How to encourage without hurting feelings?

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GordieLaChance
GordieLaChance Posts: 171
in Motivation and Support
Hello everyone,

I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.

How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?
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Replies

  • Cortneyrenee04
    Cortneyrenee04 Posts: 1,117 Member
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    This is a tough one. I either wait until they ask for suggestions, say nothing, or delete them after a while.
  • _Terrapin_
    _Terrapin_ Posts: 4,301 Member
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    People love unsolicited comments; it usually leads to junk punches, slaps, drink in face, but here in MFP land they just delete you. Best of luck. Seriously, don't comment, because hey, posting it here the 6 will see it and you'll lose one or two. Done.
  • lorib642
    lorib642 Posts: 1,942 Member
    edited October 2014
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    I am new, too. I feel exposed just having my diary open to my friends. If one was to make an unsolicited comment about my food choices I would like it to be done tactfully. I don't know what the right words would be.

    Maybe ask if they want any advice
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    Don't. Just don't. Not unless they ask, or are complaining or otherwise indicate that they would welcome a critique. This is why I have my diary closed. It saves me having to tell people to rack off when they offer unsolicited advice.

    Or you, could just do it, nicely, and then keep doing it with the friends who stick with you - it would be a good way to craft your friends list into a group of people who are happy to take your advice/criticism. The people who don't appreciate it would defriend you, and you could continue to encorage the ones that remain.
  • _Blues_
    _Blues_ Posts: 62 Member
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    I say just be out with it. I know I don't always eat the best of foods I am still learning about healthy exciting food options. I would appreciate a pal telling me that something I had was a bad choice even if I already knew it when someone else says it i become more aware of what I am doing. Also I think if you are going to say something give the person a healthy recommendation or two something that isnt as obvious as "you should have had vegetables instead"anywho that is my opinion. Sorry for all the errors my tablet is in rare form tonight. :/
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
    edited October 2014
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    GordieLaChance wrote: »
    Hello everyone,

    I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.

    How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?

    I sometimes notice that some people on my friend list are always under their calorie goal but I don't say anything because its not my business.I eat everything including candies,cookies etc when i want and I would delete someone out of friends list if they stick their nose into my business.
  • 50sFit
    50sFit Posts: 712 Member
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    GordieLaChance wrote: »
    Hello everyone,

    I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.

    How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?
    You can't.
    Most know-it-all's can't stand to be enlightened. Truth is like a poison.

  • jrose1982
    jrose1982 Posts: 366 Member
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    Cortneyrenee04 wrote: »
    This is a tough one. I either wait until they ask for suggestions, say nothing, or delete them after a while.
    ^^ Best approach in my opinion.

    Weight loss is like religion, or love - people just have to figure it out on their own. Telling somebody who's not open to hearing it is like talking to a rock.
  • ponycyndi
    ponycyndi Posts: 858 Member
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    Dad? Is that you?
  • GordieLaChance
    GordieLaChance Posts: 171
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    I just feel badly for her. She's trying hard to eat well, yet nearly every meal is fast food! I suppose I say nothing.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    GordieLaChance wrote: »
    I just feel badly for her. She's trying hard to eat well, yet nearly every meal is fast food! I suppose I say nothing.

    Well, seeing as you've got only 6 friends and you posted this, so I'm thinking she probably now knows what you think...

  • libbydoodle11
    libbydoodle11 Posts: 1,351 Member
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    GordieLaChance wrote: »
    Hello everyone,

    I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.

    How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?


    I likely wouldn't say anything. However, if asked to comment I would ask if they had considered adding more fresh fruit and veggies into their daily menu.
  • ChildrenCryinNCoffee
    ChildrenCryinNCoffee Posts: 477 Member
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    There's many factors to take into account:

    Is fast-food her only option due to budget? Time constraints? Does she live with friends or family that do not respect her allotted groceries? Does she travel a lot?

    I lived in a VERY tiny town when I started MFP years ago, and we had ONE grocery store nearly 50 miles away, yet we had every fast food chain restaurant you can imagine within a 10 mile radius of our home. Having fresh food at home wasn't always an option, room-mates liked to 'host friends' while Derrick and I were at work, and our groceries magically disappeared, so we resorted to fast meals.

    If it bothers you SO much, you have a few options:

    1.) Delete her, as others have said, if you can't express your concern for her choices in a sensitive and delicate manner, delete her--out of sight, out of mind.

    2.) Be patient and encourage, using suggestions from your own diet ("Oh, I see you like grilled cheese! Have you tried it on "this (whatever brand)" kind of whole wheat before?" or "I love ice cream too. You should totally try blending a frozen banana with PB!"

    3.) Message her with your concerns, explaining them, but without degrading her choices or guilting her.

    Just don't expect her to be singing your praise or responding right away, it's very hard for some people to take criticism, especially when it comes to their diet choices and fitness habits (or the lack-thereof).
  • mjkpe
    mjkpe Posts: 98 Member
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    I haven't read all the replies but I have a about 3 or 4 friends on here who have earned the right to comment on my diary. Their input has been crucial to my success and have supported me as I have been going through some personal hell. The basics here is I think that time needs to exist between friend acceptance and comments. However if they put a blanket request for responses out then feel free to add comment. Only rule I'd say applies is be kind and loving as you would want others to be to you. Welcome to a great program and site!
  • fatcity66
    fatcity66 Posts: 1,544 Member
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    GordieLaChance wrote: »
    Hello everyone,

    I'm new to MFP and I'd like to be interactive and helpful to my MFP pals. I've noticed some people seem to think they're eating healthy by simply cutting calories. Problem is, the calories they consume are garbage calories.

    How would one kindly say, 'you're under your goal, but the food you're eating is absolutely terrible!' without hurting feelings?

    I know how you feel, but it's best to just not say anything unless they ask. Then, be VERY tactful, like "Well, this is what I do..."
    I eat my share of junk, as well as "healthy" food, and IMO, whatever someone chooses to eat to lose weight is up to them. The bottom line is, calories are what matter for weight loss. Health and nutrition are a different story.
    I'm pretty sure most people already know that stuff isn't the best to eat as far as nutrition goes, so my telling them isn't going to change anything.

  • lilyann001
    lilyann001 Posts: 75 Member
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    They may not care about what they eat. They may not find your advice helpful at all. Why do you feel the need to comment on anything? If the person wrote to you or on their status "I would like to eat healthier. What are some advice people can give me?" Than it would make sense for you to write to them because they are reaching out and asking, otherwise you are being very nosy. I always think it is best to focus on oneself and how to improve oneself. Help others if they ask for it, otherwise you are being rude and nosy.
  • JennyStixx
    JennyStixx Posts: 12 Member
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    This is why I leave my diary closed. I can't stand someone getting all up in my business plan regarding my love affair with Mickey D's fries and Guinness.
  • joanthemom8
    joanthemom8 Posts: 375 Member
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    I keep my diary closed. I know when I ate too much junk or not. If I had an open diary, I'd be tempted to fib a bit to save face. I don't usually look at my friends food diaries (if they are open), but if I do, I will only comment on the good things or not say anything at all. I won't sugar-coat something, I'll just not comment.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
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    None of your business. If it bothers you that much either delete, or stop looking at the diary. I feel much better since I have stopped looking at diaries. Although my frustration was more about low net cals rather than food choices. It is not up to you to police someone else's food choices, unless they ask for feedback.
  • zacksnana
    zacksnana Posts: 3,230 Member
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    lh3828 wrote: »
    They may not care about what they eat. They may not find your advice helpful at all. Why do you feel the need to comment on anything? If the person wrote to you or on their status "I would like to eat healthier. What are some advice people can give me?" Than it would make sense for you to write to them because they are reaching out and asking, otherwise you are being very nosy. I always think it is best to focus on oneself and how to improve oneself. Help others if they ask for it, otherwise you are being rude and nosy.

    Yep.

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