French lurker who decided to break the ice : some help for a BED victim

nyloel

Hello everyone. Sorry for my poor english : i'm french but i understand perfectly english even though i don't write it fluently.

I have always been eager to visit here (even though i didn't post anything since today) to listen and to read some good advices.

I was, long ago, very overweight since my childwood : 270 pounds until i suceeded to lose much more than the half of it in three years of caloric restriction with a great amount of control.

It's been six years that i am between 110 and 125 pounds (fluctuations with weight gain followed by an immediate restriction to avoid any more gain). Sadly, like many here, i have fallen in the "binge eating disorder" wagon and now, i'm prisonner of an eternal cycle, and the monster that arises every three or four days becomes more and more powerful.

With a crazy obsession, i succeeded to lose some more pounds (now i'm 49 sometimes 47 kilograms for 163 cm)... but i regain four pounds during my binges that i lose some days after (water retention and great amount of caloric restriction during two or three days).

Now, i binge every three days (4000 - 5000 calories) ... followed by a fast day. I know that is not the best way to rebound but ... it's easier for me to not eat at all (and my tummy thanks me in advance for that) than to eat less and fall again in the circle ... even though it's a kind of "taking a step back to make a higher jump".

I don't know how to extract myself from that : i tried every thing (read here, books like "the end of overeating", "brain over binge", ending my diet, changing my macro ...). I don't even binge on fast food but on sugar/carbs and protein including bread and yogurt for exemple.

And i'm so obsessed that i weight myself every days (i know, it's BAD but i cannot help, my urges are more powerful than my reason), i measure my thighs ten times a day (and i panic if they a just a little bigger), i weight my food, i avoid buffets and other social reunions to avoid a new binge day... it is tearing me of.

So now, i cannot eat one day in a normal way or following a "normal" pattern : i eat too much or i don't eat, that's my life every day now.

And my mind cannot bear that anymore. The problem in my case (and that's why i write in the english version of my fitness pal community) is in France, BED isn't recognized. There isn't any book, any community, any known nutritionist, or a former victim that can give an insight or some help.

So it's a kind of : i find a solution or i disappear to not support that anymore.
I hope i find the end of the tunnel.