Frustration sitting on my shoulders like a two ton weight
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clearlydivinesounique
Posts: 43 Member
It's easy to not eat...I can go 24 hours with no food.....before I get dizzy and tired and cranky and nauseous and I feel like I am going to drop at any moment. The weight drops off. 20 lbs in 2 weeks!!! But then I can barely pick up one foot in front of the other and I just want to sleep. I went to a Zumba class and I could barely lift my legs. I was so drained. My legs started burning immediately and I just had to go home. but the desperation I feel to lose the weight is so massive. How do I balance it. It feels so good to hear people say that they can see that I am losing weight. I loved getting my little 15 lb badge from fitbit...but it felt like a lie...and I still couldn't bring myself to have a decent meal. The sad thing is I'm a nurse. I know better.
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You know what you're doing isn't healthy and you know it isn't safe. It's time to put your biology knowledge to use and override the scary voice in your head telling you not to eat. In the end, what you're doing will only lead you down a road you really don't want to walk down. You're going to have a much harder time losing weight later on, after you put everything back on that you're losing now (and you eventually will) if you keep losing it the wrong way.0
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If you're asking for my blessing to go seek professional help for your eating disorder...you have it.0
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Trust the process. Eat at your calorie goal and the weight will come off, I promise. You'll feel so much better and your body will thank you for it0
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Even people who know better need help to manage it all sometimes. Desires can easily outweigh education. Don't be afraid to ask for someone to help you manage your burden and to talk to about eating a nutritious and well balanced diet to then achieve your goals. Hopefully, you might even have a friend at work you could talk to first - it's best to find someone fast before it develops into a hard to break cycle and full on eating disorder (if you aren't there already).0
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I'm not at full blown eating disorder yet. I'm just so frustrated. I have so much to lose...179 lbs. and I feel the difference when I do have a meal. I feel the energy come back to my body and I feel rejuvenated. It's like a damn fight in my head. <Devil> "If you don't eat that much, you'll lose faster! Don't you want to fit into those clothes that you haven't worn in years?" <Angel> "You have too mach knowledge to listen to that foolishness. Eat your calories, exercise. do it healthier...slower yes, but healthier!" I hate that I let myself get this big. All of my friends and family are small..they don't get it0
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clearlydivinesounique wrote: »I'm not at full blown eating disorder yet.
Now is the best time to talk to someone about it, before it a larger problem.
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Yes, I'd go see someone about this.clearlydivinesounique wrote: »I'm not at full blown eating disorder yet. I'm just so frustrated. I have so much to lose...179 lbs. and I feel the difference when I do have a meal. I feel the energy come back to my body and I feel rejuvenated. It's like a damn fight in my head. <Devil> "If you don't eat that much, you'll lose faster! Don't you want to fit into those clothes that you haven't worn in years?" <Angel> "You have too mach knowledge to listen to that foolishness. Eat your calories, exercise. do it healthier...slower yes, but healthier!" I hate that I let myself get this big. All of my friends and family are small..they don't get it
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20lbs in 2 weeks is a lot of quick weight loss and it will not last. Once you put it in your mind slow and steady wins the race you will have a much more enjoyable experience losing weight. What you are doing is not sustainable and will cause mental and phyiscal trauma. You didnt gain that much weight overnight so you will not lose it overnight.0
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I'm sorry you are hurting. Please don't compare yourself to others because even if they did have weight issues they still wouldn't "get it" exactly as you do (nor you them) because although the big issue is the same this is a very personal journey.
Sometimes just changing your mindset helps. I get the devil / angel thing. I think we all have that to some degree on a variety of topics. But, instead of focusing solely on weight and food, can you just tell yourself, "I have a patience problem. I expect too much too soon from myself. Here's how I'm going to work on that. I won't be perfect, but I will try." Hope that helps!0 -
clearlydivinesounique wrote: »I'm not at full blown eating disorder yet. I'm just so frustrated. I have so much to lose...179 lbs. and I feel the difference when I do have a meal. I feel the energy come back to my body and I feel rejuvenated. It's like a damn fight in my head. <Devil> "If you don't eat that much, you'll lose faster! Don't you want to fit into those clothes that you haven't worn in years?" <Angel> "You have too mach knowledge to listen to that foolishness. Eat your calories, exercise. do it healthier...slower yes, but healthier!" I hate that I let myself get this big. All of my friends and family are small..they don't get it
There are a billion things that friends and family don't get. Each of us is our little weird universe that other people can't see into. Them not getting it has NOTHING to do with you or how you feel or what you deserve. They will never get it, so let go of that need and don't use it to fuel hurt or anger.
Are you trying to punish yourself for being overweight? Like, 'I indulged too much so now I get nothing'? You can't change the past. You can only change the future - are you going to change into someone who is healthy or into someone who is just sick in a different way?
Like I said, it's officially okay to need help, to ask for help and to get help. All the best to you!
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"I have a patience problem. I expect too much too soon from myself. Here's how I'm going to work on that. I won't be perfect, but I will try." Hope that helps!
You hit the nail on the head. I think about when I was able to go to the gym and exercise for hours at a time and when I could FEEL healthy and I want to feel that way again so badly...SO BADLY that I want to make it happen NOW!!!! When I have to teach nutrition, I know what is right. I have to put into practice what I preach. dbanks80 is right. I didn't gain this weight overnight. I need to focus on the small victories...not the whole picture. I'm psyching myself out.
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One more point to make is that slower weight loss is more sustainable over the long haul. Alternatively, quick weight loss will result in more loose skin and a greater percentage of muscle being lost along with the fat and water. Losing muscle will slow your metabolism which makes the whole process that much more difficult as time goes on.
I get the gratification that comes with seeing the scale move more quickly but the desire for instant gratification is what gets a lot of us into the position of needing to lose a lot of weight in the first place, right? Practicing patience has a lot of benefits as difficult as it can be at times. You have to keep reminding yourself that it took years to put that weight on, you can't expect to lose it within a few short months.0 -
clearlydivinesounique wrote: »I'm not at full blown eating disorder yet. I'm just so frustrated. I have so much to lose...179 lbs. and I feel the difference when I do have a meal. I feel the energy come back to my body and I feel rejuvenated. It's like a damn fight in my head. <Devil> "If you don't eat that much, you'll lose faster! Don't you want to fit into those clothes that you haven't worn in years?" <Angel> "You have too mach knowledge to listen to that foolishness. Eat your calories, exercise. do it healthier...slower yes, but healthier!" I hate that I let myself get this big. All of my friends and family are small..they don't get it
I started out with 180 to lose. I'm only half way there. But the difference this time is that I did NOT try to do it quickly. I'm in it for the long haul. Every other time I've tried, I've only managed to lose, at most, 30 pounds before quitting because it got boring or was taking too long.
The key is to do it sensibly and DON'T GIVE UP.
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You will have so much more energy if you eat a colourful diet based on healthy carbs, moderate fat and plenty of plants together with lean protein
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I refuse to give up! I want to be healthy. I want to feel good, emotionally, mentally and physically. I have to push through this
Thank you EVERYONE so much for listening and talking to me. Sometimes I feel a little alone in this weight loss war.0 -
clearlydivinesounique wrote: »I refuse to give up! I want to be healthy. I want to feel good, emotionally, mentally and physically. I have to push through this
Thank you EVERYONE so much for listening and talking to me. Sometimes I feel a little alone in this weight loss war.
OMG, the last thing you are is alone. There's millions of us struggling along beside you every day. We all start somewhere different with different backgrounds and different goals but we're all fighting the same fight. You're never alone in this battle. These forums are a great place to get advice and support. Use it.
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You know that when you crash diet and lose weight the wrong way (by starving yourself), it comes back as soon as you start eating again. How many times do you want to do that? You could waste years of your life yo-yoing up and down, or you could take it slower now and only have to lose it once.0
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The thought of this being the LAST time I try this weight loss thing is very exciting!
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clearlydivinesounique wrote: »The thought of this being the LAST time I try this weight loss thing is very exciting!
Good for you! Also realize that your motivation or what drives you to make the best choices you can each day will vary day to day or week to week. From your posts it sounds like you are also feeling guilty for your current health status due to your profession. No need for that! But, perhaps using the desire to set a good example for your patients will also inspire you. People learn much more via actions instead of just words.
Do your best every day starting right now and read through the forums whenever you need a boost! We are all here.0 -
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