I just need to get it out there...

aBetterMe25

I feel like I have a lot of stress piling up and its becoming my excuses lately. I some what vented on my status about it but I feel like I need to just put it out there. A way to "wash myself" of the 'excuses' and maybe get some support or suggestions from others that have gone through some what what im going through.

I was recently diagnosed with cancer (we noticed the tumor in May, was officially diagnosed in Sept.) I just finished radiation last week and as far as we know (I have more tests to undergo to find out if it spread) right now, im officially cancer free. When all of that started I swore I wouldnt let that become my excuse to give up. I swore Id let that motivate me to get healthy, take time for me, and get my entire family on track to a healthy life. Nothing more eye opening than facing something like cancer. I felt lucky. I didnt get a cancer that was life threatening (well it is- if its spread. but as long as we caught it in time im safe). i didnt have to go through chemo, at least not right now. not everyone is so lucky. i felt like i didnt have a right to complain when it could have been much worse. when other people have it much worse. Then I felt sick. Tired all the time. Cranky. i had complication after complication. was in the ER several times a week. had multiple surgeries in emergency situations... I wanted my comfort foods. I wanted to binge eat and just feel sorry for myself. I mean its not what I wanted. I was miserable emotionally but the "health kick" , if you will, was still new when I got the cancer diagnosis that i wasnt confident enough to fight the cancer and the cravings, and be tough enough to get up and work out. Yes I was so sick that i wasnt eating much anyways. but i still should have been putting in a better effort to eat right. to get up and be active. something. In a way I want to put the cancer behind me. Were done with radiation, i cant use that as an excuse any more. But emotionally im still so drained. Radiation is over but i still have so many tests to go through. ill have to have testing done for the rest of my life to make sure it doesnt come back.

i have 3 kids. none of which know that i have...had...cancer. they know mommy is sick. they know mommy sees the doctor a lot. but i dont want to burden them with the details.

Then I have my father and his wife who live with us. Both are disabled. I cook. i clean. i do the shopping. im taking care of a total of 7 people. i found out a few days ago my father has been threatening suicide. (he only recently moved in with us an apparently this has been going on for a while). hes over dosing on pain pills, sleeping pills, and whatever other pills he can get his hands on (all are legally prescribed to him). right now i dont think hes over dosing it to kill himself. hes doing it to "get away" from his reality. but he has made threats "maybe i should put everyone out of their misery an just end it". and knowing hes abusing his pills, it terrifies me that thats how hell chose to end it. so im working with his doctors, the state, anyone i can because i dont know what to do for him.

i know im putting a lot of my personal life out there and many dont want to- and wont- read this. thats ok! but im just asking for help. help from anyone who has been in any of these situations. Fighting cancer and getting healthy, living with or caring for a disabled parent, dealing with suicide threats and worrying what would happen if something did happen while you arent there...

i know no one can really help as far as changing the situations, but what im looking for is help for me. how do i find time, and not feel guilty, for me? how do i make ME a priority? how do i deal with everything emotionally and still be there for my kids? My kids and I HAVE to start coming first. and i feel guilty for that. But theres only so much i can do for him (dad) when he wont help himself. and i cant waste away worrying about him while my health declines and then what/? im in the same spot he is a few years from now!
i guess in a nutshell im just having trouble coping. i feel overwhelmed and i dont know where to start digging to get myself out of this mess.

AliceDark

Oh, sweetie, that's a lot! I'm sorry you're having to go through all of that. The only thing I can say is that, more than anything else, your kids need you to be healthy. They need you to be around for them, more than your father or your husband or anyone else needs you. If it makes you feel guilty when you think about taking care of yourself for YOU, think about taking care of yourself for THEM. You know that being stressed and tired can be dangerous for your health, and the #1 thing your kids need you to do is stay healthy for them. Your kids can't articulate that to anyone else in your life, so you need to be able to speak for them.

DiabolicalColossus

First, congratulations on being cancer free. That's wonderful! I wish you lifelong remission.

Second, I'm sorry to hear about all of these issues. It sounds rather draining and demoralizing.

Now, onto some possible solutions:

1) A support group/some kind of counseling or professional help.

-You need an outlet for your feelings in a big way. A professional can help you learn how to cope during this time, a support group can help you feel connected to people who've either been through what you have or are currently there/somewhere similar.

2) A form of exercise that is fun.

-I know, I know. Exercise is the last thing on your mind right now. But perhaps if it was something fun, something you might want to do with the kids, you'd stick to it. Even something simple like walks with them would be worthwhile: you'd spend some time with them outside of the house and you'd be getting in some exercise.

3) You're right to ask for the State's involvement and his doctors concerning your father. I'm not sure what else to suggest here, outside perhaps of maybe some sort of counseling for him as well if he's open to it.

4) A non-exercise activity you enjoy.

-Maybe something simple like writing in a journal. Or drawing. Or throw yourself into cooking. It can be anything. You need something to entertain yourself and keep your mind off of food and away from overthinking about stress. I'm not trying to minimize your feelings or experiences here, in fact I have that very problem. Perhaps even mindfulness meditation can help.

I apologize if these are all things you've considered and cannot do (or are not interested in doing), and wish I had better suggestions.

vanessaendure

I am new here and just read your story IMO I suggest that you gear your exercise and activities around your situation right now and health. Above all be good to yourself, try not to 'stress yourself out'. I like the last comment about going to the park with the kids, fun things to do together (that doesn't feel like exercise). Try and link up with a support group that is so important to your well being (no one is alone in this), plus you have support here so your voice is heard. I agree with the journalling, painting, art work, crafting (with the kids), music, meditation even a low impact Thai Chi. Take care....

cdavis1511

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I can feel your struggle and all I can say is don't give up on yourself. You're obviously a strong person with a lot on your plate. You've beaten cancer, want to help your dad, and be a positive role model for your children - just keep all of that in mind when you feel like you can't take time for you. If you don't take time for yourself then you won't be able to keep doing all of those things. Stay strong!