How to bounce back from binge eating?

0nesecret

For the last year I used to be borderline anorexic. Not that I ever really skipped meals, I just ate really little, really "clean," and always low-calorie things. I exercised a bit almost everyday. It was innocent and I didn't realize it was unhealthy as I still ate a lot in my mind. The result is I went underweight and lost my period for a year. Well, more than a year now. At the beginning of this year I probably weighed 100 lbs at 5'4 at one point.

Over the summer I started gaining weight. I'd eat a lot everyday and have less and less restriction foods. My doctor put me on hormones to bring my period back, but I think the dosage is too low because I'm on my second round now and still no period.

Anyway, I'm in university now, and these days I find myself eating up to 3000 calories practically everyday. I'd eat meals and snacks, and overeat at every single meal. For breakfast I'd eat 2 packs of oat cakes (500+ cals), with unsweetened almond milk, nuts, lots and LOTS of nut butter, dried fruits, more than one banana, etc (example of what I ate today is below). Every meal would be extremely calorific. I find I don't even feel full anymore. I'm always unsatisfied. I always want to eat.

I haven't been exercising at all as it's a new environment and I have no time with my uni work. (If I were more organized I'd probably find time to exercise. Last week I managed an 8k jog, which was good but really the only exercise I did).

At the same time I'm feeling sad and unorganized. I feel unmotivated, inadequate, and messy.

I have eaten to the point of having stomachaches and diarrhea, but I eat past discomfort.

I'm not fat yet, but it's impossible that I haven't gained quite a few kilograms from my habits throughout the past month. The last time I checked (at the end of September) I was practically at a healthy weight (the low end of a healthy weight, but I had ALWAYS been at the low end before my disordered eating began. My BMI never really went past 20. And anyway, BMI is crap?).

I can't stop binging, basically. I've stopped beating myself about it, but I don't think it's helping. I try not keeping food in my room, I try eating out, etc, but I always ALWAYS manage to eat a lot more whenever I get the chance.

It's killing my self-confidence, and most likely killing my money as well as I need to buy lots of groceries to replace all the food I've eaten. It makes me feel messy, and it makes me feel awful as I feel I need to exercise it off but I don't have the time and I need to focus on my school work.. so I end up feeling anxious and unmotivated to work.

I do not really want to go back to strict calorie counting as it gave me unhealthy thoughts.

Please help?

All that I ate today as I can recall: 2 packs of oatcakes (500+), 4 bananas, all spread on with tahini, LOTS of dried mulberries, a large bowl of unsweetened almond milk, 2 small-medium sweet potatoes, 1 wholemeal smoked tofu sandwich (300?), 3 "carrot cake balls" (~150), a pack of small wholegrain berries rice cakes (~200), a pack of sundried tomatoes popcorn with nutritional yeast (~100), 4 apples, 3 chunks of stevia-sweetened dark chocolate, some buckwheat groats and quinoa "puff", LOTS of almonds, a large handful or two if I were to guess... and honestly a lot more tahini and dried mulberries. I can't quite remember what else; maybe this is all. I eat more on some days.

It's very disorganized because I think to myself "oh, I ate this much, better just eat some fruits tonight or something" and then I end up snacking on everything I can possibly find.

I'm worried about the nutritional imbalance as a result of this habit as well.

ALSO: I do not eat meat nor dairy. I eat fish and eggs occasionally, though not everyday. I say this in case someone points out possible lack in protein.

girlviernes

Binging is how the body responds to anorexia - it is trying to get you to a healthy weight. You aren't binging because you are weak or disorganized or anything else, it is exactly what your body and mind needs right now. Here are some keys to help you naturally move away from the binging:

Focus on getting 3 good meals and 2-3 good snacks per day. A good meal will have protein, fat, and carbohydrate and fill a plate, and a good snack will have two food groups (e.g. an apple and peanut butter).

If you binge, don't skip meals or exercise more.

Accept that your weight will fluctuate at first as you continue to be recovering from the physical aspects of anorexia. Don't worry too much about your weight, give it time and it will normalize. You were on the thin side before which makes it like that you will have no problem.

It is very challenging to recover from an eating disorder, so please find a good psychologist and/or dietitian who can help you. You've come very far and absolutely are doing the right thing for your body and your future.