Toxic workout environment
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Thinking I am one of the unfriendly d-bags I made it a point to smile at anyone who even came close to eye contact with me between sets. I also initiated a "hello" with a guy I've spoken to before. It didn't occur to me that others may have perceived me as an arrogant jerk. Gonna work on smiling between lifts:-).3
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I can understand what the OP is saying. I was at a gym for 2 years. It really did have its good sides. I was not there to be friendly with anybody, just to do my workout so in most cases things did not bother me much.
However there were a bunch of ladies that seemed best described as the b**chy kind. No matter what they were unfriendly and snarky. Usually i managed to avoid having to interact with them, but you know it was a small place. At times I sighed that it was just like being back in the school yard with the same social issues.
Avoiding them is fine for a while, but you pick up on the feel/vibe in the atmosphere and over time it can feel draining.
Unfortunately for me the owner was part of the problem. She took a dislike to me (no idea why) and in the end I decided I'd had enough. My running was increasing and I was changing jobs and the limited opening times simply did not suit anymore. So as much as I liked the equipment I left the place. Just felt that I was not going to spend more money on a place with so much negativity.
Personally I think a few negative people can really damage a good place and that is what happened here.2 -
dutchandkiwi wrote: »I can understand what the OP is saying. I was at a gym for 2 years. It really did have its good sides. I was not there to be friendly with anybody, just to do my workout so in most cases things did not bother me much.
However there were a bunch of ladies that seemed best described as the b**chy kind. No matter what they were unfriendly and snarky. Usually i managed to avoid having to interact with them, but you know it was a small place. At times I sighed that it was just like being back in the school yard with the same social issues.
Avoiding them is fine for a while, but you pick up on the feel/vibe in the atmosphere and over time it can feel draining.
Unfortunately for me the owner was part of the problem. She took a dislike to me (no idea why) and in the end I decided I'd had enough. My running was increasing and I was changing jobs and the limited opening times simply did not suit anymore. So as much as I liked the equipment I left the place. Just felt that I was not going to spend more money on a place with so much negativity.
Personally I think a few negative people can really damage a good place and that is what happened here.
Sorry it didn't work out for you, but to be honest, I think you and the OP are over-projecting.
Hope you can find someplace you enjoy.3 -
I just can't imagine this being such a big thing. If you don't like the gym, go to a different one. Or ignore the people that you don't like and focus on your workout. I mostly listen to my headphones and get the work done. I don't really care what others are doing or saying as long as I can reasonably get at the equipment to get my workout in. To me, this concern just seems petty. Decide to stay or decide to go elsewhere.2
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Packerjohn wrote: »dutchandkiwi wrote: »I can understand what the OP is saying. I was at a gym for 2 years. It really did have its good sides. I was not there to be friendly with anybody, just to do my workout so in most cases things did not bother me much.
However there were a bunch of ladies that seemed best described as the b**chy kind. No matter what they were unfriendly and snarky. Usually i managed to avoid having to interact with them, but you know it was a small place. At times I sighed that it was just like being back in the school yard with the same social issues.
Avoiding them is fine for a while, but you pick up on the feel/vibe in the atmosphere and over time it can feel draining.
Unfortunately for me the owner was part of the problem. She took a dislike to me (no idea why) and in the end I decided I'd had enough. My running was increasing and I was changing jobs and the limited opening times simply did not suit anymore. So as much as I liked the equipment I left the place. Just felt that I was not going to spend more money on a place with so much negativity.
Personally I think a few negative people can really damage a good place and that is what happened here.
Sorry it didn't work out for you, but to be honest, I think you and the OP are over-projecting.
Hope you can find someplace you enjoy.
Appreciate the thought, but considering the snarky nasty, unprovoked and totally weird remarks I have had, I am most certainly not over- projecting. As for the owner, even some of the people I did get along with commented on it. They did this without prompting coming over and saying things: You don't deserve this. It was not my imagination 
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dutchandkiwi wrote: »Packerjohn wrote: »dutchandkiwi wrote: »I can understand what the OP is saying. I was at a gym for 2 years. It really did have its good sides. I was not there to be friendly with anybody, just to do my workout so in most cases things did not bother me much.
However there were a bunch of ladies that seemed best described as the b**chy kind. No matter what they were unfriendly and snarky. Usually i managed to avoid having to interact with them, but you know it was a small place. At times I sighed that it was just like being back in the school yard with the same social issues.
Avoiding them is fine for a while, but you pick up on the feel/vibe in the atmosphere and over time it can feel draining.
Unfortunately for me the owner was part of the problem. She took a dislike to me (no idea why) and in the end I decided I'd had enough. My running was increasing and I was changing jobs and the limited opening times simply did not suit anymore. So as much as I liked the equipment I left the place. Just felt that I was not going to spend more money on a place with so much negativity.
Personally I think a few negative people can really damage a good place and that is what happened here.
Sorry it didn't work out for you, but to be honest, I think you and the OP are over-projecting.
Hope you can find someplace you enjoy. Appreciate the thought, but considering the snarky nasty, unprovoked and totally weird remarks I have had, I am most certainly not over- projecting. As for the owner, even some of the people I did get along with commented on it. They did this without prompting coming over and saying things: You don't deserve this. It was not my imagination
So what kind of things were they saying directly to you? I've been in gyms all over the US and a few other countries and if someone didn't make a friendly comment, they didn't say anything at all and just went about their business.1 -
That's what I do when I go to the gym, get there, do my thing and go home. But for the first time last week I spoke to a guy that was doing pull down pulling behind his head, his form was terrible and I mean terrible. I went to him to suggest that it would be better pulling at the front (that's what i was always told, less risk of injury etc). The guy told me that he has been training for 25 years, and he knew what he was doing (basically told me to mind my own business to be polite). That will teach me trying to be helpful for once...
Yeah...no. That pull behind the head is special. If you do it safely. Since you don't do it, how would you know?
I don't do it because i was told to avoid it because of risk of injury, but i still know enough to see when somebody's form is all over the place, you don't have to be qualified for this
From the Bodybuilding.com, but maybe they don't know what they are talking about...
"Looking at the evidence, the front pull-down is the clear-cut winner when compared to the rear version. Not only is the muscle activation to the latissimus dorsi similar or better when performing the exercise to the front, the risk of potential shoulder injuries, neck injuries, or nerve injuries is also reduced.
Furthermore, the practicality of performing the lat pull-down behind the neck is limited; this movement has little carry-over to any athletic activities or daily functional tasks. Hence, the critics are right: There's really no good reason to perform pull-downs behind the neck—and several good reasons not to."5 -
That's what I do when I go to the gym, get there, do my thing and go home. But for the first time last week I spoke to a guy that was doing pull down pulling behind his head, his form was terrible and I mean terrible. I went to him to suggest that it would be better pulling at the front (that's what i was always told, less risk of injury etc). The guy told me that he has been training for 25 years, and he knew what he was doing (basically told me to mind my own business to be polite). That will teach me trying to be helpful for once...
Yeah...no. That pull behind the head is special. If you do it safely. Since you don't do it, how would you know?
I don't do it because i was told to avoid it because of risk of injury, but i still know enough to see when somebody's form is all over the place, you don't have to be qualified for this
From the Bodybuilding.com, but maybe they don't know what they are talking about...
"Looking at the evidence, the front pull-down is the clear-cut winner when compared to the rear version. Not only is the muscle activation to the latissimus dorsi similar or better when performing the exercise to the front, the risk of potential shoulder injuries, neck injuries, or nerve injuries is also reduced.
Furthermore, the practicality of performing the lat pull-down behind the neck is limited; this movement has little carry-over to any athletic activities or daily functional tasks. Hence, the critics are right: There's really no good reason to perform pull-downs behind the neck—and several good reasons not to."
Be that as it may, it's generally considered inappropriate/rude to critique somebody in the gym unless your input is specifically requested. Some will politely nod and thank/dismiss you, but others will tell you to GTFOH and MYOB (which is basically what Packerjohn was alluding to above).
[ETA:] bb.com doesn't rank very high on my list of evidence-based sources for information.6 -
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Yes you are probably right, but i could just see that guy was going to do himself some damage, and I could not say anything, I never meant to tell him what to do or how to do it (as i am not an expert) or criticise him in any way, but I would hate to see someone injuring themselves4 -
I never talk to anyone at the gym, it'd break my concentration and probably cause me to hurt myself. Many people zone our or cherish a bit of "me time" whilr ay thr gym.
Unless you have some more concrete observations of rudeness, I wouldn't assume people are rude just because they aren't chatty.2 -
I go to the gym at the same time 4 days a week. I put my headphones in and grind it out. I prefer to NEVER EVER EVER talk to anyone. Its 5 am and I'm here to get it done then go home, shower, cook for my family and head out to work at 7:30 am
Talking to people MORE THAN A HEAD NOD is more time than I have. Most of the time ppl want to chat. 5 mins is too much. I can chat on the 2 weekend days I go and I mostly do just that if I see someone I know outside of the gym.
I have a pretty full life outside of the gym I don't do crossfit, spin or zumba, I train alone. I prefer it that way. The only ppl who ever talk to me anyway are guys asking for a date. LEAVE ME AONE
Helpful Henry's/Hanna's and Talkative Timmy's/Tammy's are more toxic than a person grinding it out getting it done and going home.
Its all about preference I'd love to have the gym all to myself. I'm not a people person in the gym.
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BrianJohnson2015 wrote: »Your right about the d bag comment I’m sure they are decent people but when you come off as unapproachable or rude it qualifies to me when you see it time and time again
OMG I'm at the gym to approach the bar. I'm unapproachable a fock in the gym. Its not a meeting place. at leat not for me. I'll smile but don't you dare break my focus and try to talk to me between sets.
Everyone has different priorities in the gym. Mine is to kill isht and go home.3 -
BrianJohnson2015 wrote: »Maybe it’s just a snobby/cocky/vanity. It’s good to be confident but there’s a fine line between that an arrogance
you may be projecting. I haven't been to your gym but you may be projecting onto your fellow gym goers2 -
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Yes you are probably right, but i could just see that guy was going to do himself some damage, and I could not say anything, I never meant to tell him what to do or how to do it (as i am not an expert) or criticise him in any way, but I would hate to see someone injuring themselves
I think part of it is knowing where we stand in terms of knowledge. If my knowledge of something being potentially dangerous is limited to what I've read on a website or something that was just told to me at one point, I don't consider it my place to interrupt him and say anything. He may know more about the subject than I do or be working on specific plans with his trainer.
In other words, why would I assume my knowledge of what I was told once is more reliable than the research/planning/personal experience that this guy is using to build his plan? I'd be furious if someone interrupted a set of mine or a treadmill run to tell me I shouldn't be doing it that way because he'd be told once it wasn't good.4 -
janejellyroll wrote: »
I think part of it is knowing where we stand in terms of knowledge. If my knowledge of something being potentially dangerous is limited to what I've read on a website or something that was just told to me at one point, I don't consider it my place to interrupt him and say anything. He may know more about the subject than I do or be working on specific plans with his trainer.
In other words, why would I assume my knowledge of what I was told once is more reliable than the research/planning/personal experience that this guy is using to build his plan? I'd be furious if someone interrupted a set of mine or a treadmill run to tell me I shouldn't be doing it that way because he'd be told once it wasn't good.
While you are right in what you are saying in a way, you were not there to see his overall form, with the bar not even horizontal (and I doubt that it was what he was trying to do) while pulling down, and his head/neck arched in a very awkward way. I have never done that before to tell somebody that they are not doing the right thing, and also I did not interrupt him, I waited for him to finish his set.
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BrianJohnson2015 wrote: »Do any of you have a gym where you feel some of the regulars are toxic to the environment?
i lift in community rec centres, and there's always a cross-section there. i've also found that each centre seems to have a bit of its own culture, which just makes sense because regulars.
they're pretty high-traffic spaces, so sure there are pockets of folks in 'my' main space that i find douchey to a degree that just irritates me. i don't go to the gym to socialize, sure. but i don't go in order to give my socioemotional muscles a shake-it-off workout either.
however, i read your op rather carefully and i think you and me have different thresholds for douchebaggery. mine is pointless, recreational negativity; people whose main social activity in the gym seems to be looking for things about 'somebody else' to put down. to the folks who don't want to think this exists: it exists. there are plenty of adults walking around who never got the memo about how real life is different from junior high. and i'll tell you that lifting in public places has permanently buried the myth that men don't do bitchy or cliquey or shallow or mean. they sure do, if they're that kind of guy.
what you're complaining about though . . . i'd call that more 'intimidating' than 'toxic' myself. i do know a few centres where people really are neutral, and yes real neutrality is oddly intimidating in its own right. for me that was a thing i sucked up by myself, because i guess i don't carry the same expectation as you that people 'should' be all friendly and warm. i sure wouldn't say that i am.1 -
I'm a generally friendly guy, but when I'm in the gym, I'm all Team "headphones in, focused on my workout, only notice other people if they do something *really* weird or really get in my personal space".
And even when I do notice other people, I still outwardly keep the unapproachable vibe going. It's the same approach I take to my daily commute on the train and when I'm out in crowded public spaces.
(And people still sometimes approach me to talk or ask questions...so I'm obviously not doing it right/well enough.)1 -
gearhead426hemi wrote: »I prefer to avoid the gym all together. The world is your gym and you can change the scenery anytime you want. It smells better too. Kayaking, mountain biking, road biking, hiking, snowshoeing, list is endless just get creative and get out there.
That's going to be tough for many to do on a consistent basis, especially on the weekdays (where I'm in the corporate gym at around 11a every day).1 -
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I can remember the first day in the gym. I am fat, I don't know what I am doing, their looking and judging, I am weak. In reality they didn't care and I see others that are new with the same anxiety. I go very early in the morning and many keep to to themselves but other will talk. I think that the use of headphones have done more to shut down taking and interaction than anything else.
This is a feature, not a bug.7
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