Everything is going so wrong. Please HELP.

jjdiggy

Ever since starting college, I've found that I have eaten so much (and I mean a LOT) of junk food; and I feel this is because of lunch, as I am free to eat whatever I want. At school I found I would take my own meals and eat them (which meant I would choose to eat healthy stuff), but now I find myself eating pizzas, sausage rolls and cookies on my lunch breaks.

I have now gained almost 25lbs in three months and I feel AWFUL. I can see the gain, I no longer fit into my 'nice' clothes that I treated myself to because of my loss. I now have a girlfriend who says she loves me for 'me', however this 'me' isn't who I want to be! She's staying at my place this Saturday and it terrifies me that she may see my body and what not. With it being Christmas, I never like to diet around this time because I'm so used to having chocolate given to me as presents and such by family members so I keep telling myself that I'd make it a New Years' Resolution....but I just can't cope waiting that long!

My girlfriend is willing to help me loose weight, and since she's in my class which makes it a little easier to talk to her about it. She tells me what to do, what to eat but I simply just don't follow. May I also mention that she is extremely thin, thin enough to the point where I frequently ask myself 'why is she with a fat slob like me'. I do not want to be judged by people should I be seen with her, for them thinking I am too fat for her.

I really need help, honestly. I hate myself so much more because it's as though all this hard work was for nothing. Please, help me, I want to be happy again.

ana3067

Well junk food didn't make you gain weight, eating more than your maintenance caloric needs made you gain weight. If you don't have an idea of your usual caloric intake then calculate your estimated maintenance needsf rom websites like exrx.net or health-calc.com (average your weekly activity into a single day - e.g. 5hrs a week of standing/walking is about 42 minutes a day of standing/walking). Only include activity that you regularly take part in. Then eat that many calories for a month or two and see if you maintain your weight. If you do then afterwards drop it down 20%, eat that, drop it lower if needed if your loss gets slower (although most people welcome the slower rate of loss because it means eating more food).

And you can eat whatever you please. If you want to lose body fat more so than lean body mass, lift heavy weights a few times a week and eat about 0.82x your weight in grams of protein, and set your fat and carbs as youi'd like (or don't monitor them at all). If all you want is to just lose weight regardless of its source, then just monitor calories and eat whatever you'd like. Weighing food is the most accurate, but if you won't weigh then at least measure and use correct entries. Cross-reference info from the website to your food items, use non-asterix entries for things like fruit and meats and anything "natural" and just make sure that you are consistent with your caloric intake so you can properly monitor progress.

vismal

Your problem seems simple. Just stop eating high calorie foods that don't keep you full. No one forces you to eat anything. If you eat nothing but pizza, cookies, and chocolate you will not only be hungry all the time, you'll be short on things like protein. You should probably start calculating calories and macro nutrients so that you can enjoy things like cookies and chocolate in moderation while making the bulk of your diet filling, minimally processed, whole foods.

As far as people judging you and what not, you are probably judging yourself more then anyone else. If you want to make a change, do it because it will make you happy, not because of what others think. It's hard to make a permanent change when you are doing it for externally motivating reasons.

Finally, do you lift weights? I would recommend you start doing that. If you struggle with eating too much, lifting can at least prioritize some of those excess calories towards lean muscle. I'm not saying that lifting will prevent cookies and pizza from making you fat (when consumed in caloric surplus), but it will at least allow you to gain some muscle with the fat.

esjones12

I find it hard to believe a college campus doesn't have a salad bar, fruit, etc. It is all about self control and making good choices. That is life inside and outside of weight management. You lost the weight before so you know how to do it....you just slipped up when your routine changed. Adjust and adapt. Start now. Also, be careful letting your girlfriend dictate your food choices - learn to make them on your own. If for some reason she isn't there in the future, you will be back to where you are now. See what's happening?

You should try asking your family not to give you chocolate as presents as you are changing your lifestyle. But if they don't oblige, take the chocolate and give them to friends in classes....then if you happen to miss a class you'll know who to ask for notes from

Snap out of the vicious self-pity cycle. I find myself there a lot too. But it is not healthy for you physically or mentally. You CAN do it. You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. Take no more excuses and get it done!

Hope you don't mind the "tough love"!

RosieWest8

I would also like to add that if you are at a university or college that has a recreation center, there should be some amount of money from your tuition that goes toward that. Sometimes, students are able to utilize the services of classes, personal trainers an/or dietitian at a reduced rate or for free. Look into what type of services are available at the college/university gym. And utilize the gym!!! If you are already paying for it in your tuition it doesn't make sense to not use it. You and your gf could go together and take a class or just play intramural sports or something together. Is there a rock climbing gym there? That's a great thing to do with a partner - get to learn something new together and it's a great workout. I did it with a group of friends in college and it was a great way to hang out with friends plus get a good workout.

Also, being 18 and away at school is the time where lots of people have to learn self-control. I was always thin and healthy but I definitely gained a significant amount of weight my freshman year. It's a learning curve and you'll get better. Try to concentrate on making the best choices of what's available as far as food goes at your school.

Also -- you may want to look into just talking with someone about your worries and journey with food and weight loss. Your profile pictures look great! You don't need to be worried that you're not 'good enough' for someone else. It can be hard to adjust to a new body and change your perception of who you are with what you see in the mirror. Plus --- going away to school for the first time is stressful on it's own. The university that I attended for my undergrad had a lot of good programs related to the 'First Year Experience' and I know that there were counseling-type services available for free to freshmen who wanted to talk with someone --- about anything from missing home, to prioritizing their free time, whatever. Maybe that's something you could investigate to see if your university offers.

Lounmoun

First, stop putting yourself down or wondering why your girlfriend would be with you. If she gained weight would you dump her? Is that how you value her? Your true value as a human being and a partner are not determined by your appearance. Being thin does not automatically equal happy and healthy. You will have to work on being more positive.
Make a list of at least 10 good things about you. Don't ask other people what they like about you. Come up with Things you like about yourself.
Start looking for the positive in others beyond their size.

Your girlfriend can not do this for you. Don't put her in that spot of asking her what you should do and then not doing it. You already know what to do. You control what you eat and drink. Eat more lower calorie foods, eat less of the higher calorie food, exercise more. Log what you eat and drink so you know where you are at. If you can, plan your meals in advance and log before you eat. You can eat pizza just less of it or you can eat a ton of salad and vegetables.

I think telling your family nicely that you'd rather not have chocolate as gifts or giving it away would be helpful. It won't be hard to get people to take chocolate.

court_alacarte

Lounmoun wrote: »

First, stop putting yourself down or wondering why your girlfriend would be with you. If she gained weight would you dump her? Is that how you value her? Your true value as a human being and a partner are not determined by your appearance. Being thin does not automatically equal happy and healthy. You will have to work on being more positive.
Make a list of at least 10 good things about you. Don't ask other people what they like about you. Come up with Things you like about yourself.
Start looking for the positive in others beyond their size.

Your girlfriend can not do this for you. Don't put her in that spot of asking her what you should do and then not doing it. You already know what to do. You control what you eat and drink. Eat more lower calorie foods, eat less of the higher calorie food, exercise more. Log what you eat and drink so you know where you are at. If you can, plan your meals in advance and log before you eat. You can eat pizza just less of it or you can eat a ton of salad and vegetables.

I think telling your family nicely that you'd rather not have chocolate as gifts or giving it away would be helpful. It won't be hard to get people to take chocolate.

this. so much of life is attitude. you must learn to love and forgive yourself and be positive. yes you gained weight but the transition from being at home and in high school to being on your own and in college is stressful for a lot of people. you are not alone!! you are not the first person that this has happened to. your worth to yourself and others is NOT based on appearances. once you have this new-found love for yourself, so many other things will fall into place, such as your health/weight, self-esteem and relationships. you can try talking to a counselor and learn these types of tactics.

plus it happens to everyone that when they get into a relationship, they get happy and start eating to celebrate such happiness. my ex after college and i gained 20 lbs each after we got together. but we still love each other and the attraction was still there (in and out of bed). if you guys truly love each other, weight won't matter.

Sabine_Stroehm

You need to figure out what you really want. And then figure out an approach to get you there. Young Ana, above, is of the "eat whatever you want" (within your calories, and macros, which of course isn't "whatever you want"). That approach works well for many, especially here on a calorie counting website.

Some folks find it easier to focus on eating healthier foods, and moving more, and lifting weights. (as the formerly obese guy above who said: Just stop eating high calorie foods that don't keep you full. No one forces you to eat anything. If you eat nothing but pizza, cookies, and chocolate you will not only be hungry all the time). That sure worked for him.

Some folks find it easier to reduce or eliminate some foods, or eat low carb.

None of that will work, til you figure out what you want.

Good luck. It IS possible to eat well and not gain weight at university.

jgnatca

I notice a little bit of "all or nothing" thinking. Everything is an overstatement. You've got an embarrassing spare tire building. It won't disappear overnight, so if I were you I'd concentrate on long-term goals. Sure, start on some of them now and even recruit your girlfriend in some of them. For instance, you may add some more exercise in your morning or evening routine. Make healthier choices. Cut down on portion sizes.

Kalikel

1. Not all women want a guy with six-pack-abs. Some women prefer a guy with a beer belly. It's true!

2. Women, unlike men, are much more attracted to the person. We can think a guy looks, ""Fine, average, okay" and then get to know him better and the more we like him, the cuter he gets. No lie.

3. If you want to cut that crap out of your diet, eat healthier foods, do some exercise and lose some weight (or maybe just lose weight, lol), you can. It takes practice. You have to learn how to stay within your calorie goals and that might take some time, but you can work on it. It can be done. We are all doing it and you can, too. Start logging. See how it goes, adjust as necessary. It's not rocket science.

When you decide that your girlfriend can't like your body, you are making up her mind for her. Let her decide what she likes. If it's you, just be happy and go with it. Don't always put yourself down. That insults her. Let that stuff go and enjoy what is actually happening without all that unnecessary, unfounded worrying.

I promise you that there is something about her that she feels is inadequate. She's worried that you won't like it. If you're together long enough, she'll tell you what it is. You'll think she's nuts for thinking it would bug you. You'll be right. Everyone worries about their own stuff (like you and your fat) and it's craziness. Let it go. Have some fun.