Irrelevant Topic: Feeling alone @ workplace - Help please

WantBestME

hi,

this is a completely irrelevant topic. But wanted to know how you all feel.

I am 25, working in a reputed firm , earning well, married to a good-natured,loving and well-settled person and blessed with a cute kid.
I was always normal in weight until pregnancy, i gained 55 pounds during pregnancy. I started dieting and workouts when my baby was 6 months old and i am in my last mile only 10 pounds to lose.
The thing is that my friends were very supportive and loving until past few months. Only i had a car among my friends and all my friends used to hike in mine freely, while we go out for lunch or i even drop them close to their homes frequently(even on daily basis).
After marriage, post maternity leave and once we shifted to a different office location, things changed. The eateries are nearby office, they no longer need my car and since my timings (due to baby)/route(gym) are different now, dropping to their home is quite not possible now. So now they have reduced talking to me, pinging me when they go for lunch and break. I am hurt coz i was always there for them - be it their marriage shopping/helping them out on every occasion without any returns

I can't help it but i tend to think they are J of my personal life. I got equal incentives inspite of being on maternity leave, i am well-settled(while they have financial problems) and i have a good family(they have issues in that area too). And it all started recently when they visited my home (in-laws), they were openly commenting its a big house and one can easily get lost...

I have openly messaged them "Thanks for neglecting me and eliminating me from your group"
and what i get back is just "No comments"
i feel left out at my workplace, how to overcome this? I can't make new friends so easily.

Fallenangelx111

Seems like crappy "friends" to me. They were using you and are likely jelous. Dump them you can do better

WantBestME

Fallenangelx111 wrote: »

Seems like crappy "friends" to me. They were using you and are likely jelous. Dump them you can do better

I can't totally tell that coz they were once very close to me...

LINIA

This is sad and I'm not sure there is anything you can do to rejoin that group---eventually someone new will be hired and you will be able to make new friends, things never stay the same.
For now, during your lunch, work on self improvement, at your desk.... learn to speak Italian or Mandarin. You can take a short walk, or if there is a fitness center nearby, use that during your lunch break.

Those lousy people have isolated you but you are better than that ,so find a solution and remember, it is their loss.

WantBestME

LINIA wrote: »

This is sad and I'm not sure there is anything you can do to rejoin that group---eventually someone new will be hired and you will be able to make new friends, things never stay the same.
For now, during your lunch, work on self improvement, at your desk.... learn to speak Italian or Mandarin. You can take a short walk, or if there is a fitness center nearby, use that during your lunch break.

Those lousy people have isolated you but you are better than that ,so find a solution and remember, it is their loss.

Thanks @Linia! I am getting all teary as i read every post.. i must first become more mature...

deladypilot

So sorry you are being hurt by your friends. This happens in life as we change and grow. Sometimes others do not grow at the same rate. Your priorities have changed and theirs has not. I agree with LINIA in that you should go about your life doing what you need to do. Others will come in and will be happy to join you. We can not spend our lives trying to please others all the time or we lose out on our lives. Sounds like they were using you and now that you can not fullfill their every whem, they are mad. Let them be mad. It is a burden they will have to carry. Sounds like you have a great life anyway and they are missing out.

Meanwhile come check the boards, see what everyone is up to that day. Take a nice walk or what ever make you happy. Others will come around soon and be happy to join you or who knows maybe if someone sees you taking a walk everyday at lunch time they will come to you and ask. You just might start something great at work

WantBestME

deladypilot wrote: »

So sorry you are being hurt by your friends. This happens in life as we change and grow. Sometimes others do not grow at the same rate. Your priorities have changed and theirs has not. I agree with LINIA in that you should go about your life doing what you need to do. Others will come in and will be happy to join you. We can not spend our lives trying to please others all the time or we lose out on our lives. Sounds like they were using you and now that you can not fullfill their every whem, they are mad. Let them be mad. It is a burden they will have to carry. Sounds like you have a great life anyway and they are missing out.

Meanwhile come check the boards, see what everyone is up to that day. Take a nice walk or what ever make you happy. Others will come around soon and be happy to join you or who knows maybe if someone sees you taking a walk everyday at lunch time they will come to you and ask. You just might start something great at work

Yes...What i don't get is - they are also married and some are with kids too, so i thought that they might understand me..true that we cannot live life to please others...not them especially! and I can't fake...my disappointment,anger and happiness shows in my face - can't hide it! So i'll continue to make growling faces when they pass-by
Hopefully, I'll invest more time in work than chit-chats

TavistockToad

srividyak3 wrote: »

I have openly messaged them "Thanks for neglecting me and eliminating me from your group"
and what i get back is just "No comments"
i feel left out at my workplace, how to overcome this? I can't make new friends so easily.

they actually said the words 'no comments' or they just didnt respond?

sounds more like your routine has changed since the baby, not them.

blackcoffeeandcherrypie

Hm, I don't mean to be rude, but are you sure you're not just being a little oversensitive?

Look at what you have written:

You used to take them out for lunch but presumably you don't anymore because you feel they don't want you to, seeing as the eating places are close by. But do you ask them out anymore? Or are you always waiting for them to ask you?

You used to give them lifts home but you don't anymore because of maternity leave / different shifts.

Now you have messaged them, attacking them for excluding you.

I can't help but feel that there is another viewpoint here. Perhaps your friends (rightly or wrongly) felt that you didn't need them anymore? Perhaps they felt excluded when you went off on maternity leave / changed your shift, etc? Now you have sent them a message that could be hurtful to them and they are unsure how to respond?

Parenthood can be like a hand grenade thrown into your interpersonal relationships, and not everybody responds the same. I would take a deep breath, try to be the better person and see if you can mend your friendships with them. Ask them if they meant to make you feel excluded and how you can make time for each other now you have different shifts. If they were good friends in the first place, I am sure they ill be open-minded to making some changes to keep the friendship going and if they are not good friends, then you have lost nothing by trying.

CipherZero

They are not your friends, they are your colleagues. It's rare I've left a workplace and maintained friendship on any level with my former co-workers.

TavistockToad

srividyak3 wrote: »

So i'll continue to make growling faces when they pass-by

just noticed this... would you stay friends with someone who gave you dirty looks all the time?! i know i wouldnt!!!!

WantBestME

blackcoffeeandcherrypie wrote: »

Hm, I don't mean to be rude, but are you sure you're not just being a little oversensitive?

Look at what you have written:

You used to take them out for lunch but presumably you don't anymore because you feel they don't want you to, seeing as the eating places are close by. But do you ask them out anymore? Or are you always waiting for them to ask you?

You used to give them lifts home but you don't anymore because of maternity leave / different shifts.

Now you have messaged them, attacking them for excluding you.

I can't help but feel that there is another viewpoint here. Perhaps your friends (rightly or wrongly) felt that you didn't need them anymore? Perhaps they felt excluded when you went off on maternity leave / changed your shift, etc? Now you have sent them a message that could be hurtful to them and they are unsure how to respond?

Parenthood can be like a hand grenade thrown into your interpersonal relationships, and not everybody responds the same. I would take a deep breath, try to be the better person and see if you can mend your friendships with them. Ask them if they meant to make you feel excluded and how you can make time for each other now you have different shifts. If they were good friends in the first place, I am sure they ill be open-minded to making some changes to keep the friendship going and if they are not good friends, then you have lost nothing by trying.

blackcoffeeandcherrypie wrote: »

Hm, I don't mean to be rude, but are you sure you're not just being a little oversensitive?

Look at what you have written:

You used to take them out for lunch but presumably you don't anymore because you feel they don't want you to, seeing as the eating places are close by. But do you ask them out anymore? Or are you always waiting for them to ask you?

You used to give them lifts home but you don't anymore because of maternity leave / different shifts.

Now you have messaged them, attacking them for excluding you.

I can't help but feel that there is another viewpoint here. Perhaps your friends (rightly or wrongly) felt that you didn't need them anymore? Perhaps they felt excluded when you went off on maternity leave / changed your shift, etc? Now you have sent them a message that could be hurtful to them and they are unsure how to respond?

Parenthood can be like a hand grenade thrown into your interpersonal relationships, and not everybody responds the same. I would take a deep breath, try to be the better person and see if you can mend your friendships with them. Ask them if they meant to make you feel excluded and how you can make time for each other now you have different shifts. If they were good friends in the first place, I am sure they ill be open-minded to making some changes to keep the friendship going and if they are not good friends, then you have lost nothing by trying.

Lunch: They don't include me in the conversation nowadays while they are planning for lunch outside.. We have official group chat program in office and never include me in those conversations!

Lifts to home: Not exactly different shifts but one/two hours different. They have taken up different car-pooling ( paid basis) now (when i was on maternity leave). They used to pool with me free of cost before - i didn't even think of getting bucks for dropping my friends.

So technically i haven't left them at all.

WantBestME

TavistockToad wrote: »

srividyak3 wrote: »

I have openly messaged them "Thanks for neglecting me and eliminating me from your group"
and what i get back is just "No comments"
i feel left out at my workplace, how to overcome this? I can't make new friends so easily.

they actually said the words 'no comments' or they just didnt respond?

sounds more like your routine has changed since the baby, not them.

they said 'No comments'

WantBestME

TavistockToad wrote: »

srividyak3 wrote: »

So i'll continue to make growling faces when they pass-by

just noticed this... would you stay friends with someone who gave you dirty looks all the time?! i know i wouldnt!!!!

I said i am gonna do this.. nor that i am doing it now.. when they ignore me when i am of no use - then i am sure gonna ignore them too

TavistockToad

srividyak3 wrote: »

TavistockToad wrote: »

srividyak3 wrote: »

I have openly messaged them "Thanks for neglecting me and eliminating me from your group"
and what i get back is just "No comments"
i feel left out at my workplace, how to overcome this? I can't make new friends so easily.

they actually said the words 'no comments' or they just didnt respond?

sounds more like your routine has changed since the baby, not them.

they said 'No comments'

they changed car pool because you were on maternity leave (so couldnt give them a lift), and since you're back they get dirty looks from you whenever they walk past and you wonder why they dont want to go out for lunch?

WantBestME

TavistockToad wrote: »

srividyak3 wrote: »

TavistockToad wrote: »

srividyak3 wrote: »

I have openly messaged them "Thanks for neglecting me and eliminating me from your group"
and what i get back is just "No comments"
i feel left out at my workplace, how to overcome this? I can't make new friends so easily.

they actually said the words 'no comments' or they just didnt respond?

sounds more like your routine has changed since the baby, not them.

they said 'No comments'

they changed car pool because you were on maternity leave (so couldnt give them a lift), and since you're back they get dirty looks from you whenever they walk past and you wonder why they dont want to go out for lunch?

I am not giving dirty looks since then infact i have never given till now.. I was friends with them after my maternity leave..they started slowly ignoring me for no reason... so i am planning to ignore them from now on completely... i don't give dirty looks - but my anger will show in my face from NOW ON..whenever i cross them

blackcoffeeandcherrypie

srividyak3 wrote: »

Lunch: They don't include me in the conversation nowadays while they are planning for lunch outside.. We have official group chat program in office and never include me in those conversations!

Perhaps you could try starting one of those conversations? Make sure you include your old friends as well as any other people who might be interested. Who knows, it might be a good way to make new friends as well as offering a way back in for older friends who might be missing you?

Lauren8239

Why not just ask them face to face?

VelveteenArabian

It sounds like they were always calling you. Now that schedules are different, how many times have you called them up and asked them out? How many times have you made an effort?

I think as lonely as you feel it sounds like you're just waiting for an invitation instead of recognizing that things are different and therefore you have to change along with them.

Instead of initiating contact, you sent an emo message about being left out. Have you ever considered that maybe your friends feel like you've left them behind?