Being punished for doing it right
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Deps
Posts: 31 Member
Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration but I'm feeling rather bitter. My partner and I are in this together, in theory. The first time I lost a lot of weight we both watched our calories and exercised together. This time, she started with me, then wandered off.
I hit my calories every day. I exercise. I make healthy choices. At first I lost weight at a good rate, now I'm lucky if I lose .1. Yesterday she ate ice-cream, fish and chips, lots of soft drink, ignored calorie counting, frequently eats chocolate and take away milk drinks and lost .5.
I don't get it and it is so frustrating. I'm not binging because I'm not getting all the junky foods I want. I don't miss them. I'm not putting on muscle because I'm barely doing strength training and the last time I did this I lost heaps of weight (10Kgs of which stayed off).
Mostly I'm just ranting. It's so frustrating to have someone agree to this journey with you, only to openly defy everything you agreed to in front of you and STILL smash you in weight loss.
Anyone else suffer this problem?
I hit my calories every day. I exercise. I make healthy choices. At first I lost weight at a good rate, now I'm lucky if I lose .1. Yesterday she ate ice-cream, fish and chips, lots of soft drink, ignored calorie counting, frequently eats chocolate and take away milk drinks and lost .5.
I don't get it and it is so frustrating. I'm not binging because I'm not getting all the junky foods I want. I don't miss them. I'm not putting on muscle because I'm barely doing strength training and the last time I did this I lost heaps of weight (10Kgs of which stayed off).
Mostly I'm just ranting. It's so frustrating to have someone agree to this journey with you, only to openly defy everything you agreed to in front of you and STILL smash you in weight loss.
Anyone else suffer this problem?
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Replies
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How is eating food defying everything? :huh:0
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You're not taking it on a long enough time line. Let her eat like that (if she's going over her maintenance calories) every day for a month, or six months, and see where she is compared to you tracking everything while being in a caloric deficit.0
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Yeah Peachy you're right. It's just frustrating in the short term when we're both meant to be losing weight together, you know?0
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Peoples boies fluctuate in weight. What peachyfuzzle you arent looking at it in the medium or long term, it will catch up with her if she isnt in a deficit. You may not be in as big a deficit as you think. Ice cream isnt that fattening tbh. Focus on your deficit and keep doing what you are. She might be at a different stage, so can lose water weight.0
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First of all, you should be worrying about yourself, not her. You two can be the exact same age, weight and height and you're not going to lose at the same rate anyway.0
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Yeah Peachy you're right. It's just frustrating in the short term when we're both meant to be losing weight together, you know?
If you're upset that she's not putting any effort into her own losing while you are with yours when you both agreed to go through it together, that's something you should to talk to her about.0 -
Liftng4Lis wrote: »First of all, you should be worrying about yourself, not her. You two can be the exact same age, weight and height and you're not going to lose at the same rate anyway.
+1
Maybe you could look at NSVs? Have you taken measurements? My thighs got thinner while the scale wasn't budging or moving at a pound a week.
Also, you say you're making healthy choices. But if you eat a lot of low-calorie but high-sodium foods, you could see a gain because of water weight. (I'm up FOUR pounds since Wednesday because of all the salty food this weekend.)
Then again, I was losing at a pound a week and then lost three in about 48 hours. Bodies are rude that way.0 -
"Comparison is the thief of joy".
Focus on you, stop worrying about what she's doing or not doing.0 -
I'm confused. Y'all are "both meant to be losing weight together". WTF does that mean? You have to lose weight in exactly the same way, at the same rate?? Or else someone is cheating??0
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Just break up.-5
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Calliope610 wrote: »I'm confused. Y'all are "both meant to be losing weight together". WTF does that mean? You have to lose weight in exactly the same way, at the same rate?? Or else someone is cheating??
They chose to lose weight together.
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Calliope610 wrote: »I'm confused. Y'all are "both meant to be losing weight together". WTF does that mean? You have to lose weight in exactly the same way, at the same rate?? Or else someone is cheating??
Why is that confusing? They decided that together they were going to eat healthier and lose weight. Together.
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »First of all, you should be worrying about yourself, not her. You two can be the exact same age, weight and height and you're not going to lose at the same rate anyway.
This. Plus, it's not a contest. Maybe you need to grow up a bit.0 -
goddessofawesome wrote: »Calliope610 wrote: »I'm confused. Y'all are "both meant to be losing weight together". WTF does that mean? You have to lose weight in exactly the same way, at the same rate?? Or else someone is cheating??
Why is that confusing? They decided that together they were going to eat healthier and lose weight. Together.
because that has a great success rate. <rolls eyes>
And yes I understand people do do that- and sometimes are successful at it- but it's more likely one of them will feel forced into making the choice- or feel like what they are doing isn't enough and fall out playing the game b/c clearly it isn't working.
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The only way this whole process works is if you focus on doing what you need to do- if you both happen to be focused on what you each individually do at the same time- great- but odds are- you're going to be moving on completely separate tracks.
It's ridiculous to think they are going to really be going at this head on together with the same intensity- someone always wants it more.
So let them want it more. In this case it's the OP. And he should focus on himself. If I got bent every time my out of shape boyfriend chose to eat bread for 3 days straight I'd be in a chronic state of irritation. He wants to live that way- that's on him. plain and simple.
She doesn't want to play the game- that's on her. Nagging her or being irritated is simple a waste of time and energy.0 -
Liftng4Lis wrote: »First of all, you should be worrying about yourself, not her. You two can be the exact same age, weight and height and you're not going to lose at the same rate anyway.
This. Plus, it's not a contest. Maybe you need to grow up a bit.
Seriously? He even prefaced his whole post with "that might be a bit of an exaggeration but I'm feeling rather bitter". I get where he's coming from. His other half has given up the journey she had started with him, yet she lost weight (granted not a lot). He's frustrated. We all have moments like those at some point or another where it feels like all our hard work is getting us nowhere. If my pants didn't fit better I wouldn't know I've lost nearly 30 pounds, because to me my body looks the same (the face a bit too, until someone takes a picture of me and then I'm like "what the hell, I still have more than one chin?!").
And yes OP, you should likely talk to her about being frustrated that she's not kept up with what she agreed to. This is why I just quietly went about my own business without having my husband be part of it. My weight loss journey is mine.0 -
PrizePopple wrote: »Liftng4Lis wrote: »First of all, you should be worrying about yourself, not her. You two can be the exact same age, weight and height and you're not going to lose at the same rate anyway.
This. Plus, it's not a contest. Maybe you need to grow up a bit.
Seriously? He even prefaced his whole post with "that might be a bit of an exaggeration but I'm feeling rather bitter". I get where he's coming from. His other half has given up the journey she had started with him, yet she lost weight (granted not a lot). He's frustrated. We all have moments like those at some point or another where it feels like all our hard work is getting us nowhere. If my pants didn't fit better I wouldn't know I've lost nearly 30 pounds, because to me my body looks the same (the face a bit too, until someone takes a picture of me and then I'm like "what the hell, I still have more than one chin?!").
And yes OP, you should likely talk to her about being frustrated that she's not kept up with what she agreed to. This is why I just quietly went about my own business without having my husband be part of it. My weight loss journey is mine.
Yes, seriously. According to the title of this post, the OP thinks she (according to her profile, the OP is female) is being punished. As long as the OP treats this like a contest and compares herself to others, she is never going to succeed in the long run. Maybe you don't want to hear the bitter truth and maybe she doesn't either, but she needs to grow up and take responsibility, not compare herself to her partner who is probably still eating at a deficit and therefore is losing weight. Furthermore, her partner lost .4 of a pound more than she did. That can be water weight or bowel movement...sorry, but it's true. So yes, she needs to grow up. Seriously.
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PrizePopple wrote: »Liftng4Lis wrote: »First of all, you should be worrying about yourself, not her. You two can be the exact same age, weight and height and you're not going to lose at the same rate anyway.
This. Plus, it's not a contest. Maybe you need to grow up a bit.
Seriously? He even prefaced his whole post with "that might be a bit of an exaggeration but I'm feeling rather bitter". I get where he's coming from. His other half has given up the journey she had started with him, yet she lost weight (granted not a lot). He's frustrated. We all have moments like those at some point or another where it feels like all our hard work is getting us nowhere. If my pants didn't fit better I wouldn't know I've lost nearly 30 pounds, because to me my body looks the same (the face a bit too, until someone takes a picture of me and then I'm like "what the hell, I still have more than one chin?!").
And yes OP, you should likely talk to her about being frustrated that she's not kept up with what she agreed to. This is why I just quietly went about my own business without having my husband be part of it. My weight loss journey is mine.
Yes OP should grow up.... policing what people eat is a waste of energy that he should be focusing on himself.0 -
Are you weighing in every day? There will be daily fluctuations that can be frustrating alone, let alone when comparing them to someone else's daily weigh in. The only thing you can really do is just keep focusing on what you are doing and continue to make good choices.0
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Weight loss kind of reminds me of death (not being morbid, just saying) You can technically do it with someone if you choose, but the journey itself is yours alone. Hopefully, She will get back on track. Truthfully, we all have those off the wagon times.Yeah Peachy you're right. It's just frustrating in the short term when we're both meant to be losing weight together, you know?
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it's hard to try to stay in sync with someone who has a different body than you, a different gender, a different level of fitness, different injuries, different metabolism, different preferences. SUPER hard to follow a nice parallel 'journey'.
You're both going to have different frustrations.
I know that having someone next to you makes it easier. But sometimes we gotta do stuff even if there is no way to make it easier and no one else is agreeing to help.
But that's when it really influences your character. And 'change' is what we are after anyway right?
So maybe, not having someone by your side to ease the struggle, is going to be what causes the change you wanted to begin with!
Good luck - don't give up!0
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