Offended people because I didn't take a chocolate

clariemoo

I just got some dirty and wtf type of looks cause I said no to the free piece of chocolate with the coffee I ordered ... the people behind the counter stared at me like I was an alien and were like "omg but its free!!!!!" . What is it with the obligation to eat something cause its free ? Its that
type of mentality that caused me to overeat/gain weight in the first place and that I had to unlearn per say and learn how to say No to food (which was tough).

I also hurt one of my friends feelings cause I refused a cookie from her once ...

Have you guys ever offended people due to that ? Have you even hurt relationships or how do you even respond?

refuseresist

People offend me all the time by offering me food. Its only fair to return the favour

loopingcaterpillar

my friends want me to drink with them. i've quit as of now as the calories aren't worth it, so they're gonna be confused and annoyed

BrianSharpe

If they're really your friends they'll support your efforts, as to what the folks behind the counter at a coffee shop think.....who cares, they're strangers.

cherys

Their offense is temporary. It isn't important. Let it waft over you. (Though if a friend has baked, I think it would be polite to say why rather than just refuse as she might think you don't like her cooking!)

These days I spend far more time with friends who want to go for a run or a walk up the hill than ones who want to meet to eat cake or guzzle wine. Still see the wine and cake guzzlers (they are close friends) too but not as often, and am going to work round to walking with them instead of sitting.

goodasgoldilox165

I don't worry about refusing (or leaving) food in cafes etc. but am careful when offered food by people I know. I understand that for many, the giving of food is also an offering of love.

Refusing food offered like this -even when the refusal is explained- leaves the feeling that something much more important has been turned down.

Not everything in life is rational - feelings matter!

Luckily, we all have a good week's allowance of calories to use up and many opportunities to exercise and earn a few more, so accepting the occasional specially-baked biscuit (cookie) or slice of cake isn't going to sink an eating plan. (If whole pies and boxes of chocolates are given - my rule is to share the love as far and wide as possible!)

eldamiano

Yeah. My best friend didnt speak to me for a year because I didnt take her last Rolo. She got over it though.

Fit_Happens_2021

I have a constant struggle with this issue at work. I started a new job in an office where they have a kitchen right in the next room and employees often cook, like 3-4 times a week, pancakes, hash browns, large batches of cookies, and the boss brings a huge box of doughnuts in 2-3 times a week.

People have noticed I am not eating these things. I absolutely don't mind at all that they are there, it doesn't bother me to smell them, and I don't even like most of the things, but I have noticed them getting more and more pushy about offering it to me and looking curious when I don't eat it.

This year I have some health concerns, serious ones, that I don't want to share with them and I am following my doctor's recommendations, and yet I look thin in my work clothes so there are comments made here and there frequently such as 'oh Amanda you are so tiny, why don't you want to try some? It isn't going to hurt your diet you know!' I really hope they don't think I have an ED. So anyway, I totally get where you are coming from it can be difficult.

dunnodunno

If they're really close friends or family you could sit them down and explain that while you appreciate their offer that the cookie, piece of chocolate, or any other food might not fit into your calorie goal for the day or macros.

You don't have to completely refuse free food for the rest of your life, but learn how to make it fit into your daily calorie goal.

refuseresist

Even if I do want the food, I usually don't accept it when other people offer. No one decides what I eat and when. I decide.

cherys

Amanda Brit - the office culture of eating is weird, isn't it? In my thirties I was naturally very slim and healthy. I never ate except when I was hungry. One of my colleagues told me she thought I kept going off for hospital visits (I was pregnant with twins but too early to announce) because I had an eating disorder! Her reason was that she'd never seen me eat the cakes and biscuits that were constantly on offer in the staff kitchen.

amusedmonkey

goodasgoldilox wrote: »

I don't worry about refusing (or leaving) food in cafes etc. but am careful when offered food by people I know. I understand that for many, the giving of food is also an offering of love.

Refusing food offered like this -even when the refusal is explained- leaves the feeling that something much more important has been turned down.

Not everything in life is rational - feelings matter!

Luckily, we all have a good week's allowance of calories to use up and many opportunities to exercise and earn a few more, so accepting the occasional specially-baked biscuit (cookie) or slice of cake isn't going to sink an eating plan. (If whole pies and boxes of chocolates are given - my rule is to share the love as far and wide as possible!)

+1

Let's be real there. It's alright to be all "It's my choice and other people have no business offering me food if I don't want it" if that works for you, but we live in a world that has other people in it.

Alienating ourselves from the world just because we eat differently now is socially stressful for us and for the host. I would have taken the cookie/chocolate and thanked whoever offered it with a smile, then if I didn't want to eat it I would just wrap it in a tissue and put it in my bag.

You have to understand that if you plan on maintaining after you reach your goal you will face many different social situations that you need to learn to navigate around. You can solve them all by just saying "*kitten* it, I don't care what other people think", and that's an option, or you can learn to adapt to each situation in a way that does not make you the grinch.

refuseresist

Ho HO HO

sherambler

It's so easy to offend people when you don't take the food they've offered, particularly if that person is supposed to be "the cook of the office" or something. There's no easy way to deal with it unfortunately. Even if you're super open with them and divulge that you're trying to lose weight, which you shouldn't have to, many people will still make the offers. I just try to be polite as I can or I make up an excuse. I tell people I don't like cake or I'm allergic to chocolate or I'm lactose intolerant. Nothing bores people more than allergy/medical talk, so they just walk away.

Maryam2014mfp

If they are going to be rude, just note that your body cannot tolerate chocolate. For me, I'm allergic to chocolate; so I can say so; but no one needs to know why you "can't tolerate" it. Then let them think what they want; but ultimately you shouldn't be forced to eat or made to feel bad for not eating anything. Take care

cgvoabc

I was raised to be polite ALL...THE...TIME. My wife hates that about me. I'd rather take the chocolate and not eat it then refuse it and risk offending someone. Good or Bad; I don't know but that's how I manage those types of situations.

chivalryder

If someone became offended at me because I didn't accept food, and then they insisted I took it, I would then take it and elaborately throw it into a trash bin - ensuring they watched.
-
Hey, they gave it to me. I can do whatever I want with it.

refuseresist

chivalryder wrote: »

If someone became offended at me because I didn't accept food, and then they insisted I took it, I would then take it and elaborately throw it into a trash bin - ensuring they watched.
-
Hey, they gave it to me. I can do whatever I want with it.

Quite. People need to man up, stop basing their 'feelings' on how others behave.

barefootminis

I can't help but think they're diet saboteurs, because every time you're looking and feeling good someone (usually another woman) wants to ruin it with sweets. No thank you and perhaps take the loving cookie to go.

jtr357

I know how it feels.I get offered free pizza & pastries all the time.I always say "No thanks" & they look at me the same way every time with a look of disbelief & mild offense saying "Are you sure?"
I say "I just ate,but thanks anyway" .Oh well,you can't please all of the people all of the time.

12skipafew99100

I offered my husbands friend a baggie of cookies. I was shocked when he declined and said he was avoiding carbs and then patted his stomach. At first I was taken back but then I was impressed at his will power. I think some people just honestly have never had food issues and it never occured to them that other people might. Don't take it personally. They just have a few life lessons to learn.

50sFit

I had to shrug off the shackles of old friends and make new connections. As for offending people who don't matter, stop caring.
You know what really offends these people? RESULTS!
Just let them be offended, and again, they really just don't matter...

Madame_Goldbricker

WTG for over concerned serving staff! I've yet to have the pleasure of being served coffee in an outlet where they give a toss (even regarding my order).

Sophiareed218

Just take the offering if it will cause offense not to, and say you'll enjoy it later. If you have kids or a spouse at home who will eat it, give it to them instead.

Valrotha

Had a similar experience at Popeye's Chicken recently. I just ordered the 5 piece tenders and told them I didn't want sides or a biscuit. "But it comes with it." The young lady behidn the counter said. "No worries, just keep it and charge me the same price," I said politely.

This, apparently, was offensive to her. She spent the next few mintues talking about me 'behind my back' yet still loud enough for me to hear. Like what I eat is any of her damned business.

Amazing that someone else is that I don't even know is that concerned about what I eat.

refuseresist

I don't get the 'offence' being committed? They offer you a biscuit, you say 'No thank you' . If people are offended by that, they need to get out more.

parkscs

I think their offense might be in your head. I doubt they were truly offended, although they may be surprised to see someone turn down a free offer. I turn down food all the time, but do so with a smile, and I'm confident I've never once offended someone doing this.

xcalygrl

Me saying "no" to free food/treats/etc. is not meant to offend. If they are offended, it's on them not me. It's not like saying no to something is a direct reflection on them as a person; it's just me declining whatever it is they are offering because I don't want it/like it/can't eat it/whatever.

The people offering the food likely know nothing about you. What if you're allergic to chocolate, gluten, are diabetic, etc.. Of course you're going to turn down food that you are allergic to or can mess with a medical condition.

refuseresist

I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings

jimmy28

Getting looks is often so subjective I think a lot of times we project whatever we're feeling into those looks. I used to assume everyone who looked at me funny was horrified by my fat or what I was eating or if I was wasting money..they may have been wondering why I was looking at them in the first place. Obviously some faces people make are overt and leave little room for misinterpretation, but we have to be mindful that often we have no idea what's going on in the other person's head. So I try not to react or feel anything unless someone actually confronts or addresses me. If you don't like what I said or look like but don't say anything then I do my best to let all the horrible things I might assume a person thought pass on by, because until I'm addressed with it there's no reason to respond to it. If the look is so overt that it has to mean something, I may ask if everything is okay or did I say something wrong. If I'm going to have to justify myself I'd like them to own it as well.

My kids seem to get more upset by me not eating stuff than anyone, and it's only because they feel like I'm missing out and they would be sad if they didn't get any candy so I must be sad about it. We don't always know what people's motives are either. It could be because they're offended, or feel like you're depriving yourself, or feel jealous because they just indulged and want you to alleviate their guilt by joining in..there are so many reasons we can't name them all why people act the way they do.

So my main point of all of this is don't rely on hostility or a f*** everyone mentality as your defense mechanism to make your choices in life. It's hard and unhealthy to maintain. Make your choices because they are right for you. Don't assume you know what anyone thinks or feels, and if someone else needs to check their own insecurities off your decisions then it wouldn't hurt to give your reason or as someone said above just take it and say thanks and don't eat it or save it until later. If you've not been hostile and have been honest, everything else is on them and their issues.

I also want to add that those of us doing MFP and trying hard to maintain get so rigid that we may take offense to things that threaten us reaching our goals or will potentially knock us off the wagon. The office fills with goodies, free food, people do try to get you to take stuff...they always did, but now when you refuse it's we get the extra push 'oh one bite won't hurt you', and you know it could. In the past one bite may have sent you on a spiral of bad eating that may not let up for 6 months or longer. I think we build a lot of mental blocks up about how to navigate those situations...we were never able to successfully navigate it for the majority of our lives so we just want to avoid them and push them away with hosility, especially when we really want what they're offering. Everyone has to figure out their own limits and what's worth the calories and what that will cost you before the day is over. We really owe it to ourselves to learn healthy ways to deal with the social food situation and to make it so one slip doesn't push us over the edge. Ultimately we're responsible for ourselves in these situations and the healthier our response the better off we'll be for it in the long run.

I drank too much caffiene this morning I think.

AmyMCGS

I love to cook and feed people...I think it's my love language, lol. That said, though, I'm not offended if someone declines my offer. I think if you force someone to take something than its not really a gift, it's an obligation.