How do you deal with Stress?

izu87

My guess is that most of you will reply 'By working out'. But is that all? Is working out the secret to dealing with stress?

The past few months I've had so much work related stress that I lost all of my desire to follow diets, workout plans or do anything really. Work has become from a place that I loved and looked forward to going to, to a place that causes me anxiety and simply crushes me. I guess I just never thought about how getting a promotion will change everything. From a free developer I became the manager of half of our company, responsible for our biggest products and our biggest clients. And this responsibility is making me feel like suffocating.

And I cannot stop thinking about it. I get home and my mind remains on work related issues until I run myself into a really dark place of fear, self-pity and weakness. And guess what I'd do - eat a few chocolates and go to bed at 9 o'clock.

But now I'm slowly getting back into it all. I'm trying to acquire the ability to turn my mind off work once I'm out of the office, but it's really hard. However, trying to start working out, making sure to eat less, reading around the forums and so on is somewhat helping. But only somewhat.

And is Working out the only secret to dealing with stress? Or you've got other tactics? I can't be the only one who feels like doing nothing when stress becomes just too much, right?

Solar_Cat

There are two activities that I've found to work really, really well for stress, anxiety, and depression:

1) Regular exercise
2) Regular mindfulness meditation

One or the other works a bit. Both together work really well, at least for me. YMMV.

If you can't find a meditation or an MBSR (mindfulness-based stress reduction) course in your area, or if you prefer to do it yourself, here's a short reading list:

Mindfulness for Beginners, Jon Kabat-Zinn
Mindfulness for Dummies, Shamash Alidina
Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Dummies, Dr. Patrizia Collard
Full Catastrophe Living, Jon Kabat-Zinn

The first two are more introductory; the second two more in-depth. All are highly recommended.

Above all, try to be kind to yourself. All the best to you. I hope this helps.

izu87

Thanks for the recommendations. I don't think we've got courses like this around here, but I'll check those books. I've wanted to learn meditating for a while now, but I'm too impatient.

Being kind to myself would be the hard part. I'm actually really harsh on myself... which causes maybe 80% of my stress issues...

krazyforyou

Being a nurse, I know about stress related anxiety. Its very difficult to turn your mind off once you've left work. I find that if I spend 20 minutes every morning reading a devotion and talking with God has helped me. Now if that is not your cup of tea the above recommendation from Solar-cat would probably work also. You should also remember to love yourself first, because your the responsible one for you physical and emotional health.

izu87

Religion is certainly not my thing. I do envy those that are capable of believing in something that gives them strength and will to move on. I'm more of a 'I need to believe in myself before I believe in anything else' type of person... Problem is I do not believe in myself...

Annahasababy

Meditation. Jon kabat zinn & Eckart Tolle books. If u can get ten days off www.dhamma.org is phenomenal and life changing.

Prayer -- whatever religion you like works.

Annahasababy

Oh u don't like religion. Ok meditation is perfect for you.

izu87

I will certainly have to educate myself on the topic of meditation...

zyxst

My answers are so far away from where this thread is going, but here they are since they're different and may help.

1. Playing a video game. Sometimes it's doing Minecraft digging; sometimes is shooting the crap out of zombies in Left 4 Dead. Nothing that I need to think about.

2. *kitten*.

3. Eat. Not the best, but I haven't been able to stop emotionally eating. Cut back, yes. Completely stop, no.

4. Talk about the problems with someone not involved and/or write in a journal. I rant to my husband at least once a week. He understands that it's just me blowing off steam to calm down. I do the same for him, though daily because of his job.

ECfromSJ

Music. I've been trying to listen to music in my car, on the way to and from work and a caregiving situation. I made a really long playlist on my ipod touch to last me a week, so I don't have to make decisions about what to play after I'm already in the car. Music seems to turn off the verbal part of my mind and help me make the transition to and from stressful situations.

As far as meditation, UCLA has a series of guided meditations you can listen to. I like the one for getting ready to sleep. marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22 You can listen online, download, or get them through iTunes U.

becky10rp

I'm not religious either - when I'm really stressed I do one or more of the following:
- listen to music - whatever music it is that you can lose yourself in - music you love
- call up a good friend and meet up
- read a book

I find that these things get me 'out of my head-space'
.
I'd add work out but you mentioned that wasn't one of your go-to's.....!

arditarose

When I was dealing with some super serious work stuff (buying a company, going through a scandal, being outbid), I was really stressed. I couldn't work out. I just ate and drank a lot of wine and then got fat. THEN I was stressed about that.

So, even though I couldn't do it myself-I say, go to the gym

izu87

I'm trying to stay away from games as I used to get seriously obsessed with them when I was a kid >.> Broke a 17" old school screen with a punch when I died for the Nth time in the final Half Life mission... >.> *coughs*

For ***** I'm single... Self-***** sometimes helps though >.>

And eating is my problem. I usually go for sweets and all of them. My personal "best" is 500g of chocolate. I felt like dying afterwards, but at least I no longer felt stressed... So... eating, until I learn how to control myself is completely out.

Talking is another problem of mine - I bottle up everything... I do have some sort of a journal, and it helps some, but... yeah...

Music... I think this one can help tons..

izu87

becky10rp wrote: »

I'm not religious either - when I'm really stressed I do one or more of the following:
- listen to music - whatever music it is that you can lose yourself in - music you love
- call up a good friend and meet up
- read a book

I find that these things get me 'out of my head-space'
.
I'd add work out but you mentioned that wasn't one of your go-to's.....!

I'm trying to make working out one of my go-to's. It was for a while, then due to holidays and business trips broke it off for a month, and after I returned the hell at work started... *sighs* I just had my first workout in months last night... If I manage to get back on track I'll be super happy, especially because it helped a lot with anxiety.

arditarose wrote: »

When I was dealing with some super serious work stuff (buying a company, going through a scandal, being outbid), I was really stressed. I couldn't work out. I just ate and drank a lot of wine and then got fat. THEN I was stressed about that.

So, even though I couldn't do it myself-I say, go to the gym

I workout at home. No good gyms around my home or my workplace. Plus I'm too anxious to go to one...

deladypilot

I have found that taking a bubble bath, doing my nails etc helps me to relax and feel better about myself. Just do something you enjoy if that is exercise great if that is reading great. What ever takes your mind off of everything else for a while

izu87

I think this is my main problem - I don't know what might take my mind off everything else. I've never been able to just stop thinking. And my tendencies to get anxious/depressive usually get my mind to think on high speed about all that makes me feel negative. -___-'

Samstan101

I run, it may take a mile, it may take me 10 but I always find at some point my mind clears and the stress goes. I either find a solution to a problem or it becomes less important with each step and breathe. I guess its kind of a meditation for me.

Patttience

For stress i go see my councillor. If i had your sort of stress, well some stress is to be expected while you settle into the demands of the new role. But if after some time the stress never let up and you didn't feel more comfortable in the role i'd say go back to your other job.

I hate stress. But i understand a little bit is healthy because that's often when we are growing. If its not a growth situation i.e. where you are learning new tasks, then maybe you need to find ways to solve the situation.

But anyway i like going to someone to nut things out with them. Maybe some sort of mentor or coach would have helped you cope a lot better.

Liftng4Lis

I work out daily, does it relieve my stress? Nope. I'm a ball of it all the time and not the meditation type. I think it definitely helps, but some of us are just bound to be stressed, which in turn ups our cortisol levels, which is counter productive to weight loss and in turn causes more stress.

Go_Mizzou99

Bourbon.

Seriously though. Think about the Serenity prayer...even if you are not religious, there is a lot of wisdom in this short prayer. AA, Al-Anon, NA, GA, and many other self-help organizations use this prayer to open or close meetings as well:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Ask yourself if you can change what is giving you stress.
If so, tackle the problem.
If not, stressing over it changes nothing.

Ming1951

My daughter bought me a set of bose headphones. I have a pretty good library of songs on my phone. When I am really stressed and my mind is Messed up I put them on and listen to music while I walk or ride a bike. I just take an hour or so to myself listening to music. Even if the weather is bad and for now I don't have any excersize equipment at home or belong to a gym I just put those headphones on and wile about, lol. I find music soothing to the soul, and it doesn't matter what kind. Afterward my "zone" is in a much better place.

SideSteel

Other options to consider might be anxiety related medication (this is something you'd want to see your doc about) and seeing a therapist in addition to the previously mentioned suggestions.

Another consideration in addition to improving your ability to cope with stress would be to address the source of stress itself.

EDIT: I should add, that it might be a good idea to attack this from a variety of angles. Look at your environment and how you can reduce the stress and also look at how you can better cope with the stress.

Patttience

If you've got a habit of bottling things up, why not learn to change it. You seem to be saying in some of your replies that you are not willing to try things. Basically your problem is the way you think about things. in meditation of the mindfulness and buddhist types there is a concept of letting go. You need to learn how to do that a bit more. A councillor can help you change the way you think and so can meditation but the latter may be a lot slower. Do both. they offer different things.

LiveLoveRunFar

This resonates. My promotion involved moving & leaving my support system, managing more people-fine , it was the peer and subordinant jealousies that they or their spouse/friend didn't get the job, backstabbing, sabotage, egotism...all that kind of nastiness. I didn't deal with it well, gained a cortisol driven belly, and no motivation...everything was work work work. Maybe exercise would have helped....but I doubt it....the underlying stressor would always be there. I did take relaxing baths, tried to get out do fun things...no change. So, I gave up the job and moved back, got another job. This resulted in me getting back to my old happy self. I think you have to remove the stressor...if the job isn't a good fit and isn't working after a year or so... look inside...what is it YOU really want. This isn't always an option tho...depending on the situation, but after this experience, my advise to my daughter is...no matter what..find your inner self and strive for what your soul needs....which is not always what your mind tells you.

izu87

Thank you all... Yeah, I know that the first step always begins with me. Yet, sometimes it's so hard to just do it. I've never had problems with admitting what is wrong with me, but taking actions to change those things... Oh, boy... now that's a completely different story.

I live in a country where counselling, depression, anxiety, etc are completely ignored. So, even if those might have been the most appropriate thing to do - they are not possible. That's why I'm looking for ways for self-help...

TheVirgoddess

izu87 wrote: »

My guess is that most of you will reply 'By working out'. But is that all? Is working out the secret to dealing with stress?

The past few months I've had so much work related stress that I lost all of my desire to follow diets, workout plans or do anything really. Work has become from a place that I loved and looked forward to going to, to a place that causes me anxiety and simply crushes me. I guess I just never thought about how getting a promotion will change everything. From a free developer I became the manager of half of our company, responsible for our biggest products and our biggest clients. And this responsibility is making me feel like suffocating.

And I cannot stop thinking about it. I get home and my mind remains on work related issues until I run myself into a really dark place of fear, self-pity and weakness. And guess what I'd do - eat a few chocolates and go to bed at 9 o'clock.

But now I'm slowly getting back into it all. I'm trying to acquire the ability to turn my mind off work once I'm out of the office, but it's really hard. However, trying to start working out, making sure to eat less, reading around the forums and so on is somewhat helping. But only somewhat.

And is Working out the only secret to dealing with stress? Or you've got other tactics? I can't be the only one who feels like doing nothing when stress becomes just too much, right?

Mine is meditation (via yoga) and deep breathing. The deep breathing helps the most. I imagine myself inhaling good stuff and exhaling the stress/worry/fear.

TheVirgoddess

And honestly I *never* thought I was the meditation type - until I actually tried it.

SuninVirgo

Meditation, yoga, writing in a journal...if the feelings persist- possibly medication for anxiety and depression.

RodaRose

Meditation, yoga, deep breathing techniques (look for breathing videos on youtube.)
Or walking.
Try something new. Stick to it for one week.

izu87

Thanks. I think I will try meditation and working out regularly. But with time I think I'll try other things as well until I find that one thing that works for me.

TossaBeanBag

I am having a ton of work related stress, too - more than ever it seems. I switched my exercising to the first thing in the morning, when I think my cortisol levels are the highest. When I conquer just getting some exercise done, I go to work with some success under my belt already, and I feel better.