Overcoming body dismorphia / self confidence

kristimason3

I'm wondering if there is anyone out there in the mfp community who has been able to overcome issues with body dismorphia / seriously low self confidence and if so what helped, how did you do it?

kristimason3

Thank you for responding. I do enjoy reading. I'll see if I can get my hands on some of those books.:)

kristimason3

Now to figure out why none of the links are working on my phone

consideritdonemi

Sometimes it's just accepting what your body will never be and working with that. I was always insecure about my body type, but kind of worked through that in an unusual way. After a marriage dissolved in 2006 and I threw the bum out I had to pay everything by myself. I had my main office day job, acquired a p/t nights and weekends retail job, and figured i could add just one more working somewhere overnight a few days a week. There was a strip club I always passed by on the way home and saw they were open late at night. Lol. Went in and applied for a job as a cocktail waitress and got hired the next day. I was a terrible waitress, but it turned out to be my 'fun' job because I actually made a lot of friends there. Anyway, this strip club stint helped to raise my confidence level because all the girls around me were all kinds of different shapes and sizes and they were still getting their sexy 'thang' on no matter what. My favorite times were when all the girls were getting ready in the dressing room before the shift started. Everyone was at different levels of undress and there were imperfections everywhere! Even the super-pretty, stacked girls rocked some stretch marks here and there and I was amazed how some of the girls who were NOT stripper-worthy in the expected sense still managed to exude natural confidence and make tons of money with super cellulite and cankles. And there were a lot of just-regular girls in between. I didn't have the balls or flexi-dance talent to make it as an independent pole contractor, but the whole experience made me more comfy in my skin overall and I learned how to get my flirt on and amp up my feminine wiles observing what works. For me it was a very self-empowering environment body image-wise. I did get promoted to 'door girl' during my tenure there and stopped the waitressing, thank god, and I still look back fondly on the whole experience. Working there was definitely weird blessing in disguise. So that's my story.

kristimason3

"Independent Pole Contractor"? Priceless!! LMAO Is that a 1099 position? Commission based? Sole proprietorship? I've always been jealous of girls who have the self confidence to get up there and do that.

kristimason3

I'm not sure the hubby would be fond of the idea of me overcoming my insecurities by getting a job at a strip club lol. Maybe a poll dancing class.. I'm really uncoordinated though. My biggest fear would be landing on my face over and over and over. "They're all gonna laugh at you" comes to mind. With my luck I'd end up on worlds funniest videos.

ActuarialChef

kristimason3 wrote: »

I'm not sure the hubby would be fond of the idea of me overcoming my insecurities by getting a job at a strip club lol. Maybe a poll dancing class.. I'm really uncoordinated though. My biggest fear would be landing on my face over and over and over. "They're all gonna laugh at you" comes to mind. With my luck I'd end up on worlds funniest videos.

I took a pole dancing class 5 or 6 times before I moved away from the studio. It was SO much fun! Just make sure to go to a beginner class first hahaha.

Also, I went once or twice with a friend and those were the best times I had. We both laughed our way through it. That being said, it was still totally fun by myself

consideritdonemi

As I understood it, the pole workers were 1099 contractors. They did not get a paycheck from the establishment, while I did (that menial server pay with the difference to be made up in tips).

No, not really suggesting to go out and get a job at a club lol, but maybe a girls night out for kicks to a club (some are women and couples friendly) or, as ActuarialChef mentioned, a pole dancing class caters to all types of women and could be a fun night out with girlfriends to get in touch with your inner sexy. I actually want to visit one of those places at some point here. They tend to do pole classes, burlesque, and 'chair dancing', too. Trust me, I need some training as I am only moderately coordinated. I wanna surprise my man one day soon. Even a belly dancing class would suffice.

kristimason3

I think that's a great idea. Sound super fun. Who cares if I fall on my face, right? I'm a grown *kitten* woman now! I'll fall on my face if I feel like it :P

yoovie

raises hand!

the only thing that worked for me was the opposite of what I thought I needed to do.

I thought I needed to constantly reassure myself that I loved who I am and to tell myself that I was beautiful just the way I was. BULL POOPOO!

All that did was force me to continue obsessively focusing on what I looked like. Words aren't nearly loud enough to drown out actions!

What helped?

DOING what I love.
EXPLORING what makes me happy.
TRYING new things I was dying to get involved in.

By spending time doing what I love, I am loving myself - not later when I deserve it for being smaller or fitter - but everyday.

kristimason3

yoovie wrote: »

raises hand!

the only thing that worked for me was the opposite of what I thought I needed to do.

I thought I needed to constantly reassure myself that I loved who I am and to tell myself that I was beautiful just the way I was. BULL POOPOO!

All that did was force me to continue obsessively focusing on what I looked like. Words aren't nearly loud enough to drown out actions!

What helped?

DOING what I love.
EXPLORING what makes me happy.
TRYING new things I was dying to get involved in.

By spending time doing what I love, I am loving myself - not later when I deserve it for being smaller or fitter - but everyday.

Thanks for replying. That was a great post too. I'm all about changing thinking from negative to positive. I've made leaps and bounds in other areas of my life by focusing on the things I love. I'm left with this one issue that still haunts me. Maybe in time.

yoovie

no thinking
no focusing
no talking

these things just keep you in a spiral in your brain.

ACTION.

taryn_caitlin

kristimason3 wrote: »

I'm not sure the hubby would be fond of the idea of me overcoming my insecurities by getting a job at a strip club lol. Maybe a poll dancing class.. I'm really uncoordinated though. My biggest fear would be landing on my face over and over and over. "They're all gonna laugh at you" comes to mind. With my luck I'd end up on worlds funniest videos.

I've taught pole for about 3 years and it will change your life, whenever I do more pole (I don't get nearly enough time) I feel infinitely more confident with myself. Try a class!

sweetest_potato

I suffered with gradually worsening body dysmorphia since I was 12 (19 now.)
It was to the point I would skip school once every week in middle school, then in high school around year 2-3 I ended up skipping at least one time a week, up to 2. Near the end of year 3 it got so bad (mixed with anxiety and depression and eating disorders) that I switched to homeschooling after trying to kill myself. I couldn't go to school without wanting to cry. Barely passed year 3, moved away in year 4 to try to "start over" but I ended up getting worse. It was my worst year, depression, self harming, eating disorders, anxiety. It was EXTREMELY bad with my constant body dysmorphia and I ended up dropping out of high school with ONLY 5 months left. I felt like if I kept trying I'd end up really harming myself one day.
At the worst times, I'd be sitting in front of the mirror crying over my face and how I felt like it wasn't how my face was supposed to be. I hated my body and felt like I needed to look like a skeleton so that people can see how I truly was (sick).

Today, I barely have issues with myself. I know that if I don't like something about myself I can either fix it with exercising (which I do now!) and cosmetic surgery when I am older. My boyfriend helped me a lot (my parents didn't know how to be supportive) with overcoming this. He got me to accept that I am me, EVERYONE is different, to NEVER compare myself or my body to others. You may dislike something about yourself and constantly scrutinize yourself, but if you think about it, other people probably don't even notice whatever "flaw" you focus in on. People who are your true friend and love and accept you won't care about how you look! It's about how beautiful you are in your mind and heart. Looks don't last, once we are all hitting 60-70-80 it won't matter at all.

kristimason3

sweetest_potato wrote: »

I suffered with gradually worsening body dysmorphia since I was 12 (19 now.)
It was to the point I would skip school once every week in middle school, then in high school around year 2-3 I ended up skipping at least one time a week, up to 2. Near the end of year 3 it got so bad (mixed with anxiety and depression and eating disorders) that I switched to homeschooling after trying to kill myself. I couldn't go to school without wanting to cry. Barely passed year 3, moved away in year 4 to try to "start over" but I ended up getting worse. It was my worst year, depression, self harming, eating disorders, anxiety. It was EXTREMELY bad with my constant body dysmorphia and I ended up dropping out of high school with ONLY 5 months left. I felt like if I kept trying I'd end up really harming myself one day.
At the worst times, I'd be sitting in front of the mirror crying over my face and how I felt like it wasn't how my face was supposed to be. I hated my body and felt like I needed to look like a skeleton so that people can see how I truly was (sick).

Today, I barely have issues with myself. I know that if I don't like something about myself I can either fix it with exercising (which I do now!) and cosmetic surgery when I am older. My boyfriend helped me a lot (my parents didn't know how to be supportive) with overcoming this. He got me to accept that I am me, EVERYONE is different, to NEVER compare myself or my body to others. You may dislike something about yourself and constantly scrutinize yourself, but if you think about it, other people probably don't even notice whatever "flaw" you focus in on. People who are your true friend and love and accept you won't care about how you look! It's about how beautiful you are in your mind and heart. Looks don't last, once we are all hitting 60-70-80 it won't matter at all.

Wow! You have overcome so much at such a young age! Good for you, you are obviously incredibly strong! My story isn't as intense. My anxiety didn't become overwhelming until my mid twenties. My body dismorphia issues started much earlier. My father was a "meat head" my whole life, still is, spends a good portion of the day every day for as long as I can remember, at the gym. I have 4 sisters, all of them tiny. I was always bigger. Never fat necessarily, but just built bigger. At age 8 my dad started me on a diet, and a gym regiment. He would make me take ibuprofen before going to work out to "speed up my heart rate". He would run me, literally outside of the gym. None of my other sisters were forces to join in. Just "daddy's little fatty watty" as he lovingly called me. The comments were constant from him. How my sisters would find a husband and I wouldn't because guys don't wanna marry fat chicks. Things like that.. Obviously it affected me in a negative way. I became obsessed with getting down to the size of my sisters. Which is honestly just not physically possible for me. Yet I continue, at 35, to compare myself to them and every other petite woman I see, wishing..thinking that if I just push harder. Feeling like my husband got a bum deal, despite his constant support and comments. It's a hard habit to break. A cycle of thought I hope to one day get out of.