Self sabotaging after doing so well

firebloom

I've been on MFP for the past 6 months and I've lost a total of 25kg (55lbs). Until now I've had no trouble with motivation and I've barely plateaued or anything.

Recently however, I've been struggling with self sabotage. I keep snacking on unhealthy things when I'm not even hungry and I'm falling into a pattern of emotional eating and failing to track everything I eat.

Subconsciously I think I want to keep myself fat because I'm not coping at all with male attention when I go out in public. I live in a bad area and I used to be left alone but recently (since being within 5kg of where I am now) I have been getting a lot of harassment. Whistling, men shouting at me, groping, I've been stalked almost to my house by a guy from the train. I'm feeling really unsafe and it's getting worse the smaller I get.

I don't want to let this affect my goals but I'm at a complete loss as to how I should proceed. I want to reach my goal weight but I'm terrified of the problem getting worse. I'm a passive, shy sort of person and I don't even know what to do in those situations.

Can anyone offer some advice?

kommodevaran

Martial arts.

pleasepleaseno

yell at em

FatFreeFrolicking

If it's bothering you that much and you are that scared, contact the police.

It also wouldn't hurt to take a self-defense class or get a license to carry a gun.

Lourdesong

Take a self defense course, learn how to shoot a gun. Get empowered and you won't be so afraid of male attention gone wrong.

editorgrrl

kommodevaran wrote: »

Martial arts.

^This. Self-defense or martial arts or maybe even kickboxing will help you feel stronger and more in control.

Is moving to a less sketchy neighborhood an option?

What about therapy? You deserve to be happy and healthy in 2015!

firebloom

I was considering martial arts. Cost is an issue but I'll look into it. Right now moving to a better neighbourhood isn't an option as I'm supporting myself as a student and it's all that I can afford for now.

I'm in Australia so no guns here (which is good because predators also don't have guns). Even pepper spray is considered an illegal weapon where I live.

I should look into some sort of counselling. I think my university offers it free to students so I'll find out more about it once the academic year commences again.

LizN63

I don't want to be alarmist (ha ha) but do carry an alarm. It doesn't mean anything will happen but it might give you more confidence.

LizN63

In terms of self sabotage, is it possible you are just getting bored? Can you change it up a bit? Find a new exercise (like kick boxing!), try some new healthy foods..?

gettinfitaus

perhaps on campus accommodation or a share house near the uni? If you are looking into martial arts have a look at something designed for small people, jujitsu is effective.

jebeier

1) I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
2) People who will yell at random people in the street might not care too much about the law, so consider getting yourself licensed and trained for whatever kind of weapon you are allowed to have.
3) You might be able to find a free self-defense class, at least I hope so. In the U.S. universities, police stations, community centers, and women's health groups are just a few places that offer them. I'm not sure about Australia, but I hope so!
4) I second getting some kind of alarm or whistle that makes a ton of noise or flashing/bright lights. Put it as close to his/her face/eyes/ears and set it off. Even a bright flashlight or flashlight app on your phone would be good for temporarily blinding someone long enough to run away.
5) Practice. Get some friends or family members together and practice what you will do if you need to defend yourself.

annangelich

That is extremely scary! I am sorry you are dealing with this. By all means do not abandon your goals!!
Arm yourself. Arm your self with confidence, and alertness and the ability to defend yourself. Self defense is a great course to take! Look into college classes, or community classes that offer training. It may seem like a it costs a lot, but it is well worth it.
I am not sure on the differences between Australian and American laws, but the knowledge of how to use a gun, and the knowledge in how to disable a weapon wielding attacker...(really do the bad guys care?)... these things are all worth learning, but not all are practical.
I would also recommend the normal precautionary things... travel in groups if possible, not carrying valuables or cash on you, staying near areas that are lighted, in areas that are also populated.. If you cannot and still feel threatened I would call emergency or someone you
trust to meet with you in a overly public place.
Like I said I am not certain on Australian laws, but could you apply for a permit to carry pepper spray?
Best of luck to you!

jebeier

One more thing to add: I just went to your profile and saw you are studying Social Work. Again, not sure about in Australia, but in the U.S. social workers who go to people's homes are often in precarious situations. I had a friend quit social work because she used to be followed, hit on, and threatened. So, self-defense would be helpful once you start working in your field, as well!

hopelovegrace77

Is lemon juice or hot sauce illegal? Put some in a mini sanitizer spray bottle that you can carry on your key chain or in your purse. Works as well as Mace/pepper spray.

I'm not sure how the justice system is there, but if it's ever the same guys bothering you, can you report them for harassment to the school or regular police? If you live on campus, they should have some type of security.

Here in the states we have a Non-emergency line that you can call to report suspicious behavior, and it's anonymous, so that anyone who is bothering you would have no way of knowing it was you who reported them, (just in case they are psycho and would try to retaliate). Perhaps see if there is a government office where you can make anonymous reports like that.

I did it one time at 3 am. I My dog woke me up, and there was a strange truck driving around and then parking in front of people's houses and turning their lights off. It was freaking me out, and I was scared they were going to rob someone. I watched them for several minutes and then called the Non-emergency number and they sent an officer out to drive around the neighborhood.

Maybe if you find an office that you can report deviant behavior to and keep that number in your phone then you can report it immediately. Be safe! Oh, and ditto on the self defense classes.

-Naomi from Indiana

editorgrrl

firebloom wrote: »

I should look into some sort of counselling. I think my university offers it free to students so I'll find out more about it once the academic year commences again.

Please, please, please do this! Make it a New Year's resolution. You deserve to be happy & healthy in 2015.

I can't believe people are talking about weapons—even guns?! (And I'm American!)

Cmommah

I was stalked in high school, and it left an indelible mark on my behavior for many years. Lots of counseling and taking an amazing self-defense class helped me let go of the fear and sabotage. It was not a magic pill and took time, but was so worth it. By the way if you are in the San Fransisco or Washington DC area, the self-defense classes taught by Impact are wonderful - with a lot of emotional and physical support (even for those who are not "in shape"), they teach realistic self-defense techniques, both verbal and physical, and culminate in true-to-life scenarios where instructors act as assailants and you defend yourself like it is the real thing. The instructors are wearing completely protected gear, and are trained extensively about how to be an assailant without doing real physical harm, and yet they make it so realistic, so you can defend yourself like you would in real life, not just against an imaginary punching bag. It was so inspiring to see that I could defend myself and helped drop the fear. Recently had my 18 year old daughter, who is shy and passive, take the class before she went off to college. She rocked it!
There are other chapters around the country, but these two are the original chapters:
http://www.impactbayarea.org/
http://dcimpact.org/

NicholeElizabeth92

A simple thing you can get is called a monkey tail. It's a steal ball that is wrapping in a thin rope. It's a little smaller than a ping pong ball and is on a key chain. They come in many colors and easy to use. Just start swinging. These can be found online for really cheap. Helpful for a college student.

SeattleJill

firebloom wrote: »

I was considering martial arts. Cost is an issue but I'll look into it. Right now moving to a better neighbourhood isn't an option as I'm supporting myself as a student and it's all that I can afford for now.

I'm in Australia so no guns here (which is good because predators also don't have guns). Even pepper spray is considered an illegal weapon where I live.

I should look into some sort of counselling. I think my university offers it free to students so I'll find out more about it once the academic year commences again.

I had this exact same issue! What really helped me was taking up Martial arts, weight lifting, and carrying a tazer around (not always legal depending on where you live, not sure about Australia). Did the weights and martial arts make the harassment stop? Not really, but they make me feel like a strong bad *kitten*. I know I can kick the *kitten* of 75% of the harassers, and at least get some nasty hits into the remaining 25% if the need came to it. Being fat made me feel safe. The more weight I lost/lose the more vulnerable I felt. I feel like now the wight lifting and martial arts are my new armor. So I have more confidence now. When someone harasses me I don't cower, I glare. Or roll my eyes. or ignore them. But I'm not scared for my safety anymore. Does your university offer weights or martial arts as a class? My University required us to take like 2 credits of Physical Education a year. It was a great cheap way of getting some training in, back in the olden days when I was in School. It's how I learned to swing dance LOL

Sheepdog075

Best answer: LizN63 Get a whistle or something very shrill, penetrating and annoying. My daughter lives in Chicago. When she runs, she has pepper spray and a very loud shrill devise like a small air horn and a whistle. As for the counseling, it can never hurt to talk to someone. No matter who you are and no matter how well you handle things, there will come points in your life were it feels like things are coming unraveled. If that's how you feel then its good to seek a conversation with someone who can help put things back in perspective.