Ever feel like you're being sabotaged?

amusedmonkey

You may want to consider that the comments are not necessarily coming from a malicious place or with sabotage in mind. People don't like change, especially older people. I get comments that I'm getting too skinny when I'm still over 200 pounds because some people are just not used to the way I look 100 pounds lighter. You are not going to change people, the way they see things, or the way they talk. Just accept her for who she is, and if she comments, tell her you feel better at a lower weight.

When my mother lost weight a relative told her she looks older at a lower weight, and that she should put on some weight back. My mother knew it was just a case of someone who usually speaks their mind without thinking, so she just smiled and said "I would rather look older than have knee pain". That ended the conversation right away, and they continued joking around and talking about other things as if the conversation did not take place.

GaleHawkins

[quote="opalsqueak007 In the next breath, they ask me how I did it!
[/quote]

I know when others have lost weight it reminded my of my not doing so. I think the next breath remark does indicate they agree with one's weight loss in their minds. When one is escaping from being overweight some just want to pull them back down it seems.

Until recently I felt I was fat because I was a bad person. Now I know my body wanted to be fat because of some physical or emotional reason. Trying to understand why is a new concept for me and hard to buy into because so many still say Fat people just want to be that way. I have never wanted to be Fat at a conscious level yet was still 85 pounds over what the charts state I should weigh. Being down 35 pounds this time around is encouraging in so many ways.

Being a guy however I think helps because few care if we are fat or not.

Keep up the good job and sharing this.

amusedmonkey that come back of your mother's is awesome.

opalsqueak007

GaleHawkins wrote: »

[quote="opalsqueak007 In the next breath, they ask me how I did it!

I know when others have lost weight it reminded my of my not doing so. I think the next breath remark does indicate they agree with one's weight loss in their minds. When one is escaping from being overweight some just want to pull them back down it seems.

Until recently I felt I was fat because I was a bad person. Now I know my body wanted to be fat because of some physical or emotional reason. Trying to understand why is a new concept for me and hard to buy into because so many still say Fat people just want to be that way. I have never wanted to be Fat at a conscious level yet was still 85 pounds over what the charts state I should weigh. Being down 35 pounds this time around is encouraging in so many ways.

Being a guy however I think helps because few care if we are fat or not.

Keep up the good job and sharing this.

amusedmonkey that come back of your mother's is awesome.
[/quote]

I do agree with you Gale. You are doing very well - just keep going! I also agree about it not mattering so much for men, from other people's point of view, if I'm honest - I like a man just as well whether he is lighter or heavier. But we do it for ourselves, as you say, because we really don't want to be fat any more. Wishing you well.

cjames010

brenn24179 wrote: »

my mother criticized me about my weight also, I lost it and she never said anything positive. Yep, some people are just negative. I do it for myself and try to get around positive people especially the gym.

Same here.
My mom would always tell me how big I was.
I didn't hear one peep from her when I lost weight.

It hurt at first, because like OP said, I wanted to be recognized for my "hard work".
But now I really don't care if she says anything about my weight loss or not.
I'm having fun buying smaller clothes. That's my recognition for my hard work.

Maitria

Mr_Knight wrote: »

Don't try to fix your MIL.

Fix your partner - it's HIS job to fix your MIL.

arditarose

This is so common. I remember making my own thread like this when it started happening. Just ignore. (My boss told me she could count my teeth through my cheeks).

auntchellebelle

When I went from 255 to 200 people would tell me not to lose anymore weight because I would blow away. I didn't care what anyone else said. You shouldn't either.

bwogilvie

sssgilber wrote: »

To some people of her generation, weight loss equals illness. She may truly be concerned that you and your DH are not well. I would try reassuring her that both of you are happy and healthy.

That's quite possible.

But even if she is being mean, that's not sabotage. Sabotage would be leaving a big plate of your favorite cookies on the counter, or telling you that something was low calorie when it was really loaded with fat and sugar.

As advice columnists are fond of pointing out, you can't control other people; you can only control your reaction to them. Pat yourself on the back, remind yourself that MIL is just like that, and don't look to her for validation.

yoovie

my advice?

your mother in law may not be the person that does or says those kinds of things, but that doesnt mean she won't be someday. It's possible to set an example for people older than we are as well. Make sure you balance out the universe by paying forward lovely, helkpful, honest compliments and maybe she will grow to admire that in you.

As far as the weight loss?

there are people on here who have lost 1-200 pounds, but have no one in their lives to even notice the change - so at least negative feedback is still someone noticing. Just don't base your feelings of success and happiness in health on one curt lady's comments, you hear me?

It's not about her. Sucks for her. But it's not.