What do you do with your anger?

MeanSophieCat

Note: posting this in exercise and fitness because that is how I'm trying to address this.

I'm a person who typically gets by in life by being able to express my feelings. If I'm upset with you, I will tell you and we can work it out. On the flip side of that, I'm also a great cheerleader, shoulder to cry on, and place to vent.

I have a few situations going on in my life right now where I can't express what I really feel. Most are family relationships where I've tried to address the problem but it is falling on deaf ears. The other and hardest to deal with on a daily basis is with the wife of my husband's best friend. She is generally rude and I try to limit contact with her (and let my husband see them separately) but she is "hurt" and "shocked" that I wouldn't want to hang out with her all the time. My husband's friend is in full support of his wife and I don't want to hurt my husband's relationship with his friend.

So - in an atypical situation for me - I'm holding in feelings that I typically like to express and deal with. My question is - What do I do with them?

I run 4-5 days a week. While it helps me clear my head during the run - the same feelings come back after. I've thought about some sort of contact sport - but I'd only like to inflict pain on the people actually bothering me!

What has helped you get out anger you can't express?

Hexahedra

Lift weights, heavy ones.

lauren3101

Weight lifting is great for reliving tension, Or you could try kick-boxing - it's contact, but only contact with a board.

On the other side of the coin, if it's bothering you to that extent you should try and find a way to talk to this woman and air your feelings. It could just be that she isn't aware she comes across that way. There's plenty of ways it can be worded with offence being taken.

MeanSophieCat

On the other side of the coin, if it's bothering you to that extent you should try and find a way to talk to this woman and air your feelings. It could just be that she isn't aware she comes across that way. There's plenty of ways it can be worded with offence being taken.

Already went that route. We had a frank but gentle discussion. In private she tells me she doesn't like me and does it on purpose. If I say something in company, she claim she was trying to be funny.

Bernadette60614

Something or someone made her this way...maybe being bullied in school, maybe a parent who belitted her. People just don't demean other people without there being some reason.

If she's treating you this way, she's hurting. Maybe try to look at her as someone who is injured..perhaps then you could feel something for her other than anger.

ashj3nt

Sometimes avoiding the situation (letting your husband go without you) is the best option. If the woman is hurting you, don't waste your time with that! You are better for getting away from the situation!

But typically, running releases all tension for me.. Along with it all depends on the music I'm listening to while running... Sometimes I have to do the slow, emotional music to get rid of the nasty feelings. Other times I need the pump it up type of music.

I hope you find a way. From what I can tell of you, you are way too good to be holding on to negative feelings about someone that isn't worth your time!

BarackMeLikeAHurricane

Lift

glovepuppet

i'd be sticking to my guns. why would you let his friend & his pouty wife tell you how you have to spend your time? they need to grow up & get over it. why let her win?

your hubby should have YOUR back. and he should have the guts to tell his mate that he's crossing the line by commenting on your choices.

emjaycazz

There are some people with whom you do not and will not see eye-to-eye, and unless it is a close family member or someone for whom you care deeply, limit your exposure because negativity can seep into other aspects of your life. Your husband should hopefully understand this (it may take some time, though, for him to fully grasp it).

One of my favorite outlets is bag work (kickboxing). We have a water bag (core is filled with water as opposed to sand) at my company's gym, and I love to see how far I can make it swing.

ShannonMpls

I squat it.

Iron_Lotus

Lift!

sarahsweetheart08

Id get a heavy bag and try kick boxing. It helps with anger and you'll feel good afterwards

Hoosier96

therapy! not lately, but in the past it has been super helpful to have an unbiased person to vent to. Also- target shooting, shadow boxing, playing with puppies or a cute kid (how can you be mad?) and having a good 20 second scream.

ninerbuff

I would say that 3/4 of my clients who take kickboxing do it for stress relief and anger relief. It's a good workout too! But there's something about punching/kicking a bag that helps to calm one after.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

BleedsCoffee

I think at this point, it's safe to assume that she's being a drama queen. If she privately tells you that she doesn't like you and intentionally acts rudely towards you, only to turn around and pretend to be "hurt" and "shocked" that you do not wish to spend time with her when your husbands are in ear shot, your safest bet is to make a serious effort not to let her ruffle your feathers.

Your natural urge is to be livid, no doubt, but the less regard you give it, the less she gets what she wants, which is simply to upset you. She's petty and not worth your time. Stick to whatever fitness plan works best for you and put her out of your mind as much as possible rather than seeking an outlet for your agitation with her. Distraction always beats an outlet for anger!

phoo513

All the exercise advice is really good, but the issue is how do you protect yourself from someone who is toxic. IMHO, it is vital for you to stay away, or, conversely, be proactive when dealing w/ her. Assertiveness works. If she says, "I was only being funny", reply with, "Well, that didn't work." If you must be around her, take care of yourself.

alasin1derland

you should probably feel sorry for her. think about it. she is afraid for her husband to know how she really feels about you. why? probably because her husband thinks you are great and wouldn't understand. can you imagine going through life not able to tell your husband your true feelings. maybe he told her early on how great you are and she automatically is jealous and intimidated by you. sounds like she is dealing with insecurities. if she is jealous because her husband respects you, you will probably never break that feeling she has toward you. jealousy makes people miserable. maybe looking at her with pity instead of anger will make her more tolerable. probably not, but know its her issue and not yours.

Poofy_Goodness

I take my anger out on the barbell.

Lift free weights, as heavy as you want. Doesn't have to be super heavy, but heavy enough to actually challenge you and you'll find yourself channeling and releasing aggression to help you in your work out.

kckBxer396

I like mitt work. You're moving around a lot,and it really wears you out. It requires more concentration and targeting than bag work. However, if you don't have someone willing to hold the mitts, you can do bag work. Also, I try to separate the situation in my head when I go jogging. Pick it apart and you will find your "I just don't want to..." or "I will do this". Even if it's not something your husband agrees with, it's the choice that makes you happy. If you don't get along with someone, you just don't. Then again, if she REALLY wants you to hang out with her, maybe she can hold the mitts for you! Seriously, you could jog together and maybe discuss your issues. That made a best friend out of a co-worker that I used to disdain.

caribear1984

I also suggest giving honest responses when she says nasty things. Ask "why did you say that, was that necessary?" if she tries to pass it off as joking, say "I don't think that's funny in any way. It is hurtful and I would appreciate it if you would stop talking to me like that." If she has admitted that she doesn't like you and is mean on purpose, she probably wants you to get upset and stew about it. Confronting her honestly takes the steam out of her nasty comments.

So far as exercise, another vote for kickboxing. There is something deeply satisfying about beating the snot out of a bag. You could even picture her face on it if that will help.

smantha32

On the other side of the coin, if it's bothering you to that extent you should try and find a way to talk to this woman and air your feelings. It could just be that she isn't aware she comes across that way. There's plenty of ways it can be worded with offence being taken.

Already went that route. We had a frank but gentle discussion. In private she tells me she doesn't like me and does it on purpose. If I say something in company, she claim she was trying to be funny.

Then why would she be upset you don't want to hang out with her? People are freaking weird.