How do you deal with being the fat friend?

whitewolf1200
whitewolf1200 Posts: 31 Member
in Motivation and Support
I love my friends and everything, but I can't help but feel like I'm the "fat friend." I'm working out and exercising and everything but I still feel like the odd one out. They NEVER say anything about it. If anything, they keep telling me that I'm not but I know I am. Tips/suggestions? I don't really need motivation because being the bigger one in the group is enough motivation to keep going to the gym, but how do you all deal with it emotionally?

Replies

  • Charocheris
    Charocheris Posts: 27 Member
    The worst thing you can do is to look to frienda or people in your daily life circles full stop when you are loosing weight.

    Some of your friends may not notice a difference because weight loss is gradual and if they see you on a daily basis it can take ages to notice. Some friends do love you but your losing weight might cause them to sabotage you.

    As you start to lose weight various people might tell you that you've lost enough weight way before you reach goal weight.

    Best to develop a thick skin and look outside your daily circles to share progress. Prayer and mfp really helped me.
  • chadya07
    chadya07 Posts: 627 Member
    why do they keep having to tell you that you arent? are you asking them? you are more than your size. chances are they know that and thats why they dont see you as "the fat friend". why do people say such things about themselves? if you have to be the fat friend then the circle would be rather shallow and just for show. if you are actually friends they probably dont focus on your body as much as who you are.
  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
    get over it because your friends probably like you for who you are, not your body.
  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
    Charocheris wrote: »
    The worst thing you can do is to look to frienda or people in your daily life circles full stop when you are loosing weight.

    Some of your friends may not notice a difference because weight loss is gradual and if they see you on a daily basis it can take ages to notice. Some friends do love you but your losing weight might cause them to sabotage you.

    As you start to lose weight various people might tell you that you've lost enough weight way before you reach goal weight.

    Best to develop a thick skin and look outside your daily circles to share progress. Prayer and mfp really helped me.

    she didn't say anything to indicate any of this. what are you talking about?
  • whitewolf1200
    whitewolf1200 Posts: 31 Member
    chadya07 wrote: »
    why do they keep having to tell you that you arent? are you asking them? you are more than your size. chances are they know that and thats why they dont see you as "the fat friend". why do people say such things about themselves? if you have to be the fat friend then the circle would be rather shallow and just for show. if you are actually friends they probably dont focus on your body as much as who you are.

    I don't ask them. I think that would be a little weird haha. But they do notice that I'm visibly upset sometimes so they'll say something along the lines of, "don't worry. You're over thinking it." It just sucks. Also @aviva, I know they like me for my personality.
  • lemonsurprise
    lemonsurprise Posts: 255 Member
    For you it would be that you feel that you're the fat friend, but they probably have their own worries. Being the single one, the one with the biggest nose, smallest boobs, least friends etc you wouldn't notice it (unless it's spoken about) because it doesn't matter to you, it doesn't change your opinion on them which is probably exactly how they feel!
    I'm the ONLY fat one in my group so you're not on your own!
  • zac775
    zac775 Posts: 199 Member
    Hi ya, we all go through this. It's like a runner who hits the wall, you have got to, push through it, have a PMA. I know it's a little cliche, but its the truth. Remember weight loss isn't just the numbers, but also the sizes. Your body is changing, on a daily basis. We all have hang ups about ourselves. Just think, a least you have decided to do something about your lifestyle, and that takes a strong willed person to make that change and transition. I lokked atmyself in the mirror one day and hated what I saw, I could of just ignored it, but decided to change my life and for the better.

    Im sure you friends are fantastic, and support everything you do. Stick at it and you can achieve anything.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    whitewolf1200 wrote: »
    chadya07 wrote: »
    why do they keep having to tell you that you arent? are you asking them? you are more than your size. chances are they know that and thats why they dont see you as "the fat friend". why do people say such things about themselves? if you have to be the fat friend then the circle would be rather shallow and just for show. if you are actually friends they probably dont focus on your body as much as who you are.

    I don't ask them. I think that would be a little weird haha. But they do notice that I'm visibly upset sometimes so they'll say something along the lines of, "don't worry. You're over thinking it." It just sucks. Also @aviva, I know they like me for my personality.

    I have always been the larger friend. I learned to keep those insecurities in a little bit. Showing that I was sad or bringing it up too much can make people feel uncomfortable and it makes you feel pretty self-centered, thinking about yourself way too much. Keep doing what you're doing. I'm no longer the fat friend, not that it matters...but it's not too shabby :)
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    i tell myself that my friends aren't as shallow as I am accusing them of being, in my head.
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
    Why does it matter if you're the "fat friend"? Are you competing with them I something that involves your appearance? If not, it really shouldn't matter - you're not friends with each other based on your looks.

    Among the few friends that I have, I am the "fat friend" but it has no impact on our friendship and doesn't ever come up.
  • caracrawford1
    caracrawford1 Posts: 657 Member
    edited November 2014
    whitewolf1200 wrote: »
    I love my friends and everything, but I can't help but feel like I'm the "fat friend." I'm working out and exercising and everything but I still feel like the odd one out. They NEVER say anything about it. If anything, they keep telling me that I'm not but I know I am. Tips/suggestions? I don't really need motivation because being the bigger one in the group is enough motivation to keep going to the gym, but how do you all deal with it emotionally?

    Have you ever thought that maybe someone in your group feels that THEY are the "fat" or "unattractive" or whatever adjective friend? We all have different perspectives on ourselves.
  • shadowloss
    shadowloss Posts: 293 Member
    Lets be honest, it does matter what others think, but you also have to admit if you are guilty of doing the same thing, and if so, does it change your opinion about your "friend".

    Example: I have friends, and yes, thanks to one of my friends gastric bypass surgery, I'm now the "fat friend". However I also associate certain things with my other friends. I have a "Lazy *kitten*" Friend, I have a "Under achiever" friend, I have a "Trailer trash" friend, I have a "rich" friend. The thing is, at the end of each adjective is "Friend". I don't think anything different of them, well most of the time, and we are all friends and have been for over 30 years and I would drop everything if they needed help.

    I read somewhere, that the people that feel like they are the most judged are the ones that judge others. Do you judge your friends? If so, do you think they are on skinny chick dot come, saying I can't stand being the skinny friend?

    If you can't prove, without a shadow of doubt, that they are indeed calling you the "Fat" Friend, then look within yourself.

    My biggest motivation is to not be the "Fat" Friend, but the "Good" Friend. What's yours?
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
    edited November 2014
    Aviva92 wrote: »
    get over it because your friends probably like you for who you are, not your body.

    ^ this

    other than that if it bothers you keep busting your butt until your the skinny hot friend! in stead of just the hot friend.
  • Blacklance36
    Blacklance36 Posts: 755 Member
    Aviva92 wrote: »
    get over it because your friends probably like you for who you are, not your body.
    ^^ I ditto this.
  • ithrowconfetti
    ithrowconfetti Posts: 451 Member
    edited November 2014
    I have never cared much about my aesthetic appeal. I'm glad to have been the "fat friend" for the majority of my life, because I never questioned why people would want to be friends with me, other than for my personality. That felt reassuring to me, because I knew most people probably hung out with me, because they genuinely liked me as a person. I didn't have any nagging thoughts along the lines of, "Are people friends with me, because of my face?", or "Are my friends spending time with me, because of my family's income", et cetera. So yeah. Being the fat friend with only myself to offer? Totally boosted my morale and self-esteem my whole life, because I still got plenty of friends, while being overweight. And now that I'm no longer overweight, my friends are still my friends, so there you go. :)
  • garnerish
    garnerish Posts: 67 Member
    edited November 2014
    I just do. I make a joke of it occasionally "Oh man, you guys are sorted in a zombie apocalypse, I'm definitely getting pulled down first", but most of the time I know they're my friends because of other stuff than my appearance.

    One mate put it eloquently once: "I'm not trying to bang you, I don't care what you look like"
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  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
    Well you are doing something about it right? I am sure your friend accept you the way you are and they obviously don't care what size you are. My real friend is chubby and I coudn`t care less. As long as she is happy with the way she looks then that's all that matters
  • arnold824
    arnold824 Posts: 52
    It's kinda sad at my end especially when we hang out with girls and I'm the one who anyone barely talks to. My friends accept me for who I am and I enjoy their company and I know they do mine but I really just feel insecure when we hang out with other people, they barely talk to me even if I try to start a conversation.
  • RoseyDgirl
    RoseyDgirl Posts: 306 Member
    My friends all seem to be between size 2 and 6 and, I tell you - none of them are happy with the way they look. I don't see their flaws, small breasts, a little (really little) tummy - their flaws seem so miniscule to the more obvious challenge I carry on me. thing is, as true friends, they support me in whatever way I need them too. and I've been through plenty of weight-loss journeys over the years. They stuck it out. Skinny or not, they're good to have around. :)
    -
    But thing is - we share a lot of our lives - but our actual journey is very individualized. They can't carry our weight around, or sweat it off for us at the gym. What they are best at though, is sympathizing when we complain over our struggle. Or when we say we can't eat bread at the restaurant, they'll move it to the other end of the table. they'll know when you're suffering a bit of weak will-power and they'll say they don't want dessert. I'm really glad I can share some of my emotional angst with my skinny friends and they understand.

  • summerhaze71
    summerhaze71 Posts: 1,204 Member
    The same way I did as when I was "the skinny friend". I just be myself and if I start getting discouraged, I just remind myself that my body shape does not define me as a person.
  • whitewolf1200
    whitewolf1200 Posts: 31 Member
    ithrowconfetti wrote: »
    I have never cared much about my aesthetic appeal. I'm glad to have been the "fat friend" for the majority of my life, because I never questioned why people would want to be friends with me, other than for my personality. That felt reassuring to me, because I knew most people probably hung out with me, because they genuinely liked me as a person. I didn't have any nagging thoughts along the lines of, "Are people friends with me, because of my face?", or "Are my friends spending time with me, because of my family's income", et cetera. So yeah. Being the fat friend with only myself to offer? Totally boosted my morale and self-esteem my whole life, because I still got plenty of friends, while being overweight. And now that I'm no longer overweight, my friends are still my friends, so there you go. :)

    I think this is my favorite response actually, thanks!

  • ems212
    ems212 Posts: 135 Member
    While being "the fat friend" isn't ideal (and definitely something I'm working on changing), I'm glad it was me. It gave me the ability to be more compassionate than those of my friends that weren't. They didn't understand the struggle, nor did they understand the psychological aspect of it. As I gained weight, I started to see how other people felt more clearly. I realized how stupid I was to judge people for any reason. We're all different, and we all have our own struggles. My entire life changed, and I know that I changed the lives of those around me. My best friend is tiny. She's always been skinny, and has an extremely high metabolism. We'd go out, and she'd eat 3 times as much as I did, but I was the one gaining weight - not her. She's part of my journey to get healthy, and she sees my struggles now. We talk about this frequently, and she always mentions how she didn't realize what it truly takes for some people to lose weight.

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