My BFF

msjames1999
msjames1999 Posts: 528 Member
in Motivation and Support
Two years ago, my BFF for almost twenty years had a car accident which left her immobile. At the time of the accident she weighed close to 400 pounds. Today, she probably weighs close to 500 pounds due to her immobility. Yesterday, we had dinner at Captain D’s (her choice, not mine). I ordered the grill tilapia with green beans and coleslaw. She ordered the four piece fish dinner with French fries, fried okra and two breadsticks along with a large sprite. After such a long friendship, I have learned that she always has an excuse for not trying to lose weight. Yesterday, I told her that if she doesn’t stop eating the way she does, she was going to die prematurely. She listened to my “sermon” about living a healthier lifestyle, but right after we left the restaurant she pulled into Krispy Kreme and ordered a dozen hot glazed donuts. I just looked at her and shook my head. I don’t know what else to tell her anymore. Apparently dying prematurely doesn’t matter to her. What else can I do to make her wake up? Is there anyone who has a similar situation with a family member or friend?

Replies

  • Celebi03
    Celebi03 Posts: 310 Member
    Get her professional help. This is serious.
  • BeinAwesome247
    BeinAwesome247 Posts: 257 Member
    Can't help anyone who doesn't want or think they need it.....maybe an intervention? But there's only so much that can be done and then you kinda have to step back a few paces
  • timkane46
    timkane46 Posts: 29 Member
    You can't want it for somebody, they have to want it for themselves or it's never going to work. If she is truly your BFF accept her for who she is.
  • RCMPWannaBe
    RCMPWannaBe Posts: 84 Member
    Have her go to the doctor and get full blood work done if you can. She might feel alright, but seeing numbers that would be attributed to her weight might scare her. It's one thing when a friend says it, but another when an official or authority figure explains.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2329291/900lbs-desperate-lose-weight-New-documentary-follows-morbidly-obese-man-race-life-saving-surgery.html

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2094477/My-600-lb-Life-Morbidly-obese-Melissa-Morris-reveals-500-pound-transformation.html

    http://thinforlife.med.nyu.edu/surgical-weight-loss/obesity/health-risks-morbid-obesity

    Show her things like this. She might not die prematurely... But if she keeps it up, she will be in a similar positions.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    Ask yourself this - when you were at your starting weight, would you have responded well to someone else doing that to you?

    You can't make people lose weight, and sermons only piss them off. I would have probably bought the donuts too.
  • iysys
    iysys Posts: 524
    i think you should be concerned with the emotional or possibly physical reasons your friend is in the state she is. some therapy and a good workup from the doctor are in order. but obviously that will only work/happen if she wants it to.

    that said, i understand how it breaks your heart but you have to let her make her own mistakes. she isn't stupid, she knows what she is doing is bad for her and giving her a sermon on it isn't going to help.
  • michellechawner
    michellechawner Posts: 892
    You can't change her. I've learned this over several years and several friends and several instances. She needs to want to change herself.
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    At close to 500 pounds and living in that body, she already knows (at least deep down) that she's going to die prematurely. She's probably given up. Preaching isn't going to help. I promise. There isn't much you can do aside from leading by example and being positive about the changes you're making in your own life. Encourage her to come along for the ride, but you're never going to preach her into it.
  • CupcakesAndRazorblades
    CupcakesAndRazorblades Posts: 227 Member
    Food is the only "coping mechanism" for some people. She could probably use some counseling. Dealing with those kind of situations aren't easy and you "preaching" to her might only make her feel worse and, in return, eat more.
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member
    Abduct her, control everything she puts in her mouth, and tie her to the back of your car and drive at a walking pace.

    :flowerforyou:
  • msjames1999
    msjames1999 Posts: 528 Member
    Thanks all! I know that I am not perfect and I know that I still have a long way to go myself. I would love to have her on this journey with me.
  • micheleb15
    micheleb15 Posts: 1,418 Member
    At close to 500 pounds and living in that body, she already knows (at least deep down) that she's going to die prematurely. She's probably given up. Preaching isn't going to help. I promise. There isn't much you can do aside from leading by example and being positive about the changes you're making in your own life. Encourage her to come along for the ride, but you're never going to preach her into it.

    This exactly. At 500 pounds she knows it's dangerous.

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