Support (or not) from family
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FireMonkey
Posts: 500 Member
Reading some of the other threads here I'm surprised there are quite a few spouses who are not only not supportive but seem to actively sabotage efforts to eat healthy, get in shape etc. Others are absolutely brilliant at supporting their spouse.. Care to share how your family deals with your lifestyle change?
My hubby is quite obese but doesn't let on if it bothers him. When he was young he was a runner, even to the point of holding some provincial records for his age group. So a few months ago I tried to get into running with the couch to 5k, and asked him if he wanted to join me. He was all excited about it at first but after the first two weeks he said he had shin splints and stopped doing anything. That was the last of it. I find running alone boring, so I stopped too, but I got back into swimming instead. So, I'd have to say, not exactly supportive but at least he doesn't tease me or make disparaging remarks. I think guys who do that are insecure and afraid their wife/girlfriend will leave them once she's slim, fit and self-confident.
My kids are grown-ups and supportive, even though they don't think I'm fat. :noway: :laugh:
My hubby is quite obese but doesn't let on if it bothers him. When he was young he was a runner, even to the point of holding some provincial records for his age group. So a few months ago I tried to get into running with the couch to 5k, and asked him if he wanted to join me. He was all excited about it at first but after the first two weeks he said he had shin splints and stopped doing anything. That was the last of it. I find running alone boring, so I stopped too, but I got back into swimming instead. So, I'd have to say, not exactly supportive but at least he doesn't tease me or make disparaging remarks. I think guys who do that are insecure and afraid their wife/girlfriend will leave them once she's slim, fit and self-confident.
My kids are grown-ups and supportive, even though they don't think I'm fat. :noway: :laugh:
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My husband and I are doing this together. I found MFP mid January and started using it. I was embarassed to tell my husband that I was logging all my food but after a week or so on here, he was telling me he needed to keep track of what he ate, so I told him.
We go to the gym together regularly and walk the dogs together as well There are times when we slip up but we are there for each other to help get back on track. We go grocery shopping together and read a lot of labels. He even watches X weighted, Last 10 Pounds Boot Camp and Biggest Loser with me. I find those shows get me motivated.
My husband has lost 66 lbs and I am down 81. He is close to his goal weight but I still have a way to go. He encourages me so much and even admires my muscles when I flex, just as I admire his.
We have teenagers who tell us we are doing great. They will ask about our workouts too. Although they aren't thrilled with the lack of cookies and sugar cereals in the house, they are making better choices as well.0 -
Two years ago, after having my gallbladder removed and starting to gain weight, my husband was very supportive by getting a family gym membership. I use it 5 times a week for the past two years. He has used it maybe 20 times (I might be being generous). At least half of that has been in the past two months, so we are improving.
He does most of the food shopping and cooking and does a great job cooking healthy, as a benefit to the whole family a well.
My kids are 9 and 7 and we talk about good calories verses useless calories, the importance of exercise and healthy hearts and lungs. But as far as my "diet" and the different ways I tweak it, we don't talk about it. I just simply say no thank you when they offer me some of their treats. And my family knows that my exercising is a priority as it helps with my depression, so they actually encourage me to go and support me.
So although my husband isn't exercising with me, I consider him to be very supportive. I wish for him health he would get a little more into it, but if half of the time he is eating healthier because of being with me, then that's 50% better than he would be doing if I wasn't conscious of my healthy eating.0 -
my man is the same way, i've been doing this myself. he says that he needs to lose weight too. i tell him that i would help him.but he won't even do it. ever since i was losing weight, he's afraid that i'll keep losing weight and i'll leave him, when i get to where i feel comfortable with myself. i keep telling him no.he's the reason why i'm losing weight in the first place. he does tries sabotage my weight lose, by putting seconds on my plate., i said no.0
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My husband wants to lose weight, but he doesn't want to make any lifestyle changes. I keep telling him that he's not going to lose anything unless he watches what he eats and adds some exercise, but so far it hasn't happened. So, I usually cook for him and eat something else. Or I'll eat a small portion of what I make for him.0
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I think it's great that you started this thread because I was just wanting to vent about how unsupportive everyone around me is. I posted a thread recently (help I'm envious...and don't want to be) about how my husband handles things, which is to constantly compete with me and tell me how he's lost more weight than me even though he's at the lower end of his healthy BMI. Since I posted I got some good feedback to discuss with him, and we evened the odds. He is now trying to eat healthier (not just to lose weight) and trying to gain muscle, which is almost as hard for him as losing weight is for me, so I'm not so depressed about it. Oh, and my 6 yo son is my personal cheerleader. Woohoo Mommy you lost another pound! or It's great that you're eating better, and not on a diet Mommy. LOL:laugh:
But my entire family is obese or morbidly obese, and not helping me at all with my eating. My mom was diagnosed with diabetes about 2 years ago, and she was seeing a nutritionist and eating about like I am now. But she's let herself fall off the wagon and is disillusioning herself, saying "I've gained all this weight and I don't know why. I eat good and exercise." But she doesn't. She regularly overeats, snacks on crackers and sweets, and rarely does her walking anymore. The rest never seemed to think what goes into their mouths. They just eat whenever and whatever they want. When I started to talk about how I needed to change my eating and activity levels, they said "hey good for you... I'm not gonna do it, but good for you." Yesterday, I had my sister in from Vegas and she took us out to eat at the cheesecake factory. They had 12 oz. ribeyes with 3 c. servings of mashed potatoes, fried chicken with lemon cream sauce and double serving of mashed potatoes, chicken tortillas with cream sauce/refried beans/ fried corn cakes, fried zucchini and mini corn dogs and french fries. And they went through 3 baskets of bread and butter. I had a sensible 1/2 portabella burger and green salad with lo-cal vinaigrette and 1 slice of bread with light butter. And can I just say for my first veggie burger it was DELICIOUS! So the food arrives and my mom declares "Oh, everyone's food looks so good, I want to try it all....except for hers (mine) BLECH!" Now I didn't let it get to me, because I thoroughly enjoyed my meal. And I'd computed cals. ahead of time and knowing what was in everything THEY ate made me sick. But still it makes this food journey so difficult, and I realize why I am having to break so many bad eating habits passed down from family....:noway:0 -
I too have found it difficult with the lack of support from my live-in boyfriend. I wouldn't say he's unsupportive, but he doesn't provide motivation or kudos. He also challenges my will power by stocking the house with cheetos and cookie dough and making your typical "meat and potatoes" dinners. I try to tell him I want to eat healthy, but he doesn't really understand what healthy means! We're also coming up on the time when he's laid off (seasonal work) for a few months and makes me feel guilty for going to work out after work instead of coming home to see him.
I decided to really start focusing on my health two weeks ago...so I can be in a groove before the guilt sets in and I can be strong and stick to my guns! So MFP is my place to come and find support!0 -
I think it's great that you started this thread because I was just wanting to vent about how unsupportive everyone around me is. I posted a thread recently (help I'm envious...and don't want to be) about how my husband handles things, which is to constantly compete with me and tell me how he's lost more weight than me even though he's at the lower end of his healthy BMI. Since I posted I got some good feedback to discuss with him, and we evened the odds. He is now trying to eat healthier (not just to lose weight) and trying to gain muscle, which is almost as hard for him as losing weight is for me, so I'm not so depressed about it. Oh, and my 6 yo son is my personal cheerleader. Woohoo Mommy you lost another pound! or It's great that you're eating better, and not on a diet Mommy. LOL:laugh:
But my entire family is obese or morbidly obese, and not helping me at all with my eating. My mom was diagnosed with diabetes about 2 years ago, and she was seeing a nutritionist and eating about like I am now. But she's let herself fall off the wagon and is disillusioning herself, saying "I've gained all this weight and I don't know why. I eat good and exercise." But she doesn't. She regularly overeats, snacks on crackers and sweets, and rarely does her walking anymore. The rest never seemed to think what goes into their mouths. They just eat whenever and whatever they want. When I started to talk about how I needed to change my eating and activity levels, they said "hey good for you... I'm not gonna do it, but good for you." Yesterday, I had my sister in from Vegas and she took us out to eat at the cheesecake factory. They had 12 oz. ribeyes with 3 c. servings of mashed potatoes, fried chicken with lemon cream sauce and double serving of mashed potatoes, chicken tortillas with cream sauce/refried beans/ fried corn cakes, fried zucchini and mini corn dogs and french fries. And they went through 3 baskets of bread and butter. I had a sensible 1/2 portabella burger and green salad with lo-cal vinaigrette and 1 slice of bread with light butter. And can I just say for my first veggie burger it was DELICIOUS! So the food arrives and my mom declares "Oh, everyone's food looks so good, I want to try it all....except for hers (mine) BLECH!" Now I didn't let it get to me, because I thoroughly enjoyed my meal. And I'd computed cals. ahead of time and knowing what was in everything THEY ate made me sick. But still it makes this food journey so difficult, and I realize why I am having to break so many bad eating habits passed down from family....:noway:
Staying strong at cheesecake factory??!!! That in itself is an accomplishment! Everything there is so delicious and so bad for you. I'm proud. If your family only knew how feeling healthy felt, they would be so much better off. My parents were never obese, but overweight and so was I. My Mom decided to eat healthy and stick to it and her lifestyle change affected the whole family in a very positive way. Hopefully eventually this will happen with your family as well. Good luck!0 -
I started here in January, and my husband wasn't so supportive because I have tried to lose weight in the past and have never kept it off. As time went on, I kept on going and kept on losing. My husband started to see that I was serious about this and then he became more supportive.
As of May, he has gotten on the weight loss bandwagon, and has started to eat healthy with me and exercise. He has lost about 55 pounds now, and I've lost 65. It has been great now that we are in this together.0 -
My boyfriend is supportive of my weightloss, but unfortunately he doesn't join in like I had hoped. I guess he has just not reached that point yet where he is ready to really buckledown and get serious about it. Though we did just switch gyms that is right down the street, so I am hoping he will be more motivated to go with it being in walking distance. He is fine with my healthier cooking because I still cook run of the mill everyday meals, I just find a way to make them healthier and I watch portion control for myself.
We still go out to eat, we even get the Mcdonalds and Taco Bell that he wants, I just make sure it's my cheat day, or that I'm working out enough to include it or I try to find the healthiest stuff there. The thing I hate that he does (though it comes from a good place so I don't mind it so much) is that he'll come up behind me and grab my tummy fat, and I whine and tell him not to do that but he's like, but there's sooooo much less of it, you're doing such a good job. It sounds kind of messed up, but I take it as a compliment :ohwell:
When I first started losing weight, I was nervous that he would eventually not be attracted to me anymore because from what he has told me about his ex's, the celebrities he likes and just comments made, I know he is more often attracted to girls with a little meat on their bones. But he has assured me a million times that I look great and he is very supportive of me losing weight. Though I have a more muscular curvy build, so I will still be healthy and curvy, just all the nasty fat will be gone.0 -
I too have found it difficult with the lack of support from my live-in boyfriend. I wouldn't say he's unsupportive, but he doesn't provide motivation or kudos. He also challenges my will power by stocking the house with cheetos and cookie dough and making your typical "meat and potatoes" dinners. I try to tell him I want to eat healthy, but he doesn't really understand what healthy means! We're also coming up on the time when he's laid off (seasonal work) for a few months and makes me feel guilty for going to work out after work instead of coming home to see him.
I decided to really start focusing on my health two weeks ago...so I can be in a groove before the guilt sets in and I can be strong and stick to my guns! So MFP is my place to come and find support!
Ugh, my boyfriend is laid off this time of year too (landscaping, does snow removal in the winter). So for the past few days he has been going out every night to work, running on four hours of sleep and his days and nights are backwards. But then he'll go days or even weeks without work if mother nature doesn't give us anything. He tends to get really down this time of year because work is not dependable and somedays I'll come home and find him sitting around all day and not having gone outside all day. He wants to start training for a run this spring and we just joined a gym that's within walking distance of our house, so I am hoping he'll walk there and work out more regular this winter. I've never been a big fan of winter but even more so now because of his job.0 -
My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship because of our jobs. For a while, we were both depressed and unhappy. He smoked and drank and I would binge on take out whenever I missed him. We managed to drag each other out of it. One of my dogs, Gil, went to live with him and we all walk together twice a day: me in Brooklyn and him around his apartment complex in St. Paul, Minnesota. I took up ballroom dancing 3 nights a week, and now he's found a dance studio near his job and started taking lessons. The last time we danced together, we were in highschool!
The best thing is that I didn't have to ask him to do or change anything. I started exercising and eating right and he noticed the change in my mood right away. I was happier, energetic, more alert. One day he just said, "You know, I think I'm gonna quit smoking." The next day he ordered a salad for lunch. The little changes just kept coming. With more energy, he's managing his time more effectively and was actually able to take 3 days off to see me this coming Valentine's Day. We haven't seen each other in 2 years.
Obviously, I'm working out like a crazy person! I want to feel great about myself when we see each other again. I called him after work last night and he answered his bluetooth from the weightlifting bench at the gym--so I think he feels the same. Gil and Ursula (our dogs) have even lost weight from all the extra walking we've been doing!
I can't imagine how hard it would be to change to a healthier lifestyle if I didn't have the person I loved supporting me and wanting to join me. Kuddos to you guys who are doing it on yor own--I have tons of respect for you. Keep up the good work, everyone! :flowerforyou:0 -
My boyfriend supports me for the most part. He can accidentally (or so it seems) try to sabatoge me at times -- trying to convince me we need to go out to eat or get dessert. Sometimes he wants to add extra oil or cheese or salt to what I'm cooking because he doesn't think about it as adding calories/fat and sodium so I have to explain to him that he can add stuff like that after I've gotten my portion if he just has to have it. He's actually asked me if I'm trying to lose weight so I can find someone "better" and leave him! He was joking, but the fact that he even said it lets me know it really is an actual concern of his. :frown: So, I just try to reassure him any time I can that I'm doing this for myself and that of course I'm not doing this to "trade up" or anything like that! :laugh:
My mom, who lives over 100 miles away seemed very supportive at first, and still tries but she's been making undermining comments that really piss me off for about a month now. She thinks I'm going to fail and she finds a way to slide that into every conversation we have. She would act offended and deny it if I said anything to her about it so I just keep my mouth shut because she's absolutely wrong and I'll prove it to her.
I guess I can't blame her -- I haven't ever been successful before and I've been trying to lose weight since I was a very young child. She's never been able to lose weight since she had her first baby. But what she doesn't understand is that this time I get it and I'm motivated and dedicated and sticking with it. 
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Great to see so many positive replies. I think the reason my hubby didn't want to keep running with me was that he thought he could just pick up where he left off 30 years ago. When that didn't work out, he got too discouraged to realize he had to WORK his way back up. Guess I'll give it another try once the weather gets a little better.0
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Since there seems to be a majority of women responding, I'll just pop in here and say "GREAT JOB, EVERYONE!"
That applies to what you're doing AND also to learning how to cater to our fragile male egos! Because we guys really are a bunch of proud and egotistical but ultimately insecure bunch of animals 0 -
My husband is really supportive. He has been great throughout this whole journey. He cheered me on when I ran my half marathon and I think was as proud of me as I was! He brags about me to his friends and coworkers and he takes every opportunity to tell me how good I look and give me a squeeze. I am very lucky
My friends, coworkers and family have been great too. My mom is supportive (most of the time) but also is very competitive. It seems she is always trying to one up me which is really annoying since I am not competitive with anyone but myself. She always trys to compare us, asking me how much weight I can lift, how far I can run, how much I lost last week, etc. And really I don't like to brag about things or really discuss the details with people although I will if they ask. And what's worse is that she kind of sulks when she finds out I am doing better than her. I have told her several times it is not a competition and it is unfair to compare herself to me. I mean just based on my age alone I have an unfair advantage. What is really starting to bother me is that recently she seems to be trying to sabotage me. She has started to gain a bit of weight again and has now been making a point of buying me junk food (and of course buys the stuff she knows I love). She even said to me last week that if she is going to get fatter than I have to too! I love my mom, don't get me wrong, and I know deep down she wants what is best for me, but this competitiveness is really starting to get to me.:grumble:0
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