Mom/Family comments

FitnessLover001

Okay, In August of this year I was 120 pounds. It's December and I'm 138. I have increased weight lifting and still eat right and count my calories with a little indulgence here and there (it's football tailgating and I can't put peanut butter down-that's as far as it goes with indulgence). A guy in the gym yesterday told me that I looked really good and he could tell I've been working hard and what I've gained was muscle for sure. HOWEVER, I do want to cut and get down to around 125 pounds. I really do, and I plan to. This isn't my first rodeo with weight loss, but my MOM, and my AUNTS, and my SISTER, say things like "can I just say you are too bulky and I don't know how you're going to lose that without it all turning into flab. But you used to be so petite and you're not anymore! Girls are supposed to be dainty, you look like you're about to go into a mud wrestle. Your shoulders are as broad as your hips." And I say, "I'm supposed to bulk and it turn into muscle, but then you cut and lose what y'all call "bulk" and my muscle appears" but they continue to talk down to me and say "well when you went off to college you were SO petite (that was in 2012), but now you're just a box. And when you get fifty years old, it's going to be nothing but flab and your legs will be twice as big as they are now."

How do I even respond to these people? they're my family, Yes I want to lose weight, but when I have lost weight in the past and turned down certain foods, these are the same people that talk about that as well: "I just eat what I want, you shouldn't worry about your weight." what the heck????? No, I've never been 138 and muscle, I have been 134 and flabby (skinny fat), and I didn't like that. No I also don't like seeing 138 on the scale when I get on it, I want to get down to my happy place of 125, but I'm testing things out. When I was in the low 120s, I was doing 60+ min of cardio a day and 20 min of weights. Now I do 40 min of weights and 20min-40 min of HIIT cardio. can you people help me?? Then my mom says, "Now you won't talk to me because you're mad at me." WELL YEAH MOM, when you criticize me for being "bulky" when I'm trying to tell you I'm starting a cut cycle now.

lyttlewon

What you are describing sounds like an overall family dynamic that is about more than your exercise routine. They are disrespectful of your feelings, and consider their own personal comfort more important than yours. THAT is what I would tell them.

Serah87

I know what you mean, had the same issue when I was losing. Called my mom about hitting my goal weight instead of congratulating me, she says "stop losing weight"!!!

obscuremusicreference

lyttlewon wrote: »

What you are describing sounds like an overall family dynamic that is about more than your exercise routine. They are disrespectful of your feelings, and consider their own personal comfort more important than yours. THAT is what I would tell them.

+1

I am at a place with my father where I have to flat-out say "I do not care what you think about that." It's a dynamic. If your relatives are stubborn like my dad, it never goes away and justifying yourself just makes you frustrated.

What you need to work on is YOU. They're going to behave terribly and you can't control that, but you can control your reaction. Shrug, say whatever, change the topic.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

astrose00

Sorry to hear you're going through that. That would irritate me a lot. Perhaps you can tell them that your weight/body are not up for discussion. And if they continue to criticize and belittle you, you will just see them less often. I think you're doing the right thing and you are going to look amazing (you probably already do). I think people are used to the anorexic models and actresses they see on television and don't understand or appreciate the beauty in lean, athletic physiques. I do and that's exactly what I'm going for.

This stuff is hard enough without having to defend yourself to people who should be supporting you. But keep up the good work and show off that great body!!!

GaleHawkins

obscuremusicreference wrote: »

lyttlewon wrote: »

What you are describing sounds like an overall family dynamic that is about more than your exercise routine. They are disrespectful of your feelings, and consider their own personal comfort more important than yours. THAT is what I would tell them.

+1

I am at a place with my father where I have to flat-out say "I do not care what you think about that." It's a dynamic. If your relatives are stubborn like my dad, it never goes away and justifying yourself just makes you frustrated.

What you need to work on is YOU. They're going to behave terribly and you can't control that, but you can control your reaction. Shrug, say whatever, change the topic.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I am sorry too but you are getting sound advice. At some point in time the parent-child roles have to change but can be emotionally hard. We can not respect the wishes of our parents if they are count to our wishes in personal matters like our weight.

Our kids are now 17 and I have to bite my tongue sometimes but their eating habits are theirs by now. The son will ignore me but I might mess up my daughters self image if I talk about her looks. I will talk concepts with the kids but not try to control their diet or the rainbow of hair colors the daughter has. She is actually doing them herself with her mom so she is learning.

Best of luck with the two most important "F" words that can give you 99% of life's stresses. They are Family and Finances.

lewispwest

Ugh, that sucks. I have it with my grandparents. They are the ones who initially were on at me left right and centre to lose weight and even though I haven't finished yet, they are having a go at me each time saying I need to stop, I still have quite a flabby stomach left! I just nod and let them say what they want to say and move on...

jrose1982

This is why I love my family. Not because they don't say stupid crap like that, but because they don't carry a grudge when I tell them they don't know what they're talking about, mind their own business, and shut up already.

For the family members that I'm not comfortable telling off, I have a technique that usually works: Give 'em a kiss on the cheek, say I love you, and politely excuse yourself.

You can't change what others think, but you don't have to listen to it either.

SLLRunner

Thank goodness my family does not do this. I think I'd tell them all off.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

"Thank you for your opinion. I'll take it into consideration. However, I'd really appreciate it if you'd refrain from speaking to me about my weight in the future."

lisalsd1

Personally, I would just stop hanging out with people like this. I know that might sound harsh considering it is your family; but constantly nagging at a family member's weight is harsh too. If they insist that you participate in family functions, just decline and say that you are tired of hearing the comments about your weight. I've had to cut off several family members due to similar circumstances.

SLLRunner

BusyRaeNOTBusty wrote: »

"Thank you for your opinion. I'll take it into consideration. However, I'd really appreciate it if you'd refrain from speaking to me about my weight in the future."

Exactly. I don't discuss religion, politics, or weight with other people.