Struggling,

gabrielleelliott90

I'm a recovering agoraphobic. I like to go out now. I like to be busy, do things. I am also a monophobic, but that is another story.

Recently, I was doing seasonal work as a kitchen porter in hospitality. It gave me a purpose, it kept me busy, I really enjoyed it, and I loved the people. It ended Xmas eve, and since then I've lost purpose, I've had to go back to figuring out what I can do to keep myself busy.

So that has made me feel sort of depressed. I also upset two friends, one I made angry and hasn't really contacted me, another wants to talk to me when I see her on the 2nd. And my other friend, who I only just became friends with recently, about a month or so, found out accidentally I liked him when I accidentally forwarded him a message for another person, saying I had a ''major crush'' on him and it was ''like an addiction'', Apparently things are fine, we can be friends, he realised it was an accident and not meant for him to read, but I feel things will never be the same and I will find it hard to face him on the 2nd. I know the love in unrequited and he is not looking for a relationship.

Currently, I'm job searching. I only want to do hospitality. And I am also feeling quite sad lately, not myself, struggling to be happy. I feel lonely. I feel like no one cares. Sometimes I feel like going to sleep and never waking. Because my life has no purpose right now. I have nothing to keep me busy. And no, that was not a suicidal tendency, I would never do that or plan to. But I just feel I have nothing to live for right now. I am going back to volunteering on Fridays, love the people, but don't like working in retail, which is what the charity shop is. Someone I knew there as an acquaintance died recently so I am kind of mourning that possibly, and it makes it feel a bit weird and bittersweet.

gabrielleelliott90

bump.

Pipsg1rl

I think you need to find someone to discuss this with. Wanting to never wake is beyond my online social community help abilities.

Are you seeking counseling?

Are you exercising?