The Issue Isn't Motivation, It's Obligation
Ferrous_Female_Dog
Posts: 221 Member
I see a lot of threads about people seeking motivation. They don't have it, but they want it, and they don't know how to get it. I see a lot of responses in those threads saying that motivation is not a requirement. They pose arguments such as, "do you always feel motivated to go to work/brush your teeth/walk your dog? but you do those things anyway."
That points to the real issue which is obligation. We find it easier to honor the obligations we have to our families, pets, and employers, yet the obligation we have to ourselves-- to keep ourselves happy and healthy-- is easy to overlook.
Why do we do this? The answer will be different for everyone.
I think it is the most important obligation, and no, I don't think it's selfish to see it that way. If you honor the obligation to yourself first, you're better equipped to honor your obligation to other people. It's the same reason that on a plane you're told to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting another person--even your own child. It's not because you're more important than they are; it's because you can't help another person until you help yourself. The first obligation is to yourself, so that you'll be better able to serve others if that is what you choose to do. A healthy, happy person is a better parent, a better lover, a better friend, a better employee.
We need to start taking the obligation to do right by ourselves more seriously. Then the perceived need for motivation will no longer exist.
That points to the real issue which is obligation. We find it easier to honor the obligations we have to our families, pets, and employers, yet the obligation we have to ourselves-- to keep ourselves happy and healthy-- is easy to overlook.
Why do we do this? The answer will be different for everyone.
- Maybe we think it's selfish.
- Maybe we don't care enough about ourselves enough to honor it.
- Maybe we don't think we deserve it.
- Maybe we just never knew there was such an obligation.
I think it is the most important obligation, and no, I don't think it's selfish to see it that way. If you honor the obligation to yourself first, you're better equipped to honor your obligation to other people. It's the same reason that on a plane you're told to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting another person--even your own child. It's not because you're more important than they are; it's because you can't help another person until you help yourself. The first obligation is to yourself, so that you'll be better able to serve others if that is what you choose to do. A healthy, happy person is a better parent, a better lover, a better friend, a better employee.
We need to start taking the obligation to do right by ourselves more seriously. Then the perceived need for motivation will no longer exist.
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Replies
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This goes very nicely with something I was told a long time ago: Motivation only lasts for a short time. That's why success isn't built on motivation, it's built on commitment. You have to be committed to your own well-being and success in the long term. It's what keeps you going when the motivation falters. Commitment (or obligation) to one's health is the key to long term success is many things, including weight loss IMO.0
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Nothing gets done without motivation. Commitment, obligation, responsibility, fear, desire, these are all motivators. Whenver you do something it's because you were motivated to do it.0
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Lots of people do not do what is obligated for them.0
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yopeeps025 wrote: »Lots of people do not do what is obligated for them.
AGREED.
(with peeps AND the OP)
MOST people are looking for an easier way out of everything and if they could get a pass on brushing their teeth for the rest of their lives, they would go for it without a second thought.
So there are ways to trigger an active reaction from them.
We could argue the semantics of motivation and what it is and is not and what definition you prefer to argue, or we could try to trigger a response from them using something like this.
Obligation (which is a fantastic one)
Self-Discipline
Good role model for their kids
Believing they deserve success
Commitment
Making their promises mean something
Determination
Selfishness (the good kind)
War...
You just gotta find the right stimulator for the current audience.
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Yes you need motivation to do anything, but YOU are the active ingredient in motivation - regardless of what it means to you personally.0
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Agreed. I also don't understand why so many people seem to think that internet strangers have the ability to change their behaviors and thought processes. You can't change anyone but yourself and you have to be willing and want that change and those results for that to happen. Other people can't do that for you.0
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It's true, there are many people who do not honor all of their obligations, but EVERYONE honors at least one. My point is that the obligation to ourselves needs to be a higher priority.0
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Fully agree with OP. I myself have posted the type of things mentioned in the OP. It took me a while to figure it out that it was not only okay, but necessary to put myself first. I became a much healthier, happier person because of it. Unfortunately, as a wife and mother with a full-time career it is generally looked down upon to do this. I didn't care! I did it anyway and my family learned to adjust.0
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Ferrous_Female_Dog wrote: »It's true, there are many people who do not honor all of their obligations, but EVERYONE honors at least one. My point is that the obligation to ourselves needs to be a higher priority.
Agreed.
All we can do is keep explaining it as people slowly get it and start to win. Hopefully most people figure it out on their own.
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Ferrous_Female_Dog wrote: »It's true, there are many people who do not honor all of their obligations, but EVERYONE honors at least one. My point is that the obligation to ourselves needs to be a higher priority.
Agreed.
All we can do is keep explaining it as people slowly get it and start to win. Hopefully most people figure it out on their own.
I figured it out when I kept skipping the gym in the morning or after work because I was "so tired" or [enter excuse here], but when a friend or family member needed me for something, or if I had to work late, then it was no problem. I was still just as tired, or maybe I didn't feel like it but I was obligated, so no questions asked.
So now I don't think of gym time or food prep as something I do when I feel like because it's convenient. It's something I have to do because I am obligated to take care of myself, no problem, no questions asked.
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yes. "This is my life now. This is the new normal."0
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Ferrous_Female_Dog wrote: »I see a lot of threads about people seeking motivation. They don't have it, but they want it, and they don't know how to get it. I see a lot of responses in those threads saying that motivation is not a requirement. They pose arguments such as, "do you always feel motivated to go to work/brush your teeth/walk your dog? but you do those things anyway."
That points to the real issue which is obligation. We find it easier to honor the obligations we have to our families, pets, and employers, yet the obligation we have to ourselves-- to keep ourselves happy and healthy-- is easy to overlook.
Why do we do this? The answer will be different for everyone.- Maybe we think it's selfish.
- Maybe we don't care enough about ourselves enough to honor it.
- Maybe we don't think we deserve it.
- Maybe we just never knew there was such an obligation.
I think it is the most important obligation, and no, I don't think it's selfish to see it that way. If you honor the obligation to yourself first, you're better equipped to honor your obligation to other people. It's the same reason that on a plane you're told to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting another person--even your own child. It's not because you're more important than they are; it's because you can't help another person until you help yourself. The first obligation is to yourself, so that you'll be better able to serve others if that is what you choose to do. A healthy, happy person is a better parent, a better lover, a better friend, a better employee.
We need to start taking the obligation to do right by ourselves more seriously. Then the perceived need for motivation will no longer exist.
Well said!0 -
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
Exactly! Well stated.0 -
Ferrous_Female_Dog wrote: »Ferrous_Female_Dog wrote: »It's true, there are many people who do not honor all of their obligations, but EVERYONE honors at least one. My point is that the obligation to ourselves needs to be a higher priority.
Agreed.
All we can do is keep explaining it as people slowly get it and start to win. Hopefully most people figure it out on their own.
I figured it out when I kept skipping the gym in the morning or after work because I was "so tired" or [enter excuse here], but when a friend or family member needed me for something, or if I had to work late, then it was no problem. I was still just as tired, or maybe I didn't feel like it but I was obligated, so no questions asked.
So now I don't think of gym time or food prep as something I do when I feel like because it's convenient. It's something I have to do because I am obligated to take care of myself, no problem, no questions asked.
I think I'm going to have to steal your avatar! Love it.0 -
Well, I agree whether you call it motivation or obligation - whatever gets you out there. Personally I look at it more as discipline. One of my favorite quotes - "Martial arts is about discipline. The first discipline to master is showing up to class."
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"Showing up" is probably the key to all fitness efforts. It wont matter how motivated you are, or how obligated you feel, if you dont actually get your butt there. Same is true for just about anything in life you want to accomplish. You are 100% guaranteed to fail if you dont show up.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Nothing gets done without motivation. Commitment, obligation, responsibility, fear, desire, these are all motivators. Whenver you do something it's because you were motivated to do it.
Yes, but so many people (I know I have done this) wait for motivation to come along. If you have trouble making time for yourself, but you can keep commitments, you do have time. You just have to make yourself a priority. And figure out what works for you.
And, I know people on a message board can't give you motivation but they can give you ideas of what to do. The successes inspire me when I feel like giving up.0 -
It gets funny though when you do start raising priority in your health and others start looking at you differently. I'm a gym addict. That's cool rather be called that than like a gamer or anything nonactive.0
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This was a really empowering post for me! Thank you!0
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Nothing gets done without motivation. Commitment, obligation, responsibility, fear, desire, these are all motivators. Whenver you do something it's because you were motivated to do it.
Yes, but so many people (I know I have done this) wait for motivation to come along. If you have trouble making time for yourself, but you can keep commitments, you do have time. You just have to make yourself a priority. And figure out what works for you.
And, I know people on a message board can't give you motivation but they can give you ideas of what to do. The successes inspire me when I feel like giving up.
People find all the reasons in the world not to make themselves a priority.
Selfishness is feared so much that people fall into patterns of self neglect.
It's okay to love yourself. It's okay to put your health and happiness first.
Everyone in our lives benefits when we take care of ourselves properly. It isn't selfish.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
I'll give you US$ 5 million if you lose 50 lbs and keep it off for 5 years...
OK, I am being glib because I actually agree with you. What this tells me however is that the reason intrinsic (internal) motivation is generally better than extrinsic (external) motivation is because of reward / value in comparison to the cost involved.
Internal motivators tend to have more stickiness and stuff because of the reward: the joy of improving, the stress relief of exercise, the calm of being in control outweighs the cost: time involved, pain, discomfort and so on.
External motivation can be very useful but internalising it gives better odds as it gives a person a "higher purpose."
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that's like saying introverts are better than extroverts.
the world needs balance.
some people are motivated by outside sources sometimes to do what they need to do.
some people are motivated from within to do what they need to do.
some people wait to do anything until they are motivated.
some people don't wait for the happy reasons and just do it because work ethic or decision.
the point is not to only do things when you are motivated, whether it is from the inside or the outside.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »It gets funny though when you do start raising priority in your health and others start looking at you differently. I'm a gym addict. That's cool rather be called that than like a gamer or anything nonactive.
Yep, even more so as a mother and grandmother, as in my case. Yes, of course I took very good care of my children, but I also took time for myself. They learned to adapt. Now, with grandchildren I tend to get looked down upon for still going to the gym after work instead of racing straight home if my husband (retired) is babysitting. Nope, not changing my schedule. I love them and see them regularly. It's just still such a stereotype that women should put their kids, grandkids, spouses, parents, etc. before themselves. Hope that changes someday...0 -
The weird thing is... that making yourself priority isn't enough. You have to make your future self a priority. When you're thinking cake or gym (simplified) - cake is for your current self but the gym is for your future self. To not make yourself priority, you would be telling people to go ahead of you in line to get cake and maybe they'll run out. I think a lot of people have a harder time thinking about their future self (how easy is it to spend money now instead of saving for retirement?). But I really like the original post. It's a great way of putting it!0
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I always say I don't need motivation, I need routines. When everything is "dummy-proofed" and all planned out ahead of time, I have less reason to slack off. The motivation is built in because one, I feel all oogy if I get out of my routine and two, the rewards from slogging away at routines become apparent after a certain amount of time. Instead of a vicious cycle, it becomes a delicious cycle...hey I just thought that up on the spot! OK it's not actually all that clever. But you see what I mean...for me there's no such thing as motivation, there is only routine.0
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Definitely agree with the point made about looking for an easy way. I think that's why a lot of people get discouraged after a few workouts and quit. They don't see results, they are sore, they can't do the exercise to completion, etc. It happens everywhere. Look at people fresh out of college. They expect their 100k salary with 4 weeks vacation and corner office on the first day of work.0
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Don’t be upset by the result you didn’t get with the work you didn’t do.0
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nogreenthumb wrote: »Definitely agree with the point made about looking for an easy way. I think that's why a lot of people get discouraged after a few workouts and quit. They don't see results, they are sore, they can't do the exercise to completion, etc. It happens everywhere. Look at people fresh out of college. They expect their 100k salary with 4 weeks vacation and corner office on the first day of work.
I don't know any college graduates that expect that... hehe0 -
nogreenthumb wrote: »Definitely agree with the point made about looking for an easy way. I think that's why a lot of people get discouraged after a few workouts and quit. They don't see results, they are sore, they can't do the exercise to completion, etc. It happens everywhere. Look at people fresh out of college. They expect their 100k salary with 4 weeks vacation and corner office on the first day of work.
LOL every I know graduate does not expect that. Even grad school they don't expect that.
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