"You have a really pretty face....."

bigislandgrrl

Any of you sick of hearing this? Its totally backhanded but because its a "compliment" we need to be nice about it!?! I'm gonna have a healthy body to go along with my pretty face! Any girls with "pretty faces" looking to lose 80 - 100 + lbs? Wanna be friends?

arditarose

I got this in high school a lot. I knew it was meant to be a compliment but it's annoying. If you have a pretty face then you're pretty. Period.

msplussizebeauty

I get that all the time and it is so annoying! "oh you pretty for a big girl" dang can I just be pretty geez

jlang143

A guy I liked said that to me once. I can still hear it in my head. UGH! Let's be MFP friends!

bulbadoof

i never get why people think "you have a pretty face" is a backhanded compliment. My 110-lb sister gets told she has a pretty face. Unless they specifically say "pretty for a big girl" or something like that that directly comments on weight, I think you could be projecting just a teensy bit.

ellisboyd1

They are seeing unfulfilled potential. You can change your body, but the face not so much.

They should of course say "you're pretty", or just nothing.

txteachermom

I am a "pretty face" girl! We can be friends!

MoiAussi93

I used to hear that on occasion...but only from women. Men would either just say I'm pretty/beautiful or say nothing at all. Some women can be catty!

healthyinpink

Lets be friends! I hear that ALL the time, "but you're so pretty, don't worry yadda yadda" bulls-- lol. I'll send out a few adds too!

yoovie

I don't think that is true, fair or balanced.

yoovie

This breaks my heart.

Sued0nim

Yeah .. imagine how you'd react to a compliment on your body though .. "Hey you have great curves / tits / *kitten*" :eyeroll:

so I actually think you have a pretty face is a lovely compliment unless it is followed by 'for a fat girl'

and tbh weight loss does change faces - quite a lot - eyes, cheeks, chin etc

squirrelzzrule22

so annoying. no one would tell a thin woman with an unattractive face "oh, but you have such a nice body..." because they would know it doesn't sound like a compliment. same rules should apply!

people probably intend to be nice when the say it, so try not to let it get to you.

msf74

If someone gives me a compliment I usually accept it in the spirit it was given, even if delivered clumsily or without much thought.

Most people are well intentioned rather than malicious in my opinion.

PurdueBoilerFan

Like the above poster, I don't think folks, generally, intend to be mean spirited or rude. They're just thoughtless, or, perhaps, clueless. Nevertheless....I'll always accept a compliment.

bigislandgrrl

I guess I just don't understand the need to give a "compliment" at all. I mean, by all means tell me that my outfit is awesome, or my boots are bad *kitten* - we could even go so far as to tell me I have gorgeous hair (which of course I do) but why feel the need to compliment anyone on their body parts???

RoxieDawn

I have see some of the most beautiful faces on all shapes and sizes. I never say to someone they have a beautiful face because you are beautiful all over no matter your size!

It's too bad I don't have a beautiful face and I have a small body!

No one means to be mean or ill-spirited.. I would kill to have a great face!

busseybl

Wow! That almost sounds rude to me!

yoovie

bigislandgrrl wrote: »

I guess I just don't understand the need to give a "compliment" at all. I mean, by all means tell me that my outfit is awesome, or my boots are bad *kitten* - we could even go so far as to tell me I have gorgeous hair (which of course I do) but why feel the need to compliment anyone on their body parts???

have you ever told a little girl that she had pretty eyes? or a little boy that he had a great smile and laugh?

levitateme

yoovie wrote: »

bigislandgrrl wrote: »

I guess I just don't understand the need to give a "compliment" at all. I mean, by all means tell me that my outfit is awesome, or my boots are bad *kitten* - we could even go so far as to tell me I have gorgeous hair (which of course I do) but why feel the need to compliment anyone on their body parts???

have you ever told a little girl that she had pretty eyes? or a little boy that he had a great smile and laugh?

I see your point, but I also so OP's point. Saying "you have such a pretty face" to an overweight woman is basically saying "You have such a pretty face... you should lose weight because you would be 'really' pretty if you weren't so fat."

I never got the "pretty face" comments, mostly because my face is not attractive at all when I am overweight. If I had though, it would have felt like a backhanded compliment. Any compliment that includes "...but..." is not really a compliment, IMO.

AngryViking1970

I'm not sure it's the phrase "you have such a pretty face" so much as the tone that's used when someone says it. There's pity in it and that is not in any way complimentary.

Atarahh

My whole being is pretty, and more than pretty, I am gorgeous, sexy, sassy, free, confident, blessed, beautiful, and bountiful. I am worthy and I am enough! Don't discount me! I'm with you honey. Don't allow anyone to hold up their measuring stick to you.

I shut down MF's who come at me with that "pretty face" stuff.

seltzermint555

bulbadoof wrote: »

i never get why people think "you have a pretty face" is a backhanded compliment. My 110-lb sister gets told she has a pretty face. Unless they specifically say "pretty for a big girl" or something like that that directly comments on weight, I think you could be projecting just a teensy bit.

Maybe sometimes.

But when you spend your entire teens and twenties obese and you get the half-pitying "you have a really lovely face" compliment hundreds of times, you know that it's not just a compliment, it's a statement on your weight problem too.

Sometimes it is also a statement of amazement that you don't have a double chin. I'm not even kidding. I didn't get a double chin 'til I hit like 290 lb and some people actually told me "you are pretty in the face and don't look very big" or "you have a thin person's face!" WTF

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yoovie

levitateme wrote: »

yoovie wrote: »

bigislandgrrl wrote: »

I guess I just don't understand the need to give a "compliment" at all. I mean, by all means tell me that my outfit is awesome, or my boots are bad *kitten* - we could even go so far as to tell me I have gorgeous hair (which of course I do) but why feel the need to compliment anyone on their body parts???

have you ever told a little girl that she had pretty eyes? or a little boy that he had a great smile and laugh?

I see your point, but I also so OP's point. Saying "you have such a pretty face" to an overweight woman is basically saying "You have such a pretty face... you should lose weight because you would be 'really' pretty if you weren't so fat."

I never got the "pretty face" comments, mostly because my face is not attractive at all when I am overweight. If I had though, it would have felt like a backhanded compliment. Any compliment that includes "...but..." is not really a compliment, IMO.

i dont think that saying one thing is basically saying something else or that we can really assign motives to others' compliments because we are delicate about something.

Just because a person is overweight doesnt mean that compliments toward them are twisted or satirical. We ALL know that overweight does NOT mean that you CANNOT be beautiful and that others cannot see your beauty. That is a sad sad world and something that we are constantly fighting against.

monica_reinert

That's so funny! I have heard that comment all my life! I have also heard you have a beautiful completion. What a joke! I know people are trying to be nice but sometimes don't you wish they would say nothing at all. Feel free to add me. I am always looking for more friends and I have an open diary!

disneygallagirl

AngryViking1970 wrote: »

I'm not sure it's the phrase "you have such a pretty face" so much as the tone that's used when someone says it. There's pity in it and that is not in any way complimentary.

^ the tone/delivery can change the meaning of words. Most of the time you can tell if someone is being sincere in their compliment. So, smile and say thanks!

...and BFDeal - you have sexy legs.

_Waffle_

bigislandgrrl wrote: »

Any of you sick of hearing this? Its totally backhanded but because its a "compliment" we need to be nice about it!?! I'm gonna have a healthy body to go along with my pretty face! Any girls with "pretty faces" looking to lose 80 - 100 + lbs? Wanna be friends?

I think you're internalizing the comment and applying your own filter. Guys can't tell you "Hey, I love your boobs and that *kitten* is kicking." Simply commenting on the face means you're telling the girl you like her for her and not just for sexual reasons. Give the guy a chance. You might get more specific comments if you're open to them.

bulbadoof

seltzermint wrote: »

bulbadoof wrote: »

i never get why people think "you have a pretty face" is a backhanded compliment. My 110-lb sister gets told she has a pretty face. Unless they specifically say "pretty for a big girl" or something like that that directly comments on weight, I think you could be projecting just a teensy bit.

Maybe sometimes.

But when you spend your entire teens and twenties obese and you get the half-pitying "you have a really lovely face" compliment hundreds of times, you know that it's not just a compliment, it's a statement on your weight problem too.

Sometimes it is also a statement of amazement that you don't have a double chin. I'm not even kidding. I didn't get a double chin 'til I hit like 290 lb and some people actually told me "you are pretty in the face and don't look very big" or "you have a thin person's face!" WTF

actually, i've been there and done that. around your exact weight actually, and i got my double chin much earlier. when someone told me i had a pretty face, they probably also told my sister that at some point if they knew us both. unless my weight was mentioned specifically ("you don't look very big", "you have a thin person's face" etc) why should i take it as backhanded when the skinny sixteen-year-old got the exact same compliment?

now, if i was insecure about my weight personally and wanted to find a way to twist everything to validate that belief, i might have felt differently.

FitGeekery

The version I've been hearing and STILL hear to this day is "You have such a pretty face, if only..."

Yup, there's always that "if" tacked on at the end. As if the ellipses and awkward silence is any less insulting than just saying "If only you were thinner" lol

Getting ready to start over for the 100th time, have about 70lbs to lose, feel free to add me

jamieporter22

I think its our own insecurity that makes us think negatively about someones motives. I have heard that a million times, always been tall and heavy. Im 35 now, have 2 kids & a wonderful husband. I know how i feel about how i look and thats all that matters. I dont like being over weight, been up & down, happy but mostly unhappy. Im getting in shape for me! Who cares what other people think! Just take what they say for what it is.