Worried Father

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Wheelhouse15
Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
edited October 2014 in Chit-Chat
Ok, so not the most light-hearted topic but not sure were else to put it and was hoping I could find some others who have gone through this. I just talked to my eldest daughter today and she found a lump in her breast about a week ago and has an examination on Monday.

I'm not normally one who panics but this is something I have been afraid of. Her mother's family has a history of cancer and my daughter's maternal grandfather used passed recently of lung cancer and three of his siblings also have died of cancer. I really wonder how I can handle this and not lose my head. She lives about 1000 miles away so I cannot be with her. :'(
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  • SugarBabyGirl
    SugarBabyGirl Posts: 7,026 Member
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    I have no experience with this at all. But all I can think of is that if you stay positive for her that's the best you can do. Don't get too far ahead of yourself with this. I think it's okay for you to let her know you too are worried, but you need to be strong and for now keep your scariest feelings away from her. That's just my opinion. Just breathe in and out. <Hugs>
  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
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    Cricket1171 wrote: »
    I have no experience with this at all. But all I can think of is that if you stay positive for her that's the best you can do. Don't get too far ahead of yourself with this. I think it's okay for you to let her know you too are worried, but you need to be strong and for now keep your scariest feelings away from her. That's just my opinion. Just breathe in and out. <Hugs>

    Thanks, I held back on the questions and just let her tell me, we were discussion other things as she has an upcoming surgery. It's a lot for her to deal with and I know she is really stressed out as it is.
  • CariJean64
    CariJean64 Posts: 297 Member
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    She needs you to be calm and reassuring now. Remember that there can be benign causes. Wait and see what she's dealing with.

    Praying for a good result!!
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    Just be there for her. I am going in for an ultrasound in a few weeks because I have a lump. It's actually my second and we have a family history of breast cancer. Most lumps tend to be harmless cysts, so don't freak out yet. Many women get cysts through their cycle due to hormones. Send her a card or a small package to let her know you are there for her and start research just in case, so you know what she's talking about if the worst case scenario happens.

    Good luck to her and you!
  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
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    @cariJean64 Thanks, I'll be praying too

    @usmcmp Thanks, and hoping for the best for you as well! I need to get a card and chocolate...lots of chocolate!
  • JtKeil
    JtKeil Posts: 1,389 Member
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    I'm not a parent so I can't really offer much as far as that goes. However, my family are on the other side of the atlantic and I can definitely relate to worrying/stressing about their health and well being while not being able to be there physically. It's awful to say the least. My parents have been in and out of the hospital this year and 2 years ago my brother was in a car accident, he broke his wrist and suffered whiplash but that was all thankfully.

    Really the way I cope with it is to take it one day at a time. Keep in touch with phone/email and be prepared to jump on a plane if things change quickly.

    I'm sorry your family is going through this. Best wishes to you all.
  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
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    It's always harder when you aren't there. I have to keep myself from booking a ticket but I think that would be counter productive until she has the biopsy. I guess I have to wait till then but the wait is going to kill me.
  • JtKeil
    JtKeil Posts: 1,389 Member
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    Wheelhouse15 wrote: »
    It's always harder when you aren't there. I have to keep myself from booking a ticket but I think that would be counter productive until she has the biopsy. I guess I have to wait till then but the wait is going to kill me.

    That would probably be best, you don't want to freak her out with worrying. As long as she has someone to be with her when she goes that is.
  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
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    JtKeil wrote: »
    Wheelhouse15 wrote: »
    It's always harder when you aren't there. I have to keep myself from booking a ticket but I think that would be counter productive until she has the biopsy. I guess I have to wait till then but the wait is going to kill me.

    That would probably be best, you don't want to freak her out with worrying. As long as she has someone to be with her when she goes that is.

    Her boyfriend will be there so that's covered. Now if I could just stop worrying...no, I'm her father that's not going to happen! :\
  • Hockey_Winger
    Hockey_Winger Posts: 1,164 Member
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    Pretty much what the above are saying. You have to be the rock. You need to show the positive attitude on the outside.
    Wheelhouse15 wrote: »
    It's always harder when you aren't there. I have to keep myself from booking a ticket but I think that would be counter productive until she has the biopsy. I guess I have to wait till then but the wait is going to kill me.

    Have you asked her? I agree don't just fly out there, but if you have the time to go out there for a while, ask her if she would like you to be there. You don't want to worry her, she might be wishing you were there.
  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
    edited October 2014
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    Hockey_Winger wrote: »
    Pretty much what the above are saying. You have to be the rock. You need to show the positive attitude on the outside.
    Wheelhouse15 wrote: »
    It's always harder when you aren't there. I have to keep myself from booking a ticket but I think that would be counter productive until she has the biopsy. I guess I have to wait till then but the wait is going to kill me.

    Have you asked her? I agree don't just fly out there, but if you have the time to go out there for a while, ask her if she would like you to be there. You don't want to worry her, she might be wishing you were there.

    When I spoke to her she told me to wait. She doesn't want to add stress so I think it would be best just to stay put until then. She is a strong woman and I admire her courage even if it's got me on pins and needles.
  • Hockey_Winger
    Hockey_Winger Posts: 1,164 Member
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    OK, just wanted to make sure.

    My daughter had surgery exactly one year ago. She is still too young to understand what happened. I am still sometimes not completely over the stuff leading up to it. I can't imagine what you are going through with your daughter being older and aware of everything.

    Good luck
  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
    edited October 2014
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    Hockey_Winger wrote: »
    OK, just wanted to make sure.

    My daughter had surgery exactly one year ago. She is still too young to understand what happened. I am still sometimes not completely over the stuff leading up to it. I can't imagine what you are going through with your daughter being older and aware of everything.

    Good luck

    I appreciate the concern I asked the questions here so I could get some other opinions because I'm not sure if I am seeing the big picture but the comments here have been very helpful and I am grateful!

    I hope your daughter is doing well, if your picture is recent I understand the fear etc. My oldest daughter underwent eye surgery at 2 and she was very scared and I had another daughter who almost died from a bone infection at 6. I'm just glad everything has worked out so well.
  • Hockey_Winger
    Hockey_Winger Posts: 1,164 Member
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    She is doing excellent, thanks.
  • callmejessica
    callmejessica Posts: 1,868 Member
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    I actually went through this. If she is younger like in her early 20's then she has very high chances of it being benign. I thank my parents for going through it with me. My mom had the right balance between worry and certainty. She was concerned enough to make my appointments and take me, which was awesome because the last thing I wanted to do was think about that stuff and do it all alone. She also reassured me that it would be ok, which helped me to not freak out a lot. You really need to be your daughter's rock right now because she probably has so many thoughts going through her head that she really needs someone to keep her chin up. I'm sorry for your news and I hope your daughter gets better soon!
  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
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    callmejessica wrote: »
    I actually went through this. If she is younger like in her early 20's then she has very high chances of it being benign. I thank my parents for going through it with me. My mom had the right balance between worry and certainty. She was concerned enough to make my appointments and take me, which was awesome because the last thing I wanted to do was think about that stuff and do it all alone. She also reassured me that it would be ok, which helped me to not freak out a lot. You really need to be your daughter's rock right now because she probably has so many thoughts going through her head that she really needs someone to keep her chin up. I'm sorry for your news and I hope your daughter gets better soon!

    Thanks, I hope it's just a lipoid cyst and I'll make sure I'm there for her how ever I can be.
  • SuninVirgo
    SuninVirgo Posts: 255 Member
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    I went through that. Docs thought I had lumps, I went in for a biopsy. I guess that's what your daughter is going through. I was scared as hell---so scared but - acted tough. Was in a new city. No one by my side.
    She is lucky to have you, stay calm and attentive. Depending on the results, you will need to see her.
  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
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    MooninCancer wrote: »
    I went through that. Docs thought I had lumps, I went in for a biopsy. I guess that's what your daughter is going through. I was scared as hell---so scared but - acted tough. Was in a new city. No one by my side.
    She is lucky to have you, stay calm and attentive. Depending on the results, you will need to see her.

    Yeah, she has her surgery and biopsy Monday. I'm still anxious but she has a lot of friends and support where she is so I feel better. She seems to be holding up but I know she is worried.
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,732 Member
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    Wheelhouse15 wrote: »
    Ok, so not the most light-hearted topic but not sure were else to put it and was hoping I could find some others who have gone through this. I just talked to my eldest daughter today and she found a lump in her breast about a week ago and has an examination on Monday.

    I'm not normally one who panics but this is something I have been afraid of. Her mother's family has a history of cancer and my daughter's maternal grandfather used passed recently of lung cancer and three of his siblings also have died of cancer. I really wonder how I can handle this and not lose my head. She lives about 1000 miles away so I cannot be with her. :'(

    Unless her family has a history specifically of breast cancer, I wouldn't worry on account of that history. Tendencies toward specific cancers can be hereditary, but it's unlikely that there is a general cancer gene.

    Also, most lumps turn out to be benign cysts or fibroids.
  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
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    SnuggleSmacks wrote: »
    Wheelhouse15 wrote: »
    Ok, so not the most light-hearted topic but not sure were else to put it and was hoping I could find some others who have gone through this. I just talked to my eldest daughter today and she found a lump in her breast about a week ago and has an examination on Monday.

    I'm not normally one who panics but this is something I have been afraid of. Her mother's family has a history of cancer and my daughter's maternal grandfather used passed recently of lung cancer and three of his siblings also have died of cancer. I really wonder how I can handle this and not lose my head. She lives about 1000 miles away so I cannot be with her. :'(

    Unless her family has a history specifically of breast cancer, I wouldn't worry on account of that history. Tendencies toward specific cancers can be hereditary, but it's unlikely that there is a general cancer gene.

    Also, most lumps turn out to be benign cysts or fibroids.

    That's true and it's our big hope!

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