The mental aspect of losing 100+ pounds

LoudmouthLee

Losing weight was supposed to be the hard part, right?

Instead, I am here, struggling with the psychological aspects of my weight loss. Instead, once I had a clear path and made that change a central part of my life, the pounds seriously melted off of me. I became more physically fit than ever before, and minus a couple of problem areas, I'm really happy with my body shape.

I have also noticed that I'm much more fragile, mentally. At first, it was the "popular kids" wanting to talk to me again.. I was really upset... was I not good enough before, when I was heavy?

That anguish morphed into some body-image fragility... Looking at loose skin / loose fat and wondering what I was doing wrong, and the anguish that followed there....

That anguish morphed into some extreme egotistical behavior and thoughts. And genuine unhappiness with certain aspects of my personal life.

Has anyone else turned into a mini-headcase since they lost weight? I know that I'm no different...

Or at least that's what I told myself when I first started. I'm completely different now.

april1445

You're very self aware. That's got to be part of the solution, doesn't it? I've had similar experiences, and I consider my weight battles to be a tool for growth. Everyone gets something.

MudRunLvr

I can relate. The physical change sometimes seems like the easy part. The rest of it.. that can really do a number on you.

With time you'll adjust to the way things are now. And the best piece of advice I can give is to lift weights. I don't know if you lift, but I recommend it.

And so does Henry Rollins:

The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it’s impossible to turn back.

The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you’re a god or a total *kitten*. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.

Ta2dchic20

I would just consider you to be enlightened. Congrats on your loss! :flowerforyou:

snowbike

Bump for later

LoudmouthLee

You're very self aware. That's got to be part of the solution, doesn't it? I've had similar experiences, and I consider my weight battles to be a tool for growth. Everyone gets something.

I try to be cognizant of who I am... it doesn't change the fact that, well... I've changed. A lot. The old me, well... is dead. What happened to the relationships attached to it?

Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.

Truth in numbers. Always. My mathematical brain appeals to this line of thinking. I do lift (right now, I Tabata train), but there's always proof, to me in the 8 sets. The 20 seconds. The 10 seconds rest. Constant. True.

Lochlyn_D

The more weight I lose, the more self aware and self conscious I become. I don't like it. I do my best to tell myself not to care. I guess it helps not to be in high school.

HIITMe

I'm down a lil over 100... Im not having the same issues.... my biggest problem is body dysmrphic syndrome.... I still see a 275 pound chick when I look in the mirror...my husband took a pic of me in a bthing suit over the weekend and in the pic I didnt look too bad yet when I looked in the mirror wearing the same bathing suit I was not pleased.

Im also starting to feel embarassed about where I let myself get to.... I gained most of the weight since I moved away from my friends & family....so my "new" friends dont know the thin me and my "old" friends dont know the fat me...
I recently put a picture of FB and was ashamed at all of the comments though they ALL were congrats! it was sort of a reality check... I wish no one would comment or acknowledge my weightloss so then I can forget that I was so out of shape....

I went shopping last week and looked at a pair of size 22 jeans and was like YUK!! but it wasnt too long ago that those were what I could fit...

leilaphoenix

You sounds like you are quite sensible to me. Continue to be proud of your achievements and use your confidence to give the finger to the idiots that treated your badly at high school etc.

You didn't go into the details of what is bothering you about your personal life but perhaps now that you are feeling better about yourself and more confident and proud, you feel like you deserve better than you had? I certainly have taken steps to find better things in personal life as I have grown to love myself more.

LoudmouthLee

I would just consider you to be enlightened. Congrats on your loss! :flowerforyou:

"The real meaning of enlightenment is to gaze with undimmed eyes on all darkness." - Nikos Kazantzakis

Thank you for the kind words (and sorry for being a downer!). I was just never one to reassess relationships. Never one to be that egotistical that I can pick and choose... y'know?

I wish no one would comment or acknowledge my weightloss so then I can forget that I was so out of shape....

I used to get angry when people passed me and said "Hi, Skinny!" That was when I was in the first stage that I was talking about (the... what, was I not good enough before? stage)

Congrats on your loss as well... have you had any problems in your other relationships at all? Marriage? Friendships? Family?

notsbmom

I understand how you are feeling. You have changed in so many ways and it can be overwhelming. If you feel it is impacting how you enjoy life perhaps you should seek professional help. Sometimes that is the best way to assess what is going on. It is unfortunate that with all the hard work you have put in that you can't enjoy it fully.

LoudmouthLee

I understand how you are feeling. You have changed in so many ways and it can be overwhelming. If you feel it is impacting how you enjoy life perhaps you should seek professional help. Sometimes that is the best way to assess what is going on. It is unfortunate that with all the hard work you have put in that you can't enjoy it fully.

On the contrary. I'm afraid I'm going to enjoy it too much, and start sorting things/people to keep and things/people to replace.

lfergurson1

Ive been overweight my whole life and at 47 I wonder how my head will match with my body. Its weird youd think losing the weight would fix all things. You are so awesome you did it. It probably takes as much or more time to get your head to match your body. Keep talking to people surround yourself with amazing people. You are and ALWAYS were good enough. Now little by little learn to enjoy the things you couldnt before. Hugs You are awesome kiddo. DO NOT SHUT DOWN talk to people about how you feel. Get a counselor or a mentor find someone else on here in the same boat talk alot. 100 is a huge change. You look amazing.

HIITMe

Congrats on your loss as well... have you had any problems in your other relationships at all? Marriage? Friendships? Family?

my husband is just concerned with my health overall more than my weightloss.... I had some "issues" that were made worse by the weightloss...so he is watching me like a hawk which kind of annoys me though I know its just he is looking out for my well being...

I have one family member who keeps making negative comments despite the fact that she weighs less than me....I know for a fact thats because she needs to be the center of attention and Im getting too many compliments so she must detract by saying silly things...

For the most part everyone has been pretty good....I just know Im constantly living ina fish bowl now...

casy84

I am more confident, so I'm no longer the good girl that used to take c%# from people, now I fight back and I love my new found strength. I am a bit worried that I exagerate in my goals and every time I get close to them I set a higher one instead. Overall I am a lot happier, I enjoy new things and love myself more.

LoudmouthLee

I am more confident, so I'm no longer the good girl that used to take c%# from people, now I fight back and I love my new found strength. I am a bit worried that I exagerate in my goals and every time I get close to them I set a higher one instead. Overall I am a lot happier, I enjoy new things and love myself more.

Have any of your relationships suffered?

Shananigans_

I lost 58 lbs at one point last year but at the 20 lb mark was when I ended my marriage. And no, not just because of starting to lose weight. My whole mental focus shifted. Been the hardest damn year of my life in all aspects.

RunForChai

Hi,

I really suggest you find some good counseling. 100 pounds is a lot to lose---you have lost your old self and are trying to find your new self----why not get some very supportive counseling to get through this? If not, I fear you will re-gain.

Good Luck!

LoudmouthLee

why not get some very supportive counseling to get through this? If not, I fear you will re-gain.

Thank you for your concern (and your response!)

Regaining isn't going to happen to me.

I may not be clear, here.. I love, LOVE being me now. Maybe too much. I love working out, eating right, and being wanted.

Im just afraid of isolating and removing all aspects of my old life.

petechiae

Like many others said, I think you are very self aware. The mind is very complex and tricky, and it takes a long time before it acknowledges physical changes. I lost 40 lbs, and I still see myself the way I did when I was at 220 lbs. But people notice. And as much as I would like to be happy that they notice, every "Congrats, you've lost weight!" is a slap in the face. I am probably over thinking, but it feels like I am being repeated over and over again that my previous body just didn't do the job, wasn't appealing, wasn't good enough to them. And when you look upset over something like that, almost everyone does not understand... because being congratulated for the loss of a few pounds should be a good thing. It should not be seen as rude. But I find that it is. I just wish that physical appearance did not matter so much, to me or anyone else.

I have also noticed that I'm much more fragile, mentally. At first, it was the "popular kids" wanting to talk to me again.. I was really upset... was I not good enough before, when I was heavy?

You are not mentally fragile. I think you are just very emotionally intelligent. Did you end up talking to them again? I know I would've refused to... if I was not good for you before, I am still not good for you. Even if I'm lighter.

That anguish morphed into some body-image fragility... Looking at loose skin / loose fat and wondering what I was doing wrong, and the anguish that followed there....

That anguish morphed into some extreme egotistical behavior and thoughts. And genuine unhappiness with certain aspects of my personal life.

You did not do anything wrong. It is never black or white. In the past, you did what you wanted in the moment. You did what you thought was good for yourself. It is done, you have to let it go. It is not because you weighted more than you do now that you were less of a good human being back then. Your value as LordmouthLee is not defined by a number.

Do not forget that you deserve to be happy, and that it is okay to let go sometimes. Congratulations for everything that you have achieved. Oh and never hesitate to reach out if you need psychological help. It might sound like it is unnecessary, but it truly does help.

Take care.

LoudmouthLee

You are not mentally fragile. I think you are just very emotionally intelligent. Did you end up talking to them again? I know I would've refused to... if I was not good for you before, I am still not good for you. Even if I'm lighter.

I did. Some of them are my good friends now. They've since apologized for making me feel that way... but they responded with... "can you blame me?"

I rolled that around in my head for a few days... and the answer was no. We all make snap judgements on people all the time

casy84

I am more confident, so I'm no longer the good girl that used to take c%# from people, now I fight back and I love my new found strength. I am a bit worried that I exagerate in my goals and every time I get close to them I set a higher one instead. Overall I am a lot happier, I enjoy new things and love myself more.

Have any of your relationships suffered?

Yes, one, but I don't regret it. That girl is the 'queen bee' type and I refused to be one of her subjects.

LoudmouthLee

It's just a difficult thing to do.. to figure out what stays and what goes. Something does have to give.

Grumpy2208

There's something called "to be". It's harder said than done. But worth giving a try.

andiroot

Im just afraid of isolating and removing all aspects of my old life.

it sounds like you're not so much worried anymore about if you were good enough before,
now it seems like you feel the relationships you had & people you knew when your were big, are no longer good enough for you.

nurse2022

I am just starting this and have lost 14 pounds with over 100 to go. I'm finding I really like doing this and it is an incredible
encourager, when I see I met the daily goal etc.... My biggest problem in the past, and afraid it will resurface, is that when
people compliment me I begin to put the weight back on. It's like when they acknowledge the good work, I get afraid that
I won't keep it up...and then I don't. Any suggestions?

Wag1one

OP;

what is so bad in questioning everything?
Does that make you fragile? What's fragile about it?
I don't understand.
People don't hesitate to clean their cars, change career, declutter their homes, moving countries etc - so what's the big deal about questioning our lives and getting rid of those people and things which causes us unhappiness?. What's fragile and "mental" about it?

See, the thing is losing weight was just one aspect of your life which probably dominated every other areas of your life. Once you fixed that, life happened to you. Now the real fun will begin. Now start dissecting your life piece by piece and letting go of everything and everyone who is just not worth your mental anguish.

Sometimes things happen and people we meet who shows us what we are holding back, brings us back to our own attention, tear down our walls, smack us awake, shake us up, tear apart our ego a little bit, show us our addictions and obstacles, break our heart open and makes us so desperate and out of control - and reveal another layer of ourselves and then boom they leave. There's nothing bad about that. Because the whole point is to find ourselves and learn to accept who we are. And there's nothing wrong nor mental in thinking too much and letting those people go.

I apologise if I came across too blunt. Sometimes being aware means letting go. And letting go means living.

JessiBelleW

I read your post and I really tried to read between the lines as well. It sounds (to me) as if you are worried about how your new weight, and the lifestyle changes you made to get to this new weight will affect the relationships you have.

I feel that all relationships go through pressure points and changes. Ie your best friend gets a new bf/gf and their focus and priories change. Some of your priories, and habits had to, and did change when you lost weight. Lots of us have trouble with this: friends want to meet us for dinner, catch up over coffee or desert or invite us to a party where it sucks to be the non-drinker/ be the person who is only having a few.

As your priories and focuses change it is natural to gravitate towards people with the same focuses - you want to be fit and healthy, perhaps your new popular friends think this is important too.

I think the best thing to do is evaluate your relationships and go from there. You said its tough to figure out what stays and what goes. Ask yourself do this person make your life better? Do you feel as if this relationship gives you back as much as you put in? Does the joy this person gives you out weight the stress they bring to your life. These questions could also be applied to things/ activities (I assumed you were talking about people but maybe you are talking about activities?) People who care about you (no matter how much you weigh) will make time to try and see you/hang out, even when your schedule is busy/inconvenient, the same way you try to carve out some time to see people who are importation to you

I once told my close friend Kat that I felt I received more out of our friendship than I gave to it, she gave me a funny look and said Oh, I always felt that I got more than I've given you.

Hope this helps sort out your head and wasn't too waffley