Thoughts .. where did my confidence go?

Jennifer10723

So .. I heard someone use the term Pro-Ana .. I didn't know what it was .. so I googled it. I found a website that had forums and people talking about it. I got so engrossed in their stories and their successes and their failures and their thought processes.

The weirdest thing happened though .. It made me feel horrible about MYSELF! Like there is no way I could ever restrict myself like that and I will never be that tiny no matter what I ever did. I have been binging since I read it!! I don't know what happened! It like clicked something off in my brain. I was doing so well until I got on there and started to feel so bad about myself and my weight and self-control and my self-worth.

I know the opinion people have of overweight people .. but to actually see an entire website with such awful things being said about themselves at such little weights .. it just kind verified in my mind what the world thinks of me at my huge weight.

I am desperately trying to get my mojo back and continue on with MY journey .. but it isn't working. ACK!

healthygreek

The mortality rate from anorexia is 12 times higher for women 15-24 years of age than any other cause.
Please go back to your healthy lifestyle and don't think there is any kind of strength in restricting your eating enough to make yourself very sick or possibly dead.
Eating disorders have the highest rate of mortality than any other mental illness.
It is an illness. Get help if you can't stop!
The people on that website are sick, why place any value whatsoever on what they say about overweight or obese people?

girlviernes

Well, now you know how damaging those sites are for you!

It's really a twisted world view. Maybe check out some plus size fashion bloggers to get some positives back. http://www.buzzfeed.com/clamster/7-incredible-plus-size-fashion-bloggers-you-need-t-k5g6

There of course are negative things thought about those of us who are overweight, as well as people who are skinny, have big noses, hair loss, etc. etc. It does no good to dwell on it.

Sabine_Stroehm

Now think of what it does to 16 year old girls.

OP: I get it. But you CAN'T let the words of sick young girls define you or your journey. You just CAN'T. They're mentally ill. Don't let them affect how you see yourself.

Jennifer10723

Thank you for these words! I'm checking out the blogs today! I need a different perspective. I honestly have not had an on calorie day since I read those. I did however go to the grocery store last night and brought all my meals today. I need to get back on track before this completely de-rails me.

I was on them again yesterday and I finally just said enough. It is no good for me. I seriously don't understand the effect they have on me. It is an awful awful feeling .. but its addicting somehow.

Chief_Rocka

Google "fat acceptance" and read some of those sites, maybe it will balance your mind out.

pinkiezoom

Remember these people are mentally ill hun. I have been there, and I was nearly beyond help! I had a terrible perspective on everything in life, it was not me being in control. Those people are not in control, quite the opposite, I am in control now, as I am healthier and making well balanced choices. Trust me once their hair falls out and their teeth decay and have a scar on their stomach from the feeding tube, you will realise you are in control to the right degree, and they are not.
Please dont look again, it has clearly upset you.
x

Jennifer10723

pinkiezoom wrote: »

Remember these people are mentally ill hun. I have been there, and I was nearly beyond help! I had a terrible perspective on everything in life, it was not me being in control. Those people are not in control, quite the opposite, I am in control now, as I am healthier and making well balanced choices. Trust me once their hair falls out and their teeth decay and have a scar on their stomach from the feeding tube, you will realise you are in control to the right degree, and they are not.
Please dont look again, it has clearly upset you.
x

Some of them talk about their hair falling out .. they knew it would, but didn't think it would happen "so fast" .. they know all of it and expect it, but don't stop. It was/is a whole other world that I just can't wrap my head around. I clearly need to stay out of it, because you are right, it is affecting me.

pinkiezoom

Jennifer10723 wrote: »

pinkiezoom wrote: »

Remember these people are mentally ill hun. I have been there, and I was nearly beyond help! I had a terrible perspective on everything in life, it was not me being in control. Those people are not in control, quite the opposite, I am in control now, as I am healthier and making well balanced choices. Trust me once their hair falls out and their teeth decay and have a scar on their stomach from the feeding tube, you will realise you are in control to the right degree, and they are not.
Please dont look again, it has clearly upset you.
x

Some of them talk about their hair falling out .. they knew it would, but didn't think it would happen "so fast" .. they know all of it and expect it, but don't stop. It was/is a whole other world that I just can't wrap my head around. I clearly need to stay out of it, because you are right, it is affecting me.

Jennifer10723 wrote: »

pinkiezoom wrote: »

Remember these people are mentally ill hun. I have been there, and I was nearly beyond help! I had a terrible perspective on everything in life, it was not me being in control. Those people are not in control, quite the opposite, I am in control now, as I am healthier and making well balanced choices. Trust me once their hair falls out and their teeth decay and have a scar on their stomach from the feeding tube, you will realise you are in control to the right degree, and they are not.
Please dont look again, it has clearly upset you.
x

Some of them talk about their hair falling out .. they knew it would, but didn't think it would happen "so fast" .. they know all of it and expect it, but don't stop. It was/is a whole other world that I just can't wrap my head around. I clearly need to stay out of it, because you are right, it is affecting me.

It's perfect you cant get your head around it, you wouldn't want to. Stay focused on what matters to you, unfortunately like me, they cant be told, there has to be an epiphany for the sufferer. x

yoovie

yeah, anything pro-anorexia / pro-bulimia is on the blocked list on my internet sites along with pro-alcoholism and pro-self-mutilation. It just infects your brain with toxic unbalanced emotions

habit365

Some things you will make yourself crazy trying to wrap your head around. You will not be hearing on the websites from the ones who drop dead of a heart attack at 20 years old because they will just be gone, poof. Sometimes very unhealthy things can be fascinating, but it sounds like you need to get as far away from this lifestyle as possible for your own mental and physical health.