I've lost about 30 lbs, took a picture, and I look WORSE than when I was heavier?
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Your story has clearly touched a lot of our hearts/nerves. I’m sorry your mother is so mean - and I agree with everyone here who says – do it for YOU! Weight loss IS more than just looking good, but there are a few small things you could try to pick up your spirits. I bet you really DO look better after dropping 30 lbs, so…buy a pretty new bra to perk up the girls. (I know I needed a new one after 30) Buy some Spanx for the mid-section. Even just a new pair of leggings/tunic top may help you realize you’re a new, smaller you. I KNOW you can’t buy your way to happiness and it may take time for your body to settle into it’s new shape but a little lipstick and a smile (and a new bra) can do wonders! ........
(I’ll get off my "Pollyanna” soapbox now – but really, sometimes we ALL have to fake it 'til we feel it!)
Good luck!
I actually did buy some new clothes for work (worked in an office for all of 6 weeks before my health and other issues forced me to leave) and I was the same size except the pants that were one size smaller. And that's because they had built in Spanx-like stuff.
I have Spanx - I use it to hold "everything in" when I work out and stuff because it makes my C-section scar hurt if I don't. Feels like I need 3 of those or something to actually hold everything in. LOL
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getdancing2013 wrote: »So part of my weight loss motivation originally was my mom among other things calling me "deformed" and "a monster" and talking about how it was a miracle my husband hadn't left a woman as ugly as me.
Well after a lot of eating right, exercising (can't make the gym due to schedule, but I've been doing weights and cardio at home nearly daily and getting my heart rate up), supplements, etc., I've gotten to around the 30 pounds lost mark.
Except there's the thing. Only the scale has moved. I've only dropped down one pants size in dress pants. My "girls" have gone down and now SAG where they didn't before. My stomach is no long distended but now I have this much larger hanging "mother's apron". My face? Oh my gosh...my face is sagging, I have jowls, my eyelids are baggy....even my nose is crooked!!!!!
All of a sudden, the great feelings of feeling stronger, etc., disappeared and the moment I saw that picture of myself I was ready to jump out a window in desperation.
What the heck!?!?!?!? Losing weight is supposed to make you feel good...empowered...happy! I finally passed out of the 200s into the 190s for the first time in 6-7 years....And this is what greets me?? I can't even put makeup on because it's like putting "lipstick on Frankenstein"...which is what I feel like.
Sorry for the rant.....but I've reached the "I give up" point. The weight I entered today was my weight 3 days ago - the last time I weighed myself. I stopped taking my supplements. I unhooked all my equipment in the basement and put it away. And I've been crying off and on for the last 3 days.
How do you fight the "I quit" feelings? It hasn't been a fast progress, so my body should've adjusted...ugh......
Maybe what you're hearing in your head is what you think your mother would be saying to you about it. I'm sure it's not true.
Oh no, It's not in my head. She's said it in front of others, too, including my husband, who by the way, didn't disagree with her. It was good that he stayed quiet in front of her, because frankly we can tell when it's "one of those days", but it would've been nice for him to say "you know, she's wrong" or something like that on one of the occasions she said it.0 -
getdancing2013 wrote: »
Maybe what you're hearing in your head is what you think your mother would be saying to you about it. I'm sure it's not true.
Oh no, It's not in my head. She's said it in front of others, too, including my husband, who by the way, didn't disagree with her. It was good that he stayed quiet in front of her, because frankly we can tell when it's "one of those days", but it would've been nice for him to say "you know, she's wrong" or something like that on one of the occasions she said it.
I don't think jade2112 was saying you're imagining that your mother said those things. Rather she's saying that you say them to yourself because your mother has "gotten into your head", so to speak.0 -
Don't quit! Your skin will catch up just keep your hard work it pay off. It is virtually impossible to eat healthy and exercise stay fat (barring an underlying health issue). Congrats on loss, you may add some strength training for muscle maintenance helps not lose lean body mass along with the fat. Give two months, I guarantee you'll see a change. Do this YOU! Nobody can cause fail aside from yourself. Best wishes... you're in my prayers..0
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*do this for YOU* edit
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30lbs is an awesome accomplishment! I'm so sorry your mother has said such horrible things to you. I get that if she grew up that way she learned to treat you that way, but that doesn't excuse it-- she still chooses what comes out of her own mouth.
I hope that you will continue to make the best choices for yourself- whether that means maintaining, losing more, gaining... whatever that might be. Do what makes YOU feel good. The outside will catch up to the inside sooner or later!0 -
Wow, okay. Your Mum is a major cause of depression and self-image problems in you. I would go as far as to say that you may have body dismorphia. I might guess that your Mum also has this, and may have her own image issues that she projects onto other people. Does she often make negative comments about the appearance of other people / you / herself?
Here's the thing - if you are losing weight so that you can get to a point where you love the way you look, then you will NEVER get to that point, because whatever weight you (or me, or anyone) gets to, we will never be perfect. If not being perfect means you hate the way you look, then you will ALWAYS hate the way you look.
You HAVE to love yourself NOW. With all your flaws. Especially because of your flaws. You have to accept that every single thing you dislike about yourself is human and normal and okay and lovable. Only when you already love your body will you find pleasure in improving it and seeing changes. Changes have to come from a position of love, not a position of fear.
I speak from some experience in this; I grew up with a mother who hated my body and tried everything possible to starve me into being this thin, pretty girl who she was desperate for me to be. Growing up I internalised every negative thing she thought about me - I thought she was right and that I would never be loved or desired and I believed her so completely that I didn't even think to question it. I decided to live a single life, an intellectual life, I decided to be the funny one. It wasn't until I got to my teens and suddenly boys fancied me and asked me out that it ever occurred to me that she might be wrong about the importance of looks.
Now I am an adult; I love and have been loved. My body has given me strength, happiness and amazement. I am happy with my appearance, not because it is perfect but because my body is strong and resilient and takes me wherever I want to go in life. Yet my mother is still trapped in her own self hatred, that poisons any love she has for herself, or any love that anyone has for her. I realise now that my mother's battle against my weight was really representative of her battle with her own weight, and how she thought everything would be so perfect if she could just be skinny. You know the ironic thing is that she finally DID get skinny and, guess what? She still hates herself. She compares her face to a grinning skeleton, she refuses to look in mirrors, she won't try on clothes in clothes shops because she can't face looking at her body as she gets changed. Because of this, she rarely buys new clothes, she lives in jeans and t shirts, she has never, I don't think, put on a dress, or any outfit, and looked in the mirror and thought 'wow! I look really great!'
Let me tell you this - learn to love yourself NOW. Learn to love yourself whether you are young or old, fat or thin, firm or saggy. Learn to love your wrinkles and freckles, your bumpy nose, your thin lips, learn to love all of it. Praise yourself and only listen to others who praise you, or you will NEVER be able to love yourself - regardless of how thin you are. What's more, if you cannot learn to see yourself through kind eyes, then you will never be able to see anyone else n a non-judgemental way either. You will literally end up like your own mother, criticising the appearance of others, simply because you have never been able to go without critisising yourself.
Good luck xxx0 -
I agree with just about everything said on here. Be proud of what you've accomplished, and please don't give up. I also agree that that voice in your head telling you such awful things is largely influenced by your mother's voice. I'm so sorry you have such a mother who would say such awful things.
You are a beautiful person, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're getting healthier with the work you've been doing to lose weight. I totally understand looking in the mirror and saying "yuck"...I've had low self esteem for years, and still struggle with it.
I also learned something new here, that it takes a while for your skin to catch up...I didn't realize that either...so take heart and don't give up. You are worth it, and like others said, I'll bet you look much better than you think you do.
Please let us know how you are doing.0 -
Lift weights, as heavy as possible, and don't lose too fast.0
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1 Your mom is continuing the abusive patterns. Get some counseling. If you cannot do that right now, avoid her as much as possible.
2 Be kind and patent with your body. It is doing good work for you.0 -
getdancing2013 wrote: »So part of my weight loss motivation originally was my mom among other things calling me "deformed" and "a monster" and talking about how it was a miracle my husband hadn't left a woman as ugly as me.
Your mother sounds like a toxic person. I stopped talking to my mother years ago because she is too mean. It was a painful decision but it's much better than hearing such hurtful things all the time from someone who is supposed to give unconditional love.getdancing2013 wrote: »Well after a lot of eating right, exercising (can't make the gym due to schedule, but I've been doing weights and cardio at home nearly daily and getting my heart rate up), supplements, etc., I've gotten to around the 30 pounds lost mark.
Except there's the thing. Only the scale has moved. I've only dropped down one pants size in dress pants. My "girls" have gone down and now SAG where they didn't before. My stomach is no long distended but now I have this much larger hanging "mother's apron". My face? Oh my gosh...my face is sagging, I have jowls, my eyelids are baggy....even my nose is crooked!!!!!
All of a sudden, the great feelings of feeling stronger, etc., disappeared and the moment I saw that picture of myself I was ready to jump out a window in desperation.
I feel you. My pants only fit slightly better, and I was able to squeeze into a smaller pair. I lost 30 pounds and nobody even noticed! I think our bodies need time to adjust to the new size, so it takes time for our skin to bounce back.getdancing2013 wrote: »What the heck!?!?!?!? Losing weight is supposed to make you feel good...empowered...happy! I finally passed out of the 200s into the 190s for the first time in 6-7 years....And this is what greets me?? I can't even put makeup on because it's like putting "lipstick on Frankenstein"...which is what I feel like.
Sorry for the rant.....but I've reached the "I give up" point. The weight I entered today was my weight 3 days ago - the last time I weighed myself. I stopped taking my supplements. I unhooked all my equipment in the basement and put it away. And I've been crying off and on for the last 3 days.
How do you fight the "I quit" feelings? It hasn't been a fast progress, so my body should've adjusted...ugh......
Get rid of toxic people, they are harmful and they aren't telling you the truth. The truth is that you are beautiful no matter what size you are. The truth is that it's your body and you deserve to be happy and healthy. The truth is that toxic people try to infect you with their own self-hatred, and getting you to sabotage your own health and happiness is exactly what they want. It's because they hate themselves and want to drag you down with them.
Maybe see a counselor or go to group meetings where you can discuss your feelings and the dynamics present between you and other people in your life. Good luck and don't quit - you are worth it.
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Losing weight is just supposed to result in you weighing less.
The process of becoming a physically fit person is what leads to the happy feelings of empowerment.
I see too many sad people standing at their goal weight disappointed because they thought that a number on the scale meant a specific appearance on their bodies. They thought they'd reach goal weight and have unflapable self-esteem handed to them.
It sadly almost never works this way. It is the time spent in the struggle for greatness and how you use that time that results in satisfaction. Not just wanting to lose some weight, but wanting to get strong and efficient and healthy and able-bodied as possible - these are the ways to happiness and a better body that you aim for.
You diet down to a specific number, but that number doesn't mean anything about how you look.
Create a balance now, follow an educated plan or program and pace yourself not to go too fast and you will see huge changes if you are consistent and aim for fitness, not a number.
Time and increasing your strength training will help tighten, at least slightly, excess skin. Skin is stretchy, give it a minute. We can't sit in our stretched out overweight bodies for years and expect it to snap back in 2 days right?
Its gonna be hard, and it's gonna take a long time - but who ever said you werent worth fighting dragons for, amiright?
besides your mom I mean, and my mom is just plain horrendous so I get that. Let that part go, your happiness depends on you not her
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While it's sad that your mother also was abused as a child, it doesn't give her the right to do the same to you. We don't get to pick our parents - and a mother is suppose to be loving, understanding and provide unconditional love. I'm sorry, but it doesn't sound like you have much of a mother.
Like some others said, surround yourself with positive people, be patient with yourself and it you are making progress and feeling better that's what matters! Good luck!!0 -
Please find a counselor to talk to - dealing with that sort of talk from your own mother is bound to skew the way you view yourself. You need an outside person to help you with re-establishing your view of yourself, or it's likely to color other areas of your life, like your health (as it's doing now), and your relationship with your kids. It's not good for them to see their mother feeling this way about herself - they look at you as an example.
Speaking of which, I hope your kids are kept away from their grandmother - that is not behavior that children should be exposed to. And again, not good for them to see their mother treated in such a way.
Finally, I want to let you know that anytime you lose a significant percentage of your weight, you're going to go through periods of sagginess. I did too, and I didn't even have all that much to lose. Keep going. you'll go through waves where you'll get saggier, then you'll firm back up some, then get saggier again, etc. Don't let it stop you.
Case in point - I've just lost about a pound or so. I'm pretty lean right now (just a few vanity pounds left), so I actually saw my belly start to sag above my navel, and knew I'd lost some fat days before my scale weight dropped. Because I'm so close to goal, that sag probably won't go away until I've switched back to maintenance and have stayed there for a bit.0 -
I agree with most here. To help in the mean time, you can try spanx and a push up bra to make things go back into place while you work on toning and tightening up.0
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perseverance14 wrote: »Lift weights, as heavy as possible, and don't lose too fast.
This 100%!!!
Sorry your mother is such a monster.![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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Lets see the picture. I'm sure you're being too hard on your self. Keep your chin up and keep going for your goals.0
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I don't know what you have been doing but too much cardio will help you get to the weight you think you want but the look is sickening. I did that once and hated the way I looked. Now I try to lift more than cardio. With resistance you can change the shape of your body.0
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Your mother is a horrible person.
Personally, I think you should plug all your equipment back in and keep pushing.0 -
30 pounds is an incredible amount of weight to lose, and I am hoping to get there some day. You should be proud of your accomplishment. As for your mother, you do not need to be verbally abused. Just a suggestion, go talk to a counselor to discuss all of your feelings. I am sure you look way better than you think. Best of luck to you. Keep moving forward. Get back to logging and exercising.0
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It sounds like you are surrounded by negative people in your life. Don't you think it's time for you to be kinder to yourself? I do! You lost 30 pounds, and that's awesome! How did you do that? By working hard and making great choices, even when it was tough. Maybe you can apply that same energy to some positive self talk? Think of 5 things you like about yourself...and don't say you can't think of any! I don't even know you and I can think of two right off the bat:
1. You are disciplined enough to lose 30 pounds!
2. You cared enough about yourself to reach out to this community of people for support, even though you may not realize that's what you did!
So now you need to think of a few more things to add to the list...I bet people on here can add to it, too! Where you go from here is up to you. You can choose to keep pushing forward and doing things that were making you feel stronger, or you can let all of that hard work unravel. I'm betting that second option won't make you feel any better than you do right now. But whatever you decide, make sure it's for YOU, and not for your mother or husband or anyone else that has an unsolicited opinion. You are wonderful, and strong, and worthy of good things!
HUGS!!!!0 -
I haven't read all of the responses, but I lost a bit more than 30 pounds and my girls looked a little deflated for a while, but they totally bounced back within about a year, and I'm looking pretty firm everywhere now. Your skin needs time to adjust.
And wow, your Mom...that's horrible. I got mad at my mom for poking my love handles and calling them my "pudgies". Maybe she's jealous of you? Or just really nasty,0 -
To update everyone...and I can't thank everyone enough once again for their support on here...I actually was attempting to work out again when I had a pretty nasty tear on my old C-section scar. So I actually have had to sit out and wait for it to heal up. Even though it's been almost 6 years if I do something too crazy or it's infected it come open and I just have to wait for it to heal. It has finally healed up to the point where I did some stretching yesterday and it tugged a little but no re-opening, so that was good. In the meantime I've been trying to just be kind to myself and heal up, control the cravings by having a few of the "fun size" candies, and not step on the scale. I'm calmer now, which is good.
As for my mother, we live apart - she's in FL, I'm up North. Mercifully she only says these things when the kids are outside playing or elsewhere. She's a supportive, loving grandmother. I just wish that when she's stressed (my grandmother is in Hospice with dementia and has become more abusive if that's even possible, so I know my mom's not bearing things well) she wouldn't just lash out and be mean to me. I have just been so vulnerable myself that I've let things bother me more than normal.
And no, I'm not going to put the pictures here - I am in my underwear and my husband sometimes come on this site, as do some of his coworkers, and I will not embarrass him in such a way. If I had fully clothed before and after pictures, yes - but they were meant for me anyways so that's why I took them that way.
Thanks again to all of you, including my new friends , and I'm hopeful that once I heal up fully I can get back to it. 0 -
I know you are feeling better today and that is wonderful! I just wanted to tell you that I am the exact same way. I never had my mother telling me those things, but I was bullied in high school awfully right up to my graduation day where when I walked across the stage they were yelling .. don't fall fatty, you won't be able to get up! Then I married a man who had a very subtle way of telling me I wasn't good enough. Anyway .. divorced now and people don't say those things to my face anymore, lol.. but I still tell myself those things in my head. They are just ingrained in there .. I hear them every day.
I have lost 30 pounds like you and I feel like I look worse now too! The inches aren't going anywhere, everything is sagging and all these new wrinkles have come out on my face now that the fat isn't there to plump them up. ugh.
I am struggling big time, but what else is there? I am just going to keep plugging along. They say weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise .. so concentrate on your diet while you are healing. The only thing you or I can control is our response to all the things being said to us and all the things we say to ourselves.
Oh .. don't make excuses for your mom. she is who she is ... but that doesn't make you the things she says you are. 0 -
I lost 25 lbs on my 5'3 frame and can't tell at all, except I have pancake boobs and bum now. I look disproportionate and flabby rather than my former curvey self. It's a hit to the ego that the work seems to be so hard for the opposite results. But we'll keep at it and be amazing. Good luck and hugs. Do it for yourself, and the things you want to do/be.0
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arkowalyshyn wrote: »I lost 25 lbs on my 5'3 frame and can't tell at all, except I have pancake boobs and bum now. I look disproportionate and flabby rather than my former curvey self. It's a hit to the ego that the work seems to be so hard for the opposite results. But we'll keep at it and be amazing. Good luck and hugs. Do it for yourself, and the things you want to do/be.
what exercise program did you use?
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Your mother is really being a butt. No matter your looks, that is not the way to talk to one's offspring! I bet she's not a fashion model herself.
When people lose great amounts of weight, sometimes it's necessary to have surgery to take up large areas of excess skin that is left behind. Whatever doesn't shrink back in a year or so may have to be surgically removed. Check your insurance plan to see what the coverage is like for that.0
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