Does anyone have spouse or S/O that doesn't help?

mtbusse73

I guess what I'm trying to say is (I'm so glad she's not going to see this) that seems like my S/O doesn't seem interested in trying to eat better or get any excercise which in turn makes it easier for me to slack off. And I'm not trying to pass the buck or sound selfish.

Thoughts?

GoldenEye_

Is she forcing you to eat things you don't want or to slack off on the couch when you actually want to exercise? Because if not, isn't it her decision whether or not she goes down the same road? I really fail to see why she would need to chance her lifestyle the moment you decide you want to get fit. Discipline needs to come from within, not from external factors.

Alatariel75

I don't expect my husband to make changes just because I am. He makes it very easy for me to slack off and not workout, or to eat takeaway or food that doesn't fit my goals, and it's up to me to stay the course, because I do me and he does him.

mtbusse73

GoldenEye_ wrote: »

Is she forcing you to eat things you don't want or to slack off on the couch when you actually want to exercise? Because if not, isn't it her decision whether or not she goes down the same road? I really fail to see why she would need to chance her lifestyle the moment you decide you want to get fit. Discipline needs to come from within, not from external factors.

She just doesn't want to do anything. My energy level is up and hers declines daily it seems.

Lounmoun

I think counting on your spouse to change to keep you on track rarely works out. You do you. If she sees you making good progress maybe she will make her own changes. Maybe not.
Get some friends on MFP or do some challenges if you need some buddies.

My dh lost 30+ lbs eating whatever he felt like without calorie counting and not exercising. What he puts in his mouth and how much he moves does not keep me from doing what I am doing. I have actually not lost as much as him but probably have a more balanced diet. I'm not competing. I have improved from where I started.
My dd was underweight and needed to gain about 20lbs. She will exercise with me sometimes. What she had to do did not keep me from doing things for me.
Now knowing that I can't be as sedentary I have a pedometer to help me increase my activity level. I do short workout videos. I have some weights. I log my food every day. I tend to put more vegetables on my plate. I weigh myself once a week. I am not perfect every day.

ninerbuff

mtbusse73 wrote: »

GoldenEye_ wrote: »

Is she forcing you to eat things you don't want or to slack off on the couch when you actually want to exercise? Because if not, isn't it her decision whether or not she goes down the same road? I really fail to see why she would need to chance her lifestyle the moment you decide you want to get fit. Discipline needs to come from within, not from external factors.

She just doesn't want to do anything. My energy level is up and hers declines daily it seems.

It's on HER to make the decision on whether or not she wants to join in. You CAN'T force people to do what they don't want to, and if they are forced, they don't stick with it.


A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Resistive

Better call Saul...

I had a boss who used to say “if it’s to be, it’s up to me”

CarlydogsMom

Will throw in my two cents. I bet the OP understands it's up to him. And I get it, it's up to you, but it's an additional challenge to have a spouse that isn't in the same space, both mentally and physically. Just piping to say I get it, and I'm sorry you're going through your journey with this additional frustration. My hub was totally supportive, helped me count calories for each serving, was great both when I was heavy and when I was losing. But also did not join in other than offer verbal support. And that was fine with me, despite sometimes wishing he would. It was what it was, and is what it is. I just eat less and sometimes don't have the side dishes he does. I think it's actually a rare case where both spouses are on the same page and doing the same thing. Good luck to you!

Brizey93

I’m doing IF and my husband likes to eat ice cream before bed. He’s helping me work out my will power.

sendtoharvey

it was. challenging last 4mo because my wife wasn't really doing the same stuff as me food wise, and since I cook I had to do dual meals.. but now she's on board.. so never know, maybe they change when they see you change

TavistockToad

mtbusse73 wrote: »

I guess what I'm trying to say is (I'm so glad she's not going to see this) that seems like my S/O doesn't seem interested in trying to eat better or get any excercise which in turn makes it easier for me to slack off. And I'm not trying to pass the buck or sound selfish.

Thoughts?

mine isn't.. but he doesn't have to... i'm doing it for me.

LowCarbRockstar

My husband is thin and def not dieting. I ask him not to buy takeaway or hide his chocolates. He doesnt always do this so i just have to accept it. I do all the cooking though so if he doesnt want my low carb healthy dinner he has to sort his own food out which sometimes he whinges about but im not cooking 2 dinners every night!!

its_me_april

Yep! It's hard to make the same food for both of us most of the time. My husband loves to poke fun at me for loving simple, wholesome foods like chicken and potatoes with a veggie on the side. He says I am so "boring" with my food choices / cooking. Thankfully I'm the cook and I usually get to pick what we eat. If not, we'd probably be eating bologna and cheese sandwiches or totino's frozen pizzas on the reg. . .

You gotta be the strong one and hopefully influence your partner or at least don't give in to what they tempt you with. This is hard, my husband does this all the time. . . "what do you think about ordering pizza tonight?" "how about we go out to eat tonight?" lol. . . I rarely give in.

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld

Even though my husband is very fit our goals don't match up.
He needs nearly 4000 calories compared to my 1600.

You have to stick to your own goals.

You knew she wasn't madly in to fitness when you got together. You're just expecting her to change because you have and that's unfair.

whitney_riffic

I feel your pain. I recently divorced and my ex was very unsupportive. When I met him I was the healthiest I had ever been, but he did not like that it impacted his lifestyle. He told me he loved me regardless of how much I weighed and I let that give me permission to spiral out of control.

My best advice to you is to stay true to what you want. Health and fitness is a very personal journey. She may not eat what you eat or exercise when you want to but hopefully she can be supportive of your goals.

Leannep2201

Hubby isn’t joining in, apart from the occasional walk. He isn’t unsupportive though- he’s encouraging and tells me he’s proud of my hard work. BUT... there is a benefit to him not joining in. After I’ve weighed and dished up my meal, he eats all the leftovers that I don’t want sitting around tempting me- and leaves me with the leftover salad or veggies for lunch the next day! Win!!!

bcab818

CarlydogsMom wrote: »

Will throw in my two cents. I bet the OP understands it's up to him. And I get it, it's up to you, but it's an additional challenge to have a spouse that isn't in the same space, both mentally and physically. Just piping to say I get it, and I'm sorry you're going through your journey with this additional frustration. My hub was totally supportive, helped me count calories for each serving, was great both when I was heavy and when I was losing. But also did not join in other than offer verbal support. And that was fine with me, despite sometimes wishing he would. It was what it was, and is what it is. I just eat less and sometimes don't have the side dishes he does. I think it's actually a rare case where both spouses are on the same page and doing the same thing. Good luck to you!

I totally agree with this. My husband says he's on board and wants to do it too and will watch the boys so I can go to the gym but everytime I ask he hem and haws about it so I never get to go unless I'm up at 4am and with a baby and an energetic 4 year old I don't want to lose that sleep. The deal was on my days off he would take the boys on his 1hr lunch break so I could work out. (The gym is across the street from where he works and the gym doesn't have a kid center and no we can't afford the gym that offers that service)

genpopadopolous

My husband is not working o out or counting calories at all.

I do 95% of the cooking, so I just make food that I can easily make work with my goals and he just eats as much as he wants of it. He snacks in the evening, I usually don't- but sometimes a save a few calories for popcorn with him. We just air-pop it now instead of the movie butter we used to do.

Really, I'm in charge of me and that's all I can do. He will happily go on walks or hikes with the family, he plays with the kids, but right now he isn't concerned about his eating at the moment.

I was overweight before him, it's not his fault I got too big, and it's not his to change.

doubleap77

To the OP, how long have you been working on yourself?

When I started tracking calories and working out in a gym last year, I think my wife simply thought it was a fad that would run its course, and that I wasn’t seriously trying to change and be healthier. Now that the “newness” has worn off, she better accepts that I am going to watch what I eat and continue with training.

That’s not to say that she’s effusive in her support, although she does appreciate some of the muscle definition that has developed.

All that said, I will echo what a lot if others have written: You have to do it for yourself, not for somone else. She may be in a different place and mindset and not ready to change with you yet, if that’s what you are looking for. Show her some support and she might jump on the bandwagon, too.

Justin741

There are many here who either don't have supportive spouses or their spouse has a different goal. When you seek to change yourself there is resistance to progress both in your environment and within yourself. The default is to set back in comfort and experience the status quo.

Changing to a healthy lifestyle is hard and it is supposed to be hard. Push through the resistance. Find supportive friends and community such as MFP.

Talk to your spouse about your goals and frustrations. Communication. Communication. Communication.

The most important person you lead everyday is yourself. Set the standard. Be the example.

Let's Do This!

marieamethyst

I was that wife a few years ago. My husband decided he wanted to enlist in the military, so he took it upon himself to lose his excess weight and get in shape. 5 AM almost every morning he was in the gym, cutting back on how much he was eating, trying to be more healthy - me, I still indulged in everything and had zero interest in any type of physical activity beyond walking into a restaurant for a tall glass of beer (or three) and a big burger. He stuck with it and was successful. Around two years later, and I was finally ready to make changes too. Seeing him work hard to improve himself did help inspire me to want to do the same - but it took time for *me* to be ready for that change. You're going to have to find your own inner strength to work towards your goals... and maybe you're wife will come to the point where she is interested too if you keep at it.