the movies with your friends.If you stick with it for a month, you get a new cute top that you've been eyeing. Don't use food as a reward, ever. But if rewarding yourself helps, do it.

    If you want to join a gym, do that. If you don't, then don't. Either way, whether you join or not, you'll need a plan. If you join a gym, know what classes and exercises you'll be doing, and stick with that plan. If you don't join, come up with another exercise routine you can do at home. Don't just have this diaphanous idea of "I'm going to exercise" floating around. That's not useful. You need a concrete plan. The plan can change, but you can't change it unless you have another concrete plan to replace it with.

    You don't have to do it your husband's way. If you're happy with how you're feeling now, keep doing what you're doing. But if you want to change things, do it. It's all for you. Get what YOU want.
  • yksdoris
    yksdoris Posts: 327 Member
    I am going to hope that maybe your husband was trying to be supportive and it just didn't come out right. Guys tend to want to fix the problem and can sometimes ignore all the work we have already put in.

    I, like you, hated working out in front of others. Going to the gym full of fit and beautiful people when you have 40+ lbs to lose can be terribly intimidating. I just recently started going to our local gym with a friend. They have a theater room that is dark and plays a movie (its crazy loud, so no one can hear me huffing and puffing or my legs slapping together! haha) I dont feel confident enough to work out with all the beautiful people, but I am getting there!

    Keep walking. Keep eating right. You WILL lose the weight. Don't let anyone defeat you. You have to find where you are comfortable. Don't give up!

    this. Particularly the bit abou men wanting to fix things.

    Also, keep in mind that some of those "beautiful people" maybe started out like you. None of them fell on the earth fully formed in their ripped golden glory ;)

    I'm not at my goal yet but the physical change is already very visible, I can see the looks in the eyes of some of the newer gym members (those that didn't see me when I started): they think I'm... er... I don't know the jargon... a pretty gym rat? But I worked HARD for this, I watched my food, I had to overcome my own insecurities on working out in front of people, on lifting weights, on running and above all openly discussing my problem areas (seriously, just thinking about my triceps-flab used to bring me to tears). But I can also see the looks in the eyes of the gym personnel and the people who were already there when I joined. It feels DAMN good to be respected, and all it takes is showing up and working as hard as everyone else.

    10 kg may not seem that much but I'm 154 cm tall (that's 23 lb and 5'1 for you 'mercans) and in my case it means going from borderline obese to aaaaalmost "normal" BMI
  • pacagirl
    pacagirl Posts: 9
    Don't give up!!!!

    The goal is to change lifestyle habits for long term health benefits --- unless you think you can change your personality to like the gym --- that's not a long term solution. You haven't been walking the dogs morning and night long enough to know if that is going to help you yet, but if it doesn't make a difference you are happy with in couple weeks, you might need to adjust your lifestyle a little more. Adjusting gradually makes the process feel more natural and bearable -- which also may make these new habits stick! Weight loss and living a healthy lifestyle isn't a sprint it's a marathon!

    I lose weight differently than my husband. He's tried to tell me I'm doing it all wrong before, but I never had a weight problem till I met him :o) so that's my new response - a kiss and a reminder that before I met him I was perfectly capable of keeping myself healthy and in shape and I more than capable of getting back there using the techniques that work for me. I know me - I know what I like, what I will be happy doing every day. His "helpfulnees" comes from a good place, but I take his suggestions with a grain of salt, read lots of diet and exercise suggestions from fellow dieters and try the ones that sound like they are MORE likely to work for me in the long run.

    Soooooo --- my advice --- find things you LIKE to do or that you think you can grow to LIKE to do and add those to your daily life. There are lots of exercise options out there that don't involve a gym. The last thing you want is to be dreading going to work out. This should be a positive process --- you are doing a GOOD thing and you should feel good about yourself while you are doing it!

    On the dog walking portion specifically ---- I don't know how your dogs are when they walk, but I had a hard time getting my heart rate up with our puppies. They liked to stop and sniff and mark a little too much. So I ended up changing our walking schedule to a fast walk by myself (that I eventually brought up to a jog than a run --- intervals are a great way to train yourself to walk faster/jog/run) and a "cool down" walk with the pups. That worked much better for me and for them --- the dogs still got exercise and got sniff around as desired without me tugging on their leash and getting frusterated --- I got my heart pumping (and burned more calories) AND I actually fit in the post exercise cool down that I am horrible at making myself do. Plus in the end I ended up exercising longer and for a greater distance. If you can't pull this off both times you walk them --- try to fit in this adjustment one time a few days a week and see if that works for you.

    Good luck figuring what healthy improvements will stick with your lifestyle and CONGRATULATIONS for starting down the path of healthy lifestyle changes!
  • Melisamab
    Melisamab Posts: 16 Member
    Hi,

    If you thought you were doing well, chances are you were. :smile: Sounds like your hubby was just being a "blunt man", he probably doesnt/didnt even realise what he said would affect your motivation. Men! (sorry guys)

    Like you said, the extra lbs didnt get there overnight, they wont go that fast either. Be patient and stick with it! Maybe do some of the things others have suggested: add a mile to each walk, jog a bit during the walk or do some extra excercise at home: pilates (good for shape, not cardio) or Wii Fit.

    If you really want it, you'll be able to do it (even if its tough at times). Hang in there :happy:
  • Lweber0723
    Lweber0723 Posts: 15
    Thank you everyone. I think I may have over reacted a bit- I was just so upset he said that- Yes I married a blunt man- who was trying to be supportive but just has a hard time showing it. He realizes he needs to lose weight himself- and thats his plan ::) Thanks for all your words of wisdom!
  • yksdoris
    yksdoris Posts: 327 Member
    I've just ralized my first post sounded a lot like bragging which wasn't my intention... Sometimes I feel really awkward when I get that slightly awed/fearful look, like I should be carrying my "before" picture with me at all times... except I'm not that person any more. then again, that parson most definitely is a part of me, it's not like I suddenly became someone brand new or something...

    Point being: don't be afraid of other people judging you! just do your thing and you'll be fine!
  • mom2dms
    mom2dms Posts: 152 Member
    I just recently read an article about this very subject...walking and not seeing the weight loss. It was said, that if you want 2 miles a day for 7 days..it would take 30 days to lose one pound. You see, the issue with walking, at least for most of us, is that we don’t do it at a speed fast enough to raise our heart rate into the aerobic levels which is needed to burn fat. My suggestion would be to increase your speed and distance and see if you notice a difference.
    Also, make sure you feed your muscles after working out. You have a “magic window” of 45 mins to feed your muscles with lean protein. This not only rebuilds the muscles but it helps keep the sugar cravings at bay.

    Hope this helps