Not such a success

deviboy1592

Hello, I'm new to the forum, been on MFP for a month, but why I'm posting here is someone that I'm close too needs help, she's 27. Close to having diabetes, very overweight, I've tried promoting healthy eating, I workout from home, but I'll go to the gym where she has a membership to help keep her motivated, ( when she goes, but lately she's been dodging) and I see all the success all of you have, and congratulations, first of all my goal is different then hers, I'm packing on the weight while she's trying to lose. My question is how did you stay motivated to reach your goal? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

AllOutof_Bubblegum

Honestly? I don't know. It's a question that gets asked around here a lot, and frankly, it irks me a little. Because no one's motivation is going to be the same, and everyone has different reasons to get and stay motivated. It's not really something you can put into a few words or a cute catch-phrase that you toss to a friend so they get motivated, too. If your friend's not feeling it, there's really nothing you can do.

I have a friend that BEGS me to tell her my "secrets". She's prediabetic and is very worried about her health because she wants to start a family soon. I tell her what I did to get and stay fit, offer to share my recipes and work out with her, but all she ever does is try get-slim-quick fads. Something somewhere will get through to her if she wants it bad enough, but it apparently won't be me, even though she sees my success and openly admits she's envious of it. At this point there's nothing more I can do for her except be supportive of the smart decisions she makes. Horses to water, and all that. Everyone has to find it in their own way.

jennifer_417

The thing is, it isn't about motivation. Motivation WILL fail. You need determination, because that's what will get you through, no matter how you feel. And no one can give that to you.

deviboy1592

AllOutof_Bubblegum wrote: »

Honestly? I don't know. It's a question that gets asked around here a lot, and frankly, it irks me a little. Because no one's motivation is going to be the same, and everyone has different reasons to get and stay motivated. It's not really something you can put into a few words or a cute catch-phrase that you toss to a friend so they get motivated, too. If your friend's not feeling it, there's really nothing you can do.

I have a friend that BEGS me to tell her my "secrets". She's prediabetic and is very worried about her health because she wants to start a family soon. I tell her what I did to get and stay fit, offer to share my recipes and work out with her, but all she ever does is try get-slim-quick fads. Something somewhere will get through to her if she wants it bad enough, but it apparently won't be me, even though she sees my success and openly admits she's envious of it. At this point there's nothing more I can do for her except be supportive of the smart decisions she makes. Horses to water, and all that. Everyone has to find it in their own way.

Thank you very much for your input.

deviboy1592

jennifer_417 wrote: »

The thing is, it isn't about motivation. Motivation WILL fail. You need determination, because that's what will get you through, no matter how you feel. And no one can give that to you.

What motivated you? I'm not saying it will work or be the same, but anything is worth a shot.

Adc7225

I believe it happens for each one of us when it is our time. While I understand when there are issues of health that we feel that should be motivation enough but sorry to say that for most individuals it is not. I would suggest that you try and motivate others by your example. When and if they are ready then it will happen for them. Do what you need to do for yourself and hope that they will follow your lead.

deviboy1592

Adc7225 wrote: »

I believe it happens for each one of us when it is our time. While I understand when there are issues of health that we feel that should be motivation enough but sorry to say that for most individuals it is not. I would suggest that you try and motivate others by your example. When and if they are ready then it will happen for them. Do what you need to do for yourself and hope that they will follow your lead.

Thanks for those words of wisdom.

queenliz99

There is nothing much else you can do but be a good friend. She doesn't unfortunately know that of you.

deviboy1592

queenliz99 wrote: »

There is nothing much else you can do but be a good friend. She doesn't unfortunately know that of you.

Don't get me wrong, she is very grateful, but I don't think she can get out of her depression to push herself out, I just don't know how to teach her. I believe that is the root of the problem which I think most people have. Just wondering, reaching for something that might turn the tide. I don't want to be a drill sargent and push her away either.

jennifer_417

deviboy1592 wrote: »

jennifer_417 wrote: »

The thing is, it isn't about motivation. Motivation WILL fail. You need determination, because that's what will get you through, no matter how you feel. And no one can give that to you.

What motivated you? I'm not saying it will work or be the same, but anything is worth a shot.

Well, I'm a religious person, so for me if started with God. A little bit like how an alcoholic or drug addict would appeal to a "higher power."

obscuremusicreference

If she has depression, please realize that's a double whammy and she's definitely going to have to do it in her own time. You can show her this site, you can tell her you care about her, but it's ultimately on her shoulders.

I was in the worst depression of my life when I decided to start losing weight. Something had to change, and that was the easiest thing, believe it or not.

deviboy1592

obscuremusicreference wrote: »

If she has depression, please realize that's a double whammy and she's definitely going to have to do it in her own time. You can show her this site, you can tell her you care about her, but it's ultimately on her shoulders.

I was in the worst depression of my life when I decided to start losing weight. Something had to change, and that was the easiest thing, believe it or not.

Shes a member of lose it, which is something like this I guess, but I understand your point, I just fear what might happen if she does hit rock bottom, but your right, that might be the wake up call she needs.

deviboy1592

jennifer_417 wrote: »

deviboy1592 wrote: »

jennifer_417 wrote: »

The thing is, it isn't about motivation. Motivation WILL fail. You need determination, because that's what will get you through, no matter how you feel. And no one can give that to you.

What motivated you? I'm not saying it will work or be the same, but anything is worth a shot.

Well, I'm a religious person, so for me if started with God. A little bit like how an alcoholic or drug addict would appeal to a "higher power."

She is religious, but don't get me wrong, I don't think it will help,

deviboy1592

deviboy1592 wrote: »

jennifer_417 wrote: »

deviboy1592 wrote: »

jennifer_417 wrote: »

The thing is, it isn't about motivation. Motivation WILL fail. You need determination, because that's what will get you through, no matter how you feel. And no one can give that to you.

What motivated you? I'm not saying it will work or be the same, but anything is worth a shot.

Well, I'm a religious person, so for me if started with God. A little bit like how an alcoholic or drug addict would appeal to a "higher power."

She is religious, but don't get me wrong, I don't think it will help,

Thank you though.

zoeysasha37

Motivation has to come from within ones self. If they want it bad enough, they'll do anything to achieve it.
I work full time, and often work another part time job on weekends and nights. I am a mom, wife, have friends and family events, And am the volunteer room mom for my sons classroom, and so on. But as busy as I am, I make sure to find a way to make time for my goals. Often others will ask me about motivation but it honestly has to come from within. There's nothing anyone can say to truly motivate someone else, if they really don't want it.
When your friend is ready to lose the weight, she'll find a way to lose it.

deviboy1592

Thorsmom05 wrote: »

Motivation has to come from within ones self. If they want it bad enough, they'll do anything to achieve it.
I work full time, and often work another part time job on weekends and nights. I am a mom, wife, have friends and family events, And am the volunteer room mom for my sons classroom, and so on. But as busy as I am, I make sure to find a way to make time for my goals. Often others will ask me about motivation but it honestly has to come from within. There's nothing anyone can say to truly motivate someone else, if they really don't want it.
When your friend is ready to lose the weight, she'll find a way to lose it.

Wow, thank you but wow, you have some serious dedication, but their is only 24 hours in a day right? Congratulations

kickingitup

What motivates me are the success stores here and my new friends on mfp, they keep me going. When i see my mfp friends working hard i also want to work hard.

jenmar17

This!

Adc7225 wrote: »

I believe it happens for each one of us when it is our time.

I had always wanted to lose weight, always "trying," but I just didn't have the determination. Every new years I'd make the resolution, begrudgingly eat well and exercise for three weeks, then go back to old habits. It wasn't my time. Then one day it just clicked. I knew that I was going to do it, and I haven't slowed down since. Since that "click," it's actually been easy.

For me that "click" was also mental health related. Grad school was taking up my whole life, and I was the most depressed I'd ever been. Rock bottom. I tried going on meds, but they really messed with my head, and I just knew that wasn't what I wanted to do. I figured out that I needed to have another big goal besides grad school, something else to put my time into, so that when grad school made me feel like a failure (which is normal for grad school) I could still feel success in another facet. Then once I made a regime of working out, I realized exercising is the best anti-depressant there is.

But I do think that showing her all the success on MFP will help her realize that it is possible, so that when she's ready she'll know she CAN do it. It helped me. And you seem like a great friend to be helping her!

deviboy1592

Thanks

cranium853

For some people, depression is a medical problem that requires medical intervention. You can't encourage someone out of a medical illness. Sadness and self-pity are other conditions; those can be changed a lot easier. Has she had a medical checkup? Also, like anything else, you have to ask yourself how your dedication to someone who isn't ready to change affects your own mood and behavior. I remember a few years ago when I had a great week of eating carefully and a friend I had shared that with came to my house with a huge shrimp pizza. Is helping her hurting you?

haildodger

I think everyone pretty much laid it out correctly, whether you agreed or not.



When the time is right, she'll get there on her own. Anything else will only result in temporary success.

deviboy1592

cranium853 wrote: »

For some people, depression is a medical problem that requires medical intervention. You can't encourage someone out of a medical illness. Sadness and self-pity are other conditions; those can be changed a lot easier. Has she had a medical checkup? Also, like anything else, you have to ask yourself how your dedication to someone who isn't ready to change affects your own mood and behavior. I remember a few years ago when I had a great week of eating carefully and a friend I had shared that with came to my house with a huge shrimp pizza. Is helping her hurting you?

No, not at all, just hurts me emotionally the pain I see her going through.

deviboy1592

HaiLDodger wrote: »

I think everyone pretty much laid it out correctly, whether you agreed or not.



When the time is right, she'll get there on her own. Anything else will only result in temporary success.

That seems to be the on going theme, thanks everyone for taking the time to post and share your thoughts.

Unknown

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