Worst thing a friend has said/done (but well meaning)??

miss_vdb

A mate of mine recently tried to instigate a round of applause for my weight loss at a rather low key quiz night round a mutual friends house!!

She was rather worse for wear and was trying to be supportive but boy did I want the ground to swallow me up!!

Whats the worst thing one of your mates has said/done regarding your weight loss/gain?

seltzermint555

OMG that's terrible (or would be for me anyway, so I feel your pain)!!!

The outright worst has been an acquaintance seeing me in a store looking at donuts with my husband. Donuts/cookies from this place are regular treats I enjoy. She hadn't seen me in a few years and knew from seeing me on FB that I've lost lots of weight. She said, "Oh my god, you don't want to gain all your weight back". I KNOW she didn't mean it so harshly as it sounded...but honestly it made me feel a bit sad for her, more than ticked off. She's a pretty average weight herself but if she ever gains and wants to lose, I imagine she would have a very hard time balancing treats and get very frustrated. Ugh!

As for TRULY well-meaning comments, one of my closest friends has said things about specific parts of me that are meant as compliments yet kind of give me a complex (temporarily). Among these are "Your face is even thinner, and it was always kind of thin"..."I never expected your shoulders to be that tiny"...and many more.

miss_vdb

Wow people really do just open their faces and let words fall out don't they lol. I've had a few stingers from people in my time but my memory has helpfully blocked the details now!

On the night in question my friend had already brought the weight loss up 3/4 times (in front of people who I was meeting that night for the first time *cringe* ) before finally capping it off with the round of the applause.

I'm really not sure I understand it, I can't even imagine a time when I would bring up something as sensitive as weight in front of other people, I'd barely feel comfortable commenting on someone else's body in private!!

MarziPanda95

The only one I've gotten so far related to weight loss is the whole 'wow, you look so nice in that dress now that you've lost weight!' Uh... so I didn't look nice in it at 211 pounds? Thanks for letting me know, jeez

concordancia

I have known a few people who just automatically say "You look great, have you lost weight?" whenever they haven't seen me in awhile. Like, that is what you are supposed to say to fat people the same way you ask a normal person how they have been. I actually said to one of them "No, I am the heaviest I have ever been." She didn't get the hint, though.

purplemystra

Two come to mind:
1. I was with friends at a comedy show and I was walking in the row of seat and my friend was behind me. She jokingly said "Uh you're so slow" and went a different way. I've tried to brush it off but I guess it still bothers me since I brought it up.

2. My aunt keeps making a big deal about me working with my bff. She keeps saying she is worried she will be a bad influence on me with my weight loss. I keep telling her it's fine. My friend hasn't tempted me at all. It's been almost 6 months. My friend has only been supportive.

seltzermint555

miss_vdb wrote: »

Wow people really do just open their faces and let words fall out don't they lol. I've had a few stingers from people in my time but my memory has helpfully blocked the details now!

On the night in question my friend had already brought the weight loss up 3/4 times (in front of people who I was meeting that night for the first time *cringe* ) before finally capping it off with the round of the applause.

I'm really not sure I understand it, I can't even imagine a time when I would bring up something as sensitive as weight in front of other people, I'd barely feel comfortable commenting on someone else's body in private!!

Definitely not taking your friends' "side" or anything...but I really do think people just vary so much when it comes to this stuff. I've had many coworkers who were very public about their diets and weight loss efforts, even posting things on their office wall and announcing 5 lb losses at staff meetings. Honestly that always made me cringe, but for some people I think it feels natural and they would probably LOVE a round of applause...LOL

miss_vdb

Yer I know what you mean, thats why I wanted people to post wellmeaning things.

I know she wasn't trying to make me feel awkward. However she does know me fairly well and would surely know that I wouldn't really appreciate the attention!! Ah well never mind, I'll just have to stay away from her when she is intoxicated!

SwashBlogger

We have to consider the possibility that people are either A) Socially inept or Not as "well meaning" as we think. #passiveagressive

laurasuzie3

"If you weren't so pretty, your weight would be a lot more obvious."

laurasuzie3

Oh and this one was not from a friend but I wanted to punch him...

After a workout, I went to Target still in my workout clothes. I had been really good and wanted to treat myself. I literally bought just a box of tampons and a chocolate bar. The MALE cashier said to me (I s*** you not) "So you trying to put on some of the weight that you just lost at the gym?" UMMMM EXCUSE ME. Did you not see the box of tampons you d***? Yeah I did just go to the gym, even more of a reason for me to have some chocolate. I was livid. I couldn't even say anything.

SwashBlogger

Blurg! That is awful. I have a question in response...I tend to NOT mention a person's weight, even when a loss seems obvious. It may be something personal, like going through a divorce, sickness, etc. so the comment seems invasive unless they bring it up. Do you think that in itself is bad form? Are you disappointed if people you don't see often do not ask about your progress?

EveFlowergirl

I'm going to have to go with... baked me cookies for my birthday. You can imagine what happened in that incident.

Adc7225

Several, but two stand out for me.
I friend on mine when I initially told her of my goal weight commented that I might want to keep going once I got there! Now I guess this could be taken two ways, but I was crushed and changed my weight goal. Her latest comment was, I will be glad when you are done losing and put back on some weight. I guess it's just her!
The other is a friend that always says, keep doing what you are doing - does that mean I still need to lose more weight?? Again, I guess it could be taken a variety of ways.
- These kind of comments help me to be careful what I say to others and be prepared to explain if I think I have offended someone.

obscuremusicreference

• Asking me my current weight/goal weight. I am very open with that on here, an anonymous website. But I have a lot of issues with that IRL. And I don't want an accountability nag, which is how she wants to "help".
• Baking me things/bringing me food presents to "celebrate my losses." Wait . . .that's not well-meaning at all.
• "The way your clothes hang on you makes you look like you haven't lost any weight." She was giving me a giftcard and was trying to explain why, but it kind of devastated me. {This was the same friend as #1}

But I'm sorry your friend publicly brought up the weight loss. Yeesh.

miss_vdb

I think in general a 1 on 1 discussion if someone has a question or wants to congratulate or whatever is perfectly fine (assuming they aren't being rude) and I would have no problem with that even if they said something clumsy. I think bringing it to the attention of a whole room is probably a bit much for 99% of people who were trying to gain/lose.

A cashier commenting on anything at all would piss me off deeply! I'm surprised you didn't smack him in the nose. There is a difference between small talk and being rude!

blueakama

I've had "are you pregnant?" Nup, it's just a food belly!

laurasuzie3

blueakama wrote: »

I've had "are you pregnant?" Nup, it's just a food belly!

haha I once joked about my sister having a food baby and a week later she found out she actually was pregnant.

ednawhatnot

I'm convinced that the food presents are sabotage. My ex-housemate used to bring home cheesecakes and fruit pies because they were reduced at the supermarket and say 'Yes, but you can just have one slice'. Erm.. no... if I could have 'just one slice', I wouldn't need to be dieting in the first place, plus that one slice is a five mile walk for me.

The worst has to be alcohol sabotage though. I go out a lot because I love live music and I don't need to be drunk to enjoy that. I stopped stopped drinking completely for a while because I'd rather eat my calories and I've cut down again now, though I'll have the odd one if I have calories spare. There's always someone trying to get me to have 'a proper drink' or offering to buy me a (220 calorie) pint, they calling me boring when I decline. I may be a lot of things but I hope that boring isn't one of them!

annieo19732014

what about this one!!! A friend of my boyfriends said to me about my boyfriends ex wife " you are nicer and prettier! but she had a better body!!! "

annieo19732014

or this from my mother in law!!! " you are lucky as you are tall, so you can carry off the weight you have put on!!! .... err obviously not that well....as you just mentioned it!! lol

JeriAnne84

laurasuzie3 wrote: »

Oh and this one was not from a friend but I wanted to punch him...

After a workout, I went to Target still in my workout clothes. I had been really good and wanted to treat myself. I literally bought just a box of tampons and a chocolate bar. The MALE cashier said to me (I s*** you not) "So you trying to put on some of the weight that you just lost at the gym?" UMMMM EXCUSE ME. Did you not see the box of tampons you d***? Yeah I did just go to the gym, even more of a reason for me to have some chocolate. I was livid. I couldn't even say anything.

Apparently that guy had a death wish. I mean what man in their right mind makes any comment to a woman about her weight - ESPECIALLY - when she is carrying tampons and chocolate?! If you had murdered him right there, I bet the judge would have let you off, saying it was self defense against major stupidity.

tat2cookie

I have two that come to mind as well.
1) I can't wait for you to get skinny so you can borrow my clothes.
2).... From a different friend. I told her that I was getting weight loss surgery, which took a year to get approved and decide, and not one I had made lightly. She said, "awe that's too bad. I bet you would feel better about yourself if you just lost it on your own."

SangreViento

My Mum bought some jeans in US size 4 and gave them to me. I: "Mum, I wear size 0!! (24-25)" Mum: "No way you can be a zero (looks me over) no, no way. These will fit you!" LOL