Trouble with too much focus on the calories

jannickegn574

Hi!
I'm new to this site, but the reason I joined is that I've actually lost weight lately that I didn't mean to lose, and am in too much control of my daily intake and workouts.

I've always been overweight, had about 5kgs to much. But in my late teens I gained a lot of weight, and was up to 97 kgs (I'm 1,73 cm tall). Long story short; I've lost 25 kgs after that, gained 10 kgs again, and lost another 16 kgs.
Today I weigh about 68-69 kgs. I actually feel like I'm at my best at about 71 kgs. I exercise about 5 times a week, mostly weight lifting.
The best thing is that I never managed to jog before, and I was proud for managing to jog for about 4 minutes! Today my personal record is 34 minutes, and that alone is a huge accomplishment for me. These records and my muscles showing are motivating me so that I have a healthy body when I'm older.

My issue today is that I think TOO MUCH about my calorie intake, exercise, and proteins.
I'm terrified to gain weight again, and I feel like my body really wants to gain all the weight it has always had. Do you guys have any tips for me to get more relaxed about food? I'm always anxious about eating with other people. I have my ugly binge eating moments, and then I barely eat for a couple of days and work out a lot. So my energy is running low, and my head is a bit twisted from calorie counting. I can barely eat food with other people, and I need complete control over everything in my fridge. I can never have much food home, or I'll just binge eat it.
My biggest challenge today is having a normal relationship to food. It's always been a comfort, and I always feel drawn to or repulsed by food whenever something personal happens in my life. Right now I'm struggling to take in more than 1300-1500 calories a day because of a small fall depression. I'm trying to quit connecting food to personal problems, but it's always been a part of me before.

Do you guys have experience with this or any tips?

Francl27

Go see a therapist. You're terrified to gain weight but want to gain 2 kilos, that's a problem right there.

scottacular

I've got the same fear on that one, currently cutting at the moment and then will be seeking to gain lean mass. But at some point I want to be able to eat food without needing to track but fear as soon as I do that I'll gain weight I don't want. The thought of tracking every calorie for the rest of my life is just as horrifying a thought.

lishie_rebooted

Please seek professional help.

You seem to be going through binge & restrict cycles plus you have a fear of gaining weight and are constantly thinking about food/calories. You've created an unhealthy relationship with food and you're only 22 so you've got a lot of life of head of you. I implore you to fix it now so you aren't struggling when you're 44, 63, 98...

CassieReannan

I can relate. I am a bit iffy about maintenance at the moment. I've lost almost 50kg, and I've been counting calories for almost 3 years at a deficit. Yeah I've had some pretty bad moments, out of all those years I've only ever had a few months off and a few kgs back on. It feels like it's my life now, but I know transitioning to maintenance is best. I just can't seem to shake that losing 'habit' and still religiously count calories. I'm relaxed around food but I am pretty controlling at times what I put in. I have no trouble eating calorific foods, and if I want something I'll eat it, but most of the time I feel guilty afterwards or overcompensate by being more strict the next day.

50sFit

603reader wrote: »

Please seek professional help.

You seem to be going through binge & restrict cycles plus you have a fear of gaining weight and are constantly thinking about food/calories. You've created an unhealthy relationship with food and you're only 22 so you've got a lot of life of head of you. I implore you to fix it now so you aren't struggling when you're 44, 63, 98...

^^^^^^^^
(*) THIS (*)
Most people here need to learn how to log foods and count calories in an effort to get fit with healthy, steady and lasting results.
Nobody here is qualified to play shrink.
Good Luck!

jannickegn574

603reader wrote: »

Please seek professional help.

You seem to be going through binge & restrict cycles plus you have a fear of gaining weight and are constantly thinking about food/calories. You've created an unhealthy relationship with food and you're only 22 so you've got a lot of life of head of you. I implore you to fix it now so you aren't struggling when you're 44, 63, 98...

I know that my relationship to food is really unhealthy, that's why I'm asking for help here to get the right mindset about food. This is something I know that many people in my culture struggle with in these crazed fitness times.

jannickegn574

CassieReannan wrote: »

I can relate. I am a bit iffy about maintenance at the moment. I've lost almost 50kg, and I've been counting calories for almost 3 years at a deficit. Yeah I've had some pretty bad moments, out of all those years I've only ever had a few months off and a few kgs back on. It feels like it's my life now, but I know transitioning to maintenance is best. I just can't seem to shake that losing 'habit' and still religiously count calories. I'm relaxed around food but I am pretty controlling at times what I put in. I have no trouble eating calorific foods, and if I want something I'll eat it, but most of the time I feel guilty afterwards or overcompensate by being more strict the next day.

Sounds exactly like me. I can have snacks and a great rich dinner Fridays and Saturdays, but the thoughts of "losing" is always in the back of my head on Sundays.

CassieReannan

jannickegn574 wrote: »

CassieReannan wrote: »

I can relate. I am a bit iffy about maintenance at the moment. I've lost almost 50kg, and I've been counting calories for almost 3 years at a deficit. Yeah I've had some pretty bad moments, out of all those years I've only ever had a few months off and a few kgs back on. It feels like it's my life now, but I know transitioning to maintenance is best. I just can't seem to shake that losing 'habit' and still religiously count calories. I'm relaxed around food but I am pretty controlling at times what I put in. I have no trouble eating calorific foods, and if I want something I'll eat it, but most of the time I feel guilty afterwards or overcompensate by being more strict the next day.

Sounds exactly like me. I can have snacks and a great rich dinner Fridays and Saturdays, but the thoughts of "losing" is always in the back of my head on Sundays.

Yeah, can totally agree I know it's an unhealthy habit to keep too.

funchords

You're body sounds like it's become a mean-lean calorie-eating machine. You're probably tracking your weight-room activities, too. You don't just lift any weight in any routine, you lift your weights in your routine. It is normal for an athlete like yourself to track the things that matter. I know you're worried about obsession, and I agree with the suggestions that you talk to someone about it.

Just like in losing weight, the key to control in maintenance or gaining weight is logging. It's normal for the first few months of logging to worry about each meal and each day. As you learn -- or maybe you have already learned while losing -- one bad meal does not make a bad day and one bad day does not make a bad week. This applies now as it did then. Control what you can and what you didn't control, let it go. Just keep logging and you'll be in control as soon as your next meal.

Think less about daily, start thinking more about weekly. The body doesn't reset at midnight -- ignore the daily calorie target and start tracking to the weekly one. Make sure you're hitting your average target calories to attain your weight-gain goals. In a normal relationship with food, your week will have heavy days and lighter days, but to meet your weight-gaining goal, your average must meet or exceed your calorie goal. The app has a nice weekly graph that fits this purpose better than the website does, but either could be used.

Jogging is a cardio exercise -- can you express why you are doing it? What is the goal? If you can, fine. But if you can't articulate why, perhaps it's an exercise that doesn't fit your goals. Cutting back on jogging would help you gain weight. But if you're trying to meet some athletic goal by jogging, you'll need to add food calories to support that effort.

Hope this helps.

Capt_Apollo

it's okay to be afraid to regain weight. i don't want to regain weight either. but there is a difference between being afraid to regain all XX amount of pounds you've lost, and putting on 2-3 pounds after a night out with friends.

loribethrice

I can relate! I only have like 9lbs to go before maintenance and I'm scared to death to go into it when I get there. I don't want to gain any weight back at all. I'd rather lose down to the lowest I can go just in case. I've become obsessed completely by counting my calories daily and keeping track of how many I burn. I still hate my body, so it makes me wonder if anyone is happy when they get to their goal weight. I feel like I look terrible because my stomach refuses to flatten and it's making me very self-conscious and depressed. If I gained weight back it would get worse.

tulips_and_tea

Good for you for recognizing this is a problem and wanting to fix it. Not an easy task, but yes, it CAN be done. Just by chance there was an article today on MSN.com that may be helpful called "How to Call a Truce and Rebuild a Healthy Relationship with Food". Do a search and give it a read. Hope it helps!