Anyone else losing friends with their weight?

Ravenclaw2012
Ravenclaw2012 Posts: 26
in Motivation and Support
I've been working since April of 2011 to lose weight after I decided I could not stand to be the size I was anymore. I wasn't really that big, I just felt my confidence would go up if I felt better about myself and the best way to do that would be to lose weight. So I've tracked diligently and I do feel a lot better now... But people who I thought were my friends are now telling people I took diet pills to lose the weight [Even though I've kept it off for eight months now.] I'm more confident now but it really stings to have my effort slandered and questioned like that and I just wonder, has this happened to anyone else?

Replies

  • JeannieRae333
    JeannieRae333 Posts: 5
    You're hanging out with the wrong people. Anyone who would make that up isn't worth your time. Find some friends who want to build you up, not tear you down.
  • Ravenclaw2012
    Ravenclaw2012 Posts: 26
    Starting to realize that... It was pretty perfectly timed though, what better time to have to start over than the summer before college? I actually have a friend who's also a MFP'er in my class so that'll be good for both of us. Thank you for your encouraging words :)
  • Kelli110293
    Kelli110293 Posts: 4 Member
    I actually have a friend who's also a MFP'er in my class so that'll be good for both of us.

    Oh yeah! We've got this. :bigsmile:
  • dlwyatt82
    dlwyatt82 Posts: 1,077 Member
    You're 19, and I assume your friends are roughly the same age. People do and say some pretty stupid things before they decide to grow up. Whether you choose to continue hanging out with those people, just shrug it off. You know what you've accomplished, and it really doesn't matter what the idiots say.
  • 18guyhornet
    18guyhornet Posts: 195 Member
    You're 19, and I assume your friends are roughly the same age. People do and say some pretty stupid things before they decide to grow up. Whether you choose to continue hanging out with those people, just shrug it off. You know what you've accomplished, and it really doesn't matter what the idiots say.

    ^^THIS^^

    You're still young and I'm sure hang with people around your own age. If your friends are anything like my niece's friends (who are your age) they say some hurtful things to each other. I think you should just find friends who SUPPORT you and not tear you down.
  • kaotik26
    kaotik26 Posts: 590 Member
    Jealous friends! Sounds to me like they were your 'friends' because you made them feel better about themselves. Now you don't do that for them anymore so your not that important anymore to them.
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
    I haven't really "Lost" friends but I have had friends stop talking to me as much as they use to. I never get invited to go do things or anything. Honestly I just assume since the one friend who has distance herself from me the most started to lose weight and then realized that she doesn't want to count calories and doesn't want to really work at it, so she stopped trying and gained most of her weight back, I figure she doesn't wanna hang around me no more because I remind her where she could be if not further. She was ahead of me. She was smaller then I was, now I'm smaller then she is. Maybe that bugs her? A true friend wouldn't care how you look or what you are doing as long as it's not harming you. That's how I see it. While it upsets me that I don't really have any girl friends that invite me to do things, I'm not going to lose sleep over it. I won't quit being me.
  • Krys_140
    Krys_140 Posts: 648 Member
    Jealousy rears its ugly head for people of any age, and getting older does not equal "growing up". True friends will support you and build you up throughout your life, no matter what your age.

    I think you're absolutely right - starting over at college will be a great thing for you. Enjoy yourself and your "new" body!

    Congrats on the 50 lbs lost (and kept off)!
  • earlyxer
    earlyxer Posts: 240 Member
    Misery loves company.

    Remember - "Obsessed" is a word used by the lazy to describe the dedicated.
  • newcs
    newcs Posts: 717 Member
    I agree that being 19 and having young friends means they might be more apt to be petty...but also, use this as an opportunity to work on shutting out the people who can't be happy for you. I'm 26 and finding that people my age (and often much older) are still petty and a lot of it is because they struggle to be happy for someone who is doing something they haven't been able to do themselves.

    Also from the poster above,

    "Remember - "Obsessed" is a word used by the lazy to describe the dedicated. "

    SO true. I get this a lot from people who feel the need to diminish my healthy choices.
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
    You're hanging out with the wrong people. Anyone who would make that up isn't worth your time. Find some friends who want to build you up, not tear you down.

    This exactly!
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    Jealousy! And likely they don't have the willpower to do what you did so it is easier to tell stories about you instead. So many people like to make other people look/feel bad to make themselves look/feel better. Sad. Gives you the perfect opportunity to make some real friends!
  • xlacijeanx
    xlacijeanx Posts: 232 Member
    As you go to college, and then a career you're going to realize a lot of so-called friends aren't really your friends. It happens. For a "friend" to say u used diet pills, etc seems like a jealousy thing- cut them out of your life and make friends with people who lift you up and support your goals... that's what friends are for, not to make you feel like your hard work and dedication wasn't why you succeeded. I've had several friends distance themselves from me- because I think my progress makes them feel bad about themselves.. but that's their problem. I had "food friends" in which we binged on food together all the time.... misery loves company. I'm very proud of some of my closest friends though for jumping on the health lifestyle band wagon and feel so lucky to have amazing friends who always remind me how far I've come, especially on my down days. Keep your chin up and get ready to make a bunch of new postive friends in college! Best of luck! :)
  • feast4thebeast
    feast4thebeast Posts: 210 Member
    I've been working since April of 2011 to lose weight after I decided I could not stand to be the size I was anymore. I wasn't really that big, I just felt my confidence would go up if I felt better about myself and the best way to do that would be to lose weight. So I've tracked diligently and I do feel a lot better now... But people who I thought were my friends are now telling people I took diet pills to lose the weight [Even though I've kept it off for eight months now.] I'm more confident now but it really stings to have my effort slandered and questioned like that and I just wonder, has this happened to anyone else?

    That is sad but the world is full of jealous people. I have been accused a few times recently of being on 'steroids' from people who don't know me that well. Those who do know that I am honest and hardworking and watch my diet like crazy. Those people who are saying this are not worth the trouble. I'd put them to the side and move on with your life.
  • Sarah_Wins
    Sarah_Wins Posts: 936 Member
    I haven't had anything nasty like that, but then my friends and I are quite a bit older. I have noticed a lot of distance between me and my larger friends and less encouragement and compliments coming from that direction. Part of that no doubt is that I am now obsessed with exercise and my fitness goals, and I refuse to cheat when they bring unhealthy food around. We have trouble finding places to eat that satisfies my needs and their cravings. I've accepted most of this is me and my issues, so when I've reached my goal weight and can relax some of my "rules" for myself, things might get better. If not, I'll find more fitness friends to help me maintain the new me!
  • sheila569
    sheila569 Posts: 269 Member
    Jealousy rears its ugly head for people of any age, and getting older does not equal "growing up". True friends will support you and build you up throughout your life, no matter what your age.

    I

    THIS FOR SURE!

    Congrats on your weight loss. You look fantastic!
  • DoomCakes
    DoomCakes Posts: 806 Member
    That's pretty crappy of your "friends" to do that! They should be happy and supportive and celebrate your weight loss with you. Not act like you cheated it off. Especially since you're keeping it off. Good for you though for reaching your goal.
  • JoLidaFly
    JoLidaFly Posts: 1
    Hon, no matter what your age, what you describe is part of the weight loss journey. Sometimes it is family members,
    one lady's husband bucks her every step of the way. He knew her when she was larger and can't get used to the
    thin, healthier lady. Sometimes a daughter envies her mother's resolve and success, sometimes a sister or brother.
    Some folks take our weight loss as a criticism of their weight. There is the very real change that takes place. The one you love
    was so substantial when you hugged them. Now, they feel frail in your arms and it is frightening. Keep giving the good report, reassure that you are proud to have them as a friend, husband, sister, child, grandchild, Reassure them that you feel strong and mighty and are not frail. Keep happy and cheerful yourself and they may join you. But they may not. You've done the good thing, so don't be dismayed. They will come when they understand more, or they won't, but honey, they will remember that you made it. It may be years before they use that info, but your example is still there. It is part of the journey, but your health is worth it. Soldier on.
  • filomenae
    filomenae Posts: 110 Member
    Those people are either jealous of you or down right vindictive and cynical. I'm sorry that's happening to you, but at least you're seeing their true colors. It's happened to me as well- people make crude comments such as, "Why don't you just eat a burger?" "Do you ever eat? I never see you eat!" because they're gorging on pizza, fries, and whatnot.. :P
  • Ravenclaw2012
    Ravenclaw2012 Posts: 26
    Thank ALL of you for your responses. Most of them validate what I was already thinking but I felt like it might have seemed a bit arrogant of me to say it. The girl who said it had also lost weight, 30 pounds but has since gained it and more back. Also not that this was a big part of it, but I'm actually even younger than my profile says... Need to change that. I made the account when I was 17. But those of you who have gone through this, how did you distance yourself from it? Most of my friends have been nothing of supportive but it only takes a few bad apples to completely ruin someones confidence. Doesn't help that she's my family too. Also, I can't stand the "You never eat anything!" lines... my own father is really bad for that one. But now I'm getting off the subject xD I just wanted to say thanks again for all of the encouragement.

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