Rocovering from anorexia, now binging.

Gemini159

I don't really know but there was one thing I noticed in your comments. I wonder instead of the words "skinny" and "fat" you can try "healthy". Because you have to keep reminding yourself these are all your challenges to getting more healthy, both physically (your body is nourished) and emotionally ( you are at peace with who you are, you accept your strengths and flaws, etc). Not saying that's easy, but for me thinking in terms of moving towards optimal health helps a lot. For me that's losing weight, and improving fitness and strength. But either way, how we frame these struggles does make a difference. To me at least. And changing habits and thought patterns takes time and we make mistakes along the way. Treat yourself with compassion when this happens. Humans are complicated!! Wishing you health, and peace.

Graelwyn75

You really need further help with this, I feel. Your mind is still not in a place where recovery would be possible and it is very difficult to reach that point without professional help. Your focus still seems to be solely on weight and being 'skinny' and not 'fat' rather than being healthy, both mentally and physically. The binge eating is most likely a reaction to your previous restriction and is actually pretty common among those who had anorexia so you are certainly not alone. It tends to ease off when a healthy weight is reached and when your focus swings from restriction and weight control, to health and balance.

doingthisfortheboys

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Me too. I go ALL day without eating. I workout (or run or walk) 3 - 4 hours a day and then go to work at a deli 5 hours at night. I eat all my calories after work. I did have my calories up when I was working with my trainer who has told me that until I get help and my head on straight he can't help me any longer. Now I'm slipping back to my old ways slowly but surely. Soon I will be back to where I was in April 2013 before he came on board. Just a 300 calorie salad a day. I'll be at my goal of 125 lbs in no time.
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You'll also be fully in the grips of a life threatening ed, most probable binging as you will be craving food as will be starving and burning muscle instead of fat, why would you want that - just to get to a goal weight quickly ?

kelly_e_montana

I'm in eating disorder recovery and believe the high rate of veganism among ED folks is just a method to control your food intake and calories without being called out by your doctor and family. Hate me. IDC. Been there, done that.

AlanaTedmon

kelly_e_montana wrote: »

I'm in eating disorder recovery and believe the high rate of veganism among ED folks is just a method to control your food intake and calories without being called out by your doctor and family. Hate me. IDC. Been there, done that.

I absolutely agree with this. It's staggering the amount of vegetarians that are women with eating disorders; kind of scary too.

doingthisfortheboys

Absolutely agree too! At the start of much recovery really considered it, I had to think long and hard what I liked to eat and what my body needed, I'm glad I fought through as I think being tied to the can't eat this or that just keeps you in that restrictive mindset !

doingthisfortheboys

Buy the way @Kelly_e_Montana you look awesome well done !

ukaryote

AshleyECook wrote: »

thanks if I still have a full on eating disorder I might as well quit eating again because I'd rather have an ED and be skinny then have an ED and be fat.

I go to a support group every week so I feel like that is taking the first step. I find this comment quite rude and offensive and I suppose I should just quit trying.

Pay no attention to comments you consider rude, even if they were not meant that way. Take the good parts you find.

You are doing the head work and that is definitely the most difficult part. I have dealt with other head issues (not eating disorder) and it as damn hard work, enough to break out in a sweat.

You are doing incredibly well, doing the hard part. Keep going to the docs and group. Keep working on it. Realistically, sometimes you will fail. But more and more times you will succeed.

Your very first post indicated you had successes. Wonderful!

VeganEquestrian

kelly_e_montana wrote: »

I'm in eating disorder recovery and believe the high rate of veganism among ED folks is just a method to control your food intake and calories without being called out by your doctor and family. Hate me. IDC. Been there, done that.

I've been vegan for as long as I can remember. My mom and sister are as well. Veganism came to me before ED.

gothchiq

I understand that this is a common thing to happen, and that if you allow yourself to eat, the bingeing will slow down and stop in time. It's part of the refeeding process. Try not to stress over it (not easy, I know). I'm available if u want to talk.

VeganEquestrian

[/quote]
Pay no attention to comments you consider rude, even if they were not meant that way. Take the good parts you find.

You are doing the head work and that is definitely the most difficult part. I have dealt with other head issues (not eating disorder) and it as damn hard work, enough to break out in a sweat.

You are doing incredibly well, doing the hard part. Keep going to the docs and group. Keep working on it. Realistically, sometimes you will fail. But more and more times you will succeed.

Your very first post indicated you had successes. Wonderful!


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thank you. I contacted EDV today and they are referring me to a dietitian so hopefully that helps.

daynerz

It has to come down to the root issue. Eat more, confront your fear. Your fear is gaining, allow yourself to gain and you deal with your battle first hand. This is how you truly get passed, and to be absolutley honest with yourself. I dont believe you WANT a healthy relationship with food because your desire to be thin is more important to you.
You can stay slim and count calories without gaining weight that you dont want.
Counting calories is a healthy relationship with food for me and in my life...
the reason I know this is because I used to be a binger, however counting calories, staying slim (key) allows me to deeply appreciate food, of all kinds. To actually feel what it means to enjoy and have gratitude for food that is plenty. I think about those who actually cant afford food or live in bad areas of the world. Belief and solid gratitude for food is step one to a healthy relationship. You must Change this root issue by THINKING differently, and allowing yourself to BUILD a Habit (whether calorie counting weekly, not binging, ..ect)

TXRanchGirl

I am not a doctor..and I HIGHLY reccomend talking with the doc/therapist on this..and if they brush off your concerns, find another professional to help you.

I feel, last year, I had a bout with anorexia..I starved myself down to 108 pounds..which for my medium frame made me look skeletal. it was at the point folks thought I was sick...it was my way of dealing with a ginorumous emotional "boo boo" I had suffered. I now understand in a world spinning out of control, my eating was something I COULD control.

Im now into the 120's..Id love to be 117-ish again, but I realize Im not bad off where Im at..it took awhile for me to mentally overcome this hurdle, but Im getting there. I have my beautiful shape back, including my boobs..which shrank to nothing when I starved myself.

I suffer from late night sugar binges...at first I did not know exactly what it was, just knew I wanted to puke and not eat for a week after one.

I have determined (and I saw it mentioned above) making sure I am close or hit my fat and protein for the day helps curb this..espc if I load up on protein-y snacks. befcause my binge is sugar based, I also include fruit in my day, espc in my evening meal. I still slip up..last night at midnight I ate three oatmeal raisin cookies..:(..and I felt icky this morning. I CAN overcome this and I WILL overcome it..but it takes retraining of the mind, at least for me. Good luck, feel free to friend!

SkinnyGourmand

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daynerz wrote: »

I dont believe you WANT a healthy relationship with food because your desire to be thin is more important to you.

I know you're trying to help but it's not that easy for someone with anorexia to change their thinking. Anorexia is defined by disordered thinking, OP can't just wake up one day and decide that she's not going to care about being thin. It's like telling a person with clinical depression to stop feeling sad. And she already stated that she's purging/restricting because she is so afraid of being fat now that she's 115 lbs. so simply gaining weight isn't helping her.

OP - best of luck. It sounds like you're doing the right thing by speaking to professionals about your eating disorder. Hopefully your meeting with the dietician helps.

VeganEquestrian

SkinnyGourmand wrote: »

daynerz wrote: »

I dont believe you WANT a healthy relationship with food because your desire to be thin is more important to you.

I know you're trying to help but it's not that easy for someone with anorexia to change their thinking. Anorexia is defined by disordered thinking, OP can't just wake up one day and decide that she's not going to care about being thin. It's like telling a person with clinical depression to stop feeling sad. And she already stated that she's purging/restricting because she is so afraid of being fat now that she's 115 lbs. so simply gaining weight isn't helping her.

OP - best of luck. It sounds like you're doing the right thing by speaking to professionals about your eating disorder. Hopefully your meeting with the dietician helps.[/quote]

THANK YOU!

I know I have an unhealthy relationship with food and I desire to be thinner and normal. I know this is an issue and its taking over my life and thoughts. I don't want to be like this. I want to change but that takes time as I'm 21 and I've been like this since 12/13 so I can't just change overnight!

gothchiq

I wish we could get the Ignore button back so that we could just block out rude people.

The bingeing is kind of to be expected at this point, but purging is another story, so whatever help you need to *not* purge, that's going to be important. I know it's a horrible panicky feeling to just keep a binge down, but it's a necessary step on the path to eventually not bingeing and relearning a normal pattern. I have not yet conquered the not bingeing part, either. But it's a process.

AnsiStar

Hello Ashley,

I was pretty much in the same boat. I already had a fantastic nutritionist that had helped my fear of food, but he lived halfway across the country. I had gotten over anorexia but had started binging and had no idea how to stop. My doctor told me he wasn't worried about it and said I had OCD, not an ED. I was pretty much left to deal with it on my own but they were like compulsions. I didn't WANT to do them, I just HAD to.
Then I found a girl at my gym who is studying nutrition and is a fully recovered ex-bulimic.

Her first step with me was to be kind to myself. If a binge occures, the moment it is over is the moment you move on and get back to normality as soon as possible, no starvation period. It's terrying, god I know how scary it is. Don't let this beat you because you are so much more than any ED. She had me stop counting, stop weight and start right from the beginning. I've felt unstable putting all my trust in her but only a few weeks later I am feeling "normal". Yes I gained a lot of weight from binging but I'm even losing it even with the mad volume of food she gave me! I am able to put down food when I've "had enough". I've regained the ability to know whether I want something or not. It's freedom, and you'll have it too.

She put me on IF too as I don't like breakfast and like you would often have the urge to binge at home later at night. This has almost completely stopped. Perhaps this is something you can try?

I'm so happy you're seeing a dietician. Don't be scared of food. Don't be hard on your plateaus. You're not well but you're trying to get better. Asking someone to stop binging is like asking a sick person not to puke. It's just not that simple. You can do this. Take care

redheaddee

I know nothing about anorexia, but will say that this sounds like an excellent conversation to have with your counselor. Best wishes to you.

typicallystrange

i'm in recovery, i eat 2500-3000 calories a day. i used to consider that a binge (now i know better). i am in no way fat, in fact, i'm finding it difficult to gain more weight. bingeing in recovery is not bingeing, it's your body trying to get energy and nutrients that it needs