I am in an abusive relationship with food

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marlanaperry
marlanaperry Posts: 20 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have a HORRIBLE relationship with food. It's always on my mind, always taunting me, always reminding me how much I want it. I either ignore it to the extreme, or binge eat for hours on end. I do not want to eat horribly anymore, but the only way that I seem able to avoid awful eating is to completely restrict my calories, and I don't want to do that either. I want to get into a happy and healthy relationship with food and I would love some support from others who face a similar abusive relationship with food and those who have gotten to a healthier place with it.

Replies

  • thegoodiegoox
    thegoodiegoox Posts: 6 Member
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    Ugh tell me about it. I totally feel you. I've been struggling with food for more than a year now. I used to either not eat really little (400-500 cals/day) or binge unhealthily (1700 cals/day). I'm trying to work towards a diet where I can eat the things I like, but in small portions. It's been working out pretty well but I tend to always overeat but I make sure I make up for it by eating healthier the next day. I usually have a small amount of carbs for breakfast, fruit for lunch, some chips between lunch and dinner, and anything I want for dinner (in moderate amounts of course!) Don't lose hope :D !! You can check the other forums for some healthy and yummy recipes!! Best of luck!!
  • tomjinca
    tomjinca Posts: 23 Member
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    The only way I have stayed away from "the abusive relationship with food" is to have a very strong commitment to log every day - everything that goes into my mouth. After 105 days in a row (as of today), I love healthy food and have lost 10.5 pounds very gradually. So I'd say make up your mind to set a goal (I've made mine rather low - 1400 cals, so I can eat my exercise cals) and stick to it. Make yourself do it. After a couple weeks of agony, you'll find it much easier to stick to it. Hope that helps :smile: Tom.
  • charmviloria
    charmviloria Posts: 3 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel. I have a sweet tooth and I always crave for ice cream, cakes, chocolate etc. I have learned that the key is planning. I normally plan my meals each day and allow myself 2 cheat meals per week. On those days that I cheat, I add like 300 more calories for the daily caloric allowance. Sometimes, by the end of the day, if i did well on my diet and exercise and I have remaining calories, I allow myself like 1 or 2 spoons of ben&jerrys so as not lose my mind completely.

    When I started I just made small goals for myself one at a time. I started to stop drinking sodas, only drink water (saves your money too). Next was to switch to brown rice instead of white. (I'm asian so rice is a daily staple food). Gradually, it became a habit. Then I stopped eating fast foods, instant noodles and those with preservatives. Now, healthier food is more attractive to me. I would rather order a clubhouse salad than a cheeseburger.

    It's not all perfect you know, sometimes I break my diet and it feels like I'm a complete failure. Then I go back to my old eating habits and won't care about calories and all these stuff and gain back the weight that I have lost. It's an ugly cycle. But the difference now is I learned to accept my failure and realize it's okay to be weak once in a while but no matter how many bad meals I have, I will never give up. There's always a next meal, a chance for you to make better choices again.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    I think a lot of us are here because we are or were in the same boat as you. This is most definitely a good place to make long term changes. Sometimes seeing someone can help sort out the pieces ....it seems to be helping me.

    Thanks for posting, makes the rest of us realize we're not alone in this craziness. lol
  • hncary
    hncary Posts: 176 Member
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    Hi, I'm Holly and I've struggled with food my entire life. At the age of 9 I really started to notice a negative pattern with my body image and food. By 13 I was suffering with anorexia. I began binging and purging (bulimia) at 15 and also added in excessive exercise. I finally began to develop healthier habits around 17/18 years old by maintaining a healthy weight and not punishing myself for eating food and obsessing over the scale. Then, when I was 19, I became pregnant and began excessively eating- falling into another unhealthy relationship with food. I gained 100lbs over the course of my pregnancy. I'm now 21 (22 in about a week) and I'm determined to teach my mind and body how to be healthy. I've been fighting food and myself for far too long and I'm ready to change my life and love the skin I'm in. I'll send you a friend request. We can do this :)
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
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    Have you got the resources to see a nutritionist, or if not that, then a doctor? That's what I ended up doing. I could not get past it on my own.
  • Dnarules
    Dnarules Posts: 2,081 Member
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    thegoodiegoox wrote: »
    Ugh tell me about it. I totally feel you. I've been struggling with food for more than a year now. I used to either not eat really little (400-500 cals/day) or binge unhealthily (1700 cals/day). I'm trying to work towards a diet where I can eat the things I like, but in small portions. It's been working out pretty well but I tend to always overeat but I make sure I make up for it by eating healthier the next day. I usually have a small amount of carbs for breakfast, fruit for lunch, some chips between lunch and dinner, and anything I want for dinner (in moderate amounts of course!) Don't lose hope :D !! You can check the other forums for some healthy and yummy recipes!! Best of luck!!

    I did not check your profile, but unless you are old or very tiny, I don't think 1700 calories in one day would be a binge. If I am exercising a fair amount during the week, I can even lose on 1700, and I am 50 years old.

  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    the first step is breaking up and then rebuilding your sense of self while you stay single and teach yourself what a healthy relationship is. Once you accept the fact that you deserve a healthy relationship and happiness, then you can re-establish your relationship with food.

    the change starts with your brain, whether it's a real abusive relationship, or one with food. You gotta take control of your life because you don't deserve to have to live like that anymore.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    marlanaperry wrote: »
    It's always on my mind, always taunting me, always reminding me how much I want it. I either ignore it to the extreme, or binge eat for hours on end. I do not want to eat horribly anymore, but the only way that I seem able to avoid awful eating is to completely restrict my calories, and I don't want to do that either.

    Therapy isn't a bad idea. I think if I'd perhaps pursued it in my 20s (I had a few sessions and stopped) it might have made some things a lot easier, although I wouldn't have said back then that food was the issue.

    More practically, for me one thing that works is to channel thoughts about food in a positive direction. For example, when I feel like eating, I try to think about cooking or plan a meal that will meet the tastes I'm wanting or even to plan a week and think about shopping. I try to focus on the pleasures of foods that fit my plan--during the summer I went to the farmer's market as a Saturday ritual, and I've gone to farm dinners and bought food porn, er, cookbooks with pretty photos centered on seasonal eating or vegetables or the like. I don't think denial or shame is the way to deal, as that tends to break out, but maybe teaching yourself to have a broad appreciation of which the higher calorie things are only one part?

  • retropactum
    retropactum Posts: 75 Member
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    Thankfully, you will find majority of us are dealing with or have dealt with food issues. I went to therapy for eating issues after having cycled between binge eating and anorexic tendencies since I was a teenager. If therapy isn't an option, but you want to find local (not virtual) support, you could check out your chapter of Overeaters Anonymous (OA). Might sound extreme, but sometimes being with people who are going/have gone through the same thing is the best help.

    The best advice I can give is go easy on yourself. Years of habit won't change overnight, so you can't expect a poor relationship with food to either. Personally, I found that simply logging my food as is (all the trips to Taco Bell included) helped me see what I eat exactly. From there, I just try to make the best decision with what I have. You'll start to feel better over time, which is motivation to take it to the next level, whether that is new exercise program or cooking with whole foods.

    Stay committed, but learn to forgive yourself too.
  • marlanaperry
    marlanaperry Posts: 20 Member
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    thegoodiegoox wrote: »
    Ugh tell me about it. I totally feel you. I've been struggling with food for more than a year now. I used to either not eat really little (400-500 cals/day) or binge unhealthily (1700 cals/day). I'm trying to work towards a diet where I can eat the things I like, but in small portions. It's been working out pretty well but I tend to always overeat but I make sure I make up for it by eating healthier the next day. I usually have a small amount of carbs for breakfast, fruit for lunch, some chips between lunch and dinner, and anything I want for dinner (in moderate amounts of course!) Don't lose hope :D !! You can check the other forums for some healthy and yummy recipes!! Best of luck!!

    1700 calories sounds like nothing. I could consume that in a matter of minutes! You're lucky if that's what you consider a binge.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    yeah my daily allowance is 1680....
  • ems212
    ems212 Posts: 135 Member
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    charmchua15 wrote: »
    When I started I just made small goals for myself one at a time. I started to stop drinking sodas, only drink water (saves your money too). Next was to switch to brown rice instead of white. (I'm asian so rice is a daily staple food). Gradually, it became a habit. Then I stopped eating fast foods, instant noodles and those with preservatives. Now, healthier food is more attractive to me. I would rather order a clubhouse salad than a cheeseburger.

    It's not all perfect you know, sometimes I break my diet and it feels like I'm a complete failure. Then I go back to my old eating habits and won't care about calories and all these stuff and gain back the weight that I have lost. It's an ugly cycle. But the difference now is I learned to accept my failure and realize it's okay to be weak once in a while but no matter how many bad meals I have, I will never give up. There's always a next meal, a chance for you to make better choices again.

    Little goals are the BEST way to start. I did the same thing. I dropped energy drinks (no lectures...I know...they're terrible). Then I dropped regular soda. I still have diet soda here and there. Then I increased my water intake. I also started prepping my meals ahead of time. That way, I didn't have to worry about being under or over during the middle of the day, because I knew exactly what I was eating that day.

    And everybody has their moments where they fall off the wagon and need to get back up. I've been fortunate that when I do fall off the wagon, it's a single day and I manage to straighten up the next day and not completely sabatoge myself. It takes time, and tomorrow is always a new day.

    "Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that even the strongest of us break sometimes."

    ^^^My favorite quote!

  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    thegoodiegoox wrote: »
    I used to either not eat really little (400-500 cals/day) or binge unhealthily (1700 cals/day). I'm trying to work towards a diet where I can eat the things I like, but in small portions.

    It might be that your calorie limit is unreasonably low. A 1700 day isn't really a binge. I'm old and short and yet it's my maintenance without exercise. I'm currently losing pretty well on it (since I exercise).
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    marlanaperry wrote: »
    thegoodiegoox wrote: »
    Ugh tell me about it. I totally feel you. I've been struggling with food for more than a year now. I used to either not eat really little (400-500 cals/day) or binge unhealthily (1700 cals/day). I'm trying to work towards a diet where I can eat the things I like, but in small portions. It's been working out pretty well but I tend to always overeat but I make sure I make up for it by eating healthier the next day. I usually have a small amount of carbs for breakfast, fruit for lunch, some chips between lunch and dinner, and anything I want for dinner (in moderate amounts of course!) Don't lose hope :D !! You can check the other forums for some healthy and yummy recipes!! Best of luck!!

    1700 calories sounds like nothing. I could consume that in a matter of minutes! You're lucky if that's what you consider a binge.

    Actually, combined with the lower end of OP's daily limits, it doesn't sound lucky at all, it sounds like she is at best teetering on an ED.

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