Anyone else motivated by shame?

js8181

5-6 pounds ago I stopped because I thought, eh, I look fine. Then I took a break because work became really stressful and I couldn't stress about calories and that. Well, now I've got my beerbelly back and I'm suddenly super motivated to work out, eat less, etc.

oedipa_maas

Shame might motivate me in the short term--helping me actually start new habits instead of just gauzy plans to change--but it doesn't work well once I really get going. Ongoing shame is a waste of my energy and doesn't seem to fuel anything but a few beginning steps. Of course, those beginning steps are important. But looking more long-term, shedding shame and being more positive as I move forward seems to be more effective. If I continue to feel ashamed of myself, I'm not honoring the changes I'm making, and that undermines my motivation and progress. So sure, shame can get you moving, but get rid of it soon after.

js8181

This is how I look now:

And this is me a month ago:


It's just depressing...

queenliz99

It could be a lot worse. Just get back to what you were doing, in a month or two it'll be gone. No biggee

oedipa_maas

Think about where you'll be in a month, though! Visualize it and you can do it. Though trust, I really understand the feeling of depression. I've gained some weight back and it's really tough. But just keep going. You can do it!

Abstraktimus

We all have little things that motivate us in different ways. You may look at old pictures and think holy *kitten*, what did I do?! Personally, I'm motivated by the changes and progress I make. Firstly, I was motivated by watching fitness and motivation videos on YouTube. Now, I love pushing out another rep, a higher weight, a quicker lap, a stronger and more controlled push-up. Any progress that I make, I love. I thrive off of it and I'm addicted!!

Unknown

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ColdPlum

So, try to step away from shame being the motivator, or not only will you stay in the cycle, but you'll die a lot sooner. Shame is "I'm a sh*thead because ______". Try instead, "I'm happier when I _________, so I'll do that out of care for myself." There's so much evidence on the neurotoxicity of shame, the unstable neural networks it creates for the thought patterns created though it, and even the destructive effects it has on our chromosomes! Toss the shame, cultivate compassion instead (not pity or even empathy, just a wish for the best) and you'll have a much easier time taking good care of yourself.

NoelFigart1

Nope. I tend to find shame paralyzing and demotivating. Matter of fact, I tend to perform at optimum when I take emotion out of it entirely and just say, "I have decided to do <foo>, therefore, I need to do <foo>/1, <foo>*2, and <foo>3 to get there."

My emotions are far too mutable over too short a time to be trusted with much. They're stupid.

JustinAnimal

I just destroyed my body over my nine-day Thanksgiving break (yeah, apparently we don't like to fund public schools). Ashamed as heck and ready to fix it!

SLHysell

Everyone is different. Find whatever motivation works for you. Shame doesn't work for me. My motivation is all about feeling physically good and about living longer and better for my family.

oedipa_maas

BFDeal wrote: »

Every once in a while I feel ashamed. Then I just think, "Meh, everyone else in the world is a loser and can go die in a fire." Then I feel better. I hope this helps. YMMV.

OP, now that I've read this. I think this is the way to go.

MysteriousMerlin

Heck nah, I love my food baby. I lovingly stroke it and give it little pet names.

jgnatca

I never use shame. I associate it with the addiction cycle and I just don't want to go there. I like myself now, and I love reaching new goals.

turtlez23

I guess I felt disgusted with myself...which could be shameful. Each day though, I am starting to feel better and better!

jennifer_417

Shame is actually demotivating for me. It tends to make me do the opposite of what I want to do. Now, when I make progress, I get inspired and motivated to do even more!

jos05

I know exactly how you feel; I almost started crying at the gym this morning...to be so close to your goal and have it all fall apart. Ugh! Just makes you want to work harder...Just keep on track and you'll be back in no time. It is crushing; but setbacks do happen to everyone!!!

Hearts_2015

js8181 wrote: »

This is how I look now:

And this is me a month ago:


It's just depressing...

Hey you did it once, you can do it again, proof is in the pics! Now get busy & start feeling good about yourself and using that as motivation. See you already have an 'after' photo...some of the rest of us don't. You're already ahead of the game!

This is a good example to you and all the rest of us that's it's daily, not a one time deal.. we work hard to keep it going so we get healthy and stay healthy. No need to feel shame, you've done some major changes and you already know how to get back there. If anything it's motivation I get from your sharing, that it can be done and I have to stay focused to keep it going.

Thanks for posting, you helped me

BeckyNaturoMommy

I'm motivated by shame. By disgust. By being angry that I can't wear whatever I want to wear. It's making me fake it til I make it, at least.

misscaligreen

You will get back to how you looked a month ago in no time! It's very nice to see a man with hair! Men SHOULD have body hair. Good Luck and don't get discouraged you can totally do this and you know it because you have DONE it already! Take Care and much success to you!

js8181

misscaligreen wrote: »

You will get back to how you looked a month ago in no time! It's very nice to see a man with hair! Men SHOULD have body hair. Good Luck and don't get discouraged you can totally do this and you know it because you have DONE it already! Take Care and much success to you!

Thanks! I'm Armenian, so hair sort of comes with the territory.

js8181

Thanks. "I did it once" is helping me this time. I slid a little over the summer, too, and just spiraled into some self-hatred. This time I'm ashamed, but able to pick myself up a bit better.

[/quote]
Hey you did it once, you can do it again, proof is in the pics! Now get busy & start feeling good about yourself and using that as motivation. See you already have an 'after' photo...some of the rest of us don't. You're already ahead of the game!

This is a good example to you and all the rest of us that's it's daily, not a one time deal.. we work hard to keep it going so we get healthy and stay healthy. No need to feel shame, you've done some major changes and you already know how to get back there. If anything it's motivation I get from your sharing, that it can be done and I have to stay focused to keep it going.

Thanks for posting, you helped me
[/quote]

TheVirgoddess

No shame for me. I don't see a point in feeling shame over something I can change with some hard work. Which, when you think about it, applies to almost every aspect of life

js8181

I think what I mean, though, is that for better or worse, shame DOES motivate me more than anything else. I wish I knew another way, but when I gain back my weight, my best motivator isn't a happy feeling--it's looking at my gut in the mirror, seeing how my chest isn't as defined, and feeling too fat. Repeating that in my head. When I'm with my wife, thinking that she'd be happier if I was more muscular, even though she never says that.

arrrrjt

I think to call it motivation would be almost inaccurate. I like to think of motivation as positive, and shame just doesn't seem positive to me. Plus, you're flexing in the month ago picture! We can't be too hard on ourselves.

That said, ya, when I'm up a pound or two after a slack week, I use that "motivation" to get my butt to the gym and work harder.

sheepotato

Shame only motivates me to feel bad about myself, no reason to do that. For me, only encouragement works. If I slack off, I just remind myself I can do it again because I've done it.

Whatever works for you, using negative reinforcement seems less sustainable and more temporary than positive reinforcement. Just a thought.

MagnumBurrito

You can cut that weight in two months. Nothing to fret about.

TheVirgoddess

js8181 wrote: »

I think what I mean, though, is that for better or worse, shame DOES motivate me more than anything else. I wish I knew another way, but when I gain back my weight, my best motivator isn't a happy feeling--it's looking at my gut in the mirror, seeing how my chest isn't as defined, and feeling too fat. Repeating that in my head. When I'm with my wife, thinking that she'd be happier if I was more muscular, even though she never says that.

Right, but if shame is your motivator, aren't you just going to continue this cycle of gaining, feeling shame, losing, gaining, etc? You need to find a motivation to keep that nice stomach and chest.