Selfish or Selfcare??

arabellamoore451

I haven't been able to eat on a regular schedule, let alone go to my gym since Monday. My work week is demanding and then some unexpected (really unexpected--emergency room stuff) family illnesses happened to 3 loved ones. Then top that off with a family birthday party today (which is smack dab in the middle of my gym class). Between work & family, I am discovering that there is absolutely no time for myself unless I actually say no to work or family. HOW DOES ONE DO THAT?!?

Liftng4Lis

Do both. Instead of doing a class today, hit the gym early and do treadmill or elliptical and THEN go to your family gathering.

MelodyandBarbells

Wake up earlier, stay up later, to exercise. Move around more during the work day

Say no to some family stuff

I have taken vacation days where I simply laid around feeling sorry for myself and still went to my gym classes because I wanted to. Helped me get away from some work stress and recharge on my own schedule

You may or may not have these options

h7463

Hey! You poor thing...
Don't beat yourself up...life happens.... Eating on a regular schedule isn't important as long as you stay within your nutrition total for the day/week. Work is important, obviously, but nobody can plan illnesses.
For the rest, if people expect you to be considerate of their plans, they will have to respect your plans. Gym class is important to you, and you are probably paying for it, too. Put up a large calender in a spot that everybody can see, enter YOUR plans. Let everybody else navigate around 'your time' for once.
You shouldn't feel guilty, even if you just make a birthday phone call, or only show up for a few minutes. Have a small piece of cake and enjoy it!

Stay strong!

arabellamoore451

Thank-you for the comments and suggestions. I did go to the gym today and hit the pool instead of class (yes, I am paying for these privs) which make it so very tough to miss out. I would love a true vacation...all year has been devoted to taking care of others and I am finally exhausted beyond my ability to manage it well. Great reminder that I need to stay within my daily/weekly total...that actually helps to see that in writing. You have all been very helpful. hugs

Kalikel

If you have to skip a day, skip a day. Make that choice. But remember that it's in your control and you can choose to exercise at a different time.

Don't think, "I can't work out because..." Change it to, "I can workout because..." and finish that sentence. You'll be surprised how creative you can get when you do the Finish The Sentence thing.

The "It's out of my control!" thinking will sink you.

BigGuy47

arabellamoore451 wrote: »

...all year has been devoted to taking care of others

It's great that you do so much that you help out your family. It sounds like they count on you. In order to help them in the long term you need to make your own well being a high priority.

When a flight attendant is gives the pre-flight speech they always say, "if the air masks drop down from the overhead compartment put on your mask first and then put on the child's mask". This is of course because the adult is better equipped to make critical decisions and act accordingly so it's important that they take care of themselves. If they put the mask on the child and then they pass out they are no longer able to help the child.

What I'm trying to say here is don't think that you're being selfish when you put yourself first. Think of it in the long term, you are making an effort so you can help your family for a very long time. If you always put others first then eventually you'll be the one needing help. Be selfish, it will be a positive thing for everybody.

PotentiallyCrazy

Good points being made here. Being selfish, to a degree, is self-care, thus you are well enough to continue caring for others who rely on you. Most of this year I spent caring for my mom. In March, she broke a vertebra in her spine, which we found was because of cancer that had spread. Aggressive, fast-moving cancer which devastated her & my younger sister & I. I took extensive time off work, first going to her appointments, then staying with her at the hospital many times, then eventually staying with her the whole time at hospice. She just passed away at the end of September.

It was so important that I be there for her as she was always there for me. That quickly became my life, & now she's gone & I'm "rediscovering" myself. Finding myself & starting a new life. While caring for her, most well-meaning people would bring us junk food: cookies, storebought high-cal muffins, candy. When possible (& when I could think clearly) I would try to choose the "healthier" option. If someone would offer to bring what I wanted, I would make a healthier request. Do what you can do, with what you have. Try to make good choices food- & exercise-wise, but don't beat yourself up for it if you fall short. Life continues. Just go on. & there are times where you can make yourself the priority, especially if it helps maintain your sanity & reason-making abilities.

snowflake930

Somehow, if you want to do it, you find a way. I work very long hours, plus have a 40-45 minute commute one way. I have to get up very early and go in to the gym before I begin my work day. It is not easy to juggle things sometimes, we just have to do the best we can. Sorry you have family issues, hopefully they will get better and you can find more time to get in some time for yourself. It is not selfish to want to take better care of yourself, but sometimes priorities will make us put ourselves on the back burner. I wish you and your family well. It is not easy, but some days are better than others.

ponycyndi

If you haven't made it a habit, self care can feel selfish. IT ISN'T.